FicWad

A/N: I think I'm definately gonna run with this story, where I'm not too sure yet. Please keep reading though... Oh yeah PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RATE AND REVIEW, WHETHER YOU LIKED IT OR NOT!!!(constructive critisizm only- saying 'it's shit' isn't helpful and I just won't take notice of your opinion cos' frankly I don't give a fuck about lame-ass veiws as that!'


‘Thank God, I’m free at last’ I thought out loud in by head.
For the past twelve mind- numbing weeks on a Monday I had been in that God forsaken hell-hole of a therapy group. If it wasn’t for my Mom and Dad’s constant pleading and encouragement; I would have never gone back after the second session. For two bloody hours I had to sit in a stuffy room being told by a two therapists, both with the most annoyingly monotonous voices, how insane I was. The worst bit overall was that I was the only guy and because of this the therapists gave me ‘special encouragement’ by continuously asking me outright all these stupid questions about emotion.
The first week was sort of interesting though. As I sat in the pressure cooker room (it was both hot and tense) I looked round at all the girl’s faces trying to work out why each of them was here.
Melissa the tall, blonde, Goth looking one was obviously a slave to anorexia discernable from her unnatural stick-like and angular figure. Claire who was sitting next to her seemed totally obsessive compulsive and always turned up extra early so she could get the same seat in the room everyday. She also made sure both windows were locked but both blinds were half open (she claimed it made her feel safe). Anna who sat on the other side of Melissa evidently had attention difficulties and bad mood swings as we all came to find out after she burst into a hysterical fit of laughter in the middle of one session then stood up and swore at the leading therapist Steven, calling him a ‘fucking wino’. She then proceeded to collapse to her knees on the floor and cry silently for the last hour.
Lorna was the one who I was most drawn to though, not only was she the prettiest but she was also insanely difficult to work out. Her round hazel eyes always seemed full of light yet, mysteriously distant and her red full lips were fixed in a gentle smile.
And it was that smile of hers which I just couldn’t see past. She was giggly and high-spirited and no matter how carefully I observed her body language there was absolutely nothing that would give her cheerfulness away.

I walked almost with a skip in my step glad to never have to return to that old grey building. It was more like a prison than an adolescent mental health service. It even had iron bars of the fucking windows. Its name was especially stupid almost patronizing. It still makes me want to laugh when I say it over to myself: ‘The Sunnyside Centre’. Like putting a happy-clappy name like that on it made it any less shitty to go there. If you just read the name and knew nothing about it you’d assume it was a bloody day-care centre for three year olds not where you went if you were fuckin’ depressed. Abruptly I heard footsteps getting louder behind me and a female voice calling my name.
‘Gerard….wait up’
I slowed my pace and quickly looked over my shoulder to see who was calling me. It was Lorna. I stopped and turned round to face her. She was smiling brightly as usual. However, this was the first time she had ever talked to me.
‘Hey, thanks for waiting. Ya’ mind if I walk with you’
‘Uh, yeah sure…urm do you live in this direction?’
I was slightly nervous of her cos’ she always gave me looks in the group. Not bitchy ones nice ones, almost flirty. They made me feel a little gawky anyhow.
‘Yep, I don’t want you to think I’m a stalker or anything but I live two streets away from you. I end up following you most of the way home normally. You just don’t notice and I’ve been too shy up ‘til now to come walk with you.’
‘Oh’ I smiled. Okay so it was a little weird but she seemed likeable enough, plus her explanation of her keeping her distance was plausible. The group therapists warned us not to have friendships outside of the group while it was running. I haven’t the slightest idea why however.
We didn’t talk for a while until we got onto the main road, yet strangely it wasn’t an awkward silence it was actually quite comfortable. After a while I plucked up the courage to ask her why she came to the group.
‘So…uh Lorna why did you ya’know?’
‘Come to that stupid group thingy?’
‘Yeah, you seem so… happy’ I watched her face carefully to catch any hints of her holding back something.
‘I’m just a positive person I guess’. She smiled and shrugged her shoulders. I still stared at her questioningly.
‘Well…apparently I’ve got Bipolar and Borderline personality disorder but I don’t think I have. I mean I never get depressed really- well at least I don’t think I do.’
I was surprised at how open she was to me; she made me feel very relaxed.
‘Really, I never would have guessed.’ I really wouldn’t have.
‘Yeah I’m unreadable; I make a great liar…nah’ I’m just jokin’ with ya.’
I started to test her observation skills slightly. I half hoped they were crap, but I wasn’t banking on it.
‘So… what do you think is up with me?’
She was silent for a minute then rapidly burst out with the answer:
‘You’re a self harmer who’d ridden by anxiety and depression’
Fuck, she was good I thought. But at the same time I was kinda’ creeped out. Maybe she was a stalker. The curious thing was though; she didn’t even look at me when she said it, and so she couldn’t have seen the cuts on my wrist. Automatically, however I began pulling my sleeves down just in case.
‘See… you’re not that mysterious Gerard.’ Embarrassment flashed across my face as I noticed she’d been watching me.
‘Don’t worry about it, I’m not gonna’ start lecturing you about your choice of coping mechanisms. I’m sure you get enough from you family anyway. Am I right, or am I right?’
My nerves relaxed slightly as she said this. A slight wonder lurked in the back of my mind as she said this though, it made me question if she ever had experience will self- harm. She seemed to sorta’ understand it. But I reckoned that it be too bold of a question to ask.
‘People don’t notice that their little habits get noticed but they- well, by me anyway. I mean…you, for example….’ I started to feel a little uneasy again as she began to pick apart my body language.
‘You’re super defensive of anyone seeing your wrist's, that’s why you fold your arms or pull down your sleeves ever ten minutes. You seem to always be moving your feet when you sit down- a classic sign of nervousness and anxiety. You rarely look anyone in the eye, you hardly talk and your face though, gorgeous as it might be always looks quite empty. Just made, me assume, that you were depressed. Either that or you’re super shy. Or is it both?’
I raised my eyebrows in amazement ‘she thinks my face is gorgeous?!’ I hung my head slightly to hide my bashfulness. I wasn’t used to getting compliments from girls like that.
We got to my driveway and we both faced each other, she still had a fond grin across her face and a hint of pride which I guessed was due to her brilliant job of analysing me.
‘Anyways, now group is over, you’ll have no excuse not to be my friend’
I don’t know what it was then but a spark seemed to go off inside of me. Maybe it was the fact that I found her undeniably attractive or just that for once in quite a long while I found someone who seemed not only to understand me but read me also. She gently took hold of my shoulders and turned me round until I was facing away from her. I turned my head round cautiously to glance at what she was doing. She reached into her bright purple bag and brought out a paper and pen.
‘Don’t worry I’m not going to put a ‘kick-me’ sign on you. I’m just gonna’ lean on you while I write my mobile number down and my address; even if it is just two streets away.’
After she had finished using me as her desk we parted and said good-bye. As I walked up my drive I felt my heart go up a gear and this time I could tell it was not because of anxiety, but because I had started to fall for Lorna.