FicWad

A/N: I had something to say in this Author's note, but I forgot. Silly me. Well, the movies mentioned in the last scene are real movies, and none of them belong to me, nor am I making any money off the use of those titles.

IVORY

Chapter Thirteen
Consciously Selfish

--

In all my 21 years, I never thought I'd see the day when Haley Newton would be sitting in my lap. Actually that's a lie. She was always resting her head in my lap while we waited for things or putting her backpack on my lap while she dug through it. It was only a matter of time before she put herself in it. Sometimes I thought she was bound to mistake me for a chair, and there she was, in the middle of class, sitting on me, and painting on my canvas. But I wasn't upset. In fact, I was having fun drawing on the back of her white shirt with a permanent marker. Her hair was down but I had to push it forward over her shoulder so that I could have my own makeshift canvas. The professor woman was very easy going and typically didn't mind our behavior as long as we produced good work. My grades in that class were in the 80's and Haley's were... Um... pretty bad, but she tried hard.

The class was nearing its end. There was like two minutes to go. I kept glancing at the clock, but time had flown so well in the past couple hours that I wasn't anticipating the class' end. In fact, I wouldn't be upset if I had a little more time. I wanted to finish the goofy looking dragon I was drawing on Haley's back. Every now and then she'd twitch and swear at me, claiming it tickled too much and that I better not be drawing anything dirty or she'd kick my ass. She was so lady-like, that girl.

"Talk about a huge breast!" Haley exclaimed a little too loudly, and snickered when a few other students turned to look at her. Thank god the professor was deaf in one ear.

Yes you guessed it. We were doing the list game. It was supposed to be something Mace and I did together, and it was weird doing it without him around. Still Haley was just as good at it. Not nearly the same, but still good. The list we were doing was what would sound dirty at Thanksgiving. It probably wasn't the most ideal list to be doing in the middle of class, but we were all adults there, so it wasn't really that much of a problem aside from the possibility of offending someone.

I finished the dragon's mangled wings and went onto its tail as I said, "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. It took me awhile to think about how on earth that related to Thanksgiving. Bread, maybe? But it was time to pack up. Class was over. When Haley got off my lap, I looked up to see my canvas covered in golds and yellows and greys. It seemed she had done the first few layers of what could be a desert scene. Not bad. I could really work with that. With a shrug I took the canvas off the thing and went to put it on a rack to let it dry while Haley got her bag and coat.

When I turned around to get my own backpack and coat, I spotted Mace at the door of the class. As soon as he realized I had spotted him, he motioned at me to go over there. Why couldn't he or his brother ever just come to me? I frowned at him and waved one finger, signaling for him to wait a minute as I got all my things. Haley took my coat before I could get to it, and rushed over to Mace. My frown deepened. Did that mean no more listing? Damn I had more to say on that one.

After slinging my pack over one shoulder, I made my way through the other students heading out the door. What on earth was Mace here for now? Lately he had been too busy for me, and now all of a sudden he had time? On a Friday no less. I had to get to work, so I hoped whatever he was here about wouldn't take long. I made it out of the crowd of others, and found Mace and Haley waiting near a janitor's closet. I went to them and took my jacket from Haley - with a bit of a struggle when she refused to let go - and then looked at Mace expectantly.

He smiled. For a split second, my mind wondered if that was anything how Eddie would look if he ever took the time to smile. Maybe one day I'd ask Mace what it took to make his brother smile, but considering what happened between Mace and me, maybe it was inappropriate.

"What's with the cold reception? We haven't left school together for a whole week, so I figured it's about time we all got together again." He leaned over a little to check out Haley's back and quirked a brow. He didn't comment on my work of art even though it was easy to tell how tempted he was. "I was at the protest earlier, so I have the rest of the night off. I was thinking the... three of us could do something."

Haley glanced at him in that what-the-hell-is-up-with-you kinda way, before turning to me and pouting. "Why do I get the feeling Mace wants to talk to my little Ikey alone? I'm insulted. I'm offended. I can't believe the nerve of this scrawny blond! Well I guess I could go harass Liz. See ya guys!" She waved at me and stuck her tongue out at Mace before turning and taking off toward the stairs.

Too bad. It wasn't nearly as weird with her here as it was after she left. It was like the atmosphere automatically grew heavy with awkward tension, but judging by Mace's scrutinizing gaze, all the awkwardness was felt on my side alone. What was going on? I rubbed my arm self consciously, feeling a little nervous under his watchful eyes. "Man... It's Friday, ya know? I'm busy Fridays. We could do something tomorrow morning though, because I won't have to leave until like... four."

"Yeah about that weekend thing, I've thought about it, and I've decided that I want to know. So I thought we could hand out tonight and you can show me this secret of yours. Tomorrow I've gotta go back to the protest." He paused and his eyes softened with a hint of desperation as he looked away. It seemed it was really bothering him. "I mean, how can I not want to know? I've tried to respect your silence, but a month ago, we were inseparable, and you were scared shitless of my brother. Now for some reason he knows more about you than I do. Now we're drifting apart."

"Mace, I don't know if..."

"Ike. Listen to me." He gently grasped my shoulders, and tried to lock eyes with me as he continued in a low voice, "You know damn well that I am the last person in the world who would judge you. Right now all I know is that you disappear every weekend, and only Eddie knows where you go. Maybe if you tell me or show me where it is you go, then I'll understand better, and then maybe we will somehow fix whatever rift that I stupidly dug between us. It's your call..."

I scowled at him, secretly amused by his tactics. He was trying to make it so that if I said no, I'd feel like a bad person, and then our friendship being in ruins would be my fault. Quite impressive manipulation. But with my mother, I was immune to guilt manipulation. Most of the time, anyway... Ok just a small resistance. "No."

"... Take me with you, smartass."

"I thought it was my call." I shook his hands off my shoulders as I let my backpack drop to the hall floor with a heavy thud. I lazily pulled on my denim jacket.

He crossed his arms stubbornly. "I lied."

"Fine. I'll take you there. If you laugh at me when you find out, I will seriously injure you." After what happened with my dad the previous night, I was more or less concerned about what a friend that I was already practically losing thought about my job as a drag queen. My worries lied more along the lines of how my mother would react when my dad told her. It would be a damn cold day in hell when that woman would accept having a gay son. She treated gays like they were extensions of the devil himself. "We're taking the metro to the Beaudry stop."

"Oh yay, le Village. That's just too predictable. I can't wait." He chuckled and hoisted my bag over his shoulder. An act of chivalry paired with a sarcastic comment? He was such an ass... I had missed him.

--

"What right do you have to tell me what to do?"

"I have every right, because you're a fool, and someone has to tell you how stupid you're being."

Mace and I had just walked into Pasticcio. It was empty save for the two fighting onstage, and the boss in the audience watching with silent conviction. It seemed Ciel and Lachlan were at it again, and not even Denis was brave enough to interfere. I pulled Mace over to Denis' table to sit down. Mace was a little confused as to why I had taken him to cabaret but when he made any move to voice his confusion, I shushed him, not wanting to attract attention away from the fight. Maybe I was a little nosy, but I wanted to know what they were on about.

Lachlan - now totally aggravated - turned his back to Ciel in a sign of disrespect. "It doesn't matter how stupid you think I am. You don't have a say in my life, and I don't have any fucking choice, Ciel. I've gotta do it because I have no other way to pay off my debt."

"Don't you get it?!" Ciel was nearly boiling over. He had spotted me, but paid no attention as if I was simply a fixture in the room. Though when he was mad, he didn't pay attention to much. "Even if you do come out of this debt free, you'll either be dead or dying! You just stand out there begging hideous men to violate you. You're a sitting duck for hate crimes! I don't give a fuck if you're killed, Lachlan, but it will upset Yakov so I'm telling you now. You better stop this stupid second job of yours, and you better stop it soon."

That didn't go to well. But that wasn't exactly the best speech choice for this half-assed intervention. Lachlan glared at Ciel. I could practically see flames shooting out of his eyes. "You didn't care that I was selling myself to strange men when we were together, so don't you dare try and be all high and mighty and all-knowing now. You've never given a shit about anyone but yourself so shut the fuck up and go preach to someone who's stupid enough to care."

I was tempted to applaud Lachlan's standing up to that Pasticcio devil. Unfortunately, I knew Ciel was right, so I stayed quiet. After all, I didn't want either of their angers turned on me, so I smiled apologetically at the still confused Mace. Maybe I should have told him before we got there what to expect.

"You think I didn't care? You see, that's the most annoying thing about you. You're too wrapped up in your own modest suffering to see how it's affecting those around you. I may be selfish, but at least I'm consciously selfish. I'm aware when I hurt people around me while you... Everyone else's pain is completely invisible. /J'm'en faisait/! I didn't break up with you because I was bored or found someone better. I left because I didn't want to fall in love with a man who would be stupid enough to put himself in this kind of danger." Ciel brows were furrowed in accusing anger, as if he were pissed merely for having to admit that.

"Is that how you justify cheating on me too?"

Ciel's expression turned to a bitter smile as he shook his head. "Of course not. You should know me better than that. I had an affair to hurt you. I was stupid enough to think if you knew how I felt you'd stop sleeping with other men, but boy was I wrong." He looked at me again, and sighed. "Get your ass up here, Ike, and practice your routine. What are you sitting around for? Damn lazy /caniche/..."

"Wait," Mace finally spoke, his brows raised as he stared at me. "Are you trying to tell me you're a cabaret performer? So you like sing and dance and stuff? What the hell is so wrong with that to make you hide it from everyone?"

I smiled sheepishly as Denis glanced at my friend and then at me inquiringly. It was a little surprising they didn't know each other, considering Eddie and Denis were supposedly good friends. That called for an introduction. "Um, yeah, Mace, This is my boss. Denis, this is my friend Mace. He wanted to know what I do on the weekend so I brought him. I hope it's no trouble."

In true Denis form, he gave Mace a bright smile and a firm handshake and didn't bother apologizing for the scene. He never felt the need to apologize for his employees, and he'd defend these drag queens to the death if anyone spoke badly about them. Of course that didn't mean he'd interfere in quarrels among them unless it was a bad situation. But I, for one, knew exactly how much he cared. I had experienced it first hand.

"Ike," Ciel's voice was low and harsh with aggravation as he watched Lachlan angrily disappear behind the curtains to go backstage. "Don't make me say it again. Unless you want to end up looking like you're having a seizure, you've got to practice your moves."

"Oh shove a cork in it." I stuck up my middle finger at him, receiving a roll of the eyes in response before I turned back to my friend. "I sing and dance, yeah, but I do it in drag."

There was a long silence as Mace absorbed that bit of information. At first I thought maybe he'd be disgusted, or laugh at me. For some reason when he seemed to come to a decision, he smiled and shrugged as he looked over the place. "Well, I kinda have a hard time seeing you singing Streisand or Midler, but whatever floats your boat is fine with me. Do I get to watch you perform tonight then? What are you doing?"

"Not Streisand or Midler, that's for sure... So... You're ok with this?"

He looked away, faking annoyance. It was obvious though, by the grin threatening to pull at his lips, that he was far from annoyed. "I've told you a million times you'd make a pretty girl. Why would it bother me if you dress up like one on the weekends?"

--

The evening was warm and humid. Quite a change from Thursday. Since Mace and I had easily fallen back into our friendship once there were no secrets - though there was still a hidden incurable tension between us - he had insisted that I go with him to his place and that we'd order pizza and watch a movie and then he'd drive me home. It was just too nice outside, how could anyone want to go in? The florescent glow of the street lamps were infested with mosquitoes and moths. A stray cat scampered across the street quickly, but there wasn't exactly any traffic in that neighborhood to worry about so late at night.

The two of us paused outside the large French doors as Mace went through his key chain to find the right one. He had like a million of them, and if I knew Mace, he probably didn't even remember where half of them came from. Yeah he was smart, and mature - sometimes - but that guy was a little disorganized. At that moment, I was happy about this quirk of his. It gave me more time to enjoy the nice night air.

When he finally got the door open, we reluctantly walked inside to the well lit lobby-type area. Like I said, it was an expensive place. There wasn't a doorman or anything, but it was a bit fancy in a minimal-frills kinda way. There were a few chairs in the lobby, a coke machine, and an antique table cluttered with maps and brochures. Mostly CEOs and successful stock-holders and such lived there, so there really wasn't much need to be too extravagant with the décor. It wasn't a family environment

We ignored the elevators - Mace didn't like things that wasted energy pointlessly - and took the stairs up to the second floor. The stairs were carpeted. Probably not an important detail, but to me, it was weird to see stairs in an apartment building carpeted. Every time I went to Mace's place, I marveled at the way my feet sank into the stairs so smoothly. It was such a soft material, whatever it was. The wooden railings were polished and smooth, and they guarded both sides of the stairs. It all looked like a lot of money was put into it.

It took no time at all to get to the second floor, and the next thing I knew, we were already down at the end of the hall and walking through his door. He didn't have to unlock it, and for some reason, that made me nervous. That meant Eddie was home. I never had stayed over to watch a movie while his brother was home, and the idea of spending time in that apartment with the both of them kind of made me want to run away, fast!

The apartment was fairly dark with only a couple lamps on. There Eddie sat in a recliner with reading glasses on as he went over what looked like a stack of pictures or laminated documents or... I hadn't a clue. He wore copper-colored silk lounge pants and a sleeveless black shirt. He looked like he was freshly showered and ready for bed. Not surprising since it was well past midnight, but it was a little weird seeing that Eddie was home on a Friday night. I would have thought he'd be at bars or a club or something. You know, having fun. Come to think of it, I had never seen him in sleepwear before. He looked so comfortable... and different.

"Hey, Ed." Mace went straight to the phone, obviously expecting me to just act like I usually did, and treat it like a second home. Apparently he didn't see how this was different from every other time I had been there. He dialed a number but his finger hovered over the talk button without pressing it. "I'm ordering pizza. You want anything?"

Eddie's green eyes peered over the rim of his glasses and fixed on me for a few seconds before returning to the sheets in his hands. "Yeah. I want the pizza with the most dead animals on it."

"Cheese pizza it is." Mace chuckled and pressed the button. He easily took his brother's sarcastic humor in stride. As he listened to the beeps and then the ringing, he continued to talk, "Are you going to watch a movie with us? I was thinking we'd do zombies tonight. Or maybe vampires. It's been awhile since we watched a good creature feature, so maybe swamp thing."

I frowned, and dropped my back pack by the door - I hadn't had the time to drop it off anywhere yet. After removing my jacket, I made my way across the room to sit on the couch. Eddie glanced at me as I settled in and pulled my feet up to fold under me. It was hard to pretend I didn't notice him watching me so eventually my eyes met his in defeat. He didn't bother answering his brother's question since Mace had begun talking to the pizza people, ordering bread sticks, 2 litres of iced tea, a medium cheese pizza, and a Hawaiian.

Eddie and I sat in silence until Mace finished on the phone. Of course Eddie was busy with something so I suppose he had an excuse, though he seemed to be focused on the same sheet since we came in. Maybe his mind was wandering, or maybe there was a lot of text. When Mace came over to the couch, I was fidgeting with a hole in my sock, poking my toe out of it. It was the best I could do to look distracted and as indifferent as possible. Indifference was obviously a foreign concept to me because Mace's quirked brow only proved he wasn't buying it.

"Ike..." He pulled at my curls and leaned over the arm of the couch. "I can see you're a little... bored... So go pick a movie. I'm gonna go take a quick shower before the pizza comes. Give me five minutes, 'kay?" He paused briefly to wink and playfully suggest, "Although you could always join me."

"Shut the hell up and take your damn shower." I exaggerated a frown as I stuck my tongue out at him. Maybe Eddie wouldn't ignore me so much if Mace was out of the room for a second. Though it was doubtful considering his normal behavior was never much better.

Mace shrugged and headed to the bathroom.

When the bathroom door closed, Eddie finally put the stack of sheets into a magazine pocket on the side of the recliner. He took off the glasses - though thinking about it, I didn't even know he needed glasses - and looked me over. He stayed silent for a few endless moments until he heard the shower turn on. "It's about time you and he started to rekindle your little friendship. If I had to spend another week coming home to a bunch of women here, I'd definitely be driven to committing random acts of violence."

"Eddie, can I ask you something personal?" I went back to playing with the hole in my sock as I yawned a little. It was late so I was getting a bit tired.

"Now?" He didn't seem happy at all with that idea. He grabbed the remote off the small end table beside him and flicked on the TV. "Only if it won't turn into a huge scene and if you can ask it while you pick out the movie."

I slid off the couch and crawled along the floor to the shelves around the entertainment system where all the DVD's were kept. Mace had even more horror movies than he had keys, but they were mostly classics. Some black and white movies, but the majority were from the 70's and 80's. My favorites were the zombie movies. Not nearly as much sex as the slashers or the vampire movies. Unfortunately there had been a lot of movie nights in our past so Mace and I had gone through his whole collection at least twice. But my problem with choosing was that I hadn't a clue what kind of movie Eddie liked. I craned my neck to try to see up to the top shelf from my place kneeling on the floor. Just commercials that he had taped and a couple unlabeled cases.

He was watching me. At least I felt like he was watching me, but I tried to pay no attention to the feeling. If he wanted to look at me, far be it from me to stop him, though it kinda made me want to know what he thought about when he looked at me. That might be asked later. At the moment I already had a question planned, and considering the limited time we had to discuss it before Mace came out of the shower, I had better get to it quickly.

"I want to know... What am I to you? Other than a pain in the ass, I mean." My search landed on the Evil Dead series. The third installment was hilarious, and that gave me an idea. Maybe it could make Eddie laugh, and then I'd finally get to see him smile! I continued my explanation of the question as I pulled the movie off the shelf. "Like... Will we ever start dating, or you know, become a couple?"

"And if my answer is something you don't like, will you spend the rest of the night sulking?"

I leaned back, stretching my arm to put the movie on the coffee table. It was true, there would be sulking involved if he didn't give me a right answer. "Yes. But I still want to know in all honesty, and I don't think I'll get another chance like this to ask in awhile. Please tell me?"

Eddie patted his lap and motioned for me with a finger. "Come, Ivory."

"Don't boss me around, jerk. I'm not a dog." Though despite my words, I stumbled to my feet, my mouth splitting in a wide yawn. After it stopped threatening to tip me over, I shuffled over to him and obediently climbed onto his lap. I was a little worried even though I could hear the shower going so I'd know when Mace was done, but still... There was always that chance that he could walk out. He may have already known that I liked his brother, but it still would have made things a whole lot more awkward.

"No," Eddie looked down at my legs that were off to one side. "Face me."

"What are you blind? I am facing you."

He pulled a hand through my hair, which was probably a lot easier since I did do a little de-frizzifying that day. I could see my reflection in his eyes, though considering the bad lighting; one would have to look carefully. Amazingly he didn't look annoyed in the least as he clarified, "Face me completely so I can hold you here more securely when you try to get away."

"Ok." I leaned against him, and pushed myself up just enough to pull a leg over to have one on either side of him. When I went to settle back down in his lap, he held me against him, succeeding in restraining me even though I had no intention of trying to get away yet. I frowned at him, and put a hand on his shoulder in order to prevent myself from falling face-first into him. "Dude, what are you doing? Are you going to tell me now?"

"I will tell you 'in all honesty' that there is no way I will answer that question tonight."

With a deep scowl, I tried to put at least an inch or so of distance between us. He was strong... Though it seemed it didn't take much to be stronger than me. Even with my recent history of being intimidated by other men restraining me, I wasn't afraid of him at all. It didn't even make me nervous. I barely knew anything about Eddie Lonneherr, but I trusted that he wouldn't hurt me physically. It just wasn't his style as far as I knew to be violent. "What the hell is all this about then? Isn't this a bit of a pointless way to not answer a question, or do you actually have a reason? Then again, I don't know what would possess me to expect a reasonable-"

"Would you shut up?" He softly pecked me on the lips. "I could answer it tonight and then tomorrow you could go off and screw it up somehow, thus rendering me a liar." He kissed me again when I opened my mouth to argue, and then spoke before I could, "For now, all I can say for sure is that we'll see what happens. As for what you are to me right this minute... A pest who's bad a picking movies. After the 15th time of seeing a talking skeleton make bad puns while battling Bruce Campbell, it kind of loses its humor."

"Ok wise guy, what do you find funny then?"

Eddie shrugged, letting one hand drift lower down my back. "The pain and suffering of others, dead baby jokes, bad pick-up lines, and turning on the dishwasher while Mace is in the shower." His hand slipped into my jeans, and under the elastic of my boxers.

I squirmed a little, liking the feel of his touch a little too much. I could feel the effects of said touch causing an unwanted warming in my groin area. Not good at all. "Oh man you're so cruel. What the hell are you doing? ... If I get hard, I'm sooo gonna kick your ass. How the hell would I explain that to Mace if he came in and saw a damn tent in my pants?"

"I don't think you'd have to explain anything to him. It would probably get him hard and then he'd run away in a funk of self pity and avoid you for another week. As amusing as that sounds though, that would mean he'd have more women over, and I can't have that."

Naturally he was probably just saying that anger me since I knew he cared about his brother. After all, he did take care of his brother all through high school and even now continued to solely support him through university. Still his attempt did not fail in pissing me off. Maybe it was because I sensed a certain amount of unexpected resentment in his voice toward his brother. Maybe they had a fight or something?

I pushed at him, but unlike Sebastian just last night, this time Eddie let go and let me scramble away from him. Maybe if he had been a little more resistant to my struggling, I wouldn't have stumbled and fallen on my ass as soon as I got off the chair. It was a little embarrassing. He made me so mad sometimes. He could be such a jerk.

With a sigh, he got up and stepped over me to go to his bedroom. He spared me a glance when he noticed me staring after him. When I could no longer see him, I heard the sound of something with a zipper being shook. At first I thought he wasn't coming back. Maybe he had decided to go to bed or something. After all, he didn't officially say he would watch the movie with us. Just as I was getting to my feet again, he appeared in the bedroom doorway, inspecting the insides of his wallet and counting money. I couldn't help but resume staring at him, fascinated by how good he looked even when I was mad at him. No. Especially when I was mad at him.

"If you want something funny, pick Freddy Kruger or Modern Vampires. Or maybe Candyman. Mace told me that series freaked you out."

I looked away shamefully. "I hate bees..."

TBC... ... ... ...