Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Kill Your Own Damn Crazies!

by ThisbeHecate 0 reviews

Harry has just killed Voldemort, he wasn't harmed in the battle in anyway, so why is he unconscious in the hospital wing? Eighth in the Potions Homework series.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Harry,Snape - Published: 2008-11-24 - Updated: 2008-11-24 - 1540 words - Complete

A/N: Don't own it, don't have money, don't sue!
"I don't understand." Ginny was speaking with Ron and Hermione in the hospital wing. "I thought you said he wasn't hurt!"

"Well," Hermione replied, "He wasn't. Then. This isn't from Voldemort, or the final battle, or any death eaters."

"Well?" Ginny was near panic now. "What the hell happened then? Why is he here? Who did this?"

"It was Snape." Hermione replied, motioning to another occupied bed. Looking closer, Ginny saw that it was in fact, Snape.

"But... did he attack Harry?" Ginny asked, not looking away from Snape.

"No..." Hermione paused and looked over at Ron, who took over.

"Actually, Harry attacked Snape... Pretty funny, come to think of it." Ron started to laugh, but it quailed under the glare he was getting from Hermione.

"Okay, if Harry attacked Snape and put him in the Hospital Wing, how did Snape cause Harry to be here?" Ginny was indeed confused.

"But..." Ginny went on. "There isn't a mark anywhere on him! Why is he unconscious?"

"Why don't you sit down, Ginny?" Hermione began, "This might take a while."
Harry stood at the top of the hill, from which he could see most of the grounds that surrounded Hogwarts. From there, he could see every body lying, either wounded or dead, on the ground. He could also see from there, that all those on the ground all wore black robes and white masks. No where did he see a body the size of a student, or a body clad in pajamas that were the citizens from Hogsmede, and none were bodies of the schools professors.

Just as he could see all around him, all around him, everyone could see him. They also saw that he was the only on standing on that hill, where only moments before two had stood. They couldn't see Voldemort's body lying on the ground at Harry's feet, where he landed moments ago when his killing curse failed to kill Harry and in turn kill him instead. It took a while for the thought to register with what people were seeing. They all so wanted Voldemort to be gone, to be dead, but none wanted to get their hopes up, only to have them crumble and fall, crushing them. Slowly, ever so slowly at first, people began the short climb up the hill. In a matter of seconds however, it was a full out stampede. For a moment Harry froze, and his brain wanted to panic, his wand wanted to rise and curse these people who may cause him harm. Albeit not that they meant to, he just didn't want to be crushed to death under well wishers.

Someone must have seen the panic on his face, and yelled, "PROTEGO!"

Looking around, Harry saw Luna walking serenely up the hill, through the people who had froze, afraid of frightening their hero, her wand out, having cast the charm.

Nodding to her, Harry said, "Thanks, Luna."

"No problem Harry," She replied. "I noticed you weren't hurt from Voldemort, didn't think you would want to end up in the hospital wing because you were crushed in a giant hug."
Next day:

"Okay, this is not cool." Ron was grumbling loudly. "We had a WAR yesterday! Why do we have CLASSES already?"

"Honestly." Hermione replied. "What do you think the war was for? To give us the right to live our lives normally, and how we choose. And since we are students, 'normally' would be considered 'in school', Ronald."

"But, still..." Ron mumbled, but trailed off, giving up, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere with Hermione on the situation.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, looking behind them, as Harry had stopped walking and was just standing in the middle of the hallway, seemingly lost in thought. "Are you alright?"

"Wha?" Harry looked up, and shook himself out of his thoughts. "Yea, I'm alright... just, it's weird, you know?"

"About Snape and your mum?" Ron asked.

"Yea." Harry replied. "And the way Snape acted when he knew I knew he loved my mum..."
Harry had just left the headmasters office, after hearing many odd things from Dumbledore concerning his mum and Snape... Snape was in LOVE with his mum... no wonder he hated his father... his mum was Snape's soul mate and his dad married her and took her from him... no wonder.

He didn't know where he was going, or even where he was. But his wandering feet seemed to have taken him from the Headmasters office to Snape's office in the dungeons. Harry wasn't sure exactly brought him down there, but figured it happened for a reason. Taking a deep breath, Harry raised a hand, and knocked on the closed office door.

"Come in!" Barked Snape from within.

Slowly, Harry turned the handle and pushed the door open. Not quite sure if this had been a good idea or not. But too late. He walked inside, and the only show of surprise Snape showed was a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want, Potter?"

Harry made his way over to the desk his professor was seated behind and sat in the chair opposite him. Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, while looking down at his knees, unsure of how to proceed.

"Today, Potter." Snape said with a sigh. "I do have more important things to do than listen to you breathe in my office, you know."

With a firm nod, Harry lifted his head, and met his professors gaze with sharp look of his own.

"You..." Harry began.

"Me..." Snape said. "Me, Professor Snape. You, Wasting Time."

"My Mum." Was all it took.

It was as though a bomb went off in the office. Snape exploded out of his chair and at the same time, words began to stream from his mouth. Harry didn't catch everything he said, but he did pick up words like, "miserable old coot", "big mouth" and "trustworthy my ass", before Snape was gone. Harry guessed he was off to the headmasters office. Harry had no desire to see him again after that, never mind be alone with the guy, so he left.
"That was the last time you saw him, right?" Hermione asked Harry. "Well, at least until we walk into class, right?"

Harry only nodded. Took a deep breath, and together with Hermione on one side of him and Ron on the other, entered the potions classroom.

For the most part, Snape barely acknowledged that Harry was there. He never said a word throughout the instructions, and had yet to comment on Harry's attempt at his potion.

"While you are all working," Snape called out, "Please leave your homework out, and I will come around to collect it."

Harry didn't even bother checking his bag. He didn't have it. He didn't have time, killing Voldemort and all. Snape could hardly expect him to vanquish the most evil wizard since... well, EVER AND have his potions homework done. I mean... Harry was only a kid, somewhat.

"Potter!" yelled Snape, right in Harry's ear, causing him to jump and almost ruin his potion. "Where is your homework?!"

"Are you serious?" Harry yelled right back, a muscle twitching under his eye. "I just killed Voldemort, and you want my HOMEWORK?"

Harry grabbed the handles of his cauldron and pushed it off the table, splashing the students at the table in front of him, and his professor.

"What else do you people want?!" Harry was losing it. He was stomping around the room, left hand clenched in his hair, his wand clenched in his right, cursing anything that moved. "That's it! Kill your own damn crazies, brew your own damn potions, and Snape, do your OWN damn HOMEWORK!"

Harry was chasing Snape around the classroom, unaware that Snape had tried joking with the boy.

"Harry! Stop!" Snape was yelling. Using the boys first name attempting to snap him out of his manic daze. "HA!! See?? Joking! I was JOKING! You never have to do homework for me ever again! I'll do your homework!!" He was trying to get away, but couldn't. "Potter! Snap out of it!!!"

In reply, Harry just growled. He heard Snape talking, but not the words, so he kept advancing on his professor.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Snape screamed, attempting to hide behind other students, only to have them thrust him back in front of them. "That's detention, Malfooooy!"

All Harry saw was Snape laughing in his face, while he was just trying to get the student to laugh with him. With that, Harry hurled some sort of curse at Snape and he crumpled to the floor.

Hermione was finally able to stun Harry safely, and have Ron catch him, and together, they carried him to the Hospital Wing. Once there, Madam Pomfrey called on more students to bring Snape along, and place him in another bed.
"Oh." Was all Ginny seemed able to say. She remained seated in a chair by Harry's bed, watching over him. "Wait!" She cried out to Madam Pomfrey, who was about to go into her office.

"What did Snape do to Dumbledore?" Ginny was amazed to see the elderly witch smile.

"We're not sure, dear." She said. "We haven't found him yet."
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