Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Meet the Parents

He Kicked Him Where?!

by Midknight_J 2 reviews

Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Rating: PG - Genres:  - Published: 2008-10-19 - Updated: 2008-10-19 - 2842 words

3Funny
Drabble Series: Meet the Parents
Title: He Kicked Him Where?!
Pairing: Xander/Batgirl
Disclaimer: I'm poor and therefore own none of these characters.

Note: I'm planning on doing Wonder Girl next. It could be a little
while as I'm not exactly sure what I plan on doing there yet.

***

The streets were dirty, well… pretty much everything was dirty or graffiti covered. The so-called ‘decent’ members of society rarely came down here. Even the cops were scared to. The area was well known to hold some of the most vicious gangs, drug dealers and killers, and just about everything else, in the city.

Most people would have been intimidated walking down a darkened street in the bad part of Bludhaven (if there was such a thing as a good part). Xander practically skipped down the street as he whistled something upbeat tunelessly.

Perhaps it was not the most intelligent thing he had done in his life. Drawing attention to oneself just about anywhere in Bludhaven was generally a bad idea, especially at night. He didn’t care in the least. After life on the Hellmouth human scum, while still scary, was a welcome change. Besides, he was going to see her again tonight. Even if it was only in a strictly professional capacity.

A small group of gang members were loitering on the sidewalk a short distance away looked at him incredulously as his bouncing steps carried him forward while he happily whistled away badly off key. They gave him a wide berth as he approached, apparently unsure whether he was just too dangerous to care about them or if he was merely insane.

The silly grin on his face only grew at this and he strode pass without giving them a second glance. He couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle as he thought back on how he got put into such a state while heading to a stakeout of all things.

Xander had been just about to head home after his road trip and called Giles to check in. It was something the older man had insisted he do at least once a week and while Xander had put up some mild protests he was secretly glad that the man cared enough to worry.

When he called Xander expected it to be the regular routine discussion. Hi. How are you? What sights did you take in? You should try this museum (ya right!)? Kill anything interesting recently?

Instead Giles seemed heavily distracted by something. When asked what was up he was reluctant to speak. Xander persisted fearing that apocalypse season had started much earlier than usual. Instead he found out it was all over some books. Should have figured really.

Apparently some books of the seriously bad mojo kind had shown up a store in Bludhaven run by a Watchers Council contact. Unfortunately nobody in the Council had the balls to go to Gotham’s sister city to get them. Buffy and the gang couldn’t go themselves either, it would leave the Hellmouth unprotected and someone would surely take advantage of that. So Xander did the obvious, he offered.

When Giles protested Xander simply said: “Can’t just leave the bad mojo books lying around. Especially in a city like that.”

Not much Giles could say to counter that statement.

So it was only a few days later that Xander pulled his car out front of an antique bookstore in one of Bludhaven’s less seedy, but not quite unseedy, parts of town. The ding of an old bell echoed through the store as Xander walked in. Even the chime was an antique apparently.

“Hello?” He called out when he saw nobody around. “Anybody here?”

Then he saw something odd. It distinctly looked like the tip of a shoe poking out from the counter at the back of the store. Rounding the obstruction Xander found the rest of said shoe, and a storeowner very much of the dead to go with it. Behind the counter was a large safe, the door wide open and the contents missing.

“What are the odds the books I came for weren’t in the there?” He asked himself. After a moment he sighed. “Probably not good.”

Leaving quickly Xander went to a nearby payphone and picked up the receiver. He had to call the police. But first… “Giles, we have a problem.” Now that was an understatement.

After nearly an hour of arguing Giles finally relented to let Xander look for the books on his own. As he pointed out the only way Giles was going to stop him was if he flew to Bludhaven and dragged him back to Sunnydale.

So a short while later he was booked into a motel (on the Council’s dime) and began his search. It wasn’t until he found a local demon bar a few days later that he found anything of note. Turns out the place was run by Willy’s cousin. Said cousin, Bobby was his name, wasn’t surprised to see him show up. Willy had warned his cousin that someone from Sunnydale was in town after Giles made several ‘subtle’ inquiries about the missing books with him. Bobby caved quicker than Willy ever had with Buffy. Apparently as a general rule, human or demon, if it lives on the Hellmouth don’t piss it off.

Turns out the culprit was a wannabe black mage calling himself Goyle the Dark One (dumbest name Xander had ever heard and he planned on making sure the guy knew it). He was such a tool that he couldn’t even get the books to work so he came up with a new plan. Sell them to the highest bidder. Bobby didn’t know were to find Goyle the Dark One (snicker Xander can’t even think it with a straight face) but he did know that the auction was being held in an abandoned warehouse in the warehouse district (duh) in one weeks time.

So the plan he came up with was to stakeout the place and hopefully grab this guy long before he has a chance to sell the books.

It was shortly after nightfall when Xander left his motel room and dropped into his car ready for his stakeout. With essentials of course. Stakes, cross, coffee, and Twinkies. Lots of Twinkies.

Then he heard it, coming from a darkened alley next to the motel. An undeniable sound to anyone from Sunnydale. The sound of a struggle. It didn’t even occur to him that most people in Bludhaven would consider it a bad idea; he just got out of his car and moved towards the sounds.

As he approached the alley with a caution some would think he didn’t have he saw a figure surrounded by five run of the mill looking goons. The figure wore a full face mask with long pointed ears and was dressed head to toe in black, the only bits of colour were the yellow belt they wore and the yellow outline of a familiar symbol on their chest. Oh, and the figure was female. Very definitely female, Xander thought.

And she was kicking over-muscled dumb goon ass.

It was strange to him that as soon as he saw her he got the same feeling as he did the first time he laid eyes on Buffy. Only infinitely stronger.

He watched in awe as she fought. It was like poetry in motion. A deadly grace that outstripped anything he had ever seen any slayer pull off. She was fighting defensively, only aiming to disable her opponents as opposed to causing any lasting damage. He could only imagine what she was like when she really got going.

Unfortunately these guys kept coming back after moves that should have put them down for the count. It was obvious to him they were vampires. She just didn’t seem to know that. She did, however, realize that something was off about her opponents as she upped her game into bone breaking territory.

It was too little too late as one managed to catch her with a glancing blow that sent her back against the wall. Even though he knew from experience that that had to of hurt like hell she seemed to just shrug it off as the five vamps formed a semi circle around her giving her little room to manoeuvre.

Suddenly the middle vampire shrieked in pain and his ashes slowly settled in the still night air, leaving Xander standing in its place.

Time seemed to stall as the woman appeared to size him up and the remaining vampires gaped openly at him.

“You killed Kenny!” One of them finally said.

“You’re kidding right?”

The vampire blinked.

Xander sighed and shook his head. “That’s too easy for even me to make a joke.”

As Xander threw his spare stake to the black clad vigilante the vamps came to their sense one by one and the fight was back on. He was barely holding his own as two of them immediately came his way.

“They’re vampires. Put that in their heart.”

From the corner of his eye Xander noticed the awkward way in which she held the stake as she lashed out sending one vamps knee to an odd angle. He could somehow sense the unsure expression on her masked face.

“It’s not murder.” Xander told her firmly as he barely dodge a punch thrown by a linebacker-sized vamp. “They don’t have souls. All we’re doing is giving the soul that used to reside their peace by destroying the monster killing with their face.”

He should have been paying more attention to himself. Pain exploded in Xander’s head as he hit the ground hard with stars swarming his vision.

For a moment Xander wondered why ‘falling for a girl’ was a literal term when it came to him? Did it mean something that being drop kicked by a vamp hurt a lot more than hitting a railing on a skateboard?

Xander was suddenly pulled back to the moment as a masked face appeared above him, her head tilted to the side as if seeing a curiosity. Scanning first right than left Xander realize she must have overcome her reluctance some point between when he was flying through the air and hitting the ground because there were no vampires in sight. There were several familiarly shaped piles of dust nearby though.

He gave a sheepish smile and lifted his hand off of the ground to give a little wave. “Umm… Hi, I’m Xander.”

She stared at him appraisingly for a moment. Like she knew everything about him just by looking at him squirming uncomfortably on the ground. She seemed to come to some sort of conclusion as she grabbed his still waving hand and jerked him to his feet. “Batgirl.”

He felt like he had just passed some sort of test only he didn’t know what. Still didn’t. Batgirl seemed to judge him trustworthy so he didn’t argue the point.

After that she wanted to know about vampires so he told her some tales of the demons of the Hellmouth. Heavily censored of course. He wasn’t about to give his friends up to someone he’d just met, no matter how attracted he was to her. Beside it was close enough to the truth. The main facts were there he was just a little fuzzy on the details.

Xander even told her about the books he was looking for. Turns out she knew the warehouse he was talking, which was a good thing since he had no clue where he was going.

It was there, on a neighbouring rooftop as they watched the warehouse entrance that he told her about his personal experiences with the nightlife. The usually silent Batgirl even spoke of some of hers, albeit a different kind of nightlife.

It was there that they met every night since. Sometimes swapping stories, sometimes simply sitting in silences. Not matter what they always felt strangely comfortable.

But the prospect of seeing Batgirl again tonight wasn’t why Xander was happily walking through the streets of Bludhaven looking for all the world like he belonged in a padded cell. Although it was definitely an added bonus. A great, extremely of the good bonus.

No he was acting slightly nuts over what had happened the night before as they were about to part ways.

She lifter her mask up to her nose and kissed him on the cheek. Then she sent a line out and swung away faster than he had ever seen her move before.

He stared admiringly until she was out of sight. Why did he always have to fall for the women who could completely kick his ass?

Abruptly Xander was brought out of his musings as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stick up. A creepy feeling swept through him and after years in Sunnydale he knew one thing for sure. Something was following him all stealthy like.

With ingrained Hellmouth instincts Xander smoothly turned and lunged into the shadows, stake out intent on not giving the vampire any chance to strike. Just as the wooden tip touched the vampire’s chest a strong hand gripped his wrist stopping it firmly in place.

Xander’s eyes widened as he came face to chest with a familiar symbol. A very familiar symbol actually. His stake dropped from his fingers as he straighter to look the cowled figure in the eyes.

Oh shit! Xander thought. I just tried to stake Batman.

“Alexander Harris.” He stated in a deep even voice as if a sharp wooden object hadn’t been pressed against his chest only moments ago.

“Suspected gang member.”

“Well that’s just not true.” Xander said finally finding his voice.

“Suspected theft of military property. A rocket launcher.”

“I can explain that.”

“Blowing up you High School.”

“I thought they passed that off as a gas leak?”

“And wanted for a great deal of property damage in a strip club in Oxnard.”

“That’s not my fault! Those ladies were nuts!” Almost as an after thought he added. “And grabby.”

Batman lip didn’t even twitch. “I ran a check on you.”

“I go that impression.” Damn it Xander. He cursed his mouth. This is not the time to be lippy.

“Who are the Watchers Council and what do they want with Batgirl?”

Now Xander was confused. “Huh?”

“Your employers.” Batman ground out. “What do they want with Batgirl?”

“I don’t work for the Council.”

“They’re paying for your room.”

“I still don’t work for them. And meeting Batgirl was a stroke of very convenient luck.”

Xander took an involuntary step back at the force of the glare the Bat sent his way. Man this guy was creepy.

To most it would seem that Batman was trying to be intimidating. A tactic often employed by the Bat Clan to get information they needed. In truth he was just frustrated.

His initial search into the man who had been seen around Batgirl a lot over the past week had garnered little. It was when he noticed that the young man’s stay was being paid for by some European organization that things got interesting. He couldn’t find anything on this Watchers Council. Given the level of encryption they were using there was no reason he shouldn’t be able to get into their systems. It was like some force was keeping him out. He didn’t like it.

Deciding to take this up a level Batman grabbed the boy by the front of that hideous Hawaiian print shirt and hoisted him into the air. “What do they want with Batgirl?!”

Before he could stop himself Xander reacted on instinct again. He favourite button up shirt was loose enough that he easily slipped out of it and swung the bottom of it over the larger man’s head. His feet barely hit the ground before one arc up between the Batman’s legs. Hard.

Oh shit! Xander exclaimed in his mind. I just kicked the Batman in the balls!

Xander did the only thing he could think to do in such a situation.

He ran. He ran as fast and as hard as he could.

Batman consider going after him but decided against it for now. He was a bit shocked. Not only had a teenager escaped his grasp but kicked him hard enough to crack his cup. At least nobody saw anything.

Meanwhile on a nearby rooftop Nightwing and Robin were having a hard time breathing they were laughing so hard. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the two managed to compose themselves. Although they still grinned and chuckled occasionally.

“Man,” Nightwing said as he wiped at a tear that had slipped past the edge of his mask. “I really needed that.”

Robin nodded in agreement.
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