FicWad

Buffy sat in the Magic Box and listened to Anya and Xander have a fight about their up-coming wedding.

"I'm not made of money" Xander said.

Buffy started to tune them both out. She really wasn't interested in the wedding right now. To be honest, she wasn't really interested in most things that her friends were interested about. She tried to be, she really did. She wanted to go back to the way she was. With her friends making her feel...Loved. They loved her, she knew. But their was only one person who loved her and was able to show her simply by being near her. And that was Spike.

She found that she couldn't stop thinking about him. About how he would let her talk to him about whatever she wanted. Or how he would also let her be silent if thats what she trully wished. He was amazing to her and didn't want anything in return. She once had asked him if he was being nice to get something. But he had been more then noble and told her that all he wanted was to be called her friend. He was. Her friend. Best friend really. Shocking how that had happened.

Buffy sighed and looked towards the door. Wishing that the little bell above it would ring and he would enter so that she could share in one of their simple conversations. But she knew he wouldn't come. For one thing it was the middle of the day. For another well, Spike seemed... distant. Sure he was there with her one hundred percent when they were alone, but when they were with her friends he pulled back and let them take care of her. She hated that. So many times she found herself screaming in her mind for Spike to be the way he was in private in public. But he never was. Sometimes she woundered if he even believed that they were friends? Maybe he thought she was just talking to him because he was convinent.

That night while on patrol, Buffy had decided that she was going to talk to Spike and make him see just how important his help has been to her since she's been back.

When she arrived at his crypt she pushed the door open and walked inside. She knew that she should knock. It would be polite but she never knocked. Never really needed to and he didn't seem to mind.

The room was empty which ment that he was either out or downstairs. She took a few steps deeper into the crypt and stopped when she heard a rustling coming from underneith the trap door. She smiled to herself and knew that he was here.

Slowly he came into view. He wasn't suprised to see her there. He knew it was her, even before she was inside.

"Hey, Luv" he greeted her

"Hey" she replied back

He walked past her and over to his mini fridge and opened it.

"Want anything?" he asked her over his shoulder

"Water would be nice"

Spike nodded then grabbed a bottle of water and walked over and handed it to her. She took it and thanked him. He smiled and sat down in his armchair infront of the Tv. After a minute, Buffy moved over at sat down on the sacophacse.

"Anything you wanna watch?" he asked as he went to turn the tv on.

That was one of their many rituals. Sometimes when she didnt want to talk. When she was to tired from the day. He would turn on the television and they would sit contently and watch a movie. Once they had ended up watching passions with Spike explaining everything each character was doing and why. Only because Buffy was always asking stupid questions like "So wait, hes a doll?" and "Why is she talking to no one?"

Buffy simply shook her head. She placed her water bottle down then looked up at him.

"Actually I - uh - wanted to talk to you" she said

He stood up and waited for her to continue.

She lifted her hand to him and gestured for him to join her. He did, slowly. When he sat down beside her, she turned to him and smiled softly.

"What is it, Pet?" he asked looking at her

"I just wanted to thank you" she told him

His eyes went wide in both shock and confusion.

"For what?" he asked

She shrugged and looked away. "Not really sure. Just being here I guess"

"Anytime. It's nothing"

"No its something. And it means alot to me"

"Buffy..." he began

She turned back to him and shook her head.

"No it does. I know that you think I'm only here because I cant face my friends right now" she told him and when he went to say something she quickly continued "And at first I was. But now its different. I feel like I can be completely honest with you. Around you. Your my best friend Spike"

Spike shot up from his spot and stared at her.

"Are you drunk?" he asked curiously

Buffy giggled and shook her head. "Nope. Completely sober Buffy here"

"You just...You just called me your best friend" he stated

She smiled "I did"

"Why?"

"Because thats what you are. I mean Willow and Xander are still my closets friends. And I love them. But... I dont know. With you its different. What we have is speciall and in my mind that makes you my best friend" she explained

"Cor Buffy" he sighed

"So" she asked after she'd let him soak everything in "Am I your best friend?"

Spike gave her his trade mark grin. He was adorable.

"Nope" he said

She frowned and pretended to be offended and hurt at the same time. Well she was kind of hurt but she didn't want him to know that.

"Oh really?" she asked "So who is your best friend? Is it Xander?"

He scoffed "Not bloody likely. Blokes not even a normal friend"

"What, you guys didnt bond over the summer?" she teased

He gave her a 'Your a bleedin' idiot look' and she stopped her torment.

"Okay well if its not Xander then who? Cos I thought all the demons hated you?"

"They do. Least most of em' do" He said "My best friend is the Niblet"

"Dawn?" Buffy asked surprised

"Yer"

They stayed in silence for awhile. Buffy taking her turn to soak in information. It wasn't really a shock. Dawn had told her about how she and Spike would hang out together. Buffy was sure that Dawn saw Spike has her best friend aswell.

"Is that okay?" Spike asked, bringing Buffy out of her thoughts

"Huh?" she asked

"Is it okay if the Bit and I are friends?" he asked again

She nodded and smiled "Its okay" she said "Theres no one else I'd trust Dawn with more then you"

"Cause I can protect her" he offered

"Nope. Cause you care about her. And me"

"Yeah I do" he said as he joined her again.

"Look Spike there was something I wanted to talk to you about" she began

"Whats that, Luv?" he asked

"Well, you know how its been hard for me? Being back after being in..." she trailed off and looked down.

"heaven" he suplied

"Yeah. And at first I was so sure that I was gonna be different. That I would never feel or be the same me. But there you are and from the first time I saw you and you realized that it was me and not the bot, I saw hope"

Spike didnt say anything. He didnt know what to say. She was being so honest and open with him that he thought he'd never be more in love with someone, as he was with her in this moment. He stayed still and let her continue.

"You've been guideing me, Spike. You've kept me sane when there have been days where I've just wanted to end it all. But you made me see that I have so much to live for. I know this sounds super corny but you've been my shining light through all the hard times"

He looked at her in surprise but she continued before he could say something. She was on a roll and didnt want to stop.

"I love that I can talk to you about anything. I love that I can be silent with you. And you never force either on me. If I wanna talk then your there to listen. If I wanna stare at nothing then your there right beside me doing the same thing. When I'm here it kind of feels like I have my own secret place where no one else can go. Thats what you've made for me without ever asking for anything in return"

"Dont want anything" he said

She smiled and nodded "I know you dont. I just thought you did 'cause everyone else seemed too. But not you. You were just happy to let me be. Let me be free to reveal the things that I can never show to any one else. Not because they cant know but because they're sactret. Special and I only want to share them with you"

"You dont have to say this Buffy" he told her

"I want to say it" she said seriously

"Why?"

"I just wanted you to know that I really appretate what you do. I know that you sometimes think Im only here cause theres no where else for me to go. But I'm here because you care about me"

"Always will, Pet" he nodded "And you dont need to return it"

She smiled and nodded her head in understanding.

"Can I continue?" she asked raising her eyebrow slightly "I really need to say this"

Waving a hand at her he said "Be my guest"

"Thankyou" she nodded "When I first climbed out of my grave..." she began slowly, the topic a hard one for her but with Spike she felt okay about talking about it "...I felt so lost, so deserted like..." she looked around the room and spotted the window "...like the moon is at dawn"

"Uh?" Spike turned and stared at her "Where'd that come from?" he asked "You a poet now or something?"

She shrugged "Sorry, just looked out the window" she pointed at the moon that was clearly visable "See" she said "Moon"

Spike chuckled "Bit lazy arnt we"

She playfully hit his shoulder. "As I was saying" she drawled out, getting his attention again "I walked through Sunnydale, all torn apart from those biker demons, and I really have never felt more lost in my whole life. I really never thought that I'd ever find a place to belong. A place that I would find so beautiful simply because it was. It felt like my heart was falling like a stone"

"Got lazy again?" he asked at her analagy

"No" she replied defensively "Are you going to let me finish or are you just going to be rude?"

"I'll let you finish" he promised

"Okay" she nodded "Anyway. I found a place where I can be. And its here. You've made me a place to come thats away from my chaotic life"

"S'all I want" he agreed

"Me too" she smiled at him "Spike, you've been so strong for me. For Dawnie. You've protected both of us when you didnt have too. You've been here for me when reality got to much"

"Buffy, I..." he stared

"No" she shushed him and took a deep breath. It was now or never. "Spike, I want to thank you. Without even trying, you've given me somewhere to love..."

His eyes went wide when she said "Love". Was she saying that she loved him?

"...You've given me somewhere to breathe" she continued, even though she knew she just admited something huge to him. She would get back to it "Somewhere to call my sanctuary. Here in the world, when things get dark and when things seem so hopeless I know I can be strong. I know that nothing can hurt from now on because I have you. You make me feel safe just by knowing that your here. I feel like I'm always one step closer to the light and its all because of you"

She turned around and cupped his face in her hand. Rubbing her thumb over his cheek bone, she looked deeply into his bright blue eyes.

"No matter where I am, or what I'm doing. I'll always find myself running back to your heart. Because it's the only place I'd rather be"

"God. I love you" He declared as he leaned into her touch

She smiled as he turned his head and kissed her palm.

"I know you do, Sweety. And I wish that I could say it back" She replied saddly.

Spike frowned and looked a little damaged at her words. She quickly continued.

"But I cant. And not because I dont Love you. But because I dont love you the same way that you love me" she explained

He nodded his head to show that he understood. He went to pull back but she stopped him by grabbing his face with both of her hands. She stood up went to stand infront of him. Stroking his face, she smiled at him.

"But I want to be able to love you that way" she told him. Her heart filling with joy when he looked both amazed and extremely overwhealed with happyness "I know what I feel and I want to be able to explore that with you openly. Maybe I will be in love with you one day. So lets just take things slow and see where we end up." She paused and took in his reaction. When he didnt say anything she asked "Is that okay?"

He grinned and nodded "Diffenetly more than Okay" he replied

Buffy let out a sigh of relief. She bent down and kissed the tip of his nose. She pulled back and saw him smiling at her. A real genuine smile, that he only gave her and well maybe also Dawn. His arms snaked around her middle and he pulled her closer to him. She moved her hands from his face to the back of his neck.

"Did I ever tell you how adorable you are?" she asked him

He shook his head "Dont think its ever come up" he smiled "So..."

"So..." she repeated

"Would it be to big a step if a kissed you?" he asked

Her smile grew bigger "Nope" she replied

Both smiling, Buffy leaned downward and captured Spike's lips with her own. It was the sweetest kisses she'd ever shared. It was short but it was a promis that they were going to try and learn to see what their hearts showed them.

THE END