You thought I was gone for good didn't you? Nope sorry you will have to suffer again.
Disclaimer: I am not JKR (oh pity!), so I wrote this little ditty. I tried to write something witty... but it ended up sounding *@#! ... hmm don't know if I can say that word with my rating; anyway the gist of it was I am not JKR, big surprise there. BTW I thought I told you never to let me rhyme ever again... too late, and now you suffer the consequences mwhahaha (sorry minor psycho moment).
My goodness this story is crazy, I just reread it for the first time in many, many months and oh boy, it is so eccentric and over the top, even my brain is not sure whether this is meant to be a plot or a parody, I suppose I will have to settle for a hybrid mixture of the two. Btw sorry I took so long to get this up, life took over my life, rather tragic really. How dare it do that...?
After eating an entire bull, amountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
(A/N Too bad I don't listen to sage advice)
Harry soon found that balancing his extremely large and odd shaped parcels was becoming increasingly more difficult, so much so he exerted himself to ask Hagrid for amagical means by which to carry them. Hagrid, who had previously been unaware of Harry's plight due to a daydream about dragons, quickly realised the appropriateness of the question as the parcels hit the ground with one almighty bang. They quickly grabbed them up again before they could be trodden on and, after a moments thought, Hagrid led him to a rather dilapidated looking shop. It seemed to Harry that the only reason the building was still standing was by sheer magic, and in retrospect, he laughed to himself, it probably was.
As they walked into the shop Harry felt as if his lungs were clogging up, the dust was so thick, awhile later, after a minor coughing fit and a bit of spluttering, his watering eyes finally cleared and he was able to actually take in his surroundings.
At that moment a man with sharp eyes and an obscenely long mullet popped his head out of a dusty pile of bags. Harry was so surprised at the man's sudden movement that he took a step backwards, managing to trip over a trunk and land with a thump on another. The man's eyes squinted into a glare that lightened considerably when Hagrid apprised the man of their business there; in fact Harry was quite sure the shopkeeper's eyes took on a hungry gleam that distinctly disturbed him. It seemed that Hagrid was equally disturbed as he took a subconscious step backward with an audible gulp.
Taking a deep breath, managing to suppress the choking instinct, Harry said in a loud voice to break the rather uncomfortable silence that had permeated the room "Hagrid, I'm feeling rather tired" though he was feeling nothing of the kind, "perhaps if you finished off the last of our shopping while I do this we could get it done faster?"
To Hagrid's credit, he did ask "are you sure?" all the while edging towards the door. At Harry's nod he let out a loud sigh of relief and very near bolted for the door.
After Hagrid's hasty exit, Harry got down to business, immediately asking the salesman "so... just how much do these bags carry?"
The salesman, seeing this seemingly innocent young boy, took it as his chance to pounce on his inexperience. With a sickeningly sweet smile he descended on Harry, immediately taking him to the most expensive bag on offer, a compartmentalised bag that had sections large enough to suffice as rooms; each time the trunk was opened it showed a different section. Harry attempted not to show his interest, and managed to succeed, the years of practice of suppressing his emotions with the Dursley's serving him well.
A considerable time later Harry walked out with two bags, a small inexpensive one, and inside this one the most expensive bag in the store, leaving the salesman completely confused as to who had got the better deal. It wasn't until many hours later that the salesman realised that he had been hoodwinked into selling it for three times less than the original value he had proposed.
To keep his thoughts from wandering in the direction of the Dursley household, and what awaited him there, Harry asked Hagrid as many questions as he could. By the end of the trip back, Harry had learnt far more than he ever wanted to know about flesh eating slug repellant, among other things. One thing had peaked his interest though, Hagrid had told him of something called the 'Knight Bus', he would definitely keep that in mind for the trip to Platform Nine and Three Quarters, after all he wouldn't even dream of asking the Dursley's to take him there, they would flatly refuse at the best of times.
Severus Snape was in a right strop (1), and he had been all day, so it was little wonder that the students in his class were well behaved, even the Weasley twins wouldn't dare step a toe out of line when he was in one of his moods. Despite his abnormally obedient and quiet class, Snape had managed to give no more than ten detentions, and that was in his first class alone.
It wasn't precisely the students' fault, after all who would be able to contain their laughter if Snape walked in the room with a sparkly blue hairdo that was spiked up at odd angles. I mean really? Not their fault in the least.
It was little wonder that by the end of the day Snape had given a grand total of fifty two detentions, and as previously mentioned was in a right strop. The majority of the day he had spent hunting down one person, the person most singularly gifted with the power of annoying the hell out of Severus Snape, Julia Figg.
She had somehow contrived to avoid him all day, finding excuses to move her classes to different rooms that he could not find no matter how hard he tried, even going so far as to eat her meals away from the Great Hall.
Suddenly it struck him, he knew where her rooms were! He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before, in no time at all he was at her door, banging on it so hard, it was indeed surprising that it didn't break.
"You!" he said as soon as the door was opened, though surprisingly this comment was not directed at Julia "what are you doing here!" he said peevishly
"What happened to your hair? You look silly." The little girl giggled, while Snape just glared at her
"I am looking for Julia Figg and I don't have time for your nonsense" Snape growled
"Mummy!" the little girl yelled "there's a blue headed man at the door for you"
Snape grimaced and muttered something that sounded like "I should have known, how else could you be so annoying? You have her as amother of course."
"Why Severus, whatever are you doing here at this hour?" Julia said as she walked in the room"and might I say, I really like the new hair style" to her credit she managed to say this with a completely straight face.
"Change it back now!" Snape growled
"Why, whatever do you mean?" she replied innocently
Snape glared fiercely at her "I want my hair fixed, back to its normal colour now!"
"Fine" she smirked mischievously as she raised her wand and muttered a few words
"Argh! I thought Iasked you to change it back to the way it was!" he yelled
"I did exactly what you asked Severus, you asked me to change it back to its normal colour, and it is, it is black, you also stated you wanted your hair fixed... so I fixed it, it is cut nice and short, and for once in your life it is clean! So there we are fixed! No need to thank me" she murmured as she rather physically pushed him out the door, while he was still in too much shock to respond.
"Boy! Get out here this instant!" Harry stepped out of his cupboard to the livid face of his Aunt Petunia "How dare you go relax, when you haven't even completed your chores! There are still dirty dishes on the sink and Itold you to do that this morning. Do it NOW! I will not have you bludging (2)around in this house."
"Yes Aunt Petunia" Harry muttered, seething on the inside, he had in fact done the washing up that morning, his cousin had just been eating so much food lately that a huge pile of dishes had already accumulated since. Though Harry was quite sure even Dudley could not eat that much, he suspected that Dudley had just dirtied most of the plates to spite him.
Ever since he had returned from Diagon Alley the Dursley's seemed to come up with hundreds of pointless chores for him to do, apparently convinced that the house was never clean enough. As such it was a full week before Harry had finished the textbooks he had bought, and not long after he became restless once again, he was itching for more information, but with three weeks to go he knew the wait would be interminable. He could wait... really! At least that's what he kept telling himself.
The next day he found himself on the way to Londonagain, he was reasonably sure the Dursleys would not notice him gone, well even if they did, he had a contingency plan.
With a considerable fortune in his vault, and he did know precisely how much that fortune was from his account details that he had received from Griphook, and no supervision to curtail his spending, Harry literally bought every book that was on offer at Flourish and Blotts.
The shop owner, so delighted with the boys spending habits threw in a couple of bookcases for free, of course it also helped that it was Harry Potter doing the spending.
Many hours, and a considerable fortune later, Harry Potter arrived back at the Dursleys', taking a deep breath he walked into the house, no rampaging uncle, good sign.
He spoke too soon, as not a moment later Vernon Dursley barreled through the door heading straight for Harry "BOY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" he spat. Harry winced, he was really in for it this time.
"Severus Snape!" Julia demanded in her best teacher voice "No more games! I demand you to tell me what you have against Harry Potter!" Seeing Snape's exasperated look, she caved a little "look, if you tell me now, I promise to leave you alone for the rest of your life." She smirked at him "tempted aren't you?"
Snape was in fact completely sick of her, and rightly so, considering the fact that she hadn't left him alone in weeks. This can be the only excuse we can attribute his next action, either that or sheer lunacy. Though on second consideration it was probably both, the latter being caused by the former.
"Fine, you know what! I'm am sick and tired of you, if this is what it takes to get you to go away, then so be it!Come with me!" he said and began walking away briskly, finally ending up at his quarters. Opening up his cupboard, he pulled a rather odd shaped item out before setting it on his table which he rapidly cleaned off with one sweep of his wand.
"This is a pensieve" he began, as if instructing a particularly inept student. Julia didn't reply, unwilling to tempt her good luck.
"And this is what you want to know." he said, placing some memories in the bowl. "Speak of this to no one and most of all remember your promise, you will not bother me ever, ever again for the rest of my life. Understand?" at her nod he turned and sunk into a chair, pulling out a potions book to keep his mind from delving into why he had just offered his private memories up for her perusal.
What Julia saw was not in the least what she expected; she had assumed there was some petty reason behind his obvious animosity. But she was wrong. What she saw was not even directly about Harry, but about his parents. She saw Snape's life as a child, being bullied by Harry's father, James and she viewed his friendship with Harry's mother, Lily. The love Snape had for Lily was obvious to Julia, and her understanding of Snape grew. Snape, in his irate state, had unintentionally let a few memories slip through that he had no intention of ever revealing to another living person... nor another dead person for that matter.
These memories struck Julia forcibly, managing to raise both her ire and her sympathy at the same time. Several parts of which she was quite sure she would never forget, the look of pain on his face as he lost control in Dumbledore's office after Lily's death. The way he had muttered "I wish... I wish I were dead..." would always haunt her.
As she returned to the present, she stared at Snape in sympathy. Snape had noticed the moment the memories had finished because he had in fact been observing her unintentionally, he just couldn't help himself, he wanted to know her reaction and he hated himself for it.
"I do NOT want your sympathy" he said grumpily as she had begun to express how sorry she was. As Julia's emotions were in a rather volatile state after seeing such shocking images, her anger quickly rose at his outburst.
"FINE!" she somewhat shouted "then you shall have my anger instead!" she took a large breath, building up to her rant."I get why you were angry at James, Severus. He was undoubtedly a spoilt bully, and what he and his friends did to you was wrong. But he was a child Severus, don't you think that there was a chance he might have grown up, you didn't even give him a second chance! I KNOW that you loved Lily, and that you were heartbroken that she chose James over you; but you hurt her Severus and she deserved better! If you really loved her, you would have been happy that she could find someone who would love her enough to die for her, and who did die for her! Lily was not stupid, she would not have been with James Potter if he was still the arrogant idiot who tormented you as a child, and surely you had enough trust in her to know that! I get why you were angry Severus, I really, really do, but that does not give you the right, even for one minute to take your anger out on their son, a boy who never even knew them! You lost Lily, yes, she married James. But none of this was Harry's fault! You have never even met the boy, and already you judge him. Well let me tell you something Severus, I have observed this boy for weeks on end and he is nothing short of extraordinary! He does not have the arrogance of his father Severus, and if you would just take your head out of your ass for one moment, you would see just how much he is like the woman you loved!" She gave him one last withering look before saying "goodbye!" with a definite air of finality before stalking out of the room.
Snape sat in abject shock, not quite knowing what had hit him, too shocked to even be angry, which was a first for him. He shook his head, completely confused as to what possessed him to even consider showing her his memories. For some reason, he just could not get her words out of his head, they reverberated in the deep recesses of his brain and they haunted him.
Every part of his body ached. Unfortunately for Harry, his absence had been noticed, and the Dursley's didn't appreciate the fact that they had to make their own dinner, as such Harry had been punished by Vernonaccordingly to fit the crime (apparently it was most grievous).
After dragging himself into his trunk, he quickly barricaded himself in, and promptly fell into a deep sleep on his newly purchased bed. When he finally woke up he couldn't bring himself to leave the comfort and peace he had inside his trunk. Why should he feel inclined to leave? After all he had everything he needed, he had food and books, what more could he ask for?
Harry spent the rest of the time before school started in the same repetitive pattern, he ate, he read, he slept and he did little else.
His presence was not missed by the Dursleys, every time any of them went near Harry's cupboard, they instantly forgot their reason for being there and remembered something else that they needed to be doing.
Harry peeked outside his door, the coast was clear, he needed to go now as he wanted to be on the train to school early. Creeping as quietly as he could towards the door he breathed a sigh of relief when no rampaging relative came running towards him.
He froze when he opened the door, he had spoken too soon yet again, he really needed to kick that habit. The Dursleys stared blankly at him for a few minutes from the other side of the door, their minds finally kicked into gear, Vernon's anger a minute later.
Bugger. He was so close to freedom!
Harry winced as he walked through King's Cross Station, he had finally escaped from the evil clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt... er I mean Vernon Dursley, and was in a considerable amount of pain (3). He was also running late and desperately needed to sit down before he fell down; the world was swirling a bit around him, after all a few blinding blows to the head will do that to a person.
Taking a deep breath and steadying himself he wandered towards platform nine and ten, after all he had read Hogwarts a History and knew precisely how to get on to platform nine and three-quarters, it was another matter actually doing it. He didn't feel entirely comfortable running full pelt at a brick wall which simple physics told him would hurt. But noting he had precious little time left he made a dash for it anyway, feeling more than slightly disoriented on the other side. Shaking himself out of it he quickly jumped on the train, moments before it left; Hedwig gave an indignant hoot with ruffled feathers at being tossed around so much, to which Harry promptly apologised and Hedwig looked mildly appeased.
Every compartment Harry looked into as he walked past was filled with chattering students, something he was never good at dealing with. There were no empty compartments left, but the last one he came to only held one person, who was reading, so Harry figured it was his safest bet.
It took a few knocks at the door to get the girl's attention, she appeared to be rather absorbed in her book, eventually she jumped at the sound "Do you mind if I sit in here? Everywhere else is full." Harry enquired politely, only stammering slightly due to his shyness and insecurity.
The girl gave him a bit of an odd look, which Harry took as a bad sign so quickly covered by saying "oh I can see you don't want anybody in here, so I'm sure I can find somewhere else."
Finally the girl spoke up "No, no it's fine, I was just surprised is all"
Intrigued despite his shy demeanor he questioned "surprised?"
"Oh" she blushed slightly "well there were other people in here before, but as soon as I started to talk about my book" she gestured to the heavy tome in her lap "they all beat a hasty retreat, so I sought of figured I would be alone for the rest of the journey. It wouldn't really surprise me, I seem to have that effect on a lot of people."
Far from running as quickly as he could out the door, as the girl half expected him to do, he instead asked "what are you reading that would send so many people scurrying?"
"Hogwarts a History" she replied and launched into a full on rant about it, ending in "I really don't see why more people don't read it, it's a fascinating book!"
"I agree it really was quite enlightening, especially for someone like me who has been raised as a muggle, knowing nothing about magic" Harry replied, warming to the subject.
Shocked that he was still there, let alone responding to her comments in an intelligent manner and that he had in fact read the book, the girl sat with her mouth agape. Finally gaining a hold of herself she beamed the brightest smile Harry had ever had directed at himself, which left him feeling slightly euphoric.
"It's very nice to meet you, I'm Hermione Granger" she said sticking out her hand
In his happy state Harry didn't hesitate to reciprocate the gesture. Though she was clearly surprised by his name, she didn't want to alienate the closest thing she had ever had to a kindred spirit, so she didn't mention his fame, a fact which Harry was most grateful for.
"Have you practiced any spells yet?"Hermione asked quickly "I have only tried a couple so far, I just hope I've read enough to not be at a disadvantage for being a muggle" apparently once she started talking she didn't stop, not that Harry was complaining.
Before long things were whizzing around the room as they practiced the Wingardium Levisa charm, a book almost hitting the lady with the lunch trolly as she reached their door, fortunately she managed to duck in time.
By the time they reached Hogwarts they had struck up a timid sort of friendship, both were just hoping they would be in the same house so as to continue it.
As they were waiting at the base of the stairs to await their fate in the sorting ceremony a sneering boy with white-blonde hair approached him "So it's true then, Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts" instantly every eye turned towards him. Feeling more than slightly uncomfortable at being the centre of attention he merely nodded "I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy" Hermione let out a bit of a snort at his overly dramatic James Bond style introduction. Giving Hermione a death glare he continued "You will soon learn that some people in this world are looked down upon" blatantly sneering at Hermione "You don't want to be making friends with the wrong sort, I can help you there" and he stuck his pale hand in the direction of Harry. At a loss at what to do, Harry merely stared at it before replying "I think I can decide that for myself"
The audience around them snickered and Malfoy's pale face turned slightly red, raising his wand towards Harry's head, before he could act, however, Hermione had stepped between them "Leave him alone Malfoy, unless you want to get expelled from Hogwarts before we even begin?"
"Young man! Put your wand away this instant, we will have none of that here. You will have twenty points deducted from your house." McGonnagal said sternly.
"I'm afraid that is quite impossible Professor as I have not yet been sorted into a house" Malfoy said with his nose pointed in the air.
McGonnagal's face took on a dangerous look "What's your name, boy?"
"Well Mr. Malfoy as soon as you are sorted you will have the singular experience of sending your new house into negative points and I will have no more cheek or it will be double. Do I make myself clear?" Draco merely scowled"Good, now everyone follow me."
The second his name was read he felt every single eye in the Hall turn to him which left him feeling slightly squeamish. The hall was so silent that the soft thump of the hat being placed on his head could be heard in every corner.
After a couple of minutes Harry managed to convince the hat to place him in Gryffindor. Though it was not until some minutes later, mid-way into his discussion with the hat about the rights of inanimate transfigured objects that the hat was finally ripped off his head.
"Is everything alright Mr. Potter?"McGonnagal asked giving him a strange look
Harry didn't have a chance to answer, as the hat seemed to regain its purpose for being there, shouting out "Gryffindor"in a loud voice.
From that moment on there was awhirlwind of activity around him with everyone on the Gryffindor table clamoring to meet him, to befriend him.
For the first time in his life Harry was popular, and he found he didn't like it any better than when he had sunk into obscurity at his old school.
"Hi" the bushy brown headed girl said timidly, after all she was not used to having friends and as such was completely unsure how to act. There was also the possibility that he had changed his mind, after all everybody had been overly friendly to him after they found out just who he was, and as he was now popular, he may not wish to speak to her again.
"Hi" Harry replied just as timidly, who likewise was not used to friendship with somebody who was human.
Hermione stood there silently for amoment, shuffling her feet, before she blurted out "are we still friends?"
"Of course, why wouldn't we be?"
"Well... it's just that you made so many friends last night that I thought maybe you'd prefer them..." she trailed off blushing
"I wouldn't exactly call them friends Hermione, they were just a large group of people who wanted to talk to the'famous' Harry Potter" he said a bit bitterly "I'm not entirely sure I even trust them. But you, you stood up for me, you placed yourself in front of a wand to protect me, in that moment I learned everything I would ever need to trust you."
"Can I sit with you?" Hermione asked, smiling brightly at his rather sweet comment.
Harry gave a short smile, relieved that she was just as timid as he, not trying to force her friendship on him like everybody else, merely for his fame. "Sure" he answered, and suddenly the tension was broken, both of them managing to discuss books for well over an hour and a half, with only a few awkward silences. For the first time, conversation flowed easily for Harry, and before they knew it, both their stomachs were growling for food.
Everybody in the hall, barring most of the Slytherin and teaching tables, were intrigued and not a little bit jealous, that the insufferable know-it-all bookworm with fluffy brown hair had managed to entice the famous Harry Potter into such a riveting conversation that no one else could be privy to. They were both in fact completely oblivious to the people filling the hall giving them odd looks, interested only in what each other had to say. They were only made aware of the presence of the other people in the hall (a considerable number) when Professor McGonagall had handed out their timetables. It took only a few moments after they had received the timetables for Hermione to announce she had finished eating, and only a few moments more to convince Harry of the same, despite the large amount of food still piled on his plate.
Hermione was in a very happy mood, for starters, she was about to begin learning something new, that alone was enough to make her happy, but on top of that she had made a friend, one who actually understood her and seemed to take pleasure in her company, that was enough to make her practically bounce off the walls. Her present state of extreme happiness made her considerably more forward than she usually was, as such as soon as she had bounded out of her seat she grabbed Harry's arm and practically dragged him out of the hall.
For the first time since he had moved to the Dursley's he didn't flinch when somebody touched him, in fact he decided, he didn't mind her closeness very much at all. Rather bemused he asked"Hermione, where are we going?"
"To class of course!" she replied matter of factly
"Ah... Hermione it doesn't start for another hour!" he smiled at her, amused by exuberance.
"It doesn't hurt to be early! Besides we can re-read the first few chapters of the textbook before we start!"
"Hermione, I have known you for less than two days, but even still, I know you well enough to be sure that you have the textbook memorised already!" he shook his head, smiling at her again
"Oh bother, you're right... well we can start practicing! We haven't really had a chance to do that yet! Come on lets go!" and she began walking faster, dragging Harry happily along behind her.
When they reached the room, after acouple of wrong turns, dead ends, unhelpful portraits and numerous changing staircases, Hermione moved immediately to a seat at the front, Harry following immediately behind. They had managed to reach the fourth chapter before anyone else walked into the room, unfortunately for them, the next person who did was none other than Draco Malfoy, and his two goons. Smirking maliciously when he saw Harry and Hermione sitting rather close together reading the same book, he taunted them "Oooh look, Potty's got himself a girlfriend!"
"Shove off Malfoy" Harry said, grumpy that their solitude had been so soundly interrupted
"Oh and now he's getting testy, he mustn't have gotten any from her last night... what use is the mudblood then?"
"Malfoy..." Harry growled, he was used to people insulting him, it didn't bother him any more, but he would not stand for his new friend to be insulted in such a way "I'm warning you, don't say another word..." he lifted his wand up and pointed it in Malfoy's direction.
Malfoy, however, did not shut up, he continued with his lewd comments, happy that he had found Potter's weak spot"she would have to be pretty damn good in bed to make up for that disaster she calls hair, wouldn't you agree Crabbe..." Before Crabbe had a chance to answer, however, Harry had already muttered a curse aimed towards Malfoy. When it hit him, nothing seemed to happen and Malfoy smirked at him "Is that all you got Potter, can't even mutter a curse right!"
"I wouldn't be too sure about that Malfoy..." Harry smirked right back "have fun attempting to explain that particular malady" he said before glancing just below his midsection. Catching the drift of this, Malfoy's eyes bulged and he rushed outside towards the bathrooms. Moments later screaming could be heard, though none but Malfoy, Harry and Hermione knew why... Malfoy was bemoaning his considerably downsized appendage. Harry didn't get in trouble for this particular act, as Malfoy couldn't bring himself to tell anybody about it, and when he did tell Madam Pomfrey she assumed he was requesting the appendage in question enlarged for other reasons... for some reason Malfoy did not bother Harry or Hermione for a while after that particular fiasco.
As soon as she heard the screaming, Hermione said "did you just do what I think you just did?"
For the first time Harry's eyes took on a rather mischievous sparkle, but all he said was "quite"
"You really shouldn't have Harry, Idon't want you to be expelled on my account" she really did want to remain stern, but couldn't help breaking into fits of giggles that didn't stop until the Professor came into the room, at which point she barely managed to contain them. Both Harry and Hermione lost their composure, however when the Professor reached the name Malfoy on the roll and asked where he was. Crabbe, who had raced out of the room with Goyle when Malfoy screamed, answered that he was in the hospital wing. The raucous laughter that came from Harry and Hermione was enough to draw many incredulous glances from the rest of the class, including the teacher.
"Mr. Potter, Miss Granger seeing as you both seem so inclined to disrupt the class, I don't suppose either of you could tell me what the Wingardium Leviosa charm does can you?" Professor Flitwick asked, he was not really expecting an answer and almost fell off his precarious perch above a dozen or so books when both of them answered "levitation" simultaneously. Once he had regained his balance, Flitwick, who was rather disconcerted said "I don't suppose either of you would be able to demonstrate?" hoping to likewise disconcert them, unfortunately for him this was not the case. Both of them performed the task admirably, so Flitwick merely told the rest of the class to follow their example before climbing down from his perch to ponder over the strange pair of students.
Harry lay in bed, later that night with a very large smile on his face which he just couldn't seem to wipe off. He was happy. In fact he couldn't ever remember being this happy. What's more, he knew it wasn't just the new school that put him in such high spirits, nor learning magic, not even being away from the Dursleys. They all in fact contributed to his present happy state, but it was not the cause, the cause was at present sleeping in the girl's dormitories, unaware of the power she affected over him.
Snape felt slightly bereft, a feeling which he couldn't quite find a logical reason for, he really should feel happy with himself, after all Julia Figg had finally stopped annoying him, in fact she avoided him like the plague. No, he decided, he was happy, no more chirpy comments being directed at him every few seconds at a million miles per hour. How long the peace would last he wasn't entirely sure, she wouldn't stay angry at him for ever. He then decided he was thinking entirely too much about the matter, entirely too much about her in general, so he made a concerted effort to stop... but then realised that in thinking about not thinking about her he was in a roundabout way actually thinking of her and let out a loud groan of frustration.
The next morning he heard her follow him out the doors of the Great Hall 'Ha!' he gloated to himself, he knew she would come back eventually, he then smiled for some inexplicable reason. This rapidly changed to a frown however, as she began talking "I know I promised to leave you alone, and I will. There is one last thing I would like to say however, if you do nothing else, I want you to give that boy a chance. I don't expect you to suddenly start being nice to students, you don't even have to like the boy. I just want you to at least give him the chance to earn your respect and I promise you, he will surprise you." Julia turned and walked away. Snape felt inexplicably disappointed.
Harry and Hermione had a similar effect on most other teachers that they had on Professor Flitwick, even Professor McGonagall was disconcerted, as within minutes of receiving their matches, both had managed to turn them into needles and back again several times, Harry had got it first go, and Hermione not long after, with a few pointers from Harry. She managed to bestow on both one of her rare smiles, "Well done Mr. Potter, Miss Granger" to which Hermione beamed proudly, while Harry only blushed, he hated standing out and already he had been singled out by every single teacher so far.
Julia Figg even managed to be impressed, despite what she knew about Harry already. The only teacher so far, who in fact did not notice anything different had been Professor Binns... which was hardly surprising as he probably wouldn't even notice if half his class was missing.
By the time the first Friday had rolled around, Harry and Hermione had quite shocked every teacher (barring Binns) out of their wits, and they were all the teachers could talk about.
Consequently Snape was completely sick of hearing their names by the time his first class with them rolled around, he was sick of the teachers praising them to the skies and most of all he was sick of the voices reverberating through his head that sounded remarkably like Julia Figg. To get some peace and quiet he finally reasoned with himself that he would give the boy one chance, one lesson and if he hadn't managed to impress him by then, then he would let his anger loose on the boy. Unsurprisingly this resolution still would not quiet the voices in his head; she really had sent him mad.
Entering his potions classroom with as much flair as possible, he began his usual first potions spiel, coming up to his favourite part he finally looked at the Potter boy "I can teach you how to bewitch the mind, and ensnare the senses. I can teach you how to bottle flame brew glory and even put a stopper in death." The boy really was like his father, he hadn't been paying attention to a word he had said. He let his anger against James Potter get the best of him, and he singled out Harry "Mr. Potter, tell me what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"
"They make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death, Sir. The other ingredients needed are valerian roots and sopophorous bean" Harry answered immediately.
'Lucky guess' Snape thought to himself, so he continued "Where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?"
"The stomach of a goat, Sir, and it is used as an antidote to most poisons" Once again Harry did not waste any time in answering.
'Obviously a fluke' Snape was determined not to believe this boy was anything special. "And what exactly is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"
"They are the same plant, Sir, which also goes by the name of aconite, and is extremely poisonous"
Now he was impressed, as much as he hated to admit it. "What is Veritaserum, what colour is it, and what does it smell like?" he smirked, sure he had won with this one, Harry answered once again without a moments thought.
"It is a colourless, odourless, truth serum, Sir"
Now Snape himself was beginning to look like a fool, but he had to put the boy in his place, or he would never be able to command any respect, he would undoubtedly turn out just like his father. So he thought up something no first year could possibly know "What does aPolyjuice Potion do, and what are the ingredients?"
Without missing a beat Harry replied"The Polyjuice Potion transforms a person to look exactly like someone else, one dose usually lasts for an hour. The ingredients are lacewing flies stewed for twenty-one days, leeches, powdered bicorn horn, knotgrass, fluxweed picked at full moon, shredded boomslang skin, and a bit of who one wants to turn into"
Even Hermione looked shocked at his knowledge of that one, she hadn't even readabout it yet. Snape looked disconcerted, and utterly shocked, though this only lasted for a minute before he said rather peevishly, "Well, why aren't you all copying this down?"
Snape found it very difficult to concentrate on the lesson from then on, his tumultuous thoughts, turned upside down by Harry, had left him almost incapable of rational thought; as such it was probably the most enjoyable class ever held in that room. Harry and Hermione's potion turned out perfectly, and they even managed to save Neville's cauldron from blowing up.
A few minutes before the class was supposed to end, Snape snapped himself out of his stupor, "Mr. Potter, would you please stay behind after class. The rest of you are dismissed" everybody but Harry and Hermione rushed out, eager to discuss the bizarre beginning to their potions lesson and Snape's peculiar reaction towards Harry Potter.
"I thought I dismissed you!" Snape said peevishly in Hermione's direction.
"I beg your pardon Professor, I am merely waiting for my friend to finish" it took much gall for a first year to stand up to him, he had to give her that, but still she had disobeyed him and he gave an indignant snort.
"How is it Mr. Potter, that you know so much?" Snape asked abruptly
"I've just read a lot" Harry muttered, embarrassed to be once again singled out
"You've got all this knowledge, just from books, in the two or so months that you have known you're a wizard?" Snape questioned disbelievingly
"Yes" Harry replied, shuffling his feet nervously
"But that's impossible!" he moved towards him and put his hand on Harry's shoulder as if to shake some sense into him, he felt him flinch beneath him, but most people did when Snape went near them. "It's simply imposs..."
"Wait!" Snape almost yelled, stepping back and raising his wand to point at Harry "Who are you?" Snape yelled at Harry, while Harry merely looked confused
"Harry Potter, Sir"
"Oh don't fool with me, you are wearing a disillusionment charm, I could feel the magic coursing over your skin. So Iask again, who are you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm Harry P..."
Snape muttered a charm, and the disillusionment charm fell off of Harry, revealing a large number of bruises and scratches on his exposed skin. Both Hermione and Snape could not but help letting out a gasp of surprise, Snape had suspected an imposter. The bruises once again disappeared, Harry looking extremely vexed at Snape. "Harry what happened to you?"
"Nothing, I am fine!" Harry replied peevishly
Knowing he would not get the truth out of Harry, Snape used the only thing he could think of, Occulamency, what he saw made his pallid face turn an unnatural shade "your uncle... your uncle did this to you?"
Shocked at the truth of Snape's apparent guess, Harry didn't answer for a few minutes. Finally he replied "yes, he didn't exactly appreciate the fact that I was coming to this school." Harry replied bitterly
"He beat you to a pulp because you are awizard?" Snape asked incredulously
"They aren't exactly fond of wizards, no."
"Potter, come with me now!" Snape quickly strode out of the room, making sure Harry was behind him. Harry was really wishing he had kept his mouth shut, he did not appreciate being fussed over, his only comfort was Hermione, walking meekly beside him.
(1) Sorry, had to use this word somewhere... isn't it a great word? (sorry about the superfluous (oh look, another great word) authors notes... but they are fun to write + it is entirely probable that I am more than slightly crazy).
(2) Okay so not an actual word, but you understand what I mean so it's good enough... (well maybe you do anyway...). Just as a side note, I looked up 'bludge' and apparently it was originally a word for a pimp... gives the sentence "he bludged off his mum and dad" a whole new meaning... wow that's wrong. Note to self: neveruse this word again.
(3) Well the line "from the clutches of the vile gangster Jabba the Hutt" is from Star Wars obviously... though a banana covered in chocolate and edible ball bearings to anyone who can tell me exactly where in the movies it is from. + bonus points for anyone who can guess why the hell I am talking about bananas and edible ball bearings in the same sentence(the fact that I am completely crazy cannot be a reason... though that is a part of it)
Also any information about potions comes from the Harry Potter Lexicon, Encylopedia of spells.
Btw, I really don't know when I will get the next chapter up... as evidenced by the fact this chapter took me like a year to get around to posting it. My life is hell at the moment, and there definitely won't be anything else up till at least mid November, 'cause that's when University ends for me (although if you are very lucky I might put my procrastination to good use and write some more of this). Sorry about that.
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