Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > But I Can't.
I've decided to start putting out longer chapters. : D Lucky for you, eh? But I'm going to be switching between my parents houses so you'll probably only be getting updates every other week. : ( Sorry kiddos. But at least I'm actually seriously typing now instead of like being a retard and recapping shit. Last chapter is when shit really started up(if you couldn't tell or something) so it should stay pretty juicy from here on. Yayayaya.
The next morning I woke up terrified. I didn't know if that was all a dream or if I was going to get glares from him the whole trip. All I knew was that he could do that to me, he was capable of that. I was hoping to god it was a dream for a while, but then I realized that if it wasn't a dream that I'm probably too weak to fight him off if he did do something like that. Even though it was cold, I woke up outside of my sleeping bag. Conner explained that I kept moving in my sleep. So if it was a dream then that might explain my moving in my sleep, but if it wasn't then Conner didn't say anything about it that morning.
After getting ready and changing into our clothes, Conner and I walked out for breakfast. It was cereal, as usual. For some reason I couldn't focus at all that morning, probably because of Matt. Matt was eating breakfast at another picnic table, but I could still sneak glances at him. Every time I looked up he just so happened to be glaring at me. That was when I figured that that whole ordeal really happened. As soon as it struck me I felt so fucking... filthy. I hated it. I never wanted his tongue by my mouth again, and I never wanted his body that close to me, or his hands on me. I cringed and turned back towards my cereal, which I had barely eaten any of.
It wasn't that I had stopped eating. I mean, I would eat some meals. But sometimes I just didn't feel well enough to eat. Like I felt like if I ate it that I was going to throw up and vomit all over Conner or something. So I just didn't bother eating most of the time. At that moment I wished that I could go hide somewhere and take some pills to calm me down, after all that was what I needed at the moment. I needed something to put me in a daze so I was still functioning, just not really awake. But, not only were my pills back in the tent, but I starting thinking about Gerard again. How I had promised him, but, that promise meant pretty much nothing. I sighed.
"Dammit Conner." I mumbled, knowing he would hear.
"What?" He asked, milk dripping down his face.
I stared at him with an eyebrow raised for a second before looking away again.
"Gerard should be here." I told him.
Before he could even open his mouth some other voice cut in.
"My brother? Why would you want him here?" It was that one kid.
At first I was shocked that someone had actually interrupted The Great Conner, then I was shocked because it was Mikey actually speaking, then I was shocked that it was Mikey telling us that Gerard was his brother! I gave him a dumbfounded look for a minute.
"Gee's your brother?" I asked, almost gawking at him.
I didn't know if Mikey was my age or older, but it didn't matter. This kid was Gerard's little brother. And I had kissed Gerard. This felt so awkward even though he was clueless. He stared at me with the look I had given Conner a few seconds ago, like "wtf?".
"Yeaaah. I thought you knew that?" He told me.
"Well, I don't know, you guys don't really look alike." I said, kind of looking away.
I hope that I wasn't offending him because they had a different father or something, but I just had to justify my stupidity. Mikey scoffed.
"Good. I don't want to look like him." He said, flicking his cereal around in the little plastic bowl.
I took it that they had the same parents. And that Mikey really didn't like Gerard.
"You aren't close with your brother?" I asked, kind of curious about it.
"No. Well, we used to be. Then he kind of grew up on me." He said, continuing to play with his cereal.
I felt bad for them but didn't say anything. Theo and I were pretty close, well at least, not in public. But Theo knew when he needed to protect me. Theo was staying at home the rest of this week. Since he was a volunteer there was really no need to work when he didn't want to, and I guess it was one of those weeks. As much as I was kind of relieved to get away from him, right now was certainly a time when I could have used his brotherly-ness.
Mikey and I would talk a lot from that point on, but we would never be close friends for some reason. I think that I might have pushed him away because of his brother, and I just didn't want him to find out. Anyways that's ahead of the story.
So that day went pretty smoothly, we all hung out by the docks next to our campsite and some of us got kind of wet. But like I said, swimming isn't my thing. I stayed on the benches by the docks and sometimes I would walk around with Conner, but for the most part I tried to stay away from the water(and avoid Matt). For the most part Matt acted like nothing happened, if we caught each other's eyes then we would either glare or look away. That day I didn't text Gerard for some reason, hoping that he would text me instead, but he didn't. I found myself constantly doing things like that, hoping that he would want my attention more than I wanted his or something. But they usually didn't work.
One night we were hanging around the campsite and a little wiener dog ran into the middle of everyone. We all started petting it and talking to it when finally the owner came over and said that it had gotten off the leash. They apologized for the nuisance that they thought the dog was and Antoinette explained that it was no problem at all. The rest of that week we became dog sitters for some strangers whenever they wanted to go for a walk. Since we were right by the beach too the family said it was okay if we took the dog to the beach. I don't know about you but I wouldn't trust a bunch of teenagers and young adults with my goddamn tiny dog.
We went down to the beach a few times and Matt actually tried talking to me. I was beginning to think that he had some kind of memory loss or something because normal people don't just let you do that to them. I sat on the rocks with Conner most of the time, taking naps and just hanging out. Antoinette and this new leader talked most of the time. Her name was AJ and she was becoming my new Antoinette, in the sense that we were a leader and camper but were friends. AJ was really fucking awesome and she started talking to me a lot that camping trip. She would also play a roll later on that Summer with Gerard.
AJ was pretty, she had dark brown hair that I assumed was faded black. She had blue eyes and a pretty smile with dimples. I thought that she was someone to be admired, and she really was. AJ was awesome and she kind of made my summer. She hung around with Conner and a lot and got Antoinette talking to me more. I felt so gay hanging around the female leaders, but hey, I was bi, who cares? AJ really let loose around Conner and I, she wasn't afraid to say weird shit and cuss like all the other leaders were, and that was definitely good for us.
So after a few odd days of the first week of summer camp, I was finally adjusted to the new everyone. Well, Conner hadn't changed that much, but I sure had. Then, it was finally Thursday, finally time to see Gerard again more like it. Everyone packed up their stuff into the bus and we said goodbye to the little wiener dog that we hung out with. Conner and I didn't bother sleeping for the first part of the bust trip because we were just going to stop again at the lake where everyone was meeting up. We only had to wait like half an hour before we got there, and holy shit, I was nervous.
I didn't know what Gerard was going to say to me if we were able to hang out at all that day, so I tried not thinking about it. Since I wasn't going in the water at the lake I just kept my clothes on, but I made sure that I looked cute that day. I was wearing a nice pair of black jeans and a new pair of red converse and my black shirt with white lightening zig-zag stripes down it. And as for my hair? well it kind of just flopped into place all the time. So that was cute enough for me, but I still worried about Gerard.
When we unloaded the bus I walked over to one of the younger camp's leaders. I looked up at him, trying not to look like an annoying needy puppy.
"Do you know where Gerard is?" I asked quietly.
He looked out onto the lake, shading his eyes from the sun.
"Uhm, yeah, I think he's taking the kids out on the canoe right now." He told me politely.
I looked off onto the lake and saw Gerard sitting in the back of a canoe, three kids between him and our life guard lady. I smiled back at the camp leader,
"Thanks." I said as I wandered off to find Conner.
I guess Theo had showed up that day because he was hanging out with some of his friends on the dock. He was so lucky that he just got to choose when he came and when he didn't. So I talked with Theo for a little bit and told him that Matt was really pissing me off. Theo agreed that Matt had some issues and told me he would tell him to lay off, even though he was only a year older and Matt somehow he listened.
The whole time at the lake all I did was wave to Gerard. He was so busy all the time that I was starting to remember why this wouldn't work. So Conner and I just sat in the sand, talking about stuff. Right before we had to leave Gerard walked up behind Conner and I. I felt the san shift behind me so I turned around to see Gerard's leg. Then I looked up and saw his bare chest. He wasn't buff, but he didn't have an ounce of fat on him. I tried not to gawk as I stared up at him. He smiled at me and took a sip of his water. I reached up for his water and he put it in my hand, letting me have a drink the first time I tried this time.
"Almost time to go guys." He told us, so leader-like.
Conner and I nodded before I kind of frowned.
"We didn't get to hang or anything though." I told him sadly.
Before he could even fucking answer someone called him over to help put the canoe on top of the van they brought. He gave me a sad smile then jogged off to help. I kicked the sand a little in disappointment. Conner sighed and nudged me, letting me know that we should get on the bus. As much as I didn't want to I sat down in the hot bus seat. Just before I decided to take a nap I got a text message.
"you looked cute today." It was from Gerard.
I smiled and fell asleep on Conner's shoulder.
Still not much Gerard in the story yet. But the next chapter will certainly have him in it. : D Yayyy! So yeah, review and all that stuff please. Thanks kidddddds.
Lovelovelove,
Finch
The next morning I woke up terrified. I didn't know if that was all a dream or if I was going to get glares from him the whole trip. All I knew was that he could do that to me, he was capable of that. I was hoping to god it was a dream for a while, but then I realized that if it wasn't a dream that I'm probably too weak to fight him off if he did do something like that. Even though it was cold, I woke up outside of my sleeping bag. Conner explained that I kept moving in my sleep. So if it was a dream then that might explain my moving in my sleep, but if it wasn't then Conner didn't say anything about it that morning.
After getting ready and changing into our clothes, Conner and I walked out for breakfast. It was cereal, as usual. For some reason I couldn't focus at all that morning, probably because of Matt. Matt was eating breakfast at another picnic table, but I could still sneak glances at him. Every time I looked up he just so happened to be glaring at me. That was when I figured that that whole ordeal really happened. As soon as it struck me I felt so fucking... filthy. I hated it. I never wanted his tongue by my mouth again, and I never wanted his body that close to me, or his hands on me. I cringed and turned back towards my cereal, which I had barely eaten any of.
It wasn't that I had stopped eating. I mean, I would eat some meals. But sometimes I just didn't feel well enough to eat. Like I felt like if I ate it that I was going to throw up and vomit all over Conner or something. So I just didn't bother eating most of the time. At that moment I wished that I could go hide somewhere and take some pills to calm me down, after all that was what I needed at the moment. I needed something to put me in a daze so I was still functioning, just not really awake. But, not only were my pills back in the tent, but I starting thinking about Gerard again. How I had promised him, but, that promise meant pretty much nothing. I sighed.
"Dammit Conner." I mumbled, knowing he would hear.
"What?" He asked, milk dripping down his face.
I stared at him with an eyebrow raised for a second before looking away again.
"Gerard should be here." I told him.
Before he could even open his mouth some other voice cut in.
"My brother? Why would you want him here?" It was that one kid.
At first I was shocked that someone had actually interrupted The Great Conner, then I was shocked because it was Mikey actually speaking, then I was shocked that it was Mikey telling us that Gerard was his brother! I gave him a dumbfounded look for a minute.
"Gee's your brother?" I asked, almost gawking at him.
I didn't know if Mikey was my age or older, but it didn't matter. This kid was Gerard's little brother. And I had kissed Gerard. This felt so awkward even though he was clueless. He stared at me with the look I had given Conner a few seconds ago, like "wtf?".
"Yeaaah. I thought you knew that?" He told me.
"Well, I don't know, you guys don't really look alike." I said, kind of looking away.
I hope that I wasn't offending him because they had a different father or something, but I just had to justify my stupidity. Mikey scoffed.
"Good. I don't want to look like him." He said, flicking his cereal around in the little plastic bowl.
I took it that they had the same parents. And that Mikey really didn't like Gerard.
"You aren't close with your brother?" I asked, kind of curious about it.
"No. Well, we used to be. Then he kind of grew up on me." He said, continuing to play with his cereal.
I felt bad for them but didn't say anything. Theo and I were pretty close, well at least, not in public. But Theo knew when he needed to protect me. Theo was staying at home the rest of this week. Since he was a volunteer there was really no need to work when he didn't want to, and I guess it was one of those weeks. As much as I was kind of relieved to get away from him, right now was certainly a time when I could have used his brotherly-ness.
Mikey and I would talk a lot from that point on, but we would never be close friends for some reason. I think that I might have pushed him away because of his brother, and I just didn't want him to find out. Anyways that's ahead of the story.
So that day went pretty smoothly, we all hung out by the docks next to our campsite and some of us got kind of wet. But like I said, swimming isn't my thing. I stayed on the benches by the docks and sometimes I would walk around with Conner, but for the most part I tried to stay away from the water(and avoid Matt). For the most part Matt acted like nothing happened, if we caught each other's eyes then we would either glare or look away. That day I didn't text Gerard for some reason, hoping that he would text me instead, but he didn't. I found myself constantly doing things like that, hoping that he would want my attention more than I wanted his or something. But they usually didn't work.
One night we were hanging around the campsite and a little wiener dog ran into the middle of everyone. We all started petting it and talking to it when finally the owner came over and said that it had gotten off the leash. They apologized for the nuisance that they thought the dog was and Antoinette explained that it was no problem at all. The rest of that week we became dog sitters for some strangers whenever they wanted to go for a walk. Since we were right by the beach too the family said it was okay if we took the dog to the beach. I don't know about you but I wouldn't trust a bunch of teenagers and young adults with my goddamn tiny dog.
We went down to the beach a few times and Matt actually tried talking to me. I was beginning to think that he had some kind of memory loss or something because normal people don't just let you do that to them. I sat on the rocks with Conner most of the time, taking naps and just hanging out. Antoinette and this new leader talked most of the time. Her name was AJ and she was becoming my new Antoinette, in the sense that we were a leader and camper but were friends. AJ was really fucking awesome and she started talking to me a lot that camping trip. She would also play a roll later on that Summer with Gerard.
AJ was pretty, she had dark brown hair that I assumed was faded black. She had blue eyes and a pretty smile with dimples. I thought that she was someone to be admired, and she really was. AJ was awesome and she kind of made my summer. She hung around with Conner and a lot and got Antoinette talking to me more. I felt so gay hanging around the female leaders, but hey, I was bi, who cares? AJ really let loose around Conner and I, she wasn't afraid to say weird shit and cuss like all the other leaders were, and that was definitely good for us.
So after a few odd days of the first week of summer camp, I was finally adjusted to the new everyone. Well, Conner hadn't changed that much, but I sure had. Then, it was finally Thursday, finally time to see Gerard again more like it. Everyone packed up their stuff into the bus and we said goodbye to the little wiener dog that we hung out with. Conner and I didn't bother sleeping for the first part of the bust trip because we were just going to stop again at the lake where everyone was meeting up. We only had to wait like half an hour before we got there, and holy shit, I was nervous.
I didn't know what Gerard was going to say to me if we were able to hang out at all that day, so I tried not thinking about it. Since I wasn't going in the water at the lake I just kept my clothes on, but I made sure that I looked cute that day. I was wearing a nice pair of black jeans and a new pair of red converse and my black shirt with white lightening zig-zag stripes down it. And as for my hair? well it kind of just flopped into place all the time. So that was cute enough for me, but I still worried about Gerard.
When we unloaded the bus I walked over to one of the younger camp's leaders. I looked up at him, trying not to look like an annoying needy puppy.
"Do you know where Gerard is?" I asked quietly.
He looked out onto the lake, shading his eyes from the sun.
"Uhm, yeah, I think he's taking the kids out on the canoe right now." He told me politely.
I looked off onto the lake and saw Gerard sitting in the back of a canoe, three kids between him and our life guard lady. I smiled back at the camp leader,
"Thanks." I said as I wandered off to find Conner.
I guess Theo had showed up that day because he was hanging out with some of his friends on the dock. He was so lucky that he just got to choose when he came and when he didn't. So I talked with Theo for a little bit and told him that Matt was really pissing me off. Theo agreed that Matt had some issues and told me he would tell him to lay off, even though he was only a year older and Matt somehow he listened.
The whole time at the lake all I did was wave to Gerard. He was so busy all the time that I was starting to remember why this wouldn't work. So Conner and I just sat in the sand, talking about stuff. Right before we had to leave Gerard walked up behind Conner and I. I felt the san shift behind me so I turned around to see Gerard's leg. Then I looked up and saw his bare chest. He wasn't buff, but he didn't have an ounce of fat on him. I tried not to gawk as I stared up at him. He smiled at me and took a sip of his water. I reached up for his water and he put it in my hand, letting me have a drink the first time I tried this time.
"Almost time to go guys." He told us, so leader-like.
Conner and I nodded before I kind of frowned.
"We didn't get to hang or anything though." I told him sadly.
Before he could even fucking answer someone called him over to help put the canoe on top of the van they brought. He gave me a sad smile then jogged off to help. I kicked the sand a little in disappointment. Conner sighed and nudged me, letting me know that we should get on the bus. As much as I didn't want to I sat down in the hot bus seat. Just before I decided to take a nap I got a text message.
"you looked cute today." It was from Gerard.
I smiled and fell asleep on Conner's shoulder.
Still not much Gerard in the story yet. But the next chapter will certainly have him in it. : D Yayyy! So yeah, review and all that stuff please. Thanks kidddddds.
Lovelovelove,
Finch
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