FicWad

Disclaimers in Part One; yes, I know I'm lazy

Disclaimer: By now, they no longer belong to Saban, but to BVE; I'm still not getting paid for this, nor do I intend any harm to the characters. Well ... not yet, anyway. evil grin I apologize for the long delay in updating this, but my Idiot Muse had other ideas. Rating is PG-13 for language; I -may- upgrade eventually to R, depending on how the story develops. Hopefully, you'll enjoy - feedback is welcome, as always. DB, Nov.2002



Times Present, Times Past

Chapter 3: Guilt and Succour











Three days later, Kat paused on her way back from foraging at the cairn they'd left at their entry point. Still no sign of the time hole, but by now it had become a habit to check in once a day on the slim chance that there might be some sign, any sign that their friends were still looking for them. She wasn't really surprised when there was nothing, but took a moment to rest, surveying her day's findings with satisfaction. Not only had she managed to climb yet another tree, gathering mangoes this time, but she'd also found more roots she could boil for a rare hot meal - and a shady place with an abundance of mushrooms Kat was pretty certain were edible. At least they smelled exactly like the sort her mother put on pizza, or in beef stew. She'd picked only a few, wanting to consult Jason first, but she knew she'd find the place again.

Gathering the provisions back into the picnic basket, Kat was about to walk by the lake to wash the fruit on the way, when she heard Jason call her name. There was a strange urgency in his voice, and mystified, Kat hurried back to their shelter. When she entered the clearing, she saw to her astonishment that he'd dragged a deer to one side - one leg obviously broken, and the dead animal was still bleeding from a cut in its neck. But the gore didn't faze Kat as it might have done a scant month ago; now all she could see was a huge amount of fresh meat, to be roasted and cooked and EATEN - having the deer meant that for once, they wouldn't be hungry, that they could eat however much they wanted for a few days ... or as long as they could keep it edible.

Her mind already churning with possibilities, Kat dumped her basket in the nearest shady spot and rushed forward.

"Oh my God, Jason," she nearly moaned in delighted anticipation, "where did you ... I mean, how did you ... do you know what this /means/?"

"Yeah," he panted, still out of breath from transporting the dead animal for nearly a mile towards their shelter. "Food."

"Yes - for days, too! Is that knife of yours sharp enough to cut it up? We can have a roast haunch tonight if we can fashion a spit somehow, and maybe there are some leaves and mud we can wrap around a piece and leave it in the ashes tonight to bake it for breakfast, and ..." babbling in her excitement, Kat tried moving the carcass this way and that, trying to think of a way to get at the meat without damaging the skin too much. If they could find a way to remove it reasonably whole, it would make a softer bed to sleep on than fir boughs. She never noticed that Jason was deceptively quiet, hardly answering her questions at all.

Together, the two set about skinning and cutting up the deer - which wasn't really all that large, but then they had absolutely no experience at this kind of thing, which made everything more difficult. Somehow, they managed though; Jason quickly constructed a turning spit of sorts and put a hind leg over their fire to roast. Delicious smells filled their senses while they dealt with the rest of the meat, trying out various methods of preserving what they could. Long strips of meat were threaded on some of their precious yarn and hung between branches to dry. A large chunk was put into one of the plastic containers and submerged in the lake; other bits they tried to bake or fry, in the hopes it wouldn't spoil as fast cooked than if left raw.

It was dark before they finished, and by the time they agreed the roast just might be done, both Kat and Jason were exhausted and nearly faint with hunger. Kat had recklessly decided that her assumption about the mushrooms was correct, and stuck the largest on long sticks, to toast them like marshmallows in the fire. When the joint was nicely browned and firm, Jason cut off large slices and the two began to eat. The temptation to wolf down as much as they could as fast as possible was nearly overwhelming, but both knew better than that; though it was hard, they managed to eat in a halfway civilized manner. The mushrooms tasted indeed like they were supposed to, letting Kat breathe in silent relief, and the only thing she truly missed was some bread as she reached for yet another slice of venison.

At last, though, even the most ravenous appetite was appeased and Kat leaned back against the log which was her customary back rest with a satisfied sigh.

"Oh, that was wonderful," she groaned, placing both hands on her stomach as if to make sure that for once it was indeed filled to capacity. "Thank you, Jase; I haven't felt this well in ... well, almost ages."

"Yeah," he mumbled, taking another bite of his portion and chewing slowly. Wondering at his less than enthusiastic response, Kat sat up a little again and looked critically at her companion.

"What?" she asked, a bit more sharply than was strictly necessary. "Don't tell me you didn't like being able to eat your fill for once, on something hot and satisfying, too!"

Jason didn't look at her as he replaced his half-nibbled piece of meat on his plastic plate. "I did," he murmured almost inaudibly, but his whole posture told a different story. "It's not that ..."

"Then what is? I'm sorry if the meat wasn't prepared to your liking, but I'm not a Cordon Bleu chef in the first place, and second, my cooking facilities here are rather limited, in case you hadn't noticed!"

He shot her an unreadable glance. For a second or two, it looked as if he was going to make a sharp retort, but then he just sighed, shook his head and got up from his seat. "It's nothing," Jason said wearily. "I guess I'm just not all that hungry after all." With that, he turned and marched off through the trees, on a path which would lead him to the lake's edge, Kat knew.

Thoroughly bewildered, she stared after him. Jason wasn't the moody type; she'd have expected this kind of reaction from Tommy or maybe Rocky, but not from the usually even-tempered Jason. She spared a few moments of wistful longing on her boyfriend; God, she missed Tommy! Soon, though, Kat forced herself back into the current situation. Tommy wasn't there right now, Jason was, and she owed it to him to at least try and coax him out of his sombre mood - just as he'd done for her so often in the weeks since they'd been stranded in the past. The Australian resolved to go after him; first, though, she was going to try and pack away the rest of their roast. If the meat baking in the ashes didn't work out, surely the leftovers would keep for breakfast at least!

The campfire was only a dim flicker through the trees where Jason sat, staring out across the dark expanse of water. He hadn't moved much since getting here and barely acknowledged Kat's presence when she sank down next to him.

"I'm sorry," she said softly after a few minutes of silence. "I shouldn't have expected you to share my enthusiasm over the meat."

Jason emitted a short sound, halfway between a snort and a chuckle. "If anyone's apologizing, it should be me. I had no right to take out my doldrums on you."

Kat smiled a bit wryly. "No, you shouldn't have. And now that that's out of the way, why did you?"

The broad shoulders shrugged. "Dunno." The studied carelessness in the deep voice would have fooled Kat a month ago, but not any longer.

"Bull," she said sweetly and succinctly, getting the satisfaction of receiving an incredulous stare from her friend.

"What?!?"

"I said, 'bull'," she repeated a bit more loudly. "Or bullshit, if you prefer."

"You ... you don't swear!"

"Not usually, no," Kat agreed amiably, scooting closer now that she had Jason's attention. Mission accomplished! "That doesn't mean I don't know how, if I want to. Or need to," she added reflectively.

Jason was clearly puzzled. "But why would you?" he wondered, startled out of his funk by her uncharacteristic behaviour.

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Got any more dumb questions? No, don't answer that," she stopped him. "I'm not in the mood to hear them. Okay, from the top - a), you have hardly eaten a full meal, and don't give me any crock about not liking it; if you were as hungry as I was, and I know you must've been, you were ready to eat the joint raw, not nicely roasted as it was. B), you're never moody - that's Tommy, not you, and if you are, there must be a real reason. C), we may not have known each other all that long, but Jase, I know you well enough to be sure that you DO know what's wrong. And I'd like to help you, if you'll let me."

He sighed and turned away again. "You can't."

"How do you know that, if you won't at least let me try?"

Jason shrugged off her gentle touch impatiently. "Kat, let me be. It's something I have to deal with on my own."

Hurt, she withdrew her hand from his back. For a minute, she almost got up and left him, but then the new determination she'd found recently asserted itself, and made her stay. Besides, Jason had helped her cope with the blues often enough; it was high time she returned the favor. And maybe the best way to do that would be to let him open up at his own speed.

"Well ... okay. Just so you're aware I'm here to listen if you change your mind after all."

With that, she moved away a few paces, settling against a tree and looked out over the night-dark lake. She wasn't invading Jason's personal space anymore, but very definitely staying within hearing range. Jason continued to sit motionlessly, but for someone familiar with his body language the tension coiling his muscles was unmistakeable.

The longer she stayed under her tree, the more Kat felt peace steal over her. Moonlight was reflecting off the water, in the distance an owl hooted to signal it was beginning its hunt, a soft breeze rustled in the leaves overhead, and having a full belly for the first time in weeks was making her drowsy. But she was still alert enough to turn her head slightly when Jason drew a shuddering breath. He visibly slumped forward and cradled his forehead in his hands, hiding his face. Thus, his voice was muffled when he finally chose to speak.

"I killed that deer."

Kat tilted her head, but only made a soft humming sound - encouraging him to go on without breaking the mood.

"I mean, I drew his head back, took my knife and slashed his throat."

This seemed to call for some kind of comment, and Kat didn't hesitate to give it. "I thought you might have." After all, she'd seen the wound, it was only logical given their lack of firearms ... and she felt no censure at all at the method. But Jason didn't seem to hear her as he rambled on, the gates of his anguish now breached.

"I thought I knew what to expect, but ... there was blood ... a whole freaking mess of it. I thought he'd never stop bleeding ... and he thrashed around, sorta, groaning and twisting and stuff until there was no more blood left ..."

"That must've been horrible," she commiserated gently, keeping her instinctive shudder at the graphic image out of her voice with an effort.

"Yeah. It was. But that wasn't really the worst," Jason mumbled. "I mean, I'll probably hear those cries in my mind for a long time, but ... what really got me were his eyes."

He swallowed hard, then continued without looking up. "He was looking at me when I set the knife at his throat. It was as if he knew what I was going to do ... he just kinda went still all over, and when I cut down, I swear I could see his eyes break ... watch the life drain out of them with every spurt of blood running over my hands. It was ... I can't describe it!"

Jason's whole frame shook with uncontrollable shudders as he recounted his experience, and he buried his face in his updrawn knees. Kat was uncomfortably aware that he was fighting tears - or at the very least, hiding them from her. At a loss as to what to say, she tried to relate, to come up with a word of comfort or understanding, but she just couldn't.

After a while, she gathered enough of her wits to ask something that was puzzling her.

"Jase ... please believe me I'm not trying to insensitive, but ... I honestly don't understand what's bothering you so much. I mean, we have to have meat to survive, and ... and it's not as if you haven't destroyed monsters before ..." her voice trailed off when he uttered a short, mirthless laugh.

"That's different."

"How?" she wanted to know. Jason just shrugged. Exasperated, she shook his shoulder once. "Talk to me, Jason - I really want to understand. What's so different?"

Wearily, her companion leaned back. In the moonlight, Kat could see that Jason's face was pale, drawn ... he looked utterly exhausted. Gentling her voice as much as she knew how, she touched his arm. "Please?"

He sighed in defeat. "You said it yourself - we have destroyed monsters. Not killed them."

"Isn't that just semantics?"

"No. Come on, Kat, you've seen the type of creatures we were up against. Whether it was Zedd and Rita, King Mondo or Divatox ... all of them created the goons they sent to fight against us. Out of inanimate objects mostly, or at worst out of bugs and so on. Putties were made out of clay, for goodness' sake! The few times a Human was involved, the Rangers always took care to free them first before going all-out, or we managed to free the person by breaking the spell."



He was right about that, now that she thought about it. "Well, yes," Kat conceded. But Jason wasn't quite finished.



"None of them really lived/. Deep down, I always knew that, and never thought twice about doing my best to defeat them. But that deer ... he breathed, he cried, he bled ... he /died/. Because of what I did. I took a /life today, and it's eating me up inside!"



"Oh Jason," Kat sighed, finally grasping what had him so upset. It was very much to his credit that he didn't take his action lightly; even the killing of 'just an animal' wasn't a trivial matter, and Jason, with his deeply-ingrained sense of honor, would know this more than most. After all, as Rangers they had been sworn to protect all life, and to have been forced to end one ...



The blonde also knew that it was different to buy one's meat neatly packaged at a supermarket, or to find it expertly prepared on one's plate. She wasn't sure if she would have the guts to kill her dinner; luckily it hadn't come to that yet, but she had a sneaking suspicion she was going to find out sooner or later - if their friends didn't manage to rescue them first. And in order for them to do that they had to stay alive. Which meant they needed food, solid food, to survive for however long it took.



Maybe this is one argument that'll convince Jason he's done nothing wrong!



"Jason ... I know what you're saying, and I'm truly sorry it's so hard for you, but ... forgive me, but I don't want to starve while we wait for the Rangers to find us and bring us home. We can't possibly exist on fruit, mushrooms and a few roots for much longer - we need protein. Meat. If we had a better way of catching fish, or managed to snare birds, we wouldn't have to try for bigger game. This deer means that our chances for survival are that much better, for as long as it lasts, anyway."



"Don't you think I know all that?" Jason interrupted her sharply. "I've been telling myself the same things over and over. It doesn't help!"



Kat closed her eyes, easily detecting the underlying anguish in his angry tone. What else could she say to help? When she looked at him again, she let all her compassion and gratitude show.



"No, I don't think it does," she admitted quietly. "Or you wouldn't be the man you are. In a way, I'm even kind of glad that you can't just put it behind you - not that I want you to feel bad or anything," she added hastily. "But Jase ... I want to live. I want /us /to live, to survive. And if that means we have to kill, so be it. I'm sorry if that makes me sound callous, I certainly don't mean to be, but I value our life - yours and mine - above some animal's, however noble it might be."



Jason mulled that over for quite a while, before grudgingly conceding her point.



"You're right," he muttered sullenly.



"I wish I weren't," Kat murmured, then laid a hand against his scruffy cheek - with no razor, his beard was beginning to grow, and the short hairs were bristly against her palm. Reluctantly, the dark eyes met hers.



"I'm so very sorry you had to do this, dear, but please ... don't let it consume you. It's one of the things we'll just have to accept as long as we're stuck here in the past, and I need you too much - we need each other too much - to let this kind of guilt fester. Let go of it, please," she entreated.



Jason tensed at first, then let out a slow breath, his broad shoulders slumping in defeat. Kat was right, and there was nothing he could do but accept it. No matter how much it galled or hurt.



"I never knew you could be so blasted pragmatic," he grumbled a bit resentfully, letting her know by implication that he agreed with her assessment.



"One of us has to be," she said quietly. There was not a trace of gloating in her soft voice, for which Jason was grateful. "Just as you were when you insisted we build a more permanent shelter."



"I guess."



As simply as that the topic was closed, and the two let the sounds of the night rise around them. At last, Jason quirked a tiny smile.



"Thanks, Kat."



"For what?"



"For listening. For ... not judging. For trying to take away the guilt."



"You're welcome. Did it work?"



"Not quite," Jason admitted in a low voice. "I think it'll take me some time to get over it. But I will," he said, stronger now. "Think you can bear with me?"



"Of course," Kat smiled, glad that the crisis was apparently over. And deep down, she felt a tiny spurt of elation that for once she had been the one to support Jason instead of the other way around. She'd cried often enough these past few weeks, from fear, exhaustion or frustration, and he'd always been there for her, offering encouragement by word and touch. It did her good to know she could reciprocate.



A sudden yawn caught her unawares; it had been a long, gruelling day, and now that she wasn't hungry for once, her body craved sleep. Getting reluctantly to her feet, she glanced down on Jason who wasn't moving yet.



"I'm going to bed. You coming?"



In the beginning, this had sounded ever so suggestive; now it had become just commonplace. Sharing body heat at night was another thing they had to do to survive, after all.



"Later," Jason demurred. He was weary, too, but knew he'd only toss and turn if he tried to sleep now. "I'm gonna need some more time," he added, with a pleading look for understanding. Kat gave it with a smile and a nod.



"Sure. Will you be okay, or do you want me to stay a little longer?"



The offer was tempting, but ...



"Nah. I'll be fine. Thanks, though."



"Anytime. Goodnight then."



"Goodnight, Kat."



With a last look at her friend, Kat walked back to their camp. Jason wasn't fine by a long shot, but at least she'd managed to ease him out of his depression. And it felt good. Slipping under the thin blanket, she stared at the stars until her lids grew too heavy and fell asleep.



Jason, however, stayed awake all night.



*



/Angel Grove, the present /

Kimberly found Tommy at the Youth Center, beating the stuffing out of a punching bag. Or at least trying to; the bag swung wildly with nobody to brace it, and half the time he had to jump out of the way to avoid being knocked down by the heavy leather. His hair clung in damp strands to his face, and despite the early morning hour, Tommy's shirt was already soaked with sweat. He had to have been at it for quite awhile already.

He threw another vicious punch, sending the punching bag flying, and when it swung back, Tommy reeled from the force. He was too exhausted to react as fast as he usually did, and had the wind knocked out of him. In fact, he only barely managed to keep his balance.

"Dammitalltohell!" Tommy swore under his breath as he staggered under the force of the bag's impact.

Under any other circumstances it would have been funny, but Kim didn't feel much like laughing. None of them did; they were all worried sick about Jason and Kat. Tommy more so than the others, though - he was missing both his best friend and almost-brother as well as his girlfriend. With a small grimace, the gymnast suppressed the pang that particular thought gave her; this wasn't the time for regrets, recriminations or anything else. If - /when! /- Jason and Kat came back, maybe then ... but certainly not now.

A quick check with Cassie had revealed that there was no news from the Power Chamber yet. With all her might Kim hoped that the old adage would be true - that no news equalled good news in a case like this.

Tommy delivered another flurry of punches, and when the bag hit him on its return arc, he did fall down on the mats. Cursing a blue streak, he scrambled back to his feet and would have started all over again if Kim hadn't stepped in his way.

"Don't, Tommy," she said quietly.

"Get out of my way, Kim," he gritted through his teeth, eyes wild and dangerous. "I'm just mad enough to hit you instead of the bag!"

"No you won't," the gymnast replied, keeping her voice even with an effort. She couldn't remember ever seeing him quite like this - not even when he was still under Rita's spell. Then, his temper had been ice-cold and vicious; now, it was red-hot fury that shone from his brown eyes.

"You wouldn't be the man I know you are if you hurt an innocent person, no matter how frustrated and angry you are at the universe," she continued gently. "Just as you couldn't bring yourself to attack Jason or me on Muranthias, despite the fact that we singled out you and Kat to vent Maligore's evil on. You're not going to hit me now."

With an inarticulate groan, he whirled around and slammed his fist against the nearest wall. Skin broke and left a smear of blood, but the pain accomplished what neither his exercise nor Kim's presence had managed to achieve - he came to his senses. A shudder racked Tommy's lean body as he buried his face against his upraised arm.

"Dammit, Kim, why now? Why them? Why did this have to happen, when it was supposed to be all over for us - when we're retired?" His voice was muffled, and yet Kimberly clearly heard his anguish. Her heart bled for him, but she refused to let it show. Instead, she stepped up to him and laid a comforting hand on his tense back.

"I don't know, Tommy. Nobody does. I guess it's just one of those things ..." Sighing, she patted his shoulder. "Sorry, that was pretty lame. But beating yourself up over it won't help bring Jase and Kat back."

He looked at her then, desperate for any kind of comfort. "What will, though? We don't even have our powers anymore, and I can't help but feel as if getting them back is way low on Dimitria's list of priorities."

"Well ... her job is to protect Earth, and so's the Rangers'," she murmured reasonably. "Be honest, Tommy - if it still were you wearing the red suit, you'd be putting the fight against Divatox first, too."

He wanted to deny it, but couldn't. Sinking down on one of the benches lining the wall, he slumped dejectedly. "I just feel so damn helpless," he muttered. "My best friend and the girl I love have vanished through a time hole right before my eyes, and I couldn't do a bloody thing about it. And I don't even have a way of trying to get them back - I have to wait for others to find both the time and the means to do so!"

"I think we all pretty much feel that way," Kim said, ignoring the pain his statement about Kat caused her. "I doubt this is much comfort to you, but you're not alone in this."

Tommy turned his face away with a weary sigh. "Yeah well ..."

It might have been insulting if Kim hadn't known how much he was suffering inside. So, instead of giving Tommy a well-deserved piece of her mind, she went to retrieve the first-aid kit from behind the counter where Ernie habitually kept it. She also wetted a towel and returned to her ex-boyfriend. Sitting down next to him, she reached for his bruised hand.

"Let me have a look at that," she said neutrally, but making it clear by her tone that she would brook no protest. He rebelliously held back for a moment, then sighed and let her clean his abraded knuckles. Tommy winced when Kim dabbed peroxide on the minor cuts.

"Ow."

"Serves you right for not wearing gloves and trying to knock down the wall," she remarked acerbically. "Really, Tommy, how will it help if you injure yourself like this? It's stupid, and you know it!"

Kim was the only person aside from Jason who could get away with talking to him like that, and as usual, Tommy found himself blushing with embarrassment.

"I needed to let off steam and forgot about the gloves," he muttered sheepishly.

"The infamous Oliver memory at work again?" Glad that she apparently had managed to divert his attention from his quite understandable frustration and anger, Kim let a hint of teasing show through in her voice as she finished bandaging his hand. "There you go."

He flexed his fingers experimentally, grimacing when the broken skin pulled under the bandage. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, why don't you go take a shower and I'll treat you to breakfast at the coffee shop down at the corner?"

A shower sounded good. Wearily, Tommy got up, suddenly aware of how sweaty he was. Reaching for his gym bag with his good hand, he nevertheless shook his head. "I'd rather not, Kim; I'm not really hungry," he demurred.

Exasperated, Kimberly looked up from repacking the first-aid kit. "I'm not saying that you have to gobble your way through the menu, but you have to eat, Tommy. You won't be of any use if you collapse from starving yourself."

She was right, and he knew it. It didn't make the thought of food any more palatable.

"Kim ..."

"Just a Danish and some coffee," she coaxed. "Or cereal and a glass of juice, if you prefer. Come on, Tommy, don't let your guilt muscle override your good sense!"

Her assessment was dead-on, and Tommy glared at the petite brunette. She met his look with a perfectly guileless expression, knowing that she'd won this round.

"You know me too well," Tommy grumbled, secretly not all that displeased that she still knew how to handle him despite their break up.

"I know," Kim smiled, just a tad smugly. Making a flipping motion with her fingers, she sent him off. "Now shoo and take a shower already. Maybe once you're done, it'll be a decent enough time that we can give TJ a call. After breakfast!" she added emphatically, before he could do more than open his mouth.

Two pairs of brown eyes met in a silent challenge. Tommy deflated as he recognized the expression in Kim's doe eyes - compassion, yes, but also a determination that came to a surprise to anyone who just looked at her perky personality and neglected to see the steel underneath. Resigned, he threw her a salute.

"Yes, Ma'am!"

She hid a grin. "Hurry up."

"Yeah." Tommy trudged off towards the shower area, all but dragging his bag behind him. Kimberly watched him go, aching inside.

Hopefully, Alpha and Dimitria had found fresh clues during the night. If not ... well, the Turbo Rangers might be busy with other things, but the rest of them weren't exactly slouches, either. They'd all done their share of research both in the old Command Center and in the updated Power Chamber. When they put their heads together, there was no telling whether they might not discover a way to save their friends.

Kim sighed and settled down to wait for Tommy to join her again. Resting her forehead in her palm, she closed her eyes and sent a quick prayer to whoever watched over former Rangers.

Please, let Jason and Kat be safe. And help us find them!

Because if they didn't ... she didn't want to find out what that would do to the Scotts and Hillards, to all of their friends ... and most of all to Tommy. Firming her resolve to do anything in her might so she wouldn't have to, Kim straightened in her seat.

"What was it Jason is so fond of saying? 'With the Power Rangers, there are always possibilities.' Right. There has to be a way to get them back - and together we're going to find it!"





To Be Continued ...