FicWad

A/N: Thanks a bunch kt and Chibishiva for helping so much in the editing process.

Disclaimer: The song featured in the beginning of this chapter is "All Mine" by Portishead. I claim absolutely no rights to it, nor am I making a profit off of it. It is not mine!!

IVORY

Chapter 12
White Rose

--

An acid jazzy - kinda James Bond-ish - tune filled Pasticcio. It was time to practice. After an hour of learning how to isolate my hips, Ciel had set me up on stage to practice singing while he went off to search for a lyrics sheet for the Marilyn Monroe song he wanted me to do. So I practiced my vocals for awhile, having Denis watch. Good ol' Denis was giving me pointers on posture and breathing exercises that might help later.

I would go into more detail about my belly dance lessons, but who really wants to hear about me shaking my booty for an hour? I didn't exactly look like I was to be performing. My hair was tied back in a loose braid, and I was dressed in tight black jeans with a baggy t-shirt. Lachlan had told me Eddie might be showing up during my practice here, but I had been watching the door for him expectantly, but eventually I grew tired of waiting for him, and gave up. It was silly of me to hope, and I was still mad at him. He was probably busy. After all, he was famous.

I was halfway through a song, though I wasn't doing any dancing other than a bit of movement that came automatically.
"... And such sad regrets,
Oh as those starry skies,
As they swiftly fall."

As I sang that last line, the doors swung open and there he was. But I didn't pause even to take so much as a breath before I continued, my voice flowing into the next line. I had waited for him long enough. I wasn't about to drop everything for him. Though my lip quirked in a smirk as my eyes locked with his. I sang as if I were singing only to him.
"Make no mistake.
You shan't escape!
Tethered and tied
/There's nowhere to hide from me/..."
I took a quick breath before belting out a long fairly high note, "/All Miiiine!!!!! You have to be/..."

Denis applauded. His charming Parisian accent overflowing with approval. "Bravo! That was perfect. Just do those exercises I told you about, and you'll be able to carry a note even farther than that. Marvelous control. You've certainly become better." He paused and turned his head to see Eddie there, to whom he smiled and waved at. "Ah, Eddie Lonneherr. I heard you might show up today. It's a good thing too. Someone would be very disappointed if you didn't."

I looked at Denis, a little confused, and then my smirk completely vanished. He wasn't there to see me? That realization hurt like a ton of bricks smacking me in the back of the head. I spotted a white rose in his hand and got even more confused. Surely he wouldn't be putting the moves on someone else, could he? Would he have given up on me? "You're here for who? Just Ciel and Denis and I are here... Are you here for Denis?" It confused me even more when Denis laughed. "What's funny? I don't get it..."

Eddie's green eyes were softening by the second, and he looked a little nervous. For once he was dressed like a normal person, in navy cords and a white sleeveless shirt. He studied me for a moment before speaking. "I'm here to talk to you, Ivory. Come here."

Even more confused, I made my way off the stage, and cautiously closed the distance between us. Was this a trick? He wouldn't really be mocking me right now, would he? No, he wasn't Ciel. But until I knew what was going on, how could I decide what to think about it or how to interpret it? "Talk about what? As far as I can tell, there aren't many subjects you will explore honestly."

"I thought about it last night. I shouldn't have been so short with you... I guess you have a right to know the truth so I'll humor you and be honest. I do like you."

"What the hell...?" I stared at him with growing concern and wondered if maybe he was as stressed as I had been when I passed out. I raised my hand to feel his forehead, but it was normal. "Are you drunk or have you just gone nuts?"

He took my hand and used it to pull me closer, and with his other one he twirled the rose in front of my face. "This is for you... I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Why are you apologizing all of a sudden?" I took the rose, and stared at it, not knowing how to react. I had always thought receiving flowers was a girl's thing. Was I supposed to giggle and blush, or be a man and refuse it? Never having been in that situation, I chose to do neither and just stare at it. It was pretty, but first perfume and now a rose? It was beginning to feel like he had mistaken me for a woman or something. But considering I was a drag queen, maybe it was acceptable? I hadn't a clue.

Instead of answering my question right away, he nudged my chin with his now free hand, gently commanding me to look at him. When I did, his lips pressed against mine for the briefest of moments, and then he moved to whisper in my ear, "You wanted to hear it from me, so I'm telling you now. I like you... That is what you wanted, isn't it?"

Denis got to his feet, appearing to be a little torn between being happy for us, and being annoyed that this was happening right there out in the open. His bald head was beginning to grow a bit of stubble, but he would likely shave it before the customers started arriving. God forbid his regulars know he didn't shave every single morning! He headed toward us as he crossed his arms. It seemed he decided to be happy for us and annoyed at the same time.

"Practice isn't over, and I don't want you to leave today until Ciel gives you the lyrics, but if you really must get this out of your system, do it in the office. There are condoms in the top drawer." Denis smiled at me as he added, "You've been doing well. I'm proud of you."

I blinked at him in disbelief. Had everyone gone nuts? He didn't just suggest we have sex, did he? "No, but... We're not gonna..." As Eddie released me and started toward the office, I trailed off. Was he seriously thinking we'd do that here? I stared after him and glanced down at the rose in my hand. If Mace found out Eddie bought a snipped flower, he'd be pissed. "Shouldn't I put this in water...? Eddie, wait... what the fuck?"

He stopped just outside the office door and turned to wait for me. His green eyes were clouded with something I hadn't seen since that night in the motel room. Maybe it was his version of a smile or something. I hadn't a clue. Then in a quiet - yet commanding - voice, he said to me, "It'll be easier to talk in here without bald old men listening in. Come, Ivory."

"Hey, watch it," Denis frowned at Eddie. "I'm not that old yet, pal. Here Ike. I'll set your rose up in the dressing room. You can go settle things with that man. If you have to hit him, don't hesitate. If it must be castration instead, so be it."

"I'd need a knife for that," I handed my rose over to my boss, and then turned back to find Eddie watching me. "I know what happened! You were abducted by aliens and they replaced your brain with someone more... Whatever the hell you're being right now." When he shook his head, I guessed again. "You were diagnosed with an incurable disease and only have two days to live, so you don't want to have any regrets when you go?"

Eddie sighed and shook his head again. "I'm tired of having you demanding me to open up about such silly things. It's annoying and exhausting to fight it, so I've decided to let you have this win. You wanted to know the truth and it was idiotic of me to not respect that. Now that everything's out in the open, why should I hold back?"

"You should hold back because you're freaking me out, man!"

"Ivory, come here, please." He held out his hand in invitation, and there was no way I could refuse, not that I really wanted to. It would have been so much easier if I wasn't infatuated with him. So I ended up going to him, and taking his hand. He pulled me into the office and closed the door.

We stared at each other for awhile. He seemed to be trying to decide what would not be appropriate. My mind was trying to figure out whether I was dreaming or if this was really happening. This was what I had wanted wasn't it? But it was so sudden and unexpected. I had thought I would have to work a bit harder and a bit longer for this to happen.

I took my hand back, and frowned at him. "Are you just doing this because someone told you to?"

"If I'm being honest, and I want to do this, what does it matter?" He seemed a little irritated by my skepticism. "Nobody told me to like you."

He was right, but I still felt like I should be angry at him about something. How was someone supposed to react to something like that? So did that mean he was in love with me or just liked me a bit? Maybe he was just doing this because he thought he had to beat his brother. Did he really mean it? Of course he did. I knew he did. But still... It was much simpler when he gave me a reason to be mad at him and something to fight for. Now I didn't know what I wanted.

I went around the desk to sit in Denis' leather chair, and fiddled with a sliver of wood about to fall off the desk's corner. My eyes focused entirely on that sliver as if it were the most interesting discovery in the world. At that second it was the only excuse I could find not to look at him. At that beautiful man before me. I knew he was watching me. "I'm so confused..."

"Confused?" Eddie walked over to lean on the desk on the opposite side as me. His enchanting green eyes were nothing short of mesmerizing as he fixed me with a hard determined stare. "What is there to be confused about? I like you, and you like me. How much more simpler can you get? Why do I get the feeling you're over-thinking this?"

"But how do I know that there are no strings attached?" I stood up and slammed my palms down on the desk as I returned the hard stare. It was so frustrating not knowing what was going on. "How do I know that the minute I think that maybe something is working out, everything won't turn around and get even worse than it was before? You have no idea how badly I want you, but once I get you, do you know how many things could go horribly wrong?"

Eddie sighed and took a seat on the sofa he had slept on the other night. Obviously it wasn't his style to reassure someone in that kind of situation. He sat there, thinking out his words carefully. "If you want to suffer rather than take what you desire, then by all means, go ahead. You have a lot of reasons to be stressed, but now you're creating problems where there aren't any. If you continue this way, you're gonna break down, and next time it might not just be fainting."

"That... You're right about that. I'm such a moron." I flopped back down, burying my head in my hands. It wasn't like me before to be so unreasonable like that. Was the stress still affecting me or was it me who had actually gone nuts?

"You're not a moron. Just a pain in the ass." He shrugged when I scowled at him. Sometimes he was so much like Mace. After a moment, he got up again and walked around the desk to crouch down beside my chair and look up at me. "I know this is hard. I went through similar things when I left home. I can tell you with 100% certainty that fretting about everything won't make it better."

He was actually trying to make me feel better. It wasn't so surprising since he had comforted me before, but I figured I had been so much trouble for him that maybe... No. It wasn't like me to be having self worth issues. So I straightened my back, trying to clear my head of such silly concerns. I looked down at him and saw genuine concern in those green eyes, though his face did not mirror them. I could feel a smile pull at my mouth as it finally occurred to me that he had been completely honest. I could see it and I could accept it.

"You like me." My grin broadened. "Right?"

"... We've established that. Now I will not say it again."

Ignoring his attitude, my hand tugged at his shirt as I said in a teasing voice, "If you want me, then what are you waiting for? Come on and take me, Tiger."

"You have mood swings like a teenage girl." He put a hand on the side of my head, easing me down into a quick kiss before he added, "In anyone else, that would be intolerable. I don't know what you're doing that makes it almost cute, but it seems I'm going to have a lot of competition if you keep this up."

--

What day was it? Oh yes, it was still Thursday. Thursday evening if memory serves. Around 6 pm. Dad had tried to call back home to talk to my sister, but no one answered. He was convinced that my mother was ignoring his calls, but I was sure he was over-reacting. They were probably out for dinner or something, but he wasn't exactly one for paying attention to the simplest answers. Since he was going through a divorce, I thought it better not to question him. Uncle James and I busied ourselves playing ping pong.

Earlier I had also made a failed attempt with the phone. I had called Mace to invite him over. He said no. Something about going out with Haley and Ava to prepare for a protest, though something about how he said it made me doubt his words. I took his approach and pretended I didn't notice. The idea that he was avoiding me didn't cross my mind until later. Mostly I thought he was just doing something he didn't want others to know about. Maybe he was a drag queen too.

Uncle James and I were having fun, though I was losing. I think he let me score a couple points just so I wouldn't lose all my dignity. He was really good at it. For a few whole hours he managed to not make fun of my size. Though there was a lot of typical sportsman taunts. I remember that when I was little, I used to wish that he was my dad who was having problems so he gave me to his brother to take care of. But that was unlikely since I looked so much like my mom, nor did James like my mother. When my dad asked him about plans for marriage, he had said, "Find me a strong woman who can hold a good career and beat me at tennis, and I'll find her a wedding ring."

I admired him.

So there we were, playing table tennis when the doorbell rang. My dad was in the same room watching football and obviously had no intention of getting up. I shrugged at my uncle and headed over to the sitting room where the front door was. It wasn't like a sitting room for a tea party. It was more like a sitting room for a bunch of people to go to have a heated discussion. Nice and comfy. As I reached for the doorknob, I peaked through the eyehole and frowned with confusion. There was no one there. Probably some kids fooling around.

I opened the door and stepped outside. After glancing around a couple times, I closed the door behind me and strolled leisurely further down the small front yard. There was no one in sight. Now sounds from kids giggling in the shadows or anything. But it was so nice outside that I didn't want to go back in. I would definitely miss our porch back home at times like that. Here there was nowhere to sit besides on the ground. So I sat down on the ground and lay back, feeling the cool grass through my T-shirt and on my bare arms. It was freshly mowed, so it was a little scratchy and not nearly as cushy as it would be if it had been allowed to grow out. The sky wasn't very starry, but there were a couple and the soaring lights of an airplane high overhead.

A mosquito decided to make a feast of my arm, and I raised my hand, ready to squash it, but stopped. Mace had always considered killing bugs or animals intentionally was no better than murder. Instead of killing it, I poked it gently to make it fly away. It made me think about Mace, and that was not something I wanted to think about. If there really was a protest, this would be the first time he didn't invite me to go with him. Had I lost my best friend by letting him do that? How could I be so stupid?

"But it's your fault, Mace." I glared up at one of the stares as if it were him. "If you hadn't told me all that, we'd be hanging out right now. You asshole, now who's gonna proofread my essays?"

The star didn't answer. It was such a rude star. Maybe it was Eddie instead of Mace. I chuckled, imagining Eddie's stoneface on a star. Way up above everyone, displayed only on clear nights for all to admire and envy. Maybe that was what he thought of himself. After all you had to have a fair amount of arrogance to be a model. Is that why he didn't smile? Was it because of some superiority complex, or was he simply not happy? Maybe I could fix that.

I grinned to myself as the star winked at me. Yes indeed, I'd remedy that stoneface if it was the last thing I do! For once thinking about Eddie didn't leave me confused or upset. I would have been perfectly content if it wasn't for the younger of the two Lonneherrs. So frustrating. If it wasn't one thing stressing me out, it was another. Couldn't everything just go smoothly for once? But no, I wasn't going to lay there and feel sorry for myself.

"You're alone... Ike Cohen?"

There was no need to look at who it was. It was a voice I just barely recognized, so probably the neighbor guy. What the hell did he want this time? Though it probably wasn't nice of me to be so snobbish toward a guy who said he was my fan. "As far as I can tell, I'm never alone when I think I am."

He stepped into view. I looked up at him only to immediately catch him eyeing my body. I was dressed as average as you can get but still, had he no shame? I cleared my throat, managing to bring his attention up to my face. The arrogant prick was smirking. Although he had every reason to be arrogant. He was in jeans that rode really low on the hips, and a tight tank that barely made it past his navel, having most of his hips exposed. More tattoos could be seen this time, and his neck and wrists were decorated with spikes and leather. He looked so rebellious - and that smirk really helped - that it was totally hot.

"Did you ring my doorbell a minute ago?" My gaze went past him and back to the barely-starry sky. "Isn't it a bit immature to ring bells and then run away?"

He sat down on the grass next to me. His smirk looked even more devious the closer he came, but still, as much as it bothered me, I didn't move. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was laziness. He followed my gaze and looked up at the sky as he responded indifferently. "I didn't run away. You were taking so long so I went to go grab my smokes while I waited. I came back out and here you were, star-gazing and lost in thought. You look so pure and innocent... Makes me want to ravage you until you're tainted beyond recognition."

"Well aren't we a sweet-talker. Dude, I gotta say that's the worst joke I've ever heard. Now tell me why you came to the door?"

"I just told you why. It's because I want to taint you."

He suddenly pushed himself up a bit and swung a leg over me. Shocked, and scared, I immediately fell into a state of panic, and tried to push him off. My hands shoved at his chest and face until he grabbed my wrists and forced them up above my head where he crossed them and pinned them there with one hand. It felt too familiar, though for some reason, I couldn't distinguish whether this was more like the dream or what really happened, but either way, there was no way I could let it happen to me again. Especially not so close to home. Maybe I was screwed up at the moment, but I was freaked out more about my dad seeing or finding me in the mess that Denis had found me in. That would be the ultimate slam on my life.

I resorted to kicking, trying to knee him from behind. Screaming wasn't an option in my mind at that moment. I had a funny idea that if I didn't fight my own battles, I'd never get stronger. But apparently my own battles were too much for me. In no time he had his feet hooked back over my legs, pinning them down as well. I struggled as much as I could, but he was too strong. It was too much, I was overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, and the idea that it might happen again and I was too weak to stop it.

The front door swung open. Apparently our struggle or something had alerted my dad and he was running outside, but before he could try to help me, a switchblade was flashed and then pressed to my throat. I gulped back a silent sob. The Sebastian guy lowered his head slightly to try and kiss me, only to be met with hair when I turned my head away. He laughed out loud and ran a warm tongue over my ear lobe.

"Get off my son!" My Dad sounded furious and confused. I was almost afraid that it was me he was mad at. "Now!"

Sebastian looked up at him with an innocent smile. "Off? Why would I want to do that, Mr. Cohen? He's already been defiled by a few kids, so I figure what's a little more defilement? But I suppose he wouldn't have told you that he was raped. Then there would be too many questions, aye Ivory?"

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped open as I stared at the man on top of me. I was too troubled to really understand what was happening. The squirming stopped completely as I knew I was defeated. Before I could think about what I was saying, the words escaped my deceitful mouth, "How could you possibly know about that? How do you know?"

"What?" My dad was even more shocked when he heard my perplexed confirmation. "Rah... Rape...?"

"Yes, rape. Those boys like to brag about how they found a hot little redhead all alone in the middle of le village. They said you felt just like a girl." He laughed again and pecked me on the cheek. He whispered in my ear, "If you don't come out of the closet early in the game, it will just get harder and harder, and finally your old man will be dead and it will be too late. Now won't this make for good bonding conversation material?"

"No one asked you!" I cringed and restarted my struggles, pointlessly trying to double my efforts, though it was difficult considering I had been using all my strength from the start. Either way, it was unnecessary.

With one last smirk, he released me and turned his back to walk away. Without bothering to face us he waved a goodbye with the back of his hand. I was fuming, and most likely as red as my hair at that point. Was he just playing me? Ruining the only balance I had in my life and exposing my secrets to the one man who I intended to -never- tell was all a game to him? How could someone possibly be that insensitive? I growled under my breath, cursing him for scaring me like that, and then cursing him tenfold for knowing what I wanted to forget. After that, I'd be surprised if my life as I knew it wasn't completely over. My heart was pounding away, and I felt a little dizzy from the panic, but I knew I had every right to have panicked. That ass did a really horrible thing!

My dad had not approached me to see if I was ok. He didn't even ask if I was ok. I had a knife to my throat, and he had nothing to say about it except one little question, "Are you a f-- ... gay?"

"Is that all you care about? Did you even realize what he was threatening to do to me and all you can do is focus on what some stranger said about my sexual orientation?" I stormed past him, through the sitting room and back into the living room where my uncle sat, drinking out of a bottle of wine. I went over to where my dad had been watching TV, and grabbed a beer out of the six-pack. My head was fuzzy with growing anger, and I couldn't seem to thing straight. I turned to see he had followed me, so I twisted the cap off and held it in the air as if I were making a toast. "Well if you don't care if I'm hurt or affected by it, then I don't either. I'll just drown whatever pain I have in alcohol. Here's to not giving a shit! Cheers."

Just as I was about to down the beer, my dad swiped it away from me. He completely ignored the confused inquiry from his brother. "Stop being over-dramatic. You get that from your mother, I swear. That man will get his ass kicked, next time I see him, and I do care if you're hurt by what happened, but I also care that you've been lying to me. Lies are easier for me to talk about then feelings, if you want to talk feelings, go to James. It's his job... Why didn't you tell me you were gay, Ike?"

"Why do you think?! You hate gays! You'd disown me or hit me or something. You were perfectly happy thinking I had a girlfriend and you'll only be miserable with a gay son. Why the hell would I tell you something you so obviously didn't want to hear?"

He laughed. How could he laugh at a time like that? "Disown you? It's true, I don't approve of... Homosexuality, but you're my son... Besides, have you seen the eggheads your sister attracts? And you're a little girly boy, so do you have any idea how happy I'd be to have a real man in this family? I never thought I'd ever say this, but I can't wait until you get a real man for a boyfriend!" He paused and frowned at me in warning, "But if you ever date someone with a lisp and a limp wrist, I will take you out of my will."

TBC... ... ...