A wedding, a sandy christmas, gay vampires, a fatty road trip and the perfect end.
WARNINGS: Don't drink this much, don't smoke this much ... ever! Violence, swearing, sexy boys, pedophilia (or however you spell it) and that's about it.
December - Till death do us part. (Part Two).
Saturday, December 23rd
85 kg (I think they should set up Guitar Hero at all gyms, it's clearly a superior work out), 9 beers (thinking beers - hmmmmmmmm), 90 cigarettes (because I fucking can!), no. of times have deciphered other peoples words into my own self-abusive language: 1 billion (it's a bad habit, don't get into it.)
Late night. Jersey: My basement. Honestly, after the events of yesterday, I seriously wondered if I would ever see Frank again. Sure, for once, I really did nothing wrong. Our beer drinking, guitar hero playing night went so well that I'm seriously worried I did something stupid and just don't remember, it's the only explanation.
SHIT! Did I do something stupid and just don't remember? AHHHHHHHH! No! Surely Frank would have said something when he CALLED me today.
Yup, that's right, Frank called me. But it didn't go as I had imagined. In my head he was going to confess his undying love for me and I was actually going to return it, but I can't help and wonder if he's finally given up on me.
He called around lunch time. Mikey saw his number flashing across my screen first and jumped around in what was no doubt supposed to be a sign of excitement. He just looked like he was having some sort of seizure.
"It's your secret lover brudda," he sung out as he continued to chuck a happy fit around the room.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I screamed before grabbing the phone and finally answering it.
"Hey Gee, whatcha doing?" (My translation: "Hey Tiger, whatcha wearing?")
It was Frank and he asked me what I was wearing! I mean doing. Huh? Well, at least he called me tiger. Well ... in my head he did at least.
"Not much just ... you know, working out." (My Translation: "Watching my brother run circles on the floor like Homer Simpson - he's actually really good at it.")
"Oh cool!" he said. (My translation: "Yeah fucking right Gerard, like you'd work out. Have you seen yourself in the mirror?")
Ouch! That was harsh Frank! Okay, so he didn't actually say that, I did ... But I swear that's how it sounded. Like, as if anyone would believe that I was working out, that's how he said it!
Ack! Why wouldn't anyone believe I was working out? Do I look that bad?
Relax Gee, nobody actually said it - AH! GET OUT OF ME HEAD!
Away from my head and back to the real conversation, there was suddenly a terrible awkward silence. (My Translation: "THIS IS YOUR CHANCE! FUCKING OPEN YOUR BIG FAT MOUTH GERARD AND TELL HIM NOW! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!")
"So um ... Frank ..." (GAH!!!!!!!!!! SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT!).
"Gee, I'm having a big New Years party this year, have one every year actually. But I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go ..." Frank interrupted me before I could finally say what I had been meaning to tell him for a few days now. (My Translation: Oh thank god he interrupted me. Cause I mean, I was only going to embarrass myself with another stupid lie. I mean, I could never really tell him.)
"... But, it's a big family thing and well, my cousins will be there, Marcus and Chris. I know you guys don't really get along, so I can understand if you don't want to go because of that ..." (My Translation: "I don't really want you there, because truth is, I'm over you. So really I only invited my cousins so you wouldn't go. Ha ha ha ha ha!")
Man Frank is harsh. Man I'm harsh. Why do I always feel the need to rip myself off like that?
"... Oh, and it's not like a date or anything so you can invite Mikey if you like ..." (My Translation: "I don't want to date you Gerard, I'm over you. But bring Mikey so I can hit on your brother instead, he's a better kisser anyway.")
"Mikey you bastard ..."
Fuck, I forgot I was on the phone.
"N-nothing. Um ... sure Frank, I'll come. And Mikey will to." (But I swear, if he so much as looks at Frank's ass!) "Um but Frank ..."
(SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!)
He wants it, come on just SAY IT!
"Um ... thanks for the invite." (My translation: "Um ... I'm a fucking moron!")
"Oh ... yeah. No problems. Bye Gerard."
And with that we parted ways. The second I hung up the phone I bashed it into my forehead over and over again.
"Wow! Chickened out again huh? You're fucked!"
"Thanks Mikey, I'm well aware!"
Darn brother, always thinks he knows everything. Always fucking right! AHHHH!
"So, what did he call for?"
"A party. New Years party. You're invited too. And you're going, you don't have a choice. I need the support."
Mikey just frowned at me unhappily.
"You know what, Fuck you Gee. What if I had plans huh? What if I didn't want to go? What if I don't want to spend another fucking New Years with you and what if I -"
"Alright, alright, don't come then. Shesh!"
"You serious? Since when the hell would I turn down a party? I was just making a scene ... Because like, you don't own me Gerard. I mean, what if Alicia wanted to spend that special day with me and what if -"
"FINE! YOU'RE NOT FUCKING COMING THEN."
"No, I'll stop. Sorry."
Late night. Wedding tomorrow, I don't want to wear a suit, I don't want to go. They better have a lot of booze; I'm going to need it.
Is Frank really over me?
Sunday, December 25th
84 kg (can't be bothered getting up eating and somehow missed out on getting seconds at the wedding last night), 6 beers (so far, it's going up, I'm drinking off last nights hang over), 0 cigarettes (beach air, didn't want to spoil it - oh okay, I had 67), no. of happy thoughts: far too many.
Midday. Vacation Location: The beach. It's Christmas Day and for the first year ever, I feel that I have actually accomplished something great.
Oh who the fuck am I kidding? This morning I woke up with the best Christmas present ever! A pair of boxer shorts full of sand ... well, that was part of it.
What can I say? I'm one of those weird people that thinks that those tiny grains rolling around down there is a huge turn on ... but seriously, that's not really the best part of my Christmas, I was just trying to make a point.
But if you haven't tried it, you really should. Just grab a fistful of sand and shove it down there. Then jump around and - oh never mind.
So, back to the real story at hand, one which had nothing to do with sand and my boxer shorts. It's actually one that involves a wedding and enough alcohol to guarantee my life expectancy just decreased by ten years.
Yesterday started with Mikey and I pretending that there were sharp objects in our breakfast cereal.
"IT'S CUTTING AWAY MY INSIDES! AHHHHHH IT HURTS! I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT TO THE WEDDING!" Mikey wailed loudly as he rolled around on the floor impressively.
If I hadn't been in on the act I probably would have congratulated him on a job well done. For a moment I though he was actually dying.
Unfortunately we had tried this on our dear sweet mother a few times before. In fact, we had pretty much tried everything on her before. Naturally, we were out of ideas. She simply dragged Mikey, kicking and screaming all the way into the bathroom where she proceeded to run a cold bath and toss him in it, fully clothed.
"Now you'll bathe yourself and then make yourself presentable enough for this wedding! I don't want to hear anymore stupid excuses! I don't care if you're dying, you're not getting out of this! The next time, there will be ice in this tub!" she shouted at him.
As Mikey's screams reached my ears (the water must have been fucking freezing because it was some scream) I picked myself up off the floor quick smart.
"Oh look at that, sharp objects must have digested, all better. I'll just shower myself then shall I," I said quickly, slinking past my terrifying mother.
Mikey and I managed to clean ourselves up so much that we barely recognised the two boys staring back at us in the mirror. Even though we were tugging at our collars and struggling to loosen our ties, we seemed to make our mother happy.
"Look at my boys, I haven't seen you look or smell this good in years. This doesn't have to be a one off thing you know, you can shower during the week to, wouldn't kill you. Now go wait in the car," she instructed, eyes fluttering as though she hadn't abused her youngest son that morning by throwing him into a frozen pit of doom.
Lucky for us, we were one step ahead of our good ol' mother. Packed in both our back packs was nothing but beer and vodka. See, we made sure we had a plan B to fall back on incase our extremely believable "sharp things in the cereal box" excuse didn't work. If we couldn't be hospitalized, we could be paralyzed. It was the perfect plan.
Still, we had a reputation to keep and whilst we already had a terrific back up plan, Mikey and I continued to wine the whole way to our hotel destination. I mean, we didn't want our mother getting suspicious as to why we were suddenly okay with going. Mum didn't know I drank...
... Yeah, I know, she's not that stupid, but sometimes I like to think she is. So often have I come home drunk slurring and stumbling around the house, but I usually covered myself pretty well. The "someone drugged me" excuse never fails. After all, I'm such a pretty boy, everyone wants to spike my drink.
"You boys must be so excited. You've never been to a wedding before!" our mother cooed, practically bouncing around in her seat. Women and fucking weddings man. Doesn't matter how old they are or how many they've been to, they just love the stupid things.
"I'm practically wetting myself in anticipation," Mikey shot back, wrestling uncomfortably with his suit jacket.
"That's fantastic dear, just don't do it in that suit."
When we pulled up at the 'hotel' our mouths dropped. It wasn't exactly the luxury apartment with the bar-fridge and separate bedrooms that me and my brother had been hoping for; it was a tiny cabin right by the ocean. It was a fucking caravan park!
"You've got to be kidding!" I said, staring at my parents in disbelief, they knew I couldn't be seen by the beach! It didn't match my complexion.
"Oh come on boys! This will be fun. It's just like when we used to go camping when you were little," our father spoke up, looking quite excited. It was clear it had been his choice of lodgings; he was always a sucker for places like this.
Mikey and I dragged our alcohol filled backpacks up to the cabin door. The inside of the place was worse then the outside! There was a tiny kitchen/dinning area that not even a fucking anorexic midget could cook in and there was one puny bathroom between all four of us!
The worst part, however, was that off the kitchen/dinning area was one fucking bedroom. Inside it was two sets of bunk beds. Which meant, whilst Mikey and I got to share bunk beds again (YIPPEE!), we had to sleep in the same room as our parents! There was no fucking way that was happening!
At that moment Mikey and I just glanced at each other making a mental pact that we were going to get drunk enough to pass out somewhere else. Least that way we wouldn't have to stay in that dump of a place.
"Well, we have an hour and a half to kill before the wedding - who wants to play scrabble?" Mum asked, waving the game around cheerily.
"I'm out!" Mikey and I said together as we both clutched tightly onto our backpacks and ran out the door.
Mum didn't complain, she knew the chances of us sticking around were slim. She just shouted out a time for us to be back as we continued to sprint off to the caravan park's barbeque area. The moment we made it there we threw our bags down, rummaging around for drinks.
"Oh my god! It's like heaven in a bottle," Mikey said, groaning in pleasure as he took a sip from his bottle of vodka.
"Look ... if you two need a moment alone, I'll just drink on my own." The last thing I wanted was to hear those noises coming from my brother. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
To Mikey and I, one and a half hours worth of drinking is ample time to have us completely smashed, but for our mother’s sake, we held back. We had a shot of vodka each and that was it, we simply moved onto the beers. I could feel myself getting tipsy, but my suit was still terribly itchy. I knew I wasn't drunk enough yet.
"Shit and fuck Mikes. We got to get back ... fucking wedding. We still got to get there first, it's like an hour drive away! By the time we get there, the alcohol will have worn off. I hate my life."
Mikey just smiled at me as though he held the key to all lives mysteries and I was just some retarded dumb ass.
"My dear brother, I seriously thought you were smarter then that."
At those words I immediately tried to defend myself, but Mikey didn't even let my slightly tipsy mind come up with a good come-back before he was slapping my arm and instructing me to follow him.
I half expected him to take me to some magical oracle who would grant me eternal happiness. He didn't. Instead, he led me to a vending machine. Once again, before I could speak, he inserted some loose change he had in his pocket and pressed a button. He did the ritual a second time. We now had two bottles of coke.
"Well whop-di-fucking-do! Coke ... fan-fucking-tastic!"
"You idiot, we can drink it down and fill it with vodka. That way we can drink the whole bus trip!"
At those words I just looked at my brother in sheer amazement. It was perfect. It was such an alcoholic thing to do - why the fuck didn't I think of it? Still, at that moment, I was so proud of my baby brother. I tore my eyes away from him to stare at the vending machine that had supplied us with the means to get drunk. He really had led me to an oracle.
When we had drank a substantial amount of coke to be able to fit vodka into the almost half empty bottles, we made our way back to the cabin from hell with a little more bounce in our step. Turned out we weren't the only people attending the wedding that had decided to stay at the caravan park. It appeared as though it was a recommended spot for accommodation because we passed several of our relatives on the way to the bus stop.
I recognised most of them but didn't really stop to chat. Mikey and I were the black sheep’s of the family after all, at least according to the adults. Any cousins or other that were close to our age looked down on us, but secretly, we knew they all wanted to be us. Mikey and I lived exciting lives, they didn't, it was pure and simple. They were told by their parents that they shouldn't turn out like us, but we knew that apart of them wanted to party and get wasted right along with us.
Ignoring as many people as we could, Mikey and I quickly separated from our parents so we could get the seat ... at the very back of the bus.
"Alright! Back seat fucking rebels!" Mikey shouted, the moment his ass touched the seat. An old lady who was probably a great Aunt of some kind turned to scowl at his fowl mouth. Several of our Uncles or cousins laughed at Mikey's comment before getting yelled at by their wives or mothers.
Family functions sucked, no one got to be who they really wanted to be.
Still, the trip to the wedding was actually quite a good one. Mikey and I just shared an i-pod, so we could still hear each other as we bounced around and sung loudly to the various punk-rock songs that blared out into our eardrums. We sipped on our 'cokes' the whole way, slowly getting drunker and drunker. The only way I could tell was because when I had first taken a sip, the vodka was so strong I almost gagged, half way into the trip all I could taste was the soft drink.
"Gee ... I'm getting fucking pissed bro ... what about you?" Mikey asked, trying his best to whisper. He was terrible at that when he was drunk.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mikes - shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" was all I said as I giggled.
I'm not sure what it was, but at that moment, I took a look out the bus window at all the various houses passing by and I couldn't help but wonder what Frank was doing at that very moment. It was like apart of me wanted him to be there with us. Maybe if he could see me having fun with my brother a part of him would like me again.
Okay, so I didn't actually know for sure that he had ever stopped liking me. But, how could he? Surely I had pushed him away for the last time, there was only so much one person could take.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Mikey asked, poking me in the head. "Not your little boy friend is it?"
"No!" I quickly shot back, glaring at him as I just took another sip of my spiked coke.
When we finally reached our desired destination, Mikey stumbled down the bus steps and landed rather unceremoniously on his butt. An old lady helped him up as she passed muttering something about it happening to her all the time. I was positive it had nothing to do with the fact that she was drunk off her nut though.
Mikey and I just stumbled into the foyer giggling to ourselves. Honestly, I had no idea what we were laughing at, truth was, I needed the distraction. The drunker I got, the more fun I had and the more fun I had the more I wished that Frank was there to enjoy it with me.
At that moment I knew that was it. I was officially pathetic.
"What's wrong with you two? Are you drunk?" our father asked, pulling me aside as I found myself staring at a painting on the wall of the foyer with such concentration that it was quite obvious that I was wasted. It was meant to be a close up of a cluster of rocks. It looked like a bum.
"What? No, don't be silly dad. Mikey's under age," I said, covering up my mouth as I spoke to cover up the laugh I simply couldn't suppress. "But seriously Dad, tell me ... does this painting look like a butt to you?"
"Whatever. Just don't let your mother know, try and act sober until the reception, then you can let your hair down," dad offered. I loved my dad's advice. "And yes. Now that you mention it, it does rather look like a butt."
Somehow I collected myself enough to pry myself and Mikey away from some of the other paintings. My brother’s nose was pressed right up against the canvas' a huge grin plastered on his face. We definitely had to tone it down a bit if we were going to get through the wedding without giving ourselves away to our mother.
"Oh there's my boys, come on now, we're going down to the garden for the wedding," she instructed as she locked arms with both of us. We just continued to giggle as we tried to walk straight.
We made our way back outside, this time it was out the back of the building. I certainly don't know much about weddings, but I knew enough to know that they my cousin had picked a good location to have it. I suddenly found myself in a beautiful garden surrounded by small waterfalls and tiny little lakes full of giant gold fish. I knew enough about art and imagery and all things magnificent to know that wherever we were, it was art.
Somehow Mikey and I both managed to last out the entire wedding without laughing and stumbling around too much. There were only chair's for the older people, everyone else had to stand up throughout the ceremony. It wasn't so bad, it meant Mikey and I got to disappear towards the back, letting ourselves get distracted by the jumping gold fish.
By the time the ceremony was finished our mother was in tears.
"Are you seriously crying mum? It's supposed to be a happy event," Mikey said, rolling his eyes at her.
"Oh Mikey. I was just wondering if I was ever going to see one of my boys up there getting married."
And it was at those words that guilt suddenly slapped me around the face hard. With the way I was going I was positive that mum was never going to see me at the alter. Not only because I couldn't hang onto a stable relationship, it was also because at that particular moment I was thinking about a fellow male.
What if I like being with men? What if I am fucking gay? How the hell was I supposed to tell my mother that her only chance of grandchildren now rested in Mikey's clumsy hands?
For some strange reason, it was at that moment that my thoughts once again wondered back to Frank. What if we did go out? Would I be able to bring him home to meet my parents? Truth was, I wanted to. Not so that he could meet my embarrassing and compromising family, but more so that I could spend more time with him.
The fact of the matter was, I didn't really know Frank. I had spent a small amount of time with him but we didn't really know each other on a personal level. Lately that boundary was slowly being knocked away; perhaps that was why I suddenly felt the urge to have him there with me. I wanted to be hanging out with him; I wanted him to be drinking with me and Mikey. I wanted him to see my family, to laugh with us ... basically; all I wanted at that very moment was Frank.
As we made our way back into the foyer we were led into a large party room which was full of tables and chairs, there was a buffet bench and even a designated dancing area. We were lucky the reception was at the same location, I wouldn't have lasted another drive, I needed a fucking drink.
All around me and Mikey family members hugged and kissed each other. Several of their relatives had boyfriends or girl friends there; just to keep them company at what they obviously assumed was going to be a boring evening as well. I had Mikey, that was usually enough, but I wanted someone else. I needed someone else.
The moment Mikey, Mum and Dad sat at the table that had their names on the tags in front of the plates; I pulled out my phone and started typing away:
Hey Frank, sorry that this is
going to sound so out of the
fucking blue but I've just been
thinking. I guess ... tonight, I
miss you. I think I've finally
made up my mind.
Sure, I could have told him what I had finally made up my mind about, after all I wasn't very specific, but I still wanted to keep the element of surprise. A part of me was hoping that he would call me and I could just sit to the side, talking to him for hours, finally finding out anything and everything about him.
Yup - fucking girl!
When the message was sent I felt a lot better. I had taken a step forward, I was sure of it, and this time I had no intention of taking a giant fucking leap backwards. I finally went to join my family ... well, really I only joined them because there was beer on the table, but I don't want to sound too shallow.
Now, personally, I think I did really well. I sat through an hour and a fucking half of speeches about how perfect the happy couple were for each other without shouting out "BORING!". Honestly, everyone already knows they're fucking perfect for each other - THEY'RE MARRIED!!!!!!!! But naturally, there had to be a scene. Lots of tears - it just made me need another fucking beer!
... And, I may have had a look at my phone to see if I had received a message over a hundred times - but remember, the speeches went for AN HOUR AND A HALF! So really, it's not that much ... is it?
"Gee, what the fuck are you doing with your phone man?" Mikey asked after the speeches were finally over and I was still opening and closing my flip phone. He was fairly plastered by that stage but Mum was keeping a watchful eye on him so he was trying extremely hard to act normal.
"Just checking for - erm, glitches ... I think the darn thing is broken," I complained, shaking the stupid thing roughly. I mean, I seriously couldn't understand why Frank hadn't called or at least written back!
So, I turned my phone off, I took my sim card out, cleaned it, put it back in again and switched the phone back on. STILL NO FUCKING MESSAGE! STILL NO FUCKING MISSED CALLS!
I was pissed off ... so naturally I just grabbed a whole heap of beers and went to sulk in the corner.
"Gee, Mum's worried about you. Says you're acting weirder then usual. Personally, I think this is really good for you, but she seems to know best. What's wrong?" Mikey asked, coming to sit by me.
I honestly don't think he cared that much about how I was doing; I think he just wanted to get away from all the single 40 year old women trying to make him dance with them. Either way, I wasn't going to tell him what was wrong, I wasn't going to cry to my brother again. I was a fucking man and I was going to do something I should have done a long, long fucking time ago.
"Nothing's wrong Mikey. Everything's just fucking fine. Excuse me a moment ... I need to make a phone call." With that, I grabbed my beers and stood up - nearly falling over and dropping all my beers as I was a little more wasted then I thought. Okay, I was fucking pissed as, but you know.
"W-who you gonna call? Gee? Who you gonna call?" Mikey called out after me, before giggling uncontrollably and breaking into the 'Ghostbusters' theme song.
Excusing myself from the same group of single 40 year olds that tried to suck Mikey into dancing with them, I finally made it outside. The moment I got out there, I pulled out my phone and dialed Frank.
The phone rang once, twice, three times and then...
"Alright Frank listen up and listen up fucking good," I started almost dropping the phone as I went to sit down on the sidewalk. "I just spilled my heart and soul out to you in a message and you never even fucking wrote back! Sure, I know, it wasn't all that lovey dovey and sappy but I mean, come on, compared to how frigid I've been lately, that was pretty out there! Bottom line is I told you I had made up my mind and you weren't even curious enough to write back. Sure, you're probably sick of me, you're probably over me and yeah, I probably deserve it but -"
"GERARD! Stop!" Frank interrupted me, shouting loudly into my ear. I was eternally grateful for the interruption, I had no idea what other shit would have spilled out of my mouth if he had of allowed me to keep going.
"Sorry ... I got carried away. B-but ... why didn't you write back?" I finally sulked, sipping on my beer out of nervousness. I had no idea what he was going to say.
"Gerard, I tried to call you! It said you were out of range or something, so I sent you a message, you probably didn't get it. Obviously you've got reception now, check your phone," he instructed, a hint of amusement in his voice.
I put my phone on speaker so I could still talk to Frank as I inspected the screen. Sure enough, there was a small envelope in the top left hand corner and my bars of reception were slowly going up and down. It had never even fucking occurred to me that we were in the middle of nowhere. I went into my inbox and opened the message from Frank:
Where are you?
Okay, so it wasn't exactly what I had been hoping for and I knew that if I had of had reception and had of received that message about two hours ago when I had been waiting for it, then I would have been extremely disappointed, because what the hell was that supposed to mean?
"I don't get it, what's that supposed to mean?" I snapped, a little hurt at the bluntness of his reply.
"The message? It means I want to see you, where are you?"
"F-frank ... I'm two hours away from Jersey! It's not worth it," I explained, before blabbing on about where I was and why I was there.
"Well, guess I'll catch you later then," Frank said a little abruptly.
At first I wasn't sure he had actually said it, he sounded actually quite pissed off. Truth was, I would have loved for him to just turn up and rescue me from certain death by boredom, but I felt it was a bit selfish to make him drive all the way out to see me when I had been such a commit-a-phobe so far. How did he know, how did I even know, that I wasn't going to change my mind again?
I spat my own hurried goodbye and then I just hung up the phone and shoved it back into my pocket angrily. Because, honestly, if he's over me, that's all he has to fucking say! He doesn't have to lead me on like this - hm!
So, after my not so good conversation with Frank I marched back inside, went straight up to the single 40 year olds and shouted "take me now ladies, I'm all yours."
I saw Mikey, still sitting in the corner drinking beer; look up and towards me in fright. "Don't do it Gee, its suicide," he cried out, waving his arms around dramatically.
"Oh aren't you a stud," one of the ladies who I swore was a distant relative said to me. Instantly I knew this was a bad idea. For all I knew, I could have been related to all of these women!
"Um, you know what, that's actually my brother over there and judging by the speed in which he's waving his arms at me, I'd say he's having some sort of spaz attack. I better go - um, medicate him properly," I said, using the first excuse that came to my head.
The women all whined and complained as I hastily backed away, the moment I got over to Mikey he clutched onto me as though I had just been to war and managed to come back alive and with all my limbs.
"Are you fucking insane Gerard? Those singles aren't joking around, they're so desperate they'll take you home without even asking your age or if you're related to them."
"Whatever Mikes, can we please just get some more beer and conveniently vanish from this lame ass party."
"Oh my god Gee! I thought you'd never fucking ask, I've already stolen all the beer from the table next to ours, lets blow this taco stand."
With that, Mikey and I hastily disappeared out to the back garden where we pulled off our shoes, rolled up our pants and stuck our feet in the tiny lakes with the giant gold fish. Instantly they swam away from our offending limbs as Mikey and I just cracked open a beer.
"So ... who'd you call?" he asked, a cheeky smile playing across his face. It was clear he had already figured it out.
I told him about my conversation with Frank and he just shoved my roughly.
"Well it serves you fucking right. It's about time his patience ran out. Sorry Gee, but you're going to have to think of something seriously good to make up for all the shit you dragged him through."
I knew Mikey was right, but I didn't like hearing it nonetheless. So I quickly changed the subject to when Mikey would pop the question to Alicia. Then he hastily changed the subject to how I sometimes scream out "gay vampires" in my sleep. No idea what that's about but I didn't like where it was headed either, so I quickly changed the subject to how Mikey prefers briefs to boxers and why that is.
As we got more and more plastered, that particular conversation about underwear became quite interesting so we stayed locked in it for hours until Mikey's eyes suddenly diverted to something just behind my right shoulder. Just as suddenly, his mouth dropped open and he tried to stutter out some words.
"What Mikes? What do you see boy?" I said, getting all excited as though I was talking to a dog who had just barked at the front door.
"F-Frank ... Gee, it's Frank," Mikey stuttered.
He was drunk. I was sure he was drunk, because there was no way that Frank could be there. No way at all.
So I turned around and sure enough ... There was Frank. The beer in my hand slipped out into the lake. The gold fish seemed to swarm towards it as though sensing it would make their boring lives and unfortunate three second memories suddenly seem not so bad. Alcoholics!
"Frank? W-what are you doing here? It's so far? Did you drive?" I stammered out, still staring dumbfounded at the small figure behind me.
I've got to admit, any concerns I had about changing my mind the moment I saw him vanished instantly. He looked so fucking good just standing there in ripped jeans and a black button up shirt that I could have torn all items of clothing off him right then and there.
Shit! Did I really just write that? Oh fuck it, he looked good!
"Um Gee, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked, looking slightly awkward.
Mikey just snorted into his beer as he shoved me roughly. Clearly trying to egg me on, but merely causing me to stumble rather stupidly as I had been trying to stand up and wrestle my shoes onto my wet feet.
Frank didn't say anything else, he didn't smile he didn't acknowledge me in any other way. He merely walked and I merely followed. And we kept walking right past the single 40 year olds who called out to me as I walked by, "how's your brother? Did he get his medication okay? Can you come and dance now you sexy thing you?"
To my great surprise I kept following Frank right out of the building and towards what I assumed was his car as he was unlocking the doors and jumping in the driver’s side. I merely climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door behind me leaving the both of us sitting in a rather awkward silence.
We didn't drive anywhere.
"So ... explain," Frank said simply, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms across his chest.
"Well, I realised that ... I missed you. Frank ... I think I'm ready to give this a go ... if you still want me." I stared at him intently, my heart ready to jump out through my mouth and bounce around the car screaming "YIPPIE!"
"Of course I still want you Gerard! But, you'll have to forgive me if I'm a little skeptical. I'm beginning to see how hot and cold you can be. I don't want to just be friends with you Gee, that's not going to work for me. If you're serious then I'm willing and ready to give this thing a fucking chance. But please, don't fuck around with me."
He said it so seriously and so sincerely that I seriously considered running away from him. I wanted him, I liked him, I liked him so fucking much at that point. Problem was, I knew what I was like, I knew that no matter what relationship I was in, it was going to be a fucking challenging one. No one else's fault but my own. Still, I didn't want to let Frank down ... what if I did?
At that moment I didn't know what to say to convince him to be with me, all I knew was that I wanted him so badly it was actually beginning to physically hurt. My fucking heart was going to snap a rib soon.
So, without actually thinking it through, I lunged forwards and slammed my lips against Frank's again. He groaned at the force of my sign of affection but hastily recovered as his tongue immediately slid into my mouth. Next thing I know I'm not even in control anymore, Frank's doing all the fucking work. And that was just fine by me because he made me seem like a shitty half assed kisser compared to him. I had no problem with him taking over.
Then, suddenly he put his hands on my chest and pushed me away from him, panting; he opened his mouth and spoke to me quite seriously again.
"Just to be clear Gee, I don't want this to just be a 'making-out buddies' type thing. Not a friends with benefits deal, I don't work that way. Sorry man, but I want you - all to my fucking self and -"
At those words I launched myself at him again. I didn't want to hear anything else but the horrible suction noises coming from our slightly sloppy kissing. He had won me over. At that moment, I was all his.
The kissing intensified. I was lost in the moment. Frank's hands were wondering lower, I was so drunk and so fucking turned on that I just kept kissing him, my hand moving dangerously close to leaning right up against the horn and giving us away to everyone and anyone when all of a fucking sudden, one of Frank's doors swung open and a panting body collapsed into the back seat.
"DRIVE! DRIVE! Let's get the fuck out of here!" Mikey shouted from the back seat as he took in what he had just walked into and scrunched his face up in disgust. "Oh that's just - ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ... bad timing."
Next thing I know we're driving off towards the caravan park, Mikey explaining how the 40 year olds were cornering him so badly he actually feared for his life.
As soon as we arrived at our cabin we all found ourselves coming to some sort of silent agreement about how we would spend the rest of our Christmas Eve. Next I know, we all found ourselves pulling on jumpers and stealing some of Dad's beer from the boot of his car.
I handed a jacket to Frank, grinning stupidly as he took it, his hand brushing against mine - yeah ... I know, I'm fucking lame as but who gives a shit.
Prepared, we headed for the beach. It was dark, which suited me just fine. I loved the beach at night time.
Most of Dad's beer was handed over to Frank, we felt bad that we were so wasted when he was still so sober. Together we sat there, drinking and laughing amongst ourselves until we all simply lay down under the stars, our conversation drifting off into something completely meaningless about what time we figured Santa would be flying over and if the reindeers would poop on our heads.
All I really wanted to do as we discussed reindeer poo was surprisingly lock lips with Frank again. Unfortunately I had enough respect for my brother to keep my hands and my lips to myself - and besides, I was so plastered I was sure I wouldn't be able to locate Frank's lips no matter how hard I tried.
"So ... you guys finally fucking going out?" Mikey slurred as the sound of the crashing waves relaxed us so much that our previous conversation died completely.
"Ummmmmmmm," Frank began, but I quickly intervened.
"Fuck yeah Mikes. Yes, yes, yes!"
Frank laughed next to me, my stomach flipped. It was all to perfect.
"But Gee ... you drunk. Do you seriously mean it?" Mikey continued to push me, sitting up slightly, his elbows sinking into the sand.
"I'm not drunk fuck ya," I stuttered out, unable to prop myself up like him as I was too drunk. Hmmm.
"You are so!"
"ARE FUCKING SO TIMES INFINITY!"
"AM FUCKING NOT TIMES INFINITY PLUS ONE MOTHER FUCKER!"
Ha! I so had the last say there.
"ARE FUCKING SO TIMES -"
"Alright, alright, I get it!" Frank interrupted, but he was giggling so much I could barely understand what he was saying.
"I mean it Mikey, I'm fucking dating Frank Iero," I shouted lamely over the waves.
"Good! Because if you fucking change your mind ... well, I'll pull something bad out of my ass and do that to you," Mikey said, finally lying back down and going quiet.
We all lay there in silence, finally giving in to the sleep that threatened to take us all away to our separate dreams. After a few minutes of silence I felt one arm wrap itself around my chest. I knew that it was Frank and I turned my chin upwards to allow his head to rest in the crook of my neck.
For some reason, I had never felt so loved.
Then, just like that we all fell asleep. And that was my night, extreme hey?
Then today we all woke up together. I had this image of me and Frank cuddled together looking quite peaceful and the image of perfection, but instead I woke up to him practically sprawled over the top of me, half his face covered in sand as I realised that I was practically drooling on the hand that had now replaced his head which had been at my neck the night before.
I'm sure to any morning joggers we looked quite the site.
Still, nothing dampened our spirits and that giddy feeling stayed with me all day long as we went back up to the caravan only to find that our parents had gone shopping with some random family members, which meant we had the place to ourselves.
Not having anything else to do and not wanting to stay in that poor excuse for a cabin, we walked to the local bottle shop, bought some beer and headed back to the beach where we're just starting to drink again. I figured I had better write all this down before I forget, even if it meant I had to bring my diary to the beach.
Fuck, I look like a vampire on vacation anyway; I may as well bring my gay little diary to the beach too. Give people something to really talk about.
The moment Mikey got up to chase a seagull; Frank turned to me and kissed me quickly. It was short, but it was fucking perfect.
"What was that for?" I asked stupidly.
"Merry Christmas," he stated simply, clinking his beer against mine.
I stared, just studying him for a few minutes; he drank that beer so well. Finally, I leaned forward and kissed him to. Saying my own rather lame Christmas greeting.
"You do realise this means I'm off the hook for a gift right?" Frank said, looking at me quite seriously.
"Oh whatever. Is this how much I mean to you? Weak dude, seriously weak."
With that we ended up in some retarded pile of flailing arms and legs as he tried to tackle me. Mikey came back all hot and sweaty from chasing the birds only to turn away in disgust.
"Ewwwwwwwwww you two aren't trying to do it are you? Cause I don't know much about the whole guy on guy thing, but I'm pretty sure that you're not doing it right."
With that Mikey ended up in the pile as well and we all continued to roll around until our pants were full of sand (HURRAH!) again and we were all exhausted. Now we're just sitting here, making our way through a carton of beer.
The perfect weekend.
But I swear, if I tan, I will not be a happy chappy tomorrow!
Monday, December 26th
Late Night. New Jersey: The basement. Well, we're finally home from what did end up being one of the best fucking weekends of my life!
We woke up this morning, once again, on the fucking beach. I think we must have just kept drinking until we passed out. I awoke to Mikey trying to pry this very diary out from under me. Why the hell I took it to the beach I'll never know, but it's a good thing I slept on top of it, otherwise I was certain my brother would have enough on me to have me as his personal slave for the rest of his and my life.
Oh, and the worst part, as we wearily made our way back up to the house, rubbing the sleep from our eyes, I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of Mum and Dad's car. My pasty white skin was ruined! I was tanned!
It took Mikey several moments to calm me down.
"Don't worry bro, we'll just keep you locked up in the basement for a few weeks, it'll go away," he reassured me whilst Frank just looked on in utter confusion.
Then, Mum and Dad came prancing out of their little 'hotel' room - yeah fucking right - in their dressing gowns, each with a cup of coffee in their hand.
"Oh, good morning boys, finally decided to come back to civilisation did you?" Dad asked, stretching his back as Mum waved at us. "And who's your new friend?"
It was at that moment that I froze, because FUCK and SHIT! I forgot that Mum and Dad hadn't even met Frank yet! How the hell did I introduce him? Would they know he was technically not just a friend but an actual boy friend. A male that their also male son was quite happy to make-out with on the beach with his pants full of sand?
"Er, this is Frank. He's a friend of Gerard's from college," Mikey filled in for me as I was clearly still lost in my own head. It took a while to get out of there when you were buried amongst the labyrinth that was my thoughts.
"Oh yeah - um - friend ... from college," I repeated, looking around frantically.
"Hi, hope you don't mind that I crashed the wedding," Frank said, waving and looking friendly and non-gay enough to have my parents beaming at him warmly.
"Not at all Frank, I'm actually glad to see that Gerard has a friend," my Mum sung-out, a huge smile on her face as she studied the three of us. "And you all look so wonderfully tanned."
I couldn't breath, I was panicking! I wasn't white anymore!
"Breath Gerard ... just breath," Mikey told me out of the corner of his mouth.
We were all fed breakfast which was the first meal we had had since the wedding. Once that was done my Mum started interrogating Frank and so we all quickly escaped ... not to the beach! I didn't need anymore sun; instead we went into the bedroom with the two bunk beds. We played cards on the tiny floor space until Mikey began squirming around.
"I really got to pee," he shouted, finally giving up on trying to play as he tossed the cards down and ran from the room. "Don't you dare even thinking about looking at my cards either."
Moron, as if I - oh okay, so I looked the second he was gone. What can I say? I'm a curious little fucker.
It was then, finally alone, that Frank and I fell into a kind of awkward silence. At first, I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong and then it hit me. I had introduced Frank to my parents as just a friend. Would he be pissed off about that? Should I have told them he was my boyfriend? Instantly, I thought I had better explain.
"Look Frank, I'm real sorry I didn't tell my parents who you really were. It's just, they don't know I'm well - um, what's the word - er - gay - there I fucking said it - and well, I kind of want to keep it that way for a little while. I just don't know how they're going to react and what they're going to say. It's nothing against you; I'm just not sure about it and well -"
"Gerard! Calm down, it's alright!" Frank interrupted me and thank god! Because I was running out of breath. "We just started dating - if that's what we're doing that is - I don't need to officially meet your parents yet. That's just creepy."
Sure, you think those words would have made me feel better, but I was hating myself all over again. I mean, here I was, holding off on being with Frank for so fucking long because I was afraid he was going to want to jump me the very first day we went out and now I was realising how horribly wrong I had been. Frank's not going to move to fast for me! It was instant relief but now I seriously wish I hadn't of taken so fucking long with this.
By the time Mikey got back from what could only be described as the longest pee in existence, we were ready to head off. Screw waiting for our parents, Frank had driven to us; we could go back in his car. No more awkward family road trips.
Spirits lifted, we jumped in Frank's car and headed off. Mikey and I finished the last of our beers whilst Frank munched on Maccas, followed by nachos from the petrol station, followed by doughnuts from the shopping centre we just had to stop at so Mikey could look at this awesome shoe shop he wouldn't stop talking about.
I had no fucking idea how Frank stayed so skinny and I hoped to god he wouldn't expect me to eat that much. I had a bad metabolism; I would be the size of a house within a few days. Then he would surely dump my fat ass.
Our perfect drive home was also accompanied by the best mixed CD I had ever heard. Everything Mikey and I had ever listened to and loved blared out through his speakers. It was awesome.
"I swear Frank, if my brother wasn't dating you and if I liked guys, I'd fucking go out with you in a second," Mikey announced, licking on the ice cream that Frank had stopped to get for him.
"Mikey ... back the fuck off," I shouted back to him, glaring defensively. So I was a little drunk, but Frank seemed pleased at my words.
He dropped us home but didn't come in when I invited him. Apparently his parents had expected him home Christmas Eve ... it was now Boxing Day. I'd love to hear him explain his way out of that one. Somehow I think he'd be a much better liar then me though.
When he had finally driven away I merely sighed and leaned up against the doorway as Mikey struggled to find the right key to open our front door.
"You're so in love Gee, it's gross," he said, turning up his nose as he tried to shove another incorrect key into the door.
I didn't answer, I just kept on smiling, thinking of Frank and all that sand down my pants.
Wednesday, December 28th
88 kg (ahhhh, from where?), 10 beers (just to stop me from playing with my phone, something else to do), 90 cigarettes (same deal, don't fucking judge me!), no. of messages sent off to drafts or deleted completely: 500,000 (bad, horrible, scary.)
4 p.m. Okay, okay. I know it's only been one day, but I haven't heard from Frank and I'm seriously beginning to wonder if the whole weekend had been some sort of drunk hallucination and Frank and I had never actually gotten together. I mean, why hasn't he called?
I've picked up my phone at least a hundred times, putting in his name and typing up a message, each longer then the last. Then I read it over, think "oh fuck I'm coming on way to strong" and then I quickly hit the delete button.
If Frank isn't messaging me, then I certainly can't message him! When if he needs space? What if by sending the message he thinks I'm too needy and he dumps me before the relationship has even began?
OMG! Is he going to dump me already?
"If you're not going to send the fucking thing, then stop messing with your phone! You're pissing me off," Mikey finally shouted at me, slamming his comic book down onto the coffee table in frustration.
"Fuck, why does it bother you so much? Mind your own business," I snapped. After all, my boyfriend of a few measly days was going to dump me. After everything we'd been through together, I had a right to be this pathetic.
"I can't mind my own business when all I can here is your stupid phone going BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEP A BEEP BEEP BEEP A BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE -"
"ALRIGHT I FUCKING GET THE POINT!" I shouted at him, anything to stop him from making those horrible noises.
"You know, you're both playing the same fucking game. He'll be sitting there waiting for you to message whilst you're sitting here thinking 'should I message him?' It's pathetic!"
With that Mikey grabbed his comic book and marched from the room.
Secretly, I knew he was probably right. But why couldn't Frank come to that realisation before me? What if I message him and Mikey was wrong, what if I come on to strong?
Friday, December 30th
8 p.m. Alright, so today, I had to call Frank.
I had talked myself out of it, sure that if he wanted to talk he would call me first. But as the day drew on Mikey was on my back.
"Can you please fucking get over it and just call so we can find out when and where his New Years party is on tomorrow!"
There was something in his voice that told me he had had enough of my childishness. So, I swallowed my pride and I called. On the second ring, I hung up.
"Not this shit again, your phone isn't on private you know, he'll see it's from you," Mikey said, burying his head in his hands almost as though he was seriously embarrassed for me.
So I tried again, this time, I didn't hang up and Frank eventually answered the phone.
"Oh, hey Frank. Sorry about that last call - um, squirrels got me, lost my grip and accidentally hung up, you know how it goes." Yup, that was a good one, I thought.
"Yeah sure, I know how it goes," he said as he giggled into my ear. Dam I loved that sound.
"So anyway, I was just ringing to find out the details about this party of yours tomorrow ... t-that's if Mikes and I are still allowed to go," I added, just to be sure. I was merely testing him you see, playing hard to get - cause I hadn't done enough of that already - I wasn't that worried if he had changed his mind (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)
Frank cheerfully stated that hell yeah we were allowed to go and then he continued to give me the address of his Uncles place (apparently it's a huge holiday home that they don't even use, a home that they have practically given to Frank and his cousins for parties such as the one we were going to tomorrow night). I said I'd see him then and we parted ways.
NOTHING! Not one fucking lame ass excuse as to why in the world he hadn't tried to call me. Not one, "I miss you" or whatever shit you're supposed to say to your boy friend. Yes, I know it's lame but I'm new to this so blow it our your ass!
Naturally, I went and bitched to Mikey.
"I called him! See, I made the first move! Not once did he mention why he hadn't tried to call me or why he's been ignoring me. Not once did he mention anything! Did I just conjure up the whole weekend? You were there! Was I just like making out with an imaginary person or what?"
I had been in such an angry rush to bitch to my brother about stupid Frank that I didn't realise I had just walked in on him watching a porno. One hand was stuck down his pants as he just glared at me dangerously.
"What Mikey? Don't give me that look! It's not like you were busy or anything," I protested, angrily. God, I swear he thinks everything's about him!
Sighing, he paused the DVD he had been watching and proceeded to remove the hand he had down his pants.
"I'm not touching this one with a forty foot pole Gee. But, it's nice to know that gay couples have just as much trouble as straight couples. It's good to see that there truly is no fucking hope for the human race."
With that bad piece of advice it was my turn to glare as I just marched out of the room, hoping to seek advice elsewhere. Maybe comic books could give me the answers I so dearly sought. Perhaps Batman gave Robin some advice on dating other men somewhere amongst the pages of my many Batman books.
Yes, we all know Robin is gay! You know it, I know it! Let's not pretend here!
Maybe if I sketched it would help.
10 p.m. Oh my god! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I just realised - porn, hand down his pants - I walked in on Mikey playing with himself!
That's so gross.
Saturday, December 31st
80 - something (not at home and think Frank would find me weird if I disappeared to find his scales), 0 beer (but it's just past midnight, before that ummm 18), 0 cigarettes (day has just started, give me time to rest), no. of sexy boys lying next to me: 1 (and it's not Mikey! Sicko!)
Late. Frank's Uncles House: Frank's adopted room. It's late night and here I am, lying in Frank's bed. And we're that perfect picture again, me lying on my stomach as I write quietly in my diary, Frank snoring loudly and drooling onto his pillow right by my side. Perfection.
And okay, so it's passed midnight, so technically its next year, so technically, I should be starting a new diary. But you know what ... I DIDN'T WANT TO! So fuck off!
Also, I wanted to wait until I sobered up to write to, otherwise I'm sure this entry would have made no fucking sense whatsoever.
Honestly, I got pretty drunk. The moment Mikey and I got to Frank's Uncles place we hit the booze. I mean, we didn't know anyone! And if there actually was anyone that we knew it was a quick hello and then we didn't see them again. The house was too fucking big and there were too many fucking people there.
When I finally found Frank, it didn't go so well. We didn't argue or anything, but he barely even acknowledged me. It was a quick hello and then he was ushered away by some weird looking chick that needed to know where the bathroom was. Then when he returned, a young boy who looked like he could have been related to Frank rushed up to him asking where the staircase was so he could go back downstairs to the party.
It was actually a good question, I had no idea how we even fucking made it upstairs. Where the hell were the stairs? Trippy dude.
All in all, Frank was just far to busy being a good host to deal with me.
Naturally, that only pissed me off more. I mean, it has to be all about me or not at all. So I grabbed Mikey and we disappeared into the crowd of people, clasping onto our beers so they wouldn't get knocked out of our hands by all the people doped up on crazy.
Next thing I know it's about 45 minutes until midnight!
It was then that I really started to panic, because, I didn't want to celebrate the first few seconds of the New Year all alone! The point of being with someone is so that you didn't have to look for randoms when the clock struck midnight. You were guaranteed a hook-up to start off the New Year!
That was when I saw him.
Still looking extremely harassed, Frank was sculling the beer in his hand so quickly I thought he was trying to drown himself in it. The moment he saw me, his face broke into a weary smile and he finally approached me again.
"Been looking everywhere for you, it's nearly midnight," he said, clutching so tightly onto my arm I could feel the circulation beginning to stop.
"Oh yeah? Fancy that, I barely noticed," I lied. After all, I didn't want to tell him that I nearly had a panic attack when I realised I had little over half an hour to locate him in time.
That was when a large, boisterous women with bright red lip-stick and way too much blush approached us. I cried out in fright, because for a moment I thought she was going to crush us to death.
"Hi Aunty Kim," Frank said, flinching slightly and tightening his grip on my arm. I winced, because if he didn't let go soon I knew my arm was going to fall off.
"Oh my little Frankiekins, you've got no girl friend again this year! Come stand with me for kissy wissy," she cooed, puffing out her lips dramatically.
The site was rather horrifying; I didn't blame Frank for trembling at the words. She struck me as one of those Aunts that would corner you every family gathering, planting a giant kiss on your check that would leave puffy, irremovable and extremely embarrassing lip-stick marks.
"O-okay, just give me a sec to grab another drink," he cleverly came up with as he raised his empty beer bottle up between his check and her lips which were getting closer and closer.
"Hurry back," she called after us as Frank had dragged me with him.
"Frank, I know you're frightened, but take one last look at my arm. Hope it wasn't one of your favourite limbs of mine because if you keep holding on, it's going to shrivel up from lack of blood and then the doctors will need to cut it off."
Immediately Frank let go, looking at me rather apologetically as I swung it around, letting the blood flow back into it. I could feel my fingers again!
"Sorry Gee, but I have to ask a huge favour," he said, staring at me intently. I couldn't say no to that look, I knew whatever he asked me I would say yes.
"What is it?"
"Run away with me?"
"Er - what?"
"Right now, run the fuck away with me."
I continued to stare at him in confusion, but I couldn't refuse those eyes. So I nodded. The second I did, Frank grabbed my hand and the next thing I know we're taking off though the doors and heading for a destination that I couldn't foresee. Only Frank seemed to know where he was going.
Finally we arrived at a lake, the moon was shinning off it's surface as boats gently bobbed around in the water. It would have been quite a beautiful site had I not have been having a heart attack at that point.
Frank was small and sturdy, I was well-rounded and a drunk. Running was not for me.
"You okay?" Frank asked as he let go of my hand. The moment he did I sunk to my knees, clutching at my heart as I wheezed and gasped.
"Yes - just - hold on - next time - hold on - you decide to run off - fuck, hold up - next time you decided to run off - and I mean really fucking run - please, like ... don't. Or - there's - hold on ... always - there's always walking - you should try it."
Frank just stared at me, his mouth hanging open as though he was trying to decipher my words. I'm pretty sure all he heard was "hold on - wheeze, cough, splutter - FUCK - pant, gasp, choke -"
When I finally recovered enough to stand back up again, Frank took my hand once more and led me to the end of a small jetty. Once there, we sat down and stared out at the still lake.
"Frank? Why do you like me?" I finally just blurted out, unable to contain myself any longer.
"I don't know. You were just so different from everybody else, I like different. One day when I was walking down the halls at college, I saw you walking towards me; you were too busy listening to your I-pod to see me though. You were humming a Misfits song. I was staring so hard, just smiling, completely intrigued by you and then I collided with an open classroom door."
I laughed. Only because I knew it was something I would do, it was nice to see other people suffered from Retard-itis to.
"Plus, every time I was with you, life just seemed that much more interesting. I mean, I've been to a lot of fucking parties in my life time and not once have I found myself in the middle of a fight getting completely covered in chocolate sauce."
We both laughed at that one. Until I shuddered again. That memory still scared me.
"I didn't know whether to call or not, I thought you may have been sick of me," I finally admitted. I couldn't top that speech; I wasn't even going to try, so I decided to just say what else was on my mind.
To my great surprise Frank just smiled.
"I didn't know whether to call you or not. I didn't want to push you, it sounds like you like your space, I thought you may have had enough of me after the weekend."
At those words I smiled too whilst secretly cursing Mikey. How did that boy always know? He definitely should have been a life coach. Least he will always be mine.
"Oh shit!" Frank suddenly shouted out, I jumped in surprise.
"What? What happened?"
It was at that moment I heard a crowd give a loud shout somewhere off in the direction we had just come from.
"We missed the fucking count down," Frank said, but he didn't seem sad, he merely laughed, his high-pitch childlike laugh.
I didn't join in, I couldn't, I was to busy staring at his lips. Then, the next thing I know they must have simply invited me straight on in because mine were pressed up against them, my eyes closed, Frank's hand already on my back.
This time, it didn't seem like there were any interruptions, I had no idea what that entitled us to do exactly but it certainly left us feeling a lot more free with our movements. We sucked at each other's face, well I did anyway, like I've said before, Frank just knows the right way to kiss - I don't know who the retard was that taught me, but I was willing to learn again.
I was pushed down onto the peer, whilst Frank's kissing got fiercer. At one stage he bit my lip quite roughly and it wasn't accidental. This guy was one kinky son of a bitch!
It was at that moment I heard someone running up the peer towards us, it was that moment we broke apart only to see who was so rudely interrupting us.
"Gee! Here you are, I thought you'd forgotten me," Mikey squealed, looking quite disheveled and quite drunk. "And ewwwwwwwwwwwwww, why do I always come in at the wrong fucking time?"
Then, just like that, he giggled drunkenly and then simply collapsed from the effort of laughing so hard. I just rolled my eyes as Frank helped me up and together we swung Mikey over our shoulders and trekked back up to Frank's Uncles house.
The moment we got back Frank handed us both a bottle of water and instructed we sober up whilst he said goodbye to some of the already departing guests.
When everyone was either gone or passed out on the floor, we were left trying to find a spot to sleep. Luckily we were rescued by Frank who directed us to his bedroom.
Now normally I would complain if I was in a relationship with someone and my brother was going to sleep in the same fucking room. But there was nothing to complain about. Whilst I had Frank, I still wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to do with him, so I was glad that Mikey was there - to stop us doing whatever it was we were supposed to be doing.
Make sense? Not at all, but fuck it.
So, Frank tossed Mikey some blankets and a few pillows and my dear sweet brother immediately fell asleep, the bottle of water in his hands spilling out over the floor as he released it from his grip.
Meanwhile, Frank and I climbed into his bed and cuddled in close together. Instantly we fell asleep in each others arms and not an hour later I woke back up again. Guess I’m not really tired, either that or I'll just use any excuse to look at Frank's sleeping form a little while longer.
"Happy New Year Frankie," I whispered to him before kissing him gently on the forehead.
He stirred and mumbled something about man eating midgets and gay vampires ... strange, I didn't think anyone dreamed about that shit but me. Maybe gay vampires really do exist.
I have a feeling me and Frank are going to get along just great.
And I couldn't be fucking happier.
THE FUCKING END BABY!!!!!!!
AN: Sorry guys, I sort of disppeared for a while. I do that sometimes, I have my moments. This one goes out to everyone who has been reading this from the start to anyone who has only just stumbled across it. It's done everyone!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!
There will be a sequal but give me time, at the moment I want to get Californication up and running a little more, I have a hell of a long assed way to go with that. xxxx (times one billion.) Love you all, hope you're happy with it :)