FicWad

Getting my stomach pumped is not something I want to go through again. The gun wasn't loaded, and I knew it wasn't, but the sound of it shooting was so wonderful. Frank had ran to me then proceeded to wrestle the gun from my hands and call 911 when he saw the empty pill bottles. I was carted to the hospital I had to have my stomach pumped so I wouldn't OD then after an initial check for any other wounds or medical problems, I was put in a regular room to rest for the night. It was an interesting night to say the least because nurses, doctors, and even a security guard tried to get me to stay still so I could be jabbed with needles but I did a good job fighting them off. The bastards however got me when I passed out.

Frank stayed until they reassured him that I was ok. He thought I was asleep during this but I just kept my eyes shut, listening to him breathe since he was so close to me. My stomach hurt not only from having a tube crammed down my throat, which also hurt, but because I knew I really fucked up things between Frank and myself. I have no idea what possessed me to dump the pills down my throat, especially after what I went through before, but I did it and now I got to face the consequences.

My parents were called but when they learned I was ok, they decided that it was fine if they didn't come see me since I had Mikey for family comfort. It's always nice to know they love me. The next day Mikey, Bob, and Ray came to visit me after school with special permission, and a lot of begging, from Gallagher. They told me that Frank refused to come because he was pissed at me not for yelling at him but for attempting suicide. In a small way I figured it was for the best because if he was mad at me then maybe I could convince myself to get over my infatuation with him since I told myself I wouldn't ever fall in love again. As I expected, the three made sure I was fine then chewed me out.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Mikey somewhat yelled when he got inside my room.

"You think killing yourself will solve your problems?" Ray was just as upset as Mikey.

"If I was dead, I wouldn't have to listen to you." I mumbled and slid down in my bed a little in hopes that I could drown them out. Of course it didn't work and I had to suffer through more.

"Well you're alive and you're going to listen." Bob said angrily as they all gathered around. Mikey suddenly lunged at me and hugged me, crying onto my shoulder. My stomach only twisted more.

"You're a fucking asshole Gerard." He said into my shoulder. I hated when he was upset because even though we argued a lot which only ever turned to regret later, I would do anything to make sure Mikey was safe and taken care of. We were basically alone in the world and he was all I had left. "If you died, who would take care of me?" I sighed and hugged him back as he began to cry slightly. He always knew how to make me feel horrible for my actions. It was like he was my conscience, only not in my head but rather right in my face most of the time.

"I'm sorry Mikey." I told him to try and calm him down. "It was a stupid, last minute decision based on overbearing emotions."

"We were too hard on you at lunch." Ray's voice was calmer than it had been before.

"No you weren't." Mikey let go and stood up, wiping his eyes. "I deserved it. The way I treated you guys." My voice lowered slightly. "The way I treated Frank. I'll never forgive myself."

"Well you'll have plenty of time to make up with him since you're both on dorm arrest." Bob said, sitting on the edge of my large white bed. I had no idea why Frank would be confined to our room when he had nothing to do with the incident other than saving my life. Dorm arrest was nothing new for me and quite frankly, I expected it as soon as I regained my mentality. Well as soon as I regained what was left of my mentality before the whole situation.

"Why is Frank on dorm arrest?" I asked and everyone began to laugh a little to themselves.

"In gym he beat the shit out of Lance with a tennis racquet." Ray said laughing.

"We all watched from the windows." Bob said smiling as he thought about it.

"Was fucking hilarious!" Mikey burst into laughter and stumbled as he almost lost his balance. I couldn't help but begin to laugh myself as I pictured Frank continuously whacking Lance with a racquet; especially since Lance was a decent size larger than Frank.

"So he has to stay in the dorm for a week." Bob calmed himself down.

"And help the janitor whenever there's a mess." I felt bad for Frank. "No matter what time of day or night." Gallagher really pissed me off. His punishments could be really cruel.

"So you know since Lance found out about it, he's going to make it hell for Frank." There was slight anger with sympathy in Ray's voice as he spoke. He looked at his watch and sighed miserably. "We have to get going so we make it back in time or Gallagher will make it hell for all of us." Mikey groaned as he stood up, dragging Bob off the bed.

"I'm sure I'll get out of here soon." I said miserably. I really didn't want to leave because I knew I had to face Frank and I really didn't want to.

"We'll see you later." Bob said and I half waved as they left, glad to be alone again. I grabbed the notepad I asked a nurse to borrow and begin to write. While I really didn't know what I was writing, in no time there were lines upon lines of words. Reading over the page, I realized that yet again I came up with lyrics. This often happened. My hand would get possessed and begin to write frantically so when I looked over the end results, I had a song. Well words to one at least. The song I came up with this time was sad on the outside but wonderfully emotional and heartfelt on the inside. I dubbed it 'Demolition Lovers' because it made me think of mine and Frank's relationship. If I could figure out a tune, I would share it with everyone else.

As I checked the page for anything I might want to change, a man in a long white coat came in, a stethoscope around his neck and a clipboard clasped tightly in his hand, pressed up against his waist. I assumed he was the doctor on call and I stared at him with unamusement as he smiled at me. Getting closer to my bed, he looked over the chart then lowered it back to his waist and looked back to me. "I highly suggest not trying that again Mr. Way." He said in that annoying voice all doctors seemed to have. It was somewhere between the voice of your parents when they're upset and a drill sergeants. "You're lucky your friend found you when he did or you could have been in serious trouble." No shit dumbass. I did it because I wanted to be in serious trouble; namely death. "I talked to Mr. Gallagher and he shared some interesting things with me." Fuck. I knew that couldn't be good. "We agreed that you should see someone to help you sort out your emotional barriers."

"I'm not seeing a fucking shrink." I told him bluntly.

"I thought you'd feel that way." His smile faded and he looked at me intently. "I'm not releasing you until you agree." I just shrugged and made myself comfortable. "Your principal won't let you back on school grounds until you do either." It was fucking blackmail. Gallagher knew I couldn't leave Mikey or my friends alone.

"For how long?" I mumbled, rolling my eyes and sighing heavily.

"Until you graduate." Great. Eight fucking months. I would do nothing more than sit there and stare. My life was my business, not anyone else's. "Every Wednesday night. Your parents won't have to pay and it would be right on campus so you wouldn't have to travel." The last thing I needed was someone to tell me I'm messed up then when they found out I'm gay, to try and 'cure' me like my parents had tried before. "So do you agree?"

"I have no choice." He scribbled something down on the clipboard.

"Well you can go. I'll call Mr. Gallagher to come and get you." He stuck the clipboard in its resting spot between his arm and waist. "Just get some rest. You'll probably not do food for a few days so just make sure you drink a lot." The doctor from hell was replaced with a nurse who rudely made sure everything was properly balanced and that I was cleaned up, meaning she forcibly yanked needles from me but not without receiving lip from me first. She then chucked my clothes at me and left so I got out of the bed and dressed myself before wandering into the hall where bitch nurse told me to sit and wait.

The hospital was considerably busy. I did as I was told and waited for Gallagher to arrive. He walked through the doors, staring me down, and signed some things at the front desk then by an invisible leash, he dragged me out to his car where I miserably got in. The whole trip I kept my mouth shut as he attempted to talk to me. Giving up on getting a response, he ended it with relaying my punishment which consisted of dorm arrest as usual. At the dorm, I got out of the car and slammed his door shut in hopes it would break but had no such luck. The security guard for our dorm building waited for me then proceeded to escort me to my room in case I magically pulled a gun from my ass and tried to assault anyone. The only reason I wasn't expelled was because of Mikey. Gallagher knew Mikey was a shy kid and doesn't do real well unless I'm around.

When we reached the dorm, I told the guard 'thank you' in a sarcastic voice and he rolled his eyes as I opened the door then slammed it behind me. Frank sat on his bed, legs crossed, bent over the guitar that rested in his lap. "Hey." I said but he ignored me so I sighed and went to my bed where I fell across my bed. It was pretty late and I really didn't feel like doing anything so I got under my blankets and stared at the wall, wondering if Frank would ever forgive me. My heart wanted him to but my head told me that it was for the best and to just leave it at that.

"Are you ok?" A soft mumbled came from Frank's half of the room. I nodded then pulled my blanket up to my neck as I stared blankly at the white wall. Suddenly, I felt Frank sit on the bed next to me, even though I was staring away from him. "I was so fucking scared when I saw that gun then the empty bottle." He told me quickly, pain and concern weaved in his voice.

"Why?" I asked, continuing to stare at the wall because if I looked at him, I would get lost in his eyes.

"Because you're my friend." Frank climbed over me, sitting between me and the wall so I had no choice but to look at him. If I turned to face the other way he would know that I was trying to avoid him and the last thing I wanted was an argument. "And because I really like you." He pulled the blanket from my face and bent down to press his sweet lips against my dry ones. I wanted to pull away but the taste of his mouth overtook my senses and my muscles froze so I had no choice but to lay there and let him kiss me.

Frank pulled away and looked at me with his gorgeous captivating eyes. "I'm sorry for flipping out on you." I told him, pulling my eyes from his and looking back to the wall. "I just get really frustrated sometimes and snap easily."

"I understand." Frank pushed my hair back gently, dragging his fingers along the side of my face as he did so. "I wasn't upset about you yelling. I figured I kind of deserved it for prying." I began to think he was an angel or something because he was too damn good to be true with not only his looks but the way he was so sweet and calm constantly. "When I saw the gun pointed at your head then heard it fire, my heart nearly stopped. I wanted to cry because I thought I lost you but then I noticed the gun was empty since you weren't dead and there was no blood." My gaze wandered back to his eyes and the pain they emitted sent chills down my spine.

"I'm so sorry Frankie." I told him and he nodded slightly.

"Please don't do it again." He half pleaded. "Promise?" I nodded and he rubbed his arms slightly as he smiled because he was cold. It was fall so the dorms got cold since they didn't turn the heat on until winter. Not really thinking, I got up, locked the bedroom door, then got back on my bed and slipped under the blanket again, lifting the blanket up as an invite for Frank to join me. He smiled as his eyes gleamed a bit while he slid under the blanket with me. I pulled the blanket over us and we stared into each other's eyes without saying a word as we carried on a conversation with them, until it was too dark to make anything in the room out. "Good night Gerard." He voice was soft and smooth.

"Good night Frank." I mumbled back before I fell asleep, thinking about the conversation I just had and how I would never do anything to cause Frank pain again. I couldn't lose him like I lost Bert.

********************

When I woke up, the room was bright with the mid-morning sun. Frank was still in my bed with me, fast asleep, so I carefully got out of the bed and unlocked the door. Being on dorm arrest was always enjoyable because I got to sleep as late as I wanted. As soon as the door was unlocked, Mikey came in, miserable as hell. "Why aren't you at class Mikey?" He fell onto the floor next to my bed when he noticed Frank was still sleeping.

"Fucking Lance!" I wasn't surprised at all. Mikey pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. "Apparently I tried to aid with Frank's plan of 'killing Lance.'" He mumbled as I sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "He's slowly trying to get us all kicked out."

"We need to start fighting back." I didn't even realize what I said and Mikey looked at me with shock. Lance had always beat me up and I never did a damn thing about it.

"I think that hospital did something to your head." Mikey said with concern.

"Beating me up is one thing. To go after my little brother means war." I told him calmly and he smiled then hugged me. "This is my last year here so I want to make it memorable." He laughed slightly as he let go and stood up. "For everyone."

"I have to get back to my room before I get in trouble." He told me with a sight and I nodded as he left. "I'll come back later with the guys to talk about this." Mikey called over his shoulder before pulling the door shut. There is nothing I would enjoy more than kicking Lance's ass and since it was my last year with him, thank God, I had to do it soon. As I was lost in my thoughts, Frank fell down next to me yawning and fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Morning." I told him with a smile. The sight of him battling sleep was hilarious and I did all I could not to laugh. "How the hell can you still be tired?"

"Fucking middle of the night I had to go clean up the remains of Lance's party." Frank's head fell onto my shoulder. "I was stuck there for like five hours trying to clean up the fucking mess." I sighed and put an arm around him just like I had Mikey. It was bullshit that Frank would have to clean up after Lance because I knew Lance was being more of a pig than he already was.

"It's time we fought him back." Frank looked at me with shock just like Mikey did. "He got Mikey put on dorm arrest for the day too." I said and Frank became worried. "Plus, I'm tired of his bullshit and there's no reason you should have to clean up after the wild animal." Frank laughed slightly which flooded me with joy because I loved his laugh. It was the best damn noise in the world.

"So how do you propose we do it?" His voice held excitement and I couldn't help but feel excited too.

"We do it next week when his father is here for his quarterly visit." He nodded his agreement, a slightly sadistic look upon his face that counter balanced the angelic qualities he possessed. "We'll fucking destroy him." We both laughed when some little beeping noise started to go off and Frank moaned.

"Fuck." He said checking the little beeper I now noticed was on the night stand. "I'm going to kill him." Frank mumbled as he heaved himself up then got some clothes to change into.

"Don't kill him." I told Frank as he changed. "I want that pleasure." Frank laughed as he got his shirt on then bent down and kissed me, pulling on my lip a little as he pulled away.

"See you later." He told me as he left. Part of me wanted him to leave, but an even bigger part of me wished he could have stayed. I had lost the battle against falling for him because I fell; hard. He was kind, fun, funny, gorgeous, sympathetic, caring, and everything else angels were made of since I swear he is one. Best of all, he pisses Lance off. No, best of all was he wanted me, because he had no I idea how fucking bad I wanted him.

I really didn't move while Frank was gone. I managed to get up and lay down on my bed while listening to my i-pod again and staring at the ceiling. When Frank returned, he fell onto his bed, staring at the ceiling like I was. I turned my i-pod off then sat up and stared at him to see how his day went. He turned onto his side and stared back at me, looking like he was going to die at any moment. "No one should EVER have to clean Lance's room." He closed his eyes and grimaced.

"That had to be brutal." I sympathized with him.

"It was horrific." Frank said falling onto his back again. "I'm scarred for life." I couldn't help but laugh a little and my laughter was graciously rewarded with a soft white pillow to my face, causing me to laugh more. "Asshole." He mumbled to me as I fell off the bed and onto the floor.

"I'm sorry." I said sitting back up. "It was the way you said it."

"Well I may of had to clean his room," Frank smiled and sat up, "But he'll have fun finding a helmet of piss in his locker."

"You didn't!" I started laughing again and Frank got off the bed to join me on the floor.

"No." He said falling down beside me. "I paid some freshman to do it." The thought of Lance's helmet smelling like piss for days caused me to choke with laughter. "So Gerard," Frank calmed down and sat in front of me, "Since you have no boyfriend," my body suddenly flooded with nerves, "how about you be mine?" He stared at me with those big, beautiful eyes that made me melt.

"I would love to say 'yes'," I looked to the ground, "but I couldn't go through another situation like I did with Bert." Tears started to come to my eyes as I thought about Frank getting mad at me for denying but he was completely calm as he pulled my face back up so I was looking at him.

"What happened with Bert?" He asked gently and though I didn't want to think about it, I figured I at least owed it to him to know why I denied.

I took a deep breath. "It was a few years ago." I started quietly; unlocking that painful memory from my mind. "I loved him more than anything else in the world. He loved me just as much." I thought about how he and I would always talk and spend all our time together. "It was great until his parents found out about our relationship." The nasty letter re-played in my mind just like the night Bert read it. "They decided that the school had caused Bert to be deprived of girls which was why he dated me since his parents were huge homophobes and refused to accept me." Frank held my hand as he listened to everything I rambled on about.

"They told him that he was being transferred to a different school." My heart ached like it did when he told me that those years ago. "Bert tried to refuse, telling them that he wasn't leaving me, but they didn't listen. Gallagher told Bert he could no longer stay at the school." Tears began to run down my face and Frank gently wiped them away. "We promised each other that we would get together again when school ended but I could tell he doubted it." Frank pushed the hair from my face and looked into my eyes. His eyes were comforting and I began to feel better as I stared. "The night before he left, I went to say good-bye to him. It was the worst night of my life."

"He was on his bed, empty pill bottles literally covering the floor, his school uniform half on and half off. I ran to him and told him I was calling 911. As I picked up the phone to dial, he pulled my hands down so I couldn't press the buttons." The images danced through my mind and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as I tried not to break down. Frank put his arms around me and told me it was ok. "He told me that if I loved him, I would understand that he wouldn't be able to live without him and that I would have to let him go." Tears began to flow from my eyes. "Again I tried to call for help, but my body froze and all I could do was sit there and watch him slowly die." I felt like I was going to be sick as I relayed the story to Frank. Never had I given this much detail to anyone about it. Not even Mikey. "I laid with him, listening to his heartbeat slowly fade, until it stopped completely and I knew he was gone." I began to choke a bit from the salty tears and Frank continued to wipe my face. "Before I left, I cleaned up the bottles and shut his eyes, fixing his outfit and pulling his blanket over him because he was so cold." My hands became slightly cold as I remembered touching his icy face as I pulled his eye lids over his vacant eyes.

"I'm so sorry Gerard." Frank told me as he held me tightly. "You've had to go through more in a few years than most people experience in a lifetime."

"His parents found his soul less body on his bed a few hours later and blamed me for their son's death." I coughed a bit as I tried not to throw up. "Of course everyone on campus found out about his death and they believed the lies Bert's parents fed them." My body began to shake slightly and Frank rubbed my back to get me to calm down. "That's when Lance started." I thought about how that was the worst week of my life. All at once I had emotions drowning me. I was grieving the death of my boyfriend who always told me we would one day get married; I had the pressure of his homophobic parents trying to have me arrested for 'killing' their son; The school body blamed me just like Bert's parents; and fucking Lance began his endless line of bullshit towards me because I didn't have enough to deal with.

"You know you didn't cause Bert's death, right?" Frank asked with severe worry as he looked into my eyes again. I nodded and he wiped my face again as I locked the memory back away. "I felt like I was going to die when I saw you with the gun." He said quietly.

"I wasn't thinking." I mumbled and he ran his hand along my face to dry the remains of my break down.

"I would never hurt you on purpose." Frank smiled warmly at me and all the pain I felt from replaying Bert's death suddenly disappeared. "Not as a friend;" he took my hands into his again. "Not as a boyfriend."

My head screamed at me to ignore it, but my heart didn't give a fuck what my head said as it took over my body. "You sure you still want me?"

"Forever and ever babe." He pushed me back onto my bed and got on top of me then put his lips to mine again. This time though he used his tongue as well as his delicious lips. Frank's lip ring brushed against my lip as his tongue scanned the inside my mouth. His hands slid under my shirt and slowly slid it off before I pulled his off as well. My body flooded with more emotions then I knew I had; from joy to nervous and even a little fear. Frank put his arms around my neck so I stuck mine around his, pulling us closer together. The whole conversation I had with him about Bert seemed to be far in the past as I made out with him.

"Hey Gerard! I-" Mikey suddenly burst through the door excitingly but stopped when he saw us. "I'll come back later..." he said quietly and shut the door quickly behind him.

"I think locking the door might be best for everyone from now on." I said laughing slightly at the fact that I probably just scarred my brother for life. Frank laughed and nodded as he resumed his position on top of me and we continued our fun.