FicWad

Fuck Fuck why can't i just fuckin' chill get a grip gerard. Ok just focus on your breathing Fuck I am not havin a panic attack I'm ok I'm ok I'm Ok just think slowly, calm, just stay calm. Why is my heart fuckin racing? why won't it slow down? it feels like it's going to explode. Just breathe slowly 1...2...3...4... FuckFuckfuck why can't I chillstop shaking fuck i'm getting pins and needles i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die. Maybe a glass of water will help. Fuck I hope mom and dad aren't in the kitchen don't let them see your not ok just smile 1 step 2 step 3 step 4 step 5 step 6 7 8 9 10. Ahh good their in the living room. Shit i'm still fuckin shaking, get a plastic cup just in case you drop it. There we go alrite i'll just go down stairs and sip this. It better help fuck i feel cold. Is my heart beating i can't feel it shit where's my pulse fuck where is it??? Ah there it is i'm not dead well not yet anyway just sip the water thats better i think i'm ok now.

No fuck i still feel shaky why won't it just fucking go away fuckfuckfuck i wanna just die right now... I need to do something anything just to take my mind off it paper paper pens ah there they are. Forfucksake I can't even fuckin draw right don't you cry don't cry stop acting like a fuckin idiot toughen up gerard no wonder you have no friends actin' like a pussy all the fuckin time. No one will like you if you keep cryin like that.
Xanax where is it i know i shouldn't but. i. just. reallyreally need it right now. Just one of two oh fuck it 7 will do. Water there we go I'm ok now i'm ok just fine just breathe see everything will be ok now. I'll just sleep sleep i'm ok just sleep.