Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Sir, have you ever been duct taped to a wall?

by ThisbeHecate 1 review

Snape punishes his entire class, Gryffindors and Slytherins alike... or does he? Fifth in the potions homework series.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Harry,Snape - Published: 2008-11-23 - Updated: 2008-11-23 - 1584 words - Complete

A/N: Don't own it, don't have money, don't sue!
Present day:

“Well, well, well, Mr. Potter,” Snape began. “It seems that everyone, with you as the exception, completed their essays. Care to explain?”

“Oh, sure, Professor,” Harry replied in a flippant manner, “But first, tell me something. Sir, have you even been duct taped to a wall? I doubt it. I have now, and let me tell you why."
The day before:

Snape was standing at the front of the classroom, glaring at all of his students. Not just the Gryffindors either. He seemed out of breath, panting a bit. He stood with his wand clutched in his right hand, pointing at the floor, thankfully. He was seething, furious.

Potter had created an epidemic! Not ten minutes ago, he had asked the class to take out their homework, and pass it in.

“Not one,” Snape growled, “Not one student. Not even Miss. Know-It-All Granger!” Pacing now in front of the entire class, Snape continued, “Not one person in this entire class bothered to do the assigned homework!”

Snape began to pace while he was thinking. No one in the class dared make a sound. They all just watched their professor, their eyes following his every move.

“Right, Mr. Potter, one month detention, 75 points from Gryffindor. I just know that somehow this is all your fault anyway.” Snape paused a moment to bask in the feeling of justice. “The rest of the class, detention for two weeks, and 20 points from each house, per student. Also, you will each write me a 5 foot long essay on the first 2 entries in ‘One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi’. Due tomorrow. Now all of you, GO!”

With that, the entire class moved as one, some students even forgetting their bags in their panic to put as much distance between themselves and their professor that they could.

At any point in time, while not in the safety of the Gryffindor common room, Harry’s fellow house mates traveled in a pack, with Harry safely in the middle. Unwilling to allow the Slytherins an opportunity to get any revenge on Harry.

To his and his classmates horror, when they reported to Snape for their detention assignments, Harry found he would be serving detention with Slytherins and not one Gryffindor. It seemed that Snape had noticed how the Gryffindors had been protecting Harry, and decided his students had the right to a little revenge.

The Gryffindors (minus Harry) would be working in their potions classroom, getting potion ingredients together, and cleaning cauldrons. The Slytherins (plus Harry) were set all about the castle with cleaning materials, and were left to clean the hallways.

Harry wasn’t the least bit surprised when he was assigned to the same hallway as Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, and Pansy. He was even less surprised when they were informed that, since they were all seventh years, they hardly should have to be watched, and were left with no teacher supervision.

Once Filch was sure the students were set, he left to go get another group ready, and set them up in another hallway. The moment he turned the corner at the end of the hall, the Slytherins turned on Harry.

“Hey, hey,” Harry tried talking them down, “you know it wasn’t my fault! He didn’t even give us any homework! It’s not my fault he didn’t remember!”

“Right,” Draco drawled, “it was just your fault he wouldn’t listen when we all tried to tell him he didn’t give us homework!”

With his hands raised in front of him, trying to calm his irate classmates, he kept backing away from the group, when he felt his back hit a wall, the grins on the faces of the Slytherins grew, and then, they pounced.
Present day:

"Duct taped to a wall?" Snape asked, sounding quiet intrigued. "I can honestly say that no, I have never been duct taped to a wall."

"Well," Harry gave a snort, "aren't we the lucky one?"

"Watch it, Potter." Snape said silkily, albeit dangerously.

"Oh, so sorry, sir," Harry said in a very sarcastic tone. "But I can honestly say, that it is, without a doubt, 100 percent YOUR fault that I can now say, 'yes, I have been duct taped to a wall.' Oh yes, that's all you, sir."

The rest of the class gasped at the manner that Harry was using. Not giving his professor a chance to punish him, Harry went on:

"Well, you see, Sir, you NEVER gave us homework that was due yesterday. That's why no one did any. You were just too annoyed to listen to any of us when we tried to tell you that. Then, you went and assigned detention. As if that wasn't enough, you assigned me to be alone with your Slytherins."

Here, Snape's face became quite red, but Harry completely ignored this, and went on.

"You see, after Filch left us they attacked me. After they had me clean the entire hallway we were assigned, they dragged me to a part of the castle that people don't frequent. There, they attached me to the wall, using a sticking charm, of course, they then covered me from my throat to my ankles with duct tape. Afterwards, they removed the sticking charm. I was officially taped to the wall, then they left."

Taking a deep breath, Harry went on:

"It was ever so nice of them to not leave me there all alone. Oh no. They sent me company! Yes, they sent me Moaning Myrtle.”

Harry actually shivered in horror at this. Instead of speaking to Snape, Harry turned to speak directly to Malfoy.

“Do you have any idea how freakin’ cold it gets with a ghost trying to make out with you?!”

Malfoy's eyes opened wide, and he burst out laughing. He wasn’t the only one. Actually, there wasn’t a person, save Harry, that was not laughing at him. Snape was actually gasping for breath he was laughing so hard.

“Thankfully, since she was so cold, it froze the glue on the tape, which then released. Although, I have to admit, the landing did hurt quite a bit. Landed on my head.” He paused for a moment, then continued, “Do you know how hard it is to run and hide from a GHOST? It took me another two hours to get rid of her. I saw things last night running through the castle I’ll never forget…”
The night before:

Harry was gaining some ground, trying to run from Moaning Myrtle. He thought if he could duck into a few more short cuts, he should be rid of her soon. He knew he was coming up to a hallway with a concealed door, so he put on more speed. He turned the corner, and something ahead of him made him freeze.

At the other end of the hallway was the Bloody Baron. Harry never thought ghosts could change clothes, but apparently, they can. The Baron still hadn’t seen or heard Harry, so he carried on. He was dressed in Peeves’ clothes. Not only that, he was wearing ballet shoes, and was in the middle of a difficult looking dance.

Harry was watching the Baron so intently, he had yet to notice the others dancing with him. Once the shock wore off, Harry saw the others, and had to press one hand to his mouth so he wouldn’t laugh, and another to shield his eyes. There was Professor Dumbledore, wearing a purple tutu, and Hagrid, in a red one.

Between Myrtle or the Baron, Dumbledore, and Hagrid, Harry would take Myrtle. He turned and ran in the direction he had come. Apparently Myrtle had seen what he saw and she was now hiding in her u bend, trying to get the image out of her head. Finally, he could get back to his common room.
Present Day:

“The Headmaster was doing what, Potter?” Snape asked, looking quite horrified.

“He was dancing ballet in a purple tutu, with Hagrid and the Bloody Baron. Ha! The Slytherin ghost is so deep in the closet…” Here, Harry had to pause and try to think of something. “that… oh heck, I don’t know. At least the Gryffindor ghost hasn’t been seen dancing with men in tutus.”

Suddenly taking the class by surprise, the bell rang. Snape held everyone in their seats another moment.

“Well, due to recent evidence, you no longer have detentions, and the points will be returned. For everyone who did the essay…” Snape glared at Harry, “it will be extra credit. For any one who didn’t, that will be a nights detention. Gryffindors, you may go.”

Snape watched and made sure the door closed completely behind the last Gryffindor before he turned to his Slytherins. Suddenly a smirk broke out on his face.

“Very well played everyone. Ten points each. Teach that damn boy to do his damn homework.” He turned, this time talking directly to Malfoy, “Taping him to the wall? That was brilliant! Take another five points.”

The remaining students and Snape were so intent on their victory over the ‘boy-who-lived’, that they never noticed the flesh colored string that wormed its way under the classroom door almost as soon as it had shut. They did hear, after they were finished talking, the loud “DAMN SLYTHERIN (content edited for use of strong language)!” come from the other side of the door.
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