FicWad

Spike waited at the Summers' house, for Willow and Tara to come home. They had been having a Scoobie meeting at Xander's and Spike was left to baby sit Dawn. Not that he didn't want to look after her. He did. He had to protect Dawn from everything that Willow and the others couldn't.

It was 10:30pm and Dawn had already been in bed half an hour when Willow and Tara finally came home. All of their meetings ran late but they never told Spike, or even Dawn, anything about them. Not that Spike really cared.

"Hey Spike" Willow said when she saw him sitting down on the sofa

"Wheres Dawn?" Tara asked, coming up behind Willow

"In bed" Spike replied "Your late" he stated

Willow looked at the clock on the VCR. "Sorry about that" She apologized "Time got away from us"

"I'm gonna buy you witches a watch" He joked.

Spike stood up, grabbed his coat and headed to the door.

"Thanks for looking after Dawnie" said Tara

"Anytime" replied Spike, just before he left the house.

When Spike had gone, Tara closed the door behind him and turned to Willow. "Do you think he'll be happy?" she asked "When we bring Buffy back I mean?"

Willow thought for a moment then said "Oh I think He will be"

Since Spike no longer had a car he walked everywhere in Sunnydale. He found that if you walk somewhere enough times you wont even remember that your going there half the time. Your feet will just take you there without you knowing. That was true to where he was going now.

He couldn't count on one hand, or even two hands how many times he's visited here or how long he's stayed.

He walked out of the town and into the woods. Letting his feet carry him. Only stopping to pick a single beautiful wild flower. He slowed down when he reached it in the clearing.

A single tomb stone. Placed in the middle of the woods. Carved in it was the name of the women he loved

"Buffy Anne Summers"

Slowly Spike walked over to the head stone and placed the wild flower on top of it, and taking the old flower and tossing it aside. Then he sat down and traced all the carved letters with his finger.

After he finished he looked at the name and said casually "Hello Luv" then he smiled "How was your day?"

Every night he did this. Every night since they had laid her to rest. He would come and talk to her, after making sure Dawn was safe. He would walk to her grave and bring a new flower each night to replace the old one. He would have long conversations with her as if she was sitting along side him.

"Can't complain 'bout my day" he said then smirked "Well I could complain but I doubt you'd wanna listen"

In his mind he could see her rolling her eyes at him.

"I tried to teach the Niblet to make hot cocoa." he told her "You know just like your Mum would make. With them 'lil marshmallows and whipped cream. And I gotta tell ya I think its skipped a generation. 'Cos theres no way I'm gonna be able to teach 'er how to do it. I'm not even gonna try. It was like..." he paused for a moment thinking of something to compare it to "...Its like trying to teach a Vampire to sun bake"

He stopped again and turned around so that he could lean against the head stone. With one knee bent, he began to twist some blades of grass between his fingers.

"And you can stop your laughing right there" He said, firmly picturing her in a fit of laughter at his annoyance at her little sis "The girls just another dipsey teenager running' around" he continued "Being a mystical key don't change that" he paused and smiled. Then added "But I wouldn't have her different. She's the only thing to you I have left"

He sat for a moment. Not saying anything. Then he took a cigarette and his lighter out of his pocket and lit the cigarette. Then he took a long drag.

"I had another dream" He sad softly as he rolled the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger "Where I saved you and your still here. Saving the day. Kicking my ass around all bloody town" He took another long drag on his cigarette "I got to her on time" he continued, referring to Dawn "Ripped that bloody Doc's throat out, untie the Bit and met you half way down the tower. Guess it was only a dream after all. 'Cos your still not here and...and I couldn't keep my promise"

There was another long pause and Spike flicked his cigarette but away.

"I play it over in my mind" He said in a sad wisper "That night you said goodbye. Not like the dreams 'cos in those theres a happy ending. But when I'm not asleep. When I'm hanging out with Dawn or listening to the Scoobies yap on...Then I see that night. Hear every sound. Even taste the air of that night. Cant stop it. Don't really know if I'd ever want to either"

He took a deep breathe before continuing.

"Sunnydales gone to hell without you, Slayer" He threw his arm out and gestured to the direction of the town "Theres Bleedin' demons out there running' around like they own the place. And just between you and me I don't think the Bots fooling anyone"

Resting his arm again he sighed before continuing.

"If you only knew how things have changed since you went away. The Bit went through a few days of depression. She's not completely fine yet but at least she's smiling... a bit. Old Ruperts at a lose end. I told you he's moving back to England right? Well he just hangs around his shop. Hardly comes to see Dawn anymore. Spouse its the same reason why I cant stay away from her. Because shes like you" He smiled as he pictured his two girls. Standing and having a sibling argument about something small. "Can't really tell you whats going on with Red and the others. They had another meeting tonight. Secret business that. I guess it could just be their way of dealing"

Again he went silent. Tears in his eyes. Every night, no matter what he talked about, the reality that she wasn't really there with him always hit him hard. Harder and harder every time. He let a few stray tears fall before he kept going.

"I'm never going to get over you, Buffy" he told the night air "All the great bleedin' poets say that love fades over time. Load of bull that is 'cos you've been dead a good two months and your still here in my mind. Probably doesn't help me being here. Like this. Talking to you"

More tears fell and he wiped them away. In a serious tone he said.

"I know you never believed me. I know you thought it was just some kind of sick game I was playing. But I truly love you, Buffy. And even now when your gone and we're apart, you've got to know you'll always live inside my heart"

His eyes watered again and he didn't fight it.

"If there was anything I could do to bring you back I would. I know its over though, and that its meant to be. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one to think every things planned out by some higher being but...All the mager things...Those I believe are written in the stars. You being the Slayer. You taming my dead heart. And you... Passing. Doesn't make it easier. No matter how long your gone, the time can not erase just what you mean to me. I'm always gonna keep holding on to the love I have for you. Even if it wasn't shared. And I know in my sodding' un-dead heart that I will find you again. Maybe in some other life. Maybe you'll get reincarnated as another head strong bitch whose gonna bother me for another five years. Or who knows maybe you'll become a ghosty and haunt me another hundred years. Either way. I can't explain it but I know that our paths will meet again, Slayer"

He stood up and turned around so that he was facing the head stone once more. He looked down and lightly ran his fingers over the petals of the wild flower.

"I promise you, Buffy, That I'm going to look after them. All of them. Dawn, Willow, Xander, Giles, Tara, even Anya. I'm going to keep my promise this time. I'll never let you become just a memory. Not to me anyway. The love I have for you is so beautiful that theres no way I could forget it"

He stopped and thought thoughtfully for a moment. He also stopped touching the flower and steadied his hand, flat on the stone.

"If I could make one wish, I'd have you back. Back with the Niblet. Back around me. If I could live one moment it would always be with you. Hell. I'd even swap one hundred years of my un-dead life for just one more moment with you. If I could turn back time maybe you and I could have had a chance. I'd settle for just being called your friend. But no matter what you'd still be mine again. You've always been mine, Pet. If I had..." He stopped as a lump formed in his throat from all the emotion that he was pouring out. "...If I had one wish...I..."

He stopped again and turned his head away. He wiped his tears then looked back down at her name.

Simply, yet with more love and emotion then he had said anything else that night he said.

"I love you Buffy Summers"

Spike then turned around, shoved his hands into his coat pockets and walked off into the woods. Knowing he'd come back tomorrow night. He always came back

THE END