FicWad

It was two weeks since I told Joanna everything and she stormed out of my life. I can’t say that I blame her. If we got caught it would and they knew she knew it would cost her everything. I tried finding a new lawyer but once they heard that the Howells had hired Darryl Thomas, they all seemed to back down. I imagine this guy was really, really good. It seems like Joanna isn’t the only one that hasn’t won against him.

The magistrate hearing on paternity was earlier today and Emily and I were ordered to have DNA tests performed. The doc tried to get out of it by saying that Emily was petrified of needles. So they decided to just do saliva swabs. It’s amazing what the geeks in the lab can do.

I already went for my testing and the test lab would be going to the Howell’s house in Long Island to test the kid.

It was great seeing Alyssa again even though she was on Gerard’s arm. They showed up being all lovey dovey until they got in the courtroom. Then it was all about those stolen glances. Why couldn’t she have them for me? Doesn’t she realize how I feel about her even after all these years? Even after all she’s done? I’d treat her so right. My thoughts came crashing back to reality when I heard her speak.

“Wanna talk about it Bob?” she asked as she finished getting dressed.

“About what?”

“Whatever’s been on your mind tonight? Let’s face it for my two hours we usually do more. You definitely were off tonight.”

“I just got a lot on my mind. The money’s on the table as usual. I threw you an extra fifty for your trouble.”

“Will I see you at the club tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know maybe Saturday.”

“That won’t be a good night, Bret is in town.”

“Oooo the invisible boyfriend.”

“Better watch it Bryar our days of doing this are numbered.”

“I’m sure I can find someone else.”

“Lacey is pretty interested.”

“I thought she had a girlfriend.”

“They’re both interested, if you get my drift.”

“I get it. You know the way out I’m going to get some shut eye.”

“Thanks again Bryar.”

I heard the door shut, so I reached over to my night stand and grabbed my cigarettes. I opened it and grabbed one out of the pack. I noticed that there was five left. I’ll have to get some after I get up. My eyelids started closing slowly and I knew I would soon be in slumberland dreaming of the life I so desperately wanted with Alyssa. The life I would never have.

I woke up abruptly when I heard knocking at my door. I looked at the clock and only a half hour went by. What the fuck did Candy forget this time?

“Coming,” I yelled as I got out of bed. I threw on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. Funny the usual response of ‘Again?’ was missing. Did something happen? I got to the door and my heart was racing thinking ‘I hope she was okay’. I opened the door and got the biggest shock of my life.

“Lyssa?”

“I had nowhere else to go?” She was standing there in front of me in tears. “Gerard and I had a huge fight. I think it’s over.”

I wanted to be happy but seeing her like this just made me miserable too. I took her in my arms as she cried against my chest, “I’m sure everything is going to be okay. Just give him time to cool off. Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk about it.”

I led her into my kitchen and just held her as she continued to sob. I breathed in the very essence of her; there was no perfume just her. I closed my eyes as I leaned in and kissed the top of her head. Slowly she began to stop crying, she looked up at me and I wiped the last of her tears away. I hope she couldn’t feel the flip flops of my stomach that I had as I held her. Now wasn’t the time or place, now she just needed a friend and I was determined to be that friend, “Why don’t you have a seat, would you like something to drink?

“Vodka straight up.”

“Nice try, something else maybe?”

With a hint of a little smile she said, “Wine spritzer?”

“Don’t ask me why but I have a friend who likes herbal tea, and she always says it has a calming affect.”

She gave me a quizzical look, and I smiled, “I said don’t ask.”

“I didn’t say a word.”

“You don’t have to.”

As I filled the tea kettle with water, placed it on the stove and turned it on. I couldn’t help but look how beautiful and vulnerable she looked. In her current state I’m sure I could charm her into my bed and show her how much I’ve learned since I was fifteen. But that could end one of two ways, she’d fall in love with me and we would live happily ever after or the more likely scenario she would hate me and never want to speak to me again. I just can’t take the chance.

The whistling of the tea kettle brought me back to reality and soon I had made her tea, and brought it to her along with the sugar bowl and some milk. She looked at me and smiled.

She tasted her tea and added one teaspoon then began to drink it. “Do you want to stay in here or go out into the living room?”

“Let’s go into the living room, if it’s okay?” she asked shyly.

I led her into the living room, and we sat on the overstuffed black cushioned couch. Before she had a chance to place her tea on the glass coffee table I took out a coaster for her to place it on. She started laughing at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I just never pictured you like this?”

“Like what?”

“A neat freak.”

“Things have a place and if put in their place then there would be less time to spend cleaning later.”

“It’s just so different from Gerard and Ray’s place. Compared to you they live like animals.”

She took her shoes off and placed them neatly next to the coffee table and then she sat sideways with her legs and feet next to her. She looked at me for approval. How could I not approve, I too sat sideways facing her.

“So you want to tell me about what happened that was so horrible that you and Gerard are broken up forever?”

“He wanted to make love to me,” she said sadly. I wanted to smile that she thought the idea of having sex with Way was going to be horrible, but I was going to be her friend. I knew the only reason she ended up on my doorstep was because Ray had a date with Christa.

“You were right in saying “no” if you weren’t ready,” I said sympathetically.

“I was ready. I wanted it more than anything.”

“So what was the problem?”

“The problem was we needed to discuss something first. The problem is I’m HIV positive.”

I just stared at her and felt my whole world crashing around me. The only girl I ever loved was going to die before her time. “How long do you have?”

“A long time, my t-cell count is still pretty good so I haven’t started treatments yet, and once treatment begins who knows; it’s been over twenty years since Majic Johnson was diagnosed.”

“And Way’s reaction?”

“Gerard was upset that we had been together for a while now and I never told him.”

“You should have.”

“I know and he wonders what other secrets I’ve been keeping from him. He felt if I couldn’t tell him about this, where does our future lie? Then he asked me too leave.”

I looked at her and brushed a stray hair from her eyes. Our eye locked and I knew instantly she wanted me to kiss her. But I also knew it was wrong and she just needed someone to make her feel loved. Probably any body would do, but I’m the one that’s here.

“How’s your tea?” I finally asked. It seemed like the question shook her out of her trance.

“It’s good, it’s very calming. Thanks.”

“It was easy.”

“I mean for everything, you’re going to make some girl very lucky.”

“Yeah maybe someday,” I replied knowing the only one for me was sitting right next to me. Suddenly I felt like kicking myself in the ass for not taking advantage and kissing her.

“So I take it from court earlier today, you didn’t find a new lawyer.”

“They’re all set to take the case, until they hear that Darryl Thomas is on the other side, then they go back and check their calendar or speak to their boss and it’s ‘Thank you very much Mr. Bryar but we are unable to take your case at the time. But before we get to court I’ll find a lawyer.”

“I’m sorry Gerard and I ruined everything. But honestly I didn’t like her very much anyway.”

“You were mad she saw through your façade.”

“Well if you hadn’t lied in the first place.”

“I just wanted the kid out of there.”

“The kid? That kid is our daughter.”

“That you and Way are taking away as soon as I get her. This is going to sound cruel but I don’t want any emotional attachment to her. Once you and Way get her I’m moving back to Chicago. You can just send me a picture every now and again, and I’ll send a gift here and there.”

“Bob you won’t have to leave you can be part of Emily’s life. How about this you can have visitations every other weekend and take them for two weeks in the summer. Maybe we can even work out holidays, like divorced couples do.”

“Don’t you get it Alyssa? I can’t handle seeing you and Way raising our kid, when I know it should be you and me.”

“Bob…”

“I know the whole drill, you don’t love me you love Way. He’s your soul mate. I get it; I also can’t just turn my feelings off.”

“I’m sorry Bob, I never mean to hurt you and that’s all I seem to do.”

“Nah, I just gotta learn to deal with this. Maybe in a few years we can do what you said, do it like divorced couples. We’ll see, but I’ll be on the road a lot once this is over.”

“You really like doing what you’re doing?”

“I love it. It’s something I always wanted sort of.”

“What did you always want to do?”

“Be a drummer in a band.”

“I bet you’d be pretty good.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve played a kit, I’d really suck. Hey speaking of bands, did Way hear from that AR?”

“What AR?”

“At Patrick’s show a few of the ARs took a liking to them. One in particular was crazy about them. He was talking to his execs that night.”

“So what happened?”

“He finally got a green light on one condition.”

“What was that?”

“The band has to go on tour for a few weeks to make sure that Gerard really is on the wagon, so to speak. If he passes then they get a contract. I hope he passes, this guy is going out on a limb for him.”

“And here I thought you hated Gerard.”

“Your memory sucks he hated me. Besides, Ray and Mikey deserve better. Mikey and I were in a lot of classes together he was decent to me away from his brother, just like you were. I’m sure you guys had a ton of jokes about that?”

“I never told anyone for two reasons. One I never told anyone that I tutored, how rebellious would that be? Secondly if Gerard knew that the two nights a week during second semester of freshman year he knew I was with you, I don’t even want to think what would happen.”

“I appreciated it. It kept me in the band.”

“No problem.”

“It was fun sometimes.”

“Yeah it was, so what brought you from drums to sound?”

“None of the bands I was playing in was serious, so one night a kid at a DIY asked if I would do the sound board, showed me a couple of things, then suddenly I started doing it for a lot of the DIYs in Dupage County. When I left school I pursued it by going to a school in Florida, got a job at House of Blues in Chicago and that’s where I got to meet bands. Then they started hiring me as a sound guy and the rest is history.”

We talked like that for hours on end, for the first time in our lives really getting to know each other, my problem was instead of getting over her I was falling more in love with her. We had so many things in common it was almost comical. I looked at her and she started to yawn.

“I better head back home. It was really great getting to actually know you,” she said through a yawn.

“Tell you what, I have a spare bedroom why don’t you sleep there and go back to Jersey after that.”

“That sounds like a great offer. What time is it?”

“Five.”

“Wow I can’t believe four hours went by already.”

“Let me get you a t-shirt and some sweats.” I went to my room and rifled through my drawers and found an old Black Sabbath t-shirt and my smallest sweats. I went back to the living room and handed them to her. She took them and went into the bathroom. A couple of minutes she came out with just the t-shirt.

“What happened to the pants?” I asked.

“This.” She proceeded to put them on and then they fell off.

“I’ll get a pair with drawstrings.”

“That’s okay this shirt is fine.”

“It’s never looked better,” I smiled at her.

I showed her the guest room and started to leave. “Bob can you lay down with me until at least until I go to sleep?” she asked.

“Just until you fall asleep,” I smiled back at her.

I climbed in next to her and she placed her head on my shoulder and her hand on my chest. My heart was racing. She turned to me and kissed my cheek ever so lightly, “Night Bob.” I kissed her on the top of the head, “Night Lyssa.”

She was fast asleep, I put my arms around her and whispered, “I love you,” and soon my eyes gave into the darkness of sleep.


A/N: Sorry it took so long to update but I lost my computer for a month. Hope you like it. I don't know when the next update will be as I want to catch up on all my favorite stories!!