The snow that drifted outside my window made the perfect romantic setting constrasted with the warmth of my room. But of course, there would be no romance here tonight - no matter how much I hoped for it, and prayed for it, and actually began to think it could happen. I wouldnt let myself get my hopes up, I had done that once and had them crushed. It had been a great evening, we had sat and played video games, and I had played my guitar as he sang and when he left he hugged me in such a way I thought I would never have the strength to let go again. But then as I had looked at him, and he had stared right back and I thought that maybe... just maybe... we were going to kiss - he smiled at me, said goodbye and left. And I had felt my heart drop into my stomach and burn in the acid - No... I wouldnt get my hopes up again...
He would be here soon, and I found myself looking in the mirror every two minutes, checking my hair and criticising my looks - something I had never done until recently whenever I knew he would be seeing me. I knew deep down he didnt care how I looked, but I couldnt help but worry anyway.
We had been friends for about six months now and I was already enchanted by him, I thought the world of him. My friend Ray had introduced me to him and we had hit it off straight away. Of course we would only ever be friends, I knew that... but I couldnt believe it. Not really. He was four years older than me, aged 22 but he acted just as childish as the rest of us.
I looked about my room, I had christmas lights twisted in the tiny gaps between my many posters causing a red glow to fill my otherwise darkened room, it created ambiance but of course - that didnt mean I was trying to make a romantic setting or anything...
"Hey Frankie." I nearly jumped out of my skin even though he said my name softly, just hearing his voice could easily give me a heart attack, and instantly my stomach churned with nerves and excitement. This always happened when I was around him. I spun round with a grin that I hoped didnt look fake and giggled from my nerves.
"Hey Gee, I didnt hear you come up the stairs." I said, he smiled and walked into my room, going over to my stereo and turning the volume down as my music and blaring out of the speakers.
"I'm surprised you could hear yourself think." He laughed. I laughed along with him but if only he knew how much thinking seemed to be the problem with me. "Anyways, how are you?" He asked cheerfully as we flopped down onto my bed and began setting up the game cube (because we are that cool) and selecting Mario kart.
"I'm fine, you?" I asked, surprising myself at how casual I sounded.
"I'm great. I bought some new headphones today -" Gerard pulled some lime green headphones out of his pocket and showed them me. I didnt know a lot about technology but I smiled and nodded as he told me all about them.
"The quality of sound in these is amazing - listen." He handed me the headphones and I put them in my ears, the familiar sound of Sonne by Rammstein starting to play. He crawled to the end of my bed to sort out the controllers as I sat and listened to his I - pod, the quality was amazing but I couldnt focus properly on it since his ass was looking so great in those tight jeans. I shook those thoughts out of my head and looked away until he sat down next to me again, handing me a controller. I pulled the headphones out of my ears and smiled.
"They're great." I said and he grinned.
"I know, and they didnt cost me much either." He said proudly. "Do you wanna do the special cup or star cup?" He asked and I realised the game had loaded. I hadnt even noticed.
"Oh erm, special cup." I said quickly.
"Cool, I like bowsers castle best." He said, I agreed and so the casual conversations began. We talked about all the usual crap that we do, music, games, anime, college and art work. But then he started telling me all about his family and his past, and before I knew it the game had been turned off and he was practically sat in my lap. Our hands joined as he talked. I wasnt quite sure how this situation had started but I knew I didnt want it to end. My heart was hammering but I knew I still shouldnt get my hopes up, he was just a caring person and he was always hugging people and doing little gestures like touching their hair and stuff, holding hands didnt mean anything.
"My dad used to have drinking problems... sometimes he would get so drunk and he'd be hitting my mom and I would try to stop him and he'd turn on me. Mikey used to get so scared and we were pretty much a broken family -" Gerards voice was filled with hatred and I listened intently, my lips slightly parted. I never knew about this, I dont think anyone did. I felt sort of... privileged that he trusted me so much. He continued for a while, telling me about the times his dad hurt him and his mom and Mikey, until he suddenly stopped and turned to look at me.
"Are you okay? Only... your squeezing pretty tight." He said gently, for a moment I was confused before realising I was clutching his hands abnormally tight. I blushed and loosened my grip, hiding my cheeks with my hair.
"S - sorry, its just... Its so horrible." I whispered. He turned away and leant on me, rubbing his thumbs back and forth on the back of my hands.
"It was I suppose... at the time it just felt, well... normal in a way. We were all just so used to it. But then my dad stopped the drinking and got help and stuff and he stopped. I mean - dont get me wrong, it took years for us to trust him again and we wont ever let him drink, but... its better now. Its been better for the past ten years so..." Gerard gave a casual shrug and I smiled slightly.
"Well, thats great." I said quietly and I heard him chuckle quietly.
"Your so cute, you know that?" He said with amusement. I blushed again and shrugged, deciding not to reply. "No really, you are. Your so innocent, its sweet." He insisted.
"I'm not innocent!" I gasped, he turned and smirked at me.
"Yes you are." He laughed. I was about to argue my case when my phone started to ring. I sighed and fished around in my pocket until I found it.
"Its my mom... I better take this." I mumbled before pressing the accept button and putting my phone to my ear. Gerard turned round again and resumed leaning against me, my one hand trapped between both of his.
"Hey Frankie, I'm just ringing to say I'm gonna be later than I thought. Your nan and I are still chatting and I probably wont be back for another couple of hours." My mom did her usually thing of going on forever, asking me loads of questions about if I was going to be okay and whether I should do this or not, did I want some tea? Should I order something? Was I alright? Was the tree okay? All sorts of random crap and I just kept answering with one word, hoping she'd hurry up and go so that I could carry on talking to Gerard. As she was talking though I felt a tiny kiss get pressed to the back of my hand and my heart missed a beat before speeding up considerably. Did he really just kiss my hand? Did I imagine it? When my mom finally hung up I decided not to mention it just incase I had imagined it, and Gerard didnt mention it either.
"So, you looking forward to christmas next week?" He asked and I nodded enthusiastically.
"Hell yeah I love christmas! What 'bout you?" I replied.
"Same, I cant wait to see the look on Mikeys face - I've bought him a new bass guitar. He's wanted it for ages." He said excitedly and I 'aawed' him, making him grin.
"So... tell me some stuff about you Frank. Stuff I dont know." He said softly. I shrugged, wondering what to say. After a small pause I began telling him how my dream was to be in a rock band and how my dad had never agreed with it. I then told him all about my child hood and before I knew it I had been talking for ages and I had ran out of things to say. There was a small moment of silence and I began to wonder whether I had bored him, I waited patiently until he next spoke, and when he did his voice was quiet and he sounded a little nervous.
"Frankie... can I tell you something?" He asked. I shrugged, slightly confused.
"Yeah, sure..." I whispered, feeling nervous but not knowing why. His grip tightened slightly on my hand and I felt my heart rate increase.
"I think I've fallen for you..." He whispered, my breath hitched in my throat and for a second I was too shocked to reply. He liked me? He actually liked me?
"I've fallen for you too." I managed to choke out with fortunately, not too long of a pause. Gerard sat up and turned to face me, his hazel eyes sparkling from the christmas lights. He began to lean closer and a million thoughts began racing through my mind but I was too busy focusing on him to understand any of them. My lips parted a split second before they pressed against his, my eyes closing instantly. I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest and I had never felt so happy in my life. My head was swimming as he cupped my face and shifted closer, pressing his body to mine as I raised my hands to run through his hair. His lips moved slowly against mine and I savoured the tender feeling of their warmth, I had never kissed anyone like this. It was slow and passionate and full of uncertainty. Did he really like me? I just couldnt believe it, he was so amazing, he had haunted my thoughts constantly for months - people like me just didnt get so lucky. But I was kissing him, this was real and I was really kissing him.
One of his hands moved down to hold my waist as he ran his tongue over my bottom lip, I granted access instantly - eager to taste him. His tongue slid against mine, hot and sweet. I clutched him tightly as the kiss became more heated, our lips moving faster, tongues clashing as he slid a hand up my shirt, running up my back and caressing my skin. I was desperate to feel him, to taste him even more and when the kiss broke it was too soon. He looked at me, slightly out of breath and with shining eyes.
"Frankie... we need to set boundaries." He said quietly.
"Why?" I asked, earning a grin.
"Because your still young -" He began but I cut him off.
"I'm eighteen." I pointed out. He laughed and pulled me into an embrace, letting me rest my head against his chest.
"Okay, I'm four years older than you, which may not seem that much but its enough, your still a teenager, I know a lot more than you in some aspects which are quite important. I just need you to know I want us to go slow - because if we dont I could quite happily rip your clothes off you and go too far -"
"It wouldnt be too far." I whispered, I didnt mean him to hear it but he did.
"It would Frank, you may not think it now but in the morning you would. Its so easy to get lost in the heat of the moment, I dont want that to happen. I want you Frank, I've wanted you so long now but I wont have you until I know your more than ready. Its for your own safety and peace of mine." He said gently. I couldnt help but feel more at ease, he was right. Slow was good, I could go with that.
"Okay... Thats fine. So - boundaries?" I grinned at him and he laughed.
"Right, I set the boundaries okay? For now lets just keep everything from here upwards." He indicated his waist and I nodded.
"Okay got it." I smiled sweetly and flicked my fringe out of my eyes, causing him to frown and sigh.
"Well... at least try to." He mumbled. I gave him a questioning look and he sighed again. "Sorry Frankie, but with you looking the way you do, its gonna be difficult for me to hold back." He said with a small blush. I stared at him in shock before grinning widely.
"You think I'm hot?" I asked, feeling my heart go mad. He smirked at me and pulled me closer to him, pressing our bodies tightly together and holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger, his lips hovering so close to mine I was starting to feel my head swim again.
"I would say hot is an understatement." He whispered before catching my lips in his once again. Fuck, this was definitely going to be the best christmas ever.
A/N : Woop, MERRY CHRISTMAAAASS!! EEEEEH!! I'm so excited xD I love christmas! Lol, so lemme know what you thought of this little oneshot, its pretty much based off a whole experience I had last year...ended sadly... but thats not the point. Thankyou to everyone who reads any of my stories, it means soo much to me when I know people read and enjoy them, so merry christmas!... err... again ^_^ And dont forget to get fat on chocolate and whatnot - I know I will :]
Love Rayray xoxoxox
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