Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Forbidden
Chapter 16
Ryan’s POV
Wet, soft kisses on my neck pulled my away from my peaceful slumber. I grumbled at the intrusion, but pressed my back closer to the bare chest behind me. Warm giggles on my skin made my shiver and I opened my eyes to the mess that was the room. Pens and notebooks, music sheets and DVD cases, candy wrappers and redbull cans. The yellow morning light filtered through the yellow curtains and an arm wrapped around my waist, stroking my belly with its thumb.
“Morning, sunshine.” Brendon said.
“Morning.” I growled back. I decided I was pretty comfortable sleeping and should go back to do so, but you can’t sleep once Brendon is awake. The kid has so much caffeine and sugar running in his veins that his natural hyperactivity was nearly out of control. He can’t just stay still.
And he didn’t. In a second he was up and picking up things from the floor. I just watched him try to tidy up his room in all his nakedness, which was a really nice thing to watch. Reminded me of all the things we once did together, and could do again if I wanted to.
Question was: did I?
Part of me did, other part had some unfinished business dealing with cheating and lying and hurting and all the terrible things Brendon was capable of. And then… then it was that particular unfinished business and all the things we never said cause we were too good at pretending. Maybe I needed closure, needed to know the truth. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel anything for her and I’d give myself another chance with Brendon, or with anyone else, without her in the back of my head.
After a shower and Brendon making me swear we’d have lunch tomorrow at campus, I drove home nearly overheating my brain coming up with some kind of speech. Something I could say to Sunny, some way to ask her if there was something left there, anything I could hold on to and feel safe. Something that would make me be with her or forget her. I just couldn’t handle anything in between, not after what happened with William the night before and what was happening between me and Brendon.
When I parked by the house I took a deep breath trying to put my scattered ideas in some kind of coherent thought. But I couldn’t, every time the words just jumbled up, making me pace back and forth from the car to the front door. I finally decided I had to do it, cause Sunny would understand… she always did, why wouldn’t she this time. I entered the house quietly…
And that’s when I saw it. Them.
Sunny in her usual tank top and boy shorts… William in his underwear… in the kitchen. She was stirring a pot, his arms wrapped around her waist as he tickled her neck with kisses which made her giggle and squirm. I didn’t have to be genius, and I certainly wasn’t, to read the scene. It took me half a second to realize this was out of my reach and the other half to completely change my mind about talking to her.
I wasn’t going to gain anything.
Swallowing hard, feeling like I was swallowing a fucking rock, I leaned on the kitchen’s door and watched them, plastering my amused smirk and clearing my throat loudly enough for them to jump startled.
“Good morning!” I said with a chuckle which I hoped hid the shake in my voice.
“Ryan!” Sunny said with a nervous giggle. William cowered behind her, like I couldn’t see his head, 5 inches taller than Sunny.
“I want details later. William, you can stop hiding. You have nothing I haven’t seen before. And done a lot of other things with, but that’s not the point… ” I smirked as I watched them both turn the brightest shade of pink.
“Ryan, get the fuck out!” Sunny giggled, covering her face with her palm.
“Nice way to greet me, you slut!” I laughed getting inside and searching through the fridge. I didn’t want anything; well… anything besides make them uncomfortable, that’s it. I saw Sunny get close with the corner of my eyes. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“Out, go to your room and jerk off to your boyfriend. I’ll call you when lunch is ready.” She spoke as she literally pushed my giggling self out of the kitchen and down the hall.
I kept giggling as I walked down the hall, but after my door was closed the giggles and the smiles faded. I couldn’t talk to her. I wasn’t doing it. It was crystal clear that she’d have something much better with William there that I could ever give her so I was keeping everything to myself. It had been obvious for weeks now that they were so crazy about each other that it was nearly sickening, if it wasn’t cause Sunny wasn’t exactly romantic and cheesy about it. But it wasn’t till now that they actually did something about it. That made me wonder what would have happened if I just told her a couple of days ago…
Anyways, I already didn’t do it, I already didn’t tell her. I’ll go back to my regular gay self, where I felt comfortable in my own skin, with no further questioning, no more doubts… and especially no more hurting her.
I got my answer anyways.
I had to forget her.
Ryan’s POV
Wet, soft kisses on my neck pulled my away from my peaceful slumber. I grumbled at the intrusion, but pressed my back closer to the bare chest behind me. Warm giggles on my skin made my shiver and I opened my eyes to the mess that was the room. Pens and notebooks, music sheets and DVD cases, candy wrappers and redbull cans. The yellow morning light filtered through the yellow curtains and an arm wrapped around my waist, stroking my belly with its thumb.
“Morning, sunshine.” Brendon said.
“Morning.” I growled back. I decided I was pretty comfortable sleeping and should go back to do so, but you can’t sleep once Brendon is awake. The kid has so much caffeine and sugar running in his veins that his natural hyperactivity was nearly out of control. He can’t just stay still.
And he didn’t. In a second he was up and picking up things from the floor. I just watched him try to tidy up his room in all his nakedness, which was a really nice thing to watch. Reminded me of all the things we once did together, and could do again if I wanted to.
Question was: did I?
Part of me did, other part had some unfinished business dealing with cheating and lying and hurting and all the terrible things Brendon was capable of. And then… then it was that particular unfinished business and all the things we never said cause we were too good at pretending. Maybe I needed closure, needed to know the truth. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel anything for her and I’d give myself another chance with Brendon, or with anyone else, without her in the back of my head.
After a shower and Brendon making me swear we’d have lunch tomorrow at campus, I drove home nearly overheating my brain coming up with some kind of speech. Something I could say to Sunny, some way to ask her if there was something left there, anything I could hold on to and feel safe. Something that would make me be with her or forget her. I just couldn’t handle anything in between, not after what happened with William the night before and what was happening between me and Brendon.
When I parked by the house I took a deep breath trying to put my scattered ideas in some kind of coherent thought. But I couldn’t, every time the words just jumbled up, making me pace back and forth from the car to the front door. I finally decided I had to do it, cause Sunny would understand… she always did, why wouldn’t she this time. I entered the house quietly…
And that’s when I saw it. Them.
Sunny in her usual tank top and boy shorts… William in his underwear… in the kitchen. She was stirring a pot, his arms wrapped around her waist as he tickled her neck with kisses which made her giggle and squirm. I didn’t have to be genius, and I certainly wasn’t, to read the scene. It took me half a second to realize this was out of my reach and the other half to completely change my mind about talking to her.
I wasn’t going to gain anything.
Swallowing hard, feeling like I was swallowing a fucking rock, I leaned on the kitchen’s door and watched them, plastering my amused smirk and clearing my throat loudly enough for them to jump startled.
“Good morning!” I said with a chuckle which I hoped hid the shake in my voice.
“Ryan!” Sunny said with a nervous giggle. William cowered behind her, like I couldn’t see his head, 5 inches taller than Sunny.
“I want details later. William, you can stop hiding. You have nothing I haven’t seen before. And done a lot of other things with, but that’s not the point… ” I smirked as I watched them both turn the brightest shade of pink.
“Ryan, get the fuck out!” Sunny giggled, covering her face with her palm.
“Nice way to greet me, you slut!” I laughed getting inside and searching through the fridge. I didn’t want anything; well… anything besides make them uncomfortable, that’s it. I saw Sunny get close with the corner of my eyes. She shook her head and rolled her eyes.
“Out, go to your room and jerk off to your boyfriend. I’ll call you when lunch is ready.” She spoke as she literally pushed my giggling self out of the kitchen and down the hall.
I kept giggling as I walked down the hall, but after my door was closed the giggles and the smiles faded. I couldn’t talk to her. I wasn’t doing it. It was crystal clear that she’d have something much better with William there that I could ever give her so I was keeping everything to myself. It had been obvious for weeks now that they were so crazy about each other that it was nearly sickening, if it wasn’t cause Sunny wasn’t exactly romantic and cheesy about it. But it wasn’t till now that they actually did something about it. That made me wonder what would have happened if I just told her a couple of days ago…
Anyways, I already didn’t do it, I already didn’t tell her. I’ll go back to my regular gay self, where I felt comfortable in my own skin, with no further questioning, no more doubts… and especially no more hurting her.
I got my answer anyways.
I had to forget her.
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