Categories > Books > Harry Potter > HP OneShots

WWE at Malfoy Manor

by Rihaan 4 reviews

After Harry taught the Dursleys a lesson, He figured the Malfoys should join the fun also.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Crossover,Humor,Parody - Characters: Harry,Hermione - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2008-11-30 - Updated: 2008-11-30 - 4541 words

Just getting my creative juices back…

WWE in Malfoy Manor

Draco was a happy man.

His master had just given him the Dark Mark by You-Know-Who himself the previous day, and his father had decided to throw a small party for him and his lackeys—ahem, friends. Today was a special occasion, and he had wanted to invite Pansy (and if he was lucky enough, Daphne) to the party for a truly memorable night. But his father had declared that no girls were invited. Draco, ever the temperamental one, had ordered the house-elves to hide his mother in a safe place, since no women were allowed at his party. Unfortunately, Narcissa did not have as much command as a Malfoy-by-blood, and the house-elves were loyal to only the Malfoys, so she had no choice but to be locked up in the basement rooms. Draco had ensured that no one was going to get lucky that night. He also knew that as much as his father had wanted to punish him severely, or to get Narcissa out of the cells in the basement, he was ordered by You-Know-Who to not harm him in any way, shape, or form, as he had been given the most important task of killing Albus Dumbledore. Going against the young heir’s wishes might bring quite unhealthy outcomes, so he had no choice but to keep Narcissa there. After all it was only one night.

And what a long night it would be.

Draco, Theodore Nott, Vincent Crabbe Jr., Gregory Goyle, Blaise Zabini, and a bunch of other Slytherins that were never important enough to be mentioned were in the largest room of the house, the Living Room, Reminiscing about the girls at Hogwarts and their sexual experiences with them. Every single one, of course, was fabricated.

“Yeah Daphne was a good one,” Nott claimed. “Her tits weren’t sagging at all –”

“Like Millicent,” Blaise boringly said, remembering Draco’s earlier comment. He really didn’t know why he was here, he and Draco rarely talked. Draco had not revealed the details of the party, he only said that the Dark Lord gave him a mission. He wasn’t even a Dark Lord sympathizer. However, his parents were, and they were friends of the Malfoys, so he had no choice but to go to the party.

Crabbe, and Goyle, once again, nodded dumbly while Draco put in his cent-and-a-half. “Yeah, they were all good. Not as good as Pansy, though. But they were nothing compared to that Mudblood.”

“What Muggle-born?” Blaise said, perking up. What Muggle-born would want to do anything with Draco Malfoy.

“The Granger girl,” Draco said, lying through his teeth. In reality, he was a full-blooded virgin, and even Pansy was having second thoughts about him. “She couldn’t resist me, but since she’s Potter’s wench and all, I had an ‘Imperio’ help her out.”


Harry was shaking with rage as he listened in to the live stream. “I’ll kill that bastard!” He yelled. “No one talks about Hermione like that!”

“Would it help if I told you he was lying about all of it?” Hermione said in the mirror. “I can throw off ‘Imperio’s almost as good as you.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Harry said in a considerably nicer manner, his anger disappearing. She had that affect on him.

“Besides, you’ll have your revenge soon enough,” Paul told him.

“Which reminds me,” Dave interrupted, “exactly when is that revenge going to start?”

Harry looked at Hermione, who nodded. “We can start now, if you want. That comment still hurt. I can certainly and happily resist him for the rest of my life.”

“Hermione, by the time this is over, He will never talk about you again. He won’t have the –”

“Okay, Harry,” Hermione interrupted. “You don’t have to finish that comment. I quit being a prefect, so I don’t have to make you hang up so I don’t have to know what’s going on. I want to see everything.”

Paul looked over Harry’s shoulder. “You’re a fan of us?”

Hermione have a wide smile, one that spoke of malice. “I’ve watched you guys since I was four. I’ve actually tried a few of your moves when my classmates were a little too mean during recess. I’ve always wondered why my teachers and classmates forgot the next day. My accidental magic did it.”

Hunter made a humming noise. “Tell me about it later. I love inspiring my fans to protect themselves from bullies.”

At that moment, Steve spoke into the walkie-talkie. “Draco’s just finishing his fake-ass story. I’m at the front door, ready to knock.”

Hermione nodded and looked at Paul, as if expecting him to say something. He was silent for a few seconds, before he understood. He looked over to his friend. “Hey, Shawn,” he said, a glint in his eye. He hadn’t joined up with this guy in quite a while. “Are you ready?”

Shawn smiled at his best friend. “I’m ready!” He yelled, the enthusiastic kid in him clearly visible.

“Let me repeat that,” he said, looking at the men before him, and Harry, who was still on his motorcycle that was inherited to him from Sirius. “Are…you…READY!”

Shouts of ‘Yeah’s and one distinct ‘Hell Yeah’ was heard in the small group.

Harry stepped off the motorcycle, parked in the backyard of the Malfoys, and gave the all clear to Steve, the sign of a bird being shot. (A/N: Think about it…)

“I thought I would never get the kid to do that…” Steve said with pride. He took a sip of his beer for luck, and knocked suspiciously politely. Apparently, no one heard, so he lifted his foot and kicked hard.


Draco stopped his oh-so-interesting rape story as he heard glass shatter. Most of the stuff in his house was made of glass, so he did not know where the source was. He looked around at all of his guests and the floor. They weren’t holding anything, and there was no broken glass anywhere.

He stood up and ran over to the hallway, where he saw his father holding a strange bald man at wand-point.

“Who the hell are you?” Lucius snarled at the strange man who had broken into his house.

Draco looked around at the damage. The door had flown off the hinges and hit not only an expensive vase, but a bust of his father and a framed Mona Lisa, a picture he had always wank—er, admired.

He was brought back to attention when the man spoke. “Hey, Neighbor. My name’s Steve. I knocked, but no one answered. I’d like to speak to yer son for a moment.” When Lucius didn’t move, Steve looked over the man’s shoulder. “Oh, there you are.” He proceeded to shove the man aside, and was about to take a step forward when the elder Malfoy lifted his wand.


Steve saw the red beam come towards and made no move to stop it. Instead, the spell hit a shield that flickered on for a moment. Steve looked out towards the lawn. When he saw a nod, he gave a tight smile.

The elder Malfoy was about to say a more particularly dreadful curse, before “Stone Cold” had awoken and kicked him in the stomach. “I’m gonna show you how I say ‘Stupefy’!”

Draco watched as his father was kicked in the stomach, how the man had reached back and put his arm around his father’s neck, and how he suddenly dropped down on one knee. He heard a scream from his father as his back was unexpectedly bent, and as the man let go of his neck, his back tried to correct itself.

Apparently, that was a bad thing to do.

Instead, not only did his back correct itself, but it served as a sort of spring load. At first, it appeared that he jumped, but as Malfoy’s head hit the ceiling, making quite a large dent, and fell against the wall, sliding along it to the floor, Draco realized that it certainly was not a jump.


“And it starts,” Harry said as he heard a faint yell of ‘Father!’.

“Harry, you told them not to attack Blaise, right?” Hermione said from the mirror.

Harry gave the affirmative “Mm-hm”. “Good thing you taught me how to do a Secrecy oath. Otherwise, this never would’ve happened.”

Hermione smiled and looked at Paul. “Could you do me a favor, Mr. Hunter? Or is it Mr. Levesque?”

“Just call me Triple H,” the man said to the fan, “and I’ll do any favor for the boss’s lady.”

Hermione smiled and continued, but Harry could see the faint blush on her cheeks. “Thank you. I was wondering if you and Shawn could –”

“Say no more,” Shawn interrupted, “we were planning on tag-teaming again tonight anyway.”

“Shawn, you still got the moves?” Hunter asked.

“What kind of question is that? Haven’t you read my theme song lyrics?”

“Sorry, sorry. I just assumed.” He turned to the mirror. “I was planning on sending in Evan next, but he couldn’t show. He’s still recovering. Who do I send in?”

Hermione thought for a moment, before smiling. “What about Dave?”

‘The Animal’ smiled as he ran inside.

“I guess we should add some more people, shouldn’t we?” Harry asked the mirror.

“Yes. I think we should send in…you know, I’ll just call them by their stage names. Send in…”


Steve Austin looked at the scared little boy who yelled. You’re umm…Drakko, right?” He asked.

“It’s Draco,” the conscious Malfoy yelled, his pride beating his cowardice. “Draco Malfoy. I’ll have you in Azkaban for what you did to my father!”

“Oh, Draco,” the man said, unperturbed. “See, I was hired to kick your little ass. Sorry, sweetheart, but your dad just got in the way.”

Malfoy’s anger increased. “Who hired you? I’ll have his head!”

“Nu-uh. Can’t reveal my clients.” Steve stepped closer to the boy. He stopped as he heard someone step on the glass. He looked behind him. “Hey, Batista. Check on the kids, see if they hadn’t called anyone.”

“They don’t have phones, but I should check anyway.” Batista looked behind him. “Looks like back-up is coming.” He ran up and ahead of Austin and Draco, into the room. Not the one to talk much, he rammed his head into the stomach of the first boy he saw, mindful that he was not supposed to hit Zabini. Thankfully, he hit Goyle.

Batista stood up and looked at the rest of them. He spotted Zabini. “Leave.”

Zabini did not need to be told twice, and ran past Batista, Draco, and Steve and out of the door.

Harry stopped the boy as he ran past the yard. “Hey, Blaise! Could you help me do something?”

Zabini looked at Harry curiously for a moment, before sighing. “Please don’t tell me you have muggle professional wrestlers around you…”

“How did you know?” Harry asked with surprise.

Zabini shrugged. “I have muggle cable. I like violence. The girls are hot. What is there to hate?”

“The bosses,” Triple H said. “Harry here’s the best boss we ever had.”

“Boss?” Zabini questioned.

“I’ll tell you later,” Harry told him. “but I need you to do something for me.”

“That depends,” Blaise inquired. “Will I be able to see the chaos inside?”

“You got the feed ready?” Harry looked back.

“One sec…yep, we’re live.” Shawn handed them the hand-held video player. “Turn yours on, Ms. Granger. It should be working.”

“Yes, it’s working,” Hermione said a few seconds later. “Ooh, it’s about to start!”

Harry fondly smiled at her and looked at his own screen. Triple H looked over his favorite boss’s shoulder and smiled at the screen.

“Time to play the game.”


Crabbe ran towards Batista to get him off his friend, but Batista had spotted him. He turned towards him and rammed his head into his gut, lifted him off the ground, and slammed his back – hard – into the ground.

Then, reinforcements came into the room. The first one was a large – very large – black man, who looked very angry. Unfortunately, he focused his attention on Nott first. The boy tried to run, but he couldn’t escape the world’s strongest man.

He was grabbed by the collar and thrown to the ground before he even knew what was happening, before he could even gather what was happening, he felt a spine-crushing pain blast on his back. He was just pounced on by the world’s strongest gut. And it did not feel good.

Fred, a seventh year Slytherin, was truly scared for his life and tried to escape. Sadly, he was so scared he didn’t notice that he tried to escape the only entrance in the room. Unfortunately, he was caught by another black man. He was quickly turned around and knocked off his feet by a punch to the nose. Before he was punched in the face repeatedly, he heard his attacker speak.

“Wat’s Up!”


Draco was (literally) pissing himself in fear as Stone Cold introduced the next mad-man that was going to cause him more pain. First it was this tall man with a red, curly afro that yelled too much and waved a towel around. Then there was a strange little man in green who ran down the hallway and jumped on him…repeatedly. When he was finally able to push the bloody leprechaun out of the way, a guy that looked to be his father hit him on the head with a strange-looking stick, knocking him back out once again. Then, a blonde man who smiled a lot, as if he were posing for pictures, had picked him up and flipped him on his back as if it was nothing. The he sat on a knee, posed as if he were Lockhart, and moved on into the Living Room.

Then, a very strange Mexican…or was it Italian… man came in with his girlfriend…or was it boyfriend…his mind was hazy. The man had basically done nothing but told him over and over not to mess with ‘Glamourella’ while the…Let’s just say ‘woman’, had lifted him repeatedly and slammed him on the ground…hard. On the last time, she had picked him up, hooked both arms behind his back, and slammed him face-first into the ground.

That was what happened last, and he was still out for the count.

As he came to, he felt like he was being stalked. He slowly stood up, very aware that his wand was broken into many pieces, snapped along with one of his ribs when collided with the cold floor.

He knew that he was being watched, but he could not even have the energy to open his eyes to look. What a mistake that was. The man was on the ground, his hands and knees leering back and forward, as if he was slithering like a snake. His teeth was showing, a fearsome sight to see. He looked ready to strike.

When Draco stood up, he had immediately realized he shouldn’t have done so. A man had jumped out of nowhere, and grabbed his neck. Draco had realized that his entire body was completely level with his head, meaning that his entire body was coming back down, except along with his own neck. There was quite a painful outcome that followed.


Nate, another seventh year Gryffindor, screamed at the top of his lungs as his head was pulled back from behind and his back was met with a pair of knees. As he was contortioned very strangely, his attacker stood. “And that’s how you do it, Chico.”

Nate heard the distinct chomp of an apple. “Now that’s cool.”

He heard silence for a few moments. “You know, I was gonna give you the other Bella twin, but I feel a bit stingy, Chico.”


“Do you think Draco’s getting a little too much punishment?” Hermione asked, but she didn’t sound all that worried.

“After what he just said, I’m wondering if I should join in,” Harry said, his eyes fixated on the screen.

“No problems,” Hunter told his boss, while drinking one of his official Triple H Water-Bottle™ (which can be found on, “we’ll be going in soon. Besides, he still has to go through Big Red.”

Harry nodded. “Oh, there he is…”


Draco was afraid to get up. It would, of course, make sense, since he was attacked every single time he got up. He just wanted to stay on the ground, so his insides could stay where they are.

He was sadly interrupted by a hand grabbing his neck. He was picked up all the way to his feet and higher by a giant bald-headed man with a very sadistic grin on his face. When he was hoisted high into the air, only supported by the hand on his throat, the man used his other hand to push his back up, so Draco’s full back was facing the ground. Before he was slammed full-force into the hard-wood, recently polished floor, he heard the original man who broke into his house say, “Ah, here’s Batman.”


A pop of Apparition had Harry’s wand out in record time, but when he realized who it was, he smiled a silly smile. “Oh, I hope they kept all the glass intact…”

“I think we should go in now,” Triple H advised.

“Oh, I forgot my glow sticks,” Shawn reminded them.

“Shawn…you were planning on giving them free glow sticks?”

“No…but I always have my glow sticks when I’m wearing a DX shirt.”

“Tell them to buy one at”

Shawn thought for a moment. “Good idea.”

“Now. Whoooooooooo……….”


Jack, a (pick a number between 5 and 7) year screamed in pain as something called “The Walls of Jericho” was locked in. A blonde wrestler known as Chris Jericho sat on his back while he was knocked out. Then, he lifted the drunk/pain-filled boy’s legs up until his feet were over his shoulders. It was quite a painful way to wake up.


Professor Severus Snape ran through the front door of the house, which he noticed was blown off his hinges. He was inside the darkness of the hallways when he heard his godson whimper. He cursed under his breath. He was, just a few seconds ago, taking an Unbreakable Vow that he was to never get Draco into any mortal danger. Then he receives a patronus from Blaise saying that he was, indeed, in mortal danger. He was wondering why Narcissa was not able to meet them, and he had to be in a room with Belatrix…alone…

Severus suppressed a shudder as he ran up to Draco. But, before he could reach the boy, and hand quickly grabbed his neck from behind. Being use to abuse, Snape tried to escape the grip quickly and subdue the stranger, but it only made the grip tighter. He was lifted into the air, slowly losing his strength. Snape didn’t realize when he dropped his wand, but he did realize that he was suddenly flipped upside down. Now his head was at the stranger’s knees, while arms were wrapped painfully around his waist. He then felt the man suddenly drop onto his knees…

He distantly felt his hands being placed across his chest, as if he were a mummy. “Rest…in …Peace…”


“…ooooooooooo’s ready to SUCK IT!?!?!”

“Yeah, and if you’re not down with that, then we got two words for you!”


“…Wrong one, Hunter. Technically that’s, um, three words.”



“Damn, coulda sworn that was it.”

“Wrong tag-team.”

“Oh…let’s just go.”

As they walked away towards the chaos, Hunter gave it one more guess. “Umm…WWE Shop?”

“Nice try, but no.”

“Damn. We hadn’t teamed up in a long time.”


Draco limped into the room minutes later, every bone in his body aching (if it was still intact). After he was slammed in the head by some frowning Russian guy, he was slapped repeatedly by a man with braids, talking about he was going to get yet another bonus on his paycheck.

He looked around. Glass was broken, Everyone was knocked out, and the intruders were nowhere in sight. He also noticed that for some reason, some people had crushed beer cans on their heads.

It was about that time he realized…he had a fireplace! He could floo! Draco turned around, with every intent to get to the fireplace, throw in some floo powder, and go to his godfather’s house.

What he did not know is that ‘The Heart-Break Kid’ Shawn Michaels was right behind him, silently stomping, revving up the engine for some ‘Sweet Chin Music’. Draco did not expect to be firmly kicked in the jaw that made a resounding smack throughout the entire mansion.


“That was sweet music to my ears,” Harry commented.

Hermione chose not to comment, but she surely agreed with Harry.


Amazingly, Draco, stood standing, but wobbled around. He was tired. He didn’t want to be here. He would much rather be anywhere but there. He was bloody. His pants were soiled completely, and thanks to his dislike for muggle clothing, he was wearing khaki pants instead of jeans, so all was plainly visible to the world. Draco stretched out his hands, trying to hold on to something, as he was still spinning.

A man stopped his spinning by kicking him firmly in the stomach. Out of reflex, Draco keeled over to hold his gut. The Man chose that opportunity to quickly ram the boy’s head between his thighs and hook both arms behind him.

Draco was in a state of numbness. All he saw was darkness. His body entered a false sense of security. All he felt was safe, as long as he didn’t have to see the lights and the wrestlers again.

It was terribly ironic that Draco Malfoy felt the safest between a man’s legs.

Triple H, ‘The Game’, the ‘King of Kings’, had decided enough was enough. Shown Michaels posed in front of the now visible cameraman as he pointed at Triple H, something that they always did when the other was about to perform a signature the move. Hunter jumped high into the air and back. He had lain out Draco in mid-air , his head was now out and facing the floor rushing towards him, and his hands were still hooked behind him. To make thing worse, Triple H had now moved himself so his upper half can smash his back as he collides with the unforgiving floor.


“I think we’re done here,” Harry said after a few seconds.

“I don’t think you should do that again, Harry,” Hermione said, finally turning her portable screen off.

“I shouldn’t do that to Draco again…or at all?” Harry asked for clarification.

“Harry, you got the Dursleys back…you got Draco’s gang and Snape back...what else is there?”

Harry thought for a moment before Blaise spoke up. “What about the Ministry? They need a little bit of weeding out. I heard that half of them work for You-Know-Who.” He was met by two sets of stairs. “I don’t support him. I still fear him.”

“I don’t know about that…Hermione, turn your monitor back on, I think something else is going to happen.”



That was the only thing in this wrestler’s mind as he jumped off the chandelier over thirty feet off the ground, a skydiver aiming for the small, laid out target of Lucius Malfoy. There was quite a splash that followed.


The next morning, After Narcissa was released from the chambers, she fainted from the shock that welcomed her from her cell. Teenagers were strewn about the room, beer cans surrounding them, glass broken, Her husband right with them, the Mona Lisa picture that she had frequently rubbed hersel—er, admired.

When the boys and Draco’s father awoke, they all faced the wrath of their parents (and his wife). They could have of course, told the truth, were it not for the fact that Harry had collected a drop of blood of each of them and placed it on a magically binding contract stating that if anything about what happened the night previous was revealed, their magic was stripped of them. Of course, everyone was punished very harshly except Zabini, since he had left around the time they started drinking. Snape had escaped before morning, only to be arrested by the muggle police for pointing a stick at people madly. Apparently, Severus had lost his sanity (or what little was left) and started harassing Muggles, telling them to ‘Rest in Peace’ over and over again. It was taken as a threat.

Harry whistled as he read Hermione’s copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Harry, you coming outside? We don’t want to lose a parking spot at the beach!”

“Yeah, I’ll be right out!” he rolled up the newspaper and walked outside. “Bow down to the…bow down to the King….”


Author’s Note: I always loved that theme song. Along with HBK’s song…and Randy Orton’s…and Kane’s old theme song.
Any characters too shady? I’ll tell you them if you ask. Sorry I couldn’t add in The Rock and Hulk, but I don’t know their moves much. I hadn’t been a fan for that long.
I think I’ll let someone else continue this, if they want to. I believe this is the last of the WWE fics for a long time.
Please Review.

“Where the hell is that noise coming from?” Snape yelled angrily. He had already searched the entire school twice, which was not an easy feat to do. He had checked every corridor in this school and…nothing!

Some muggle kid better pray that it was not their clock…

But that annoying ticking…that strange noise…was…not all bad, if he had to say so. Sure, it started out as annoying, but once the sound can become phased out, it can be quite very…catchy.

Severus looked to his left. Then to his right. Might as well do something to pass the time while he looked for the Mysterious Ticking Noise.

“Snape…Snape…Se-ver-us Snape…”

If you don’t know what that was just about, you need to watch YouTube more often. Just type in “The Mysterious Ticking Noise”. (In a somehow unrelated topic, has anyone seen “YouTube Live”? I loved it.)
Once again, in case you forgot, please review.
Sign up to rate and review this story