FicWad

Unpredictable

Fight me, hate me
Love me, kill me
Deep inside I want you to see
Just what you do to me
Deep inside I want my love to free you
It's all I can do
To make you understand
I swear I can
See the good in you
Because you taught me to

"Thank you for offering me this position, Professor. You have no idea how grateful I am. My present state makes it... exceedingly difficult to find a worthy and safe occupation." With a sad smile, she placed her hand on her pregnant belly.

"You are quite welcome, Miss Granger." Minerva offered her a small rueful smile as she stirred her tea. "In all actuality, I wanted to offer you my old post. However, as Poppy was quick to point out, Transfiguration is much more taxing on the body than Charms."

"I should thank her. Her concern is flattering but unnecessary."

"Unnecessary? No, my dear, you are now apart of the staff and you're health - and that of your child - is very much our concern."

Hermione offered her a grateful smile, tears shining in the young woman's eyes, the color so dark and them seemingly ancient with all that she had witnessed. "Thank you, Professor."

Minerva sipped her tea slowly before she replied with a pleased grin that returned her welcome. "In any count, Filius was pleased when I told him that you would be taking over for him. He was quite relieved that I found someone highly qualified to take his post."

A mischievous look gleaned in the Headmistress' eyes. "He still regrets that you hadn't been a Ravenclaw."

Hermione let out a small snort of mirth and brought her tea up to her lips. Minerva took her silence as a cue to herself to get back to business.

"I find that I must warn you, Hermione that the fact that you are pregnant and unwed will likely be the cause of much ridicule."

"I have figured as much, Professor. People in my state are rare in the Wizarding World."

"Indeed, our world is a very traditional place." Minerva paused, for a moment to think her words through before she spoke them aloud. "I am not sure that giving you this job will go over well with the Ministry. You are not the Minister's favorite person as of late."

A dark look passed over the girl's face. "I am aware of that."

"I am certain that I can go against their wishes if they seek to have you fired. If I can buy pardon for Severus, unquestionably I can do the same for you."

"Thank you, Professor."

"It's Minerva, Hermione. Come let me show you your quarters."


That had been only a few short months ago. Hermione sighed and sipped her pumpkin juice a bit, incredibly bored, swollen ankles aching. Rubbing a hand absently across her extended belly, she peered out at the students, recognizing faces but not really caring. She was, of course, there to chaperon but she found all that was on her mind was the dark man across the hall.

Her colleague.

The man she loved. The father of her child.

Her rapist.

She sighed, shivering a bit and rubbing small soothing circles around the spot where her child kicked her.

For months, Severus had been nothing but cruel to her, threatening her to turn her into many a pickled entrails if she dared mention who was the father of her baby. She knew that he was afraid anyone finding out the circumstances around the conception. It had taken months to free him from Azkaban. It had taken three months before he was reinstated as Potions Master and Head of Slytherin house.

So she was well aware that his fragile peace could easily be shattered by her actions.

However, she had no intention of telling anyone - the only one knowing was a portrait of the late Headmaster whose painted image was sworn to secrecy. Deep inside, she had the feeling that he did trust her.

Because it hurt too much to think otherwise.

Especially when he had all of her heart, for forever.

She sighed again and mustered up a bit of courage - her Gryffindor bravery seemed to be lacking as of late and especially around him. Casting a small glance at an irritated McGonagall standing beside a very drunken Hagrid, she smiled shakily and made her way to Severus' side.

The man said nothing to her as she approached and his face a perfect mask of indifference. His onyx eyes stared straight ahead, seeming to notice nothing and everything at the same moment.

But the stiffening of his shoulders and the clenching of his fists gave away that he acknowledged her presence. She knew him well.

"Good evening, Severus," she whispered.

He let out a low growl and her treacherous body felt a shiver go up her spine. Fidgeting a bit as a smirk lit his face, she went to stand next to him, their arms only an inch apart. She could feel his warmth. She could smell a heady aroma of herbs and various potions now, coming off of his clothes. She smiled as she smelled soap on him and realized his hair was still wet.

She reached up and touched a lock of black silk, trying not to giggle as he batted her hand away like a school boy. "Accident today in class, Severus?"

He growled again, this time looking her straight in the eyes. She was stunned for a moment, staring and feeling like she was drowning. But suddenly, her scalp began to tingle and she felt so warm. Realizing what he was doing, she placed down her walls, glaring at him.

"Stay out of my head," she muttered, perturbed at his extreme lack of manners.

"You never tell me anything of importance," he muttered, scowling at two passing fourth year Hufflepuffs who quickly scurried.

"Maybe you never ask the right questions," she mumbled, folding her arms under her breast, resting them easily on her large stomach. She winced when a particularly sharp kick hit her abused bladder.

He cast a sidelong glance at her, "What is it?"

She smiled at him, "He's just playing Quidditch."

He gave her a strange look but went back to his monitoring.

She bit her lip anxiously. She wanted to ask - damn well tell him what she had kept secret for a while. It was time he knew. It was time he prepared. It was time he learned that she would not run away from him, ever.

"Severus, I need to ask you something."

"If I had knut for every time those words came from you..."

She pursed her lips. "I'm desperate, Severus. In fact, perhaps, Poppy might like to know the parental history of our child to further-!"

"Shut up," he growled, pulling her by the forearm into the entrance hall. Snapping at a kissing sixth year couple whom quickly scattered, he turned to face her.

"How dare you!"

"How dare I?!" She yelled at him, cheeks flaming red. "You are the man who makes me keep something so dear and precious to me under lock and key! My baby, our baby deserves a father!"

"Then go marry a Weasley!" he bellowed. "That thing is no-!"

Raging with fire in her being, she pulled out her wand, pointing it straight at his nose. "You finish that sentence and I swear I will curse you within an inch of your life."

"That shouldn't have happened. It is nothing but a reminder of pain, Granger! The encounter is best left forgotten!"

Tears welled up in her eyes. "Must we always come back to that? It did happen, Severus. It shouldn't have, but it did." She cursed her weakness silently as she felt one drop roll down her face. "Truthfully, I wouldn't change it if I could!"

"How could you-!" She placed a hand on his cheek and he stopped talking, stunned by her sudden touch and watched in mute horror as she pushed her body up against his as far as her pregnancy would allow.

"Ever since I lost my parents... ever since I lost Ron, I have wanted a reason to go on with my life..." She fought against the trembles in her voice to no avail. "Now, I have something to love, a reason for waking up in the morning!"

"You had a future! A future where you could forget-!"

"Maybe I don't want to forget!"

Silence spread between them as her secret was exploded in a fit of anger. She bit her lip, gasping a bit for breath, then whispered brokenly, "I'm trying to love you and you don't particularly make it easy for me."

"I do not accept pity. You know this."

She stared at him in shock, fire rushing once more into her eyes. "Pity? Pity?! I cared for you! I still do! All I'm trying to do is to set things right between us!"

"You have only worsened them! Just as you did during the war!"

He glared down at her shocked face.

"How can you say that?! I was trying to save you!"

He grasped her shoulders and shook her, desperate to make her see reason. "And look where it got you!"

Her eyes were wild as she stared into his. She pursed her lips together and stepped even closer to him, her swollen abdomen brushing against the buttons on his frockcoat.

"I wish you would realize that our child is not some sort of sexually transmitted disease!" Tears streamed forth yet she stared at him with resolve. "I wish no more ill from you, Severus, only that you would stop being a fool and open your eyes."

Suddenly her lips crashed onto his, pressing hard. He remained still, arms held stiffly at his sides. She clenched her eyes shut and two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. She pulled back and stared at him. He opened his eyes and scowled at her.

"Happy Christmas, Severus."

And with a broken spirit, she fled to outside, into the cold and the snow.

*

"Brilliantly done, Severus."

He stiffened as McGonagall came to stand beside him.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you really do care for her."

He turned to look at her in amazement. "Have you gone daft, Minerva?"

"Severus, if you didn't love her then you wouldn't be pushing her away as hard." She smiled at him. "I know your type. Protect yourself from heartache and protect your loved one from shame. You are nothing if not predictable."

"What?" he growled.

She smiled at him. "Do something unpredictable for a change." She walked off toward her quarters and did not look back at him as she wished him a "Happy Christmas."

Not having any clue what he was doing, he stood in the snow and cold, flurries coming down around him. He stared at her form only a few feet away. His betraying heart reminded him of her warmth when he had held her after her parents died, how he had stopped her from killing herself after Weasley's death when he knew she had nothing else in the world. He had saved her from Lucius' clutches. She had become the family to himself and Draco that they had never had.

Draco had died trying to save her, in battle, no longer a puppet in his father's show. Severus had saved his skin by killing her chance at a future.

But something had happened out of it that he had never thought about.

He had never wanted to be a father - too many memories of his own made him feel cursed to be the same.

Now that silly, beautiful girl carried his son, his only child, the heir to his legacy and he wanted nothing else but to wish its father could have been Weasley's, or Potter' s or even Draco's. She would be happier and he would be alone.

He wanted her. He knew this. He loved her unlike any woman since Lily Evans. Only Hermione seemed to break him more. Perhaps, it was because she loved him back. Not just because of their son but because of him and in spite of himself.

Perhaps, the only thing right to do would be the honorable thing.

Perhaps, the only honorable thing to do would make him the happiest he had ever been.

He loved her. He could recognize that now and be damned anyone who stood in his way.

*

She had been incredibly, incredibly stupid. She had known deep down in side that he would never claim his child. But she had wished - oh, forget wishing, she thought. Forget everything, forget him, forget his warmth, his smell. You are fated to be alone. Enjoy it. Revel in it.

But she knew that once she saw her son's face she would see Severus Snape's every time.

"Curse him," she growled, one booted foot kicking a small pile of snow.

"I already am."

She whirled around to face him, all her ire disappearing at the look on his face. She smiled softly and shook her head. He walked forward until they stood only a few inches apart. She could even feel his body heat.

"I'm not an easy man to care for, Hermione."

"I believe I noticed," but she was smiling.

"I'm not anything near what you deserve."

His eyes bore into hers and she closed the gap between them. "Yet, you're everything I want." She cupped his cheek with her hand. "You deserve more than you give yourself credit for."

"I can't promise anything." He looked away from her, lips pursed.

"I just want you to be by us. All I want is right now. I need no promises. I just want right now."

He seemed to war within himself. She watched as the man she had always seen in him, the man he rarely showed began to fade into existence.

She looked down at her abdomen and placed a hand on it as her forehead leaned to rest on Severus's chest. His arm snaked around her to hold her tight against him. Hot, happy tears ran down her cold cheeks and she cast a glance down at her resting hand.

Happy Christmas, baby.