FicWad

I am what I am

A/N: I want to thank Lyanvis for the title. I chose one of her suggestions, though I did cut it down by just a word. ^.^ Enjoy, and don’t read this if you aren’t of age!

Ch. 1: The invisibility wears off

He didn't know why he was so nervous. It's not like anyone would recognize him or anything. He had no friends at or outside of school, and he was practically invisible at school. He didn't get the best grades, but he didn't do horribly. He never tried out for sports or any clubs, and even if anyone did try to approach him, he would brush them off. He didn't want friends. He just wanted to get through school and get it over with. He could care less about the people around him.

So why was he so nervous going out into public for the first time like this? He supposed that it was just because he'd kept it secret for awhile, and he didn't want the world to judge him. Of course, his mom had found out about a year ago, and she didn't react like he thought she would. He thought she would be disgusted to find out that her son, and the only one in her life at the moment, was a cross-dresser. She was delighted!

She took him out clothes shopping the next day and bought him a whole bunch of outfits. Girls and guys clothing. They weren't poor, but they weren't rich either. His mom made pretty good money. She was a lawyer. He was still surprised that she had bought him so many clothes though. Either way, he was pretty happy. He liked getting new clothes, and he even got to pick out some cute shoes. As he thought about his newest shoes, his mother's voice suddenly brought him out of his memories.

" I added to the list, but you should still be able to carry the stuff home. It shouldn't be that heavy." his mom said, handing him a piece of paper with a grocery list on it.

"But do I have to go shopping looking like this?" he asked, looking in the mirror. The reflection beheld what looked like a sullen teenage girl with her mother beside her. He wore a plaid skirt, a small white blouse, and a tie to match the skirt. His heels were black pumps, and they made her look at least 4 inches taller than he really was. A few bracelets adorned his wrists on each side, with a plaid bangle on his right wrist.

In his chocolate brown hair was a ribbon to match the skirt, tie, and bangle, tied around an elastic hair tie that held his hair up in a pony tail. If it were down, it would be past the backs of his knees. Only a small amount of hair wasn't in the tie, and that hair made up his bangs. He decide on the plaid look today, obviously. He thought he looked like he could be his own twin sister. He loved dressing up, and he found that after he had mastered applying it, loved makeup as well.

His mother had taught him how to apply makeup after she had discovered his little hobby, and he'd since mastered it. Even though he knew it was him under the clothing and the makeup, he couldn't help but marvel at the girl in the mirror. Even he couldn't tell he was a guy from his reflection. His face actually had a very feminine shape to it. Okay, so he didn't have breasts, obviously, but he wasn't about to use fake ones.

He just looked like a flat chested girl who hadn't fully developed yet. His mom smiled and kissed him on the cheek, and said "Yes. I got you those outfits so you could do what you like doing. If you love dressing up so much, you should be able to go anywhere looking like that. I just want you to try it out. You're already comfortable walking around the house like that, so now it's time to make you comfortable going outside. Okay Jake?"

His mom hugged him and giggled at his still sullen look. He tried to ignore her as best as he could, but he still have her a hug and kiss and told her he loved her on her way out the door. She was a lawyer, so she went to work on somewhat regular hours, but today she was going in after lunch, like she always did on Saturdays. She handed him his purse before she went out the door and said "Don't frown so much, hun. You'll end up wrinkling prematurely."

She gave him a kiss on the forehead and out the door she went. He considered dressing normally and then going to get the groceries, but then a part of him still told him to just go and get it over with. To try it out. He sighed and opened the front door, closing it behind him and locking it after he took the house key out of his purse. He put the house key back in his purse and went on his way, walking on the sidewalk and trying not to draw too much attention to himself.

As he walked along, he considered going to the mall for awhile before he went grocery shopping. His mom had given him enough money to get everything they needed, and something for himself if he wanted. He had quite alot of money to spend on himself, actually. His mother was a great lawyer, and had won a huge case recently. It was a murder trial, but his mother could say too much, because it was against the law, and it would violate the terms of her contract.

If she did that, she would end up having to look for a job. Neither of them wanted that, so they didn't discuss her cases. In short, this meant that she had plenty of money, and what she didn't invest or use on bills and groceries, she gave to her son to use as he saw fit. Most of the time he bought himself and his mom something, because she didn't like to indulge and buy herself things. He had about $500 to spend on himself and his mom if he decided to get him anything.

He had plenty of time to do everything today, because it was a Saturday, and he, as usual, had no plans. He didn't care, because he usually played video games, or hung out on the internet. There wasn't much to his life, really. He shrugged as he pulled himself back to the present and tried to decide where to go. Finally, he decided he would hang out at the mall for awhile, and maybe buy something if he liked anything that he saw.

As he turned to wait at an intersection to cross the street, a popular guy from school that he immediately recognized walked up and stood beside him, waiting to cross the street as well. Jake thought that maybe the guy was going to the mall, and he barely succeeded in keeping a scowl from marring his feminine features. Great. So he was going to have to deal with the jerk until he got there. He hated guys like that.

They always messed with other people to keep themselves entertained throughout the school day, and though he usually stayed below the radar, he was now walking beside a popular guy. He readied himself to endure some kind of insult, but then he remembered that he was dressed up, and the guy probably wouldn't insult a girl. Especially as attractive as he looked as a girl. He stole a glance at the popular guy, and he already seemed to be checking Jake out.

When he caught Jake looking, he smiled.

"Hi. I'm Jon. I don't believe we've met. What's your name, cutie?" he asked, taking on a cocky air and moving closer to Jake. Jake rolled his eyes and turned his head to cross the street, the signal having just flashed to walk a second before.

"Wait! Where are you going? You haven't told me your name yet!" Jon said, crossing the street in a jog to catch up with Jake who had doubled his walking pace.

"Buzz off." Jake said, not looking at Jon. His voice was feminine enough to pass for female, so Jon didn't notice a thing.

"Wait. What did I do wrong? Did I offend you?" Jon asked, persistent. Jake didn't know why the guy wouldn't just leave him alone. He probably had like 4 or 5 girlfriends, if not more. That, coupled with the fact that he looked like a flat chested girl, made him wonder why Jon had even talked to him in the first place. He was tempted to do almost anything to get rid of the guy, but he couldn't afford to have people know that he dressed like a woman. He might get beat up over it.

He knew how the majority of people's minds worked, and he didn't want to deal with intolerant assholes. Finally, after a few minutes of Jon bugging him, he stopped. He finally said "Listen...My name is Ashley, okay? And there is no way in hell I would even consider dating someone like you!" That stopped Jon in his tracks. Jake could tell he'd struck a chord.

"Someone...like me? What do you mean?" he asked, looking at Jake with an unreadable look.

"You are a self-centered, self-serving asshole who only cares about his social status! You seem to think that you run the school for some reason or another! Sorry, but I'm not into pompous idiots, so you can go elsewhere looking for a piece of ass, because I'm out of here!" Jake said, leaving Jon dumbfounded and stuck in place for a minute as he stomped off.

When he came to his senses, he followed Jake once again, catching up to him and asking "Who do you think you are?!? You don't know me! You don't even go to my school! How would you know any of this?"

"How do you know? I doubt you keep track of all the students." Jake said, surprised he was holding a conversation, however annoying it was, with Jon.

"I keep track of all the good looking chicks, and you're hot. I would've noticed you by now. There's no way I wouldn't have." he said, making Jake blush, then, before he could hold it back, giggle. He wondered what Jon would do if he ever found out he was talking to a guy, and a loser none the less. Jon thought it was he who had made Jake giggle, and he said "I made you giggle. That means that there's hope." His anger had dissipated as soon as the giggle escaped Jake's mouth.

Jake sighed. He wasn't going to be easy to get rid of.

"Really, Jon. What do you want from me." Jake asked, looking sideways at Jon. He actually was pretty hot, and Jake was embarrassed that he'd made that observation. He was calling another guy hot. He dressed like a girl, yes. That didn't mean that he was gay, though. Or did it? Was he into guys? He'd never had a girlfriend. The prospect wasn't really exciting to him. He'd never thought about guys before either, though. Now he was starting to wonder about his own sexual orientation.

It was odd, but then he reminded himself that he wasn't going to have a relationship with him anyway, so it didn't matter. Even if he did, they could never go very far without Jon finding out he was a guy and telling everyone and beating him up for lying to him.

"A date." Jon said, bringing him out of his thoughts and back to the situation at hand.

"A...date?" Jake asked, flustered, though he had expected it.

"Yeah. Just give me a chance to show you who I am." Jon said, looking at Jake expectantly. Though every fiber of his being screamed no, he knew there was no other way to get Jon off his back. He muttered a shy "Okay", looking at Jon for a moment and then looking straight ahead.

"Great! I'll pick you up later today. Where do you live?" he asked, ready to remember "her" address. Jon had a car, and as he remembered this. He wondered why Jon was walking right now, but pushed it out of his mind. He told Jon the address and Jon smiled.

"Okay. I'll see you later, then. I've got to go do something, but I'll see you around 8-ish." he said, giving Jake a kiss on the cheek and retracing his steps, probably going home. Jake's cheek burned where Jon had kissed him, and he was surprised how much of an effect the chaste kiss had on him. It was like his cheek was on fire where Jon's lips had touched his skin, but it didn't hurt.

He found himself thinking more and more fondly about Jon, and he could keep himself from smiling and touching his cheek every few seconds. Then, he had to remind himself that it wasn't a real date, and that he was just doing it to get rid of Jon. He wouldn't go out with him after that. He couldn't let it go too far, for obvious reasons. He wasn't a girl, and Jon didn't know that. Jon thought he had a fully functional baby making factory under that skirt, but he was wrong.

He was dead wrong. For a minute, Jake wished he really was a woman, just so he wouldn't have this problem. If he were, he might even be going out with Jon right now. He might be able to have a relationship with him. But he wasn't, and that was the problem. After the date, he would explain to Jon that it wasn't working out, and make up an excuse to end it.

Once he made up a believable excuse, he decided he would just go to the grocery store, get what he needed, and go home to get ready for his date. He'd take a shower, then he'd get out and pick out what he was going to wear for the date. After he picked out the outfit, he would lay it out on the bed and take off any makeup that stayed on after the shower with makeup remover.

Then, he would reapply it carefully and he would put his outfit on at the last minute, just before 8:00, so he wouldn't get makeup on his outfit. He was surprised that he's put so much thought into it. He'd never been out on a date before, and he wondered what it would be like and even where they were going. He sighed, and shook his head. He was becoming too feminine, in his own opinion.

He made his way to the grocery store about a half hour after he had left his house, and it took him a half an hour to find everything he needed to at the grocery store. He didn't usually do the shopping, so he got lost quite a few times. Finally, though, he found himself in a checkout line, waiting to pay for the items. When it was his turn, he put everything on the belt and when it rung up, it was roughly $50 and some odd change.

Jake sighed as he was handed all the bags, carrying everything out of the store with some difficulty. His mom was lousy at judging how heavy something could be, and he struggled with the bags all the way home. He had to stop and rest a few times, so it took him an hour to get home. It was only around 3 now, so he still had about 5 hours. After he put the groceries away, he sat down to rest for awhile. He figured he had time.

After he felt rested enough, he got back up and went to go take a hot shower. He figured he'd shower early, pick his outfit, play a game, and then he could start to apply his makeup about a half an hour before Jon was supposed to get there. He already had fake nails on today, but they were nail polish free because he didn't put any on today. He didn't figure he'd need it just to go grocery shopping or hang at the mall. He would fix that though.

He would put a shade on to match his outfit after he picked it out. He would just have to quit his games earlier so he could put it on with no mistakes and give it time to dry before he had to put the rest of his makeup on. He sighed and stripped down, turning the knobs for the water on in the shower. Thus, he began the first stage of preparation for his date. Shaking his head, he stepped under the warm spray of water and closed the shower door.


Ch. End

A/N: I changed the chapter just a bit, and I finally picked a name! Yay! Oh, and thanks for the suggestions readers. ^.^ Loves ya!


Ch. 2: Dating isn't all it's cracked out to be

He chose a candy red outfit for the date. He had a thigh-length dress, (he remembered to shave his legs) painted fake nails, matching pumps, and a ribbon to go around the tie in his hair. All candy red. He was set to go and waiting in the living room for Jon to get there. He heard a knock at the door and got up to answer it. He picked up the matching purse off the end table in front of the door, and opened the door slowly. Jon was standing there, actually looking a little shy.

It surprised, Jake, and he actually thought Jon looked cute for a minute. Then, he reminded himself that it wasn't a real date and stepped out the door, locking it behind him and putting the key in his purse. Jon smiled and took Jake's hand, leading him to the passenger side door and opening it for him. He got in and put his seat belt on, then Jon shut the door for him and got in the driver's side. As they took off, Jake asked "So; where are we going?"

"I thought we'd go to a movie, and maybe dinner after." Jon said, looking at the road as he spoke. Jake observed that he was a careful driver, and he gave him kudos for that. At least they were less likely to get into an accident.

"Cool. Sounds good." Jake said, trying not to stare at Jon. He was getting more and more interested in him, and he couldn't help it.

'Damn it! He's one of the popular jerks! Why is he affecting me so much?!? I can't even think straight when he looks me in the eyes! It's like...I'm...no! That's not it! It has to be something else! There's no way that I'd ever even like this jerk! He's self-centered, self-serving, and he only cares about how many chicks he can sleep with! He's just an asshole! He's just...really hot...' Jake thought, his last thought leading him to check out Jon with a swipe of the eyes.

He couldn't help but be attracted to the guy next to him, though he didn't want to admit it. He hated the fact that he was getting so into someone that 1, he didn't know, and 2, he didn't want to know. Well...he didn't want to before he started talking to him. He was persistent, that was sure. He was really annoying when he wanted to be, but his eyes. His eyes made Jake forget about everything else. Forget that they were on opposite sides of the spectrum.

Forget that they were both guys. Forget that he was supposed to dump him after the night was over with. Forget that it could never work out...they could never be together. It was brought sharply back to him when Jon said "So, Ashley...What's your last name? I never got it."

"Kieser. My last name is Kieser." Jake said, trying not to look at him.

"What's yours?" Jake asked, trying to keep up the conversation so his thoughts wouldn't steer in other directions. The truth was, he really didn't know Jon's last name. He never cared enough to try to find out.

"Laski. I know; weird, right?" Jon asked, smiling and chuckling a bit.

"Not really. There are probably weirder names out there." Jake said, shrugging.

"Wait...Kieser...Kieser...where do I know that name from?" Jon asked himself more than Jake. Out of habit, Jake shrugged, though he knew Jon wasn't talking to him. He hoped he wouldn't recognize the last name from school and maybe make the connection. He'd always been so careful to stay under the radar too. Shit.

"Oh! Is your mom a lawyer?" Jon asked, his eyes widening with recognition.

"Uh...yeah. How'd you know that?" Jake asked, sincerely wondering.

"She's my dad's lawyer. He hired her last week." Jon said, turning onto the freeway to get to the movie theater a little faster.

"It's funny. I've talked to her myself. She told me she had a son about my age, but she never told me she had a daughter." Jon said, looking at Jake for the first time during the car ride.

'Shit! Think fast! Think fast! I need an excuse now!' Jake thought, his mind scrambled while he tried to come up with an explanation. He said the first thing that popped into his head.

"My brother and I are twins. She probably didn't mention me because we don't get along all that well."

"That's odd. She seems like such a nice person." Jon said, keeping his eyes on the road once again.

"She is. It's mostly my fault. I just don't listen to her as often as I should. That's all." Jake said, trying to cover his ass. Jon was still suspicious about why a mother would hide her daughter, but he dropped it. He could tell that his date would really rather not talk about it. He was going to start up another conversation as he took the exit he needed, but his date didn't seem as eager for conversation anymore, so he just let silence fall until they reached the theatre.

They found a decent parking spot and then walked up to the building, Jon taking Jake's hand when they both got out of the car. Jake's heart rate increased at the contact, and his face flushed. He hoped that Jon couldn't feel his pulse through his hand, beating at twice the rate it normally would. He didn't seem to notice anything; that is, until he looked down at Jake's face. He was at least 4 inches taller than Jake.

"Am I embarrassing you, Ashley?" he asked, indicating their hands.

"N-no; it's fine." Jake said, looking down at the pavement as they walked.

"You know, you're even cuter when you're embarrassed." Jon said right next to his ear, making Jake start. It wasn't that he was loud. In fact, it had been a whisper. It was just the fact that he was really close to him. When Jake jumped slightly, Jon chuckled and put his arm around Jake's waist. Jon's whisper had given him goose bumps as well. He was getting turned on by the guy next to him, and he needed to calm down before he made it obvious that he was a guy.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself, and luckily for him it seemed to be working.

"Are you okay, Ash?" Jon asked, looking over at Jake as they got close to the front doors of the building.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked, trying to sound innocent.

"You're breathing sort of heavily. Am I affecting you that much?" Jon joked, smirking at his date.

"Shut up! It's nothing like that! I'm just...doing breathing exercises. It helps keep me relaxed." Jake lied easily, though it had taken him a second to come up with it, hence the slight pause.

"Whatever you say." Jon said smugly, and Jake could tell by the tone in his voice that he didn't believe him.

Though he was arrogant, Jake found that Jon really wasn't that bad of a guy. Now that he had kind of gotten to talking to him, he found that he wouldn't mind spending some more time with him. He didn't seem to be one of the popular jerks like his friends were. Actually, he seemed like someone he might hang out with had circumstances been different. As they entered the movie theater and bought the tickets, things were going great. Well, that was, until one of Jon's school friends showed up.

He was apparently there with a cute girl from Jake's home room, and when he noticed Jon, they both came over to say hello. This was really bad for Jake. The thing was, this particular friend of Jon's, Jason, or Jay as his friends called him, had bullied Jake numerous times. When Jason noticed him, he thought it was all over until he looked away again and introduced his date as Cerena. When he looked back, Jake was still sure he'd say something.

"You look familiar." he said, studying Jake intensely.

"Are you sure you haven't dated her before?" Cerena joked, laughing to herself. Jon laughed along with her, but Jason shook his head.

"No. I can't put my finger on it, but I swear I've met you before." he said, shaking his head with the no. Jake was nervous, but he tried to keep his cool and lie.

"You might know my twin brother. He goes to West Gate High, and he looks alot like me. His name is Jake." Jake said, though it didn't take him as much time to think up the lie this time because it went along with the one he had told Jon earlier.

"Oh yeah!" Jason said with recognition, smiling.

"So it wasn't her you met. It was her brother." Cerena said, stating the obvious. Apparently she wasn't a very smart girl.

"Yeah. Sorry for saying this, but your brother is such a loser. He just loves to be beaten up. The little pip squeak just doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut." Jason said, laughing.

"Oh, I don't care. I don't like my brother much anyway." Jake said, and though he was trying to hold himself back from nailing this guy in the nuts, he kept a calm exterior and even laughed along with him.

"Shut up Jason. You just have to be a jerk to everyone." Jon said, shaking his head. Jake was surprised at these words.

"Yeah yeah. I forgot. You're always the one who's saying "Be nice to them. They didn't do anything to you." The fact is, they exist, and that's reason enough to beat them up, bro. It's bad enough being around when no one wants you there, but flaunting good grades too. That's just salt on the wound, man. These people need to learn their place." Jason said, a smirk on his face.

Though Jake wanted more than anything in the world to just jump this guy and beat the hell out of him, there were a few reasons that he couldn't do that. 1.) He didn't have the physique to accomplish that, 2.) He would be revealed as said loser, beat up, and publicly humiliated for the rest of his high school career and possibly past that, and 3.) Because they would be kicked out of the movie theater and they had already paid for the movie, so he didn't want that to happen.

He kept his cool until Jon and his friend got done talking and the two couples went their separate ways to their respective theaters. When he and Jon were settled on a spot to sit, Jon got up and asked Jake if there were any snacks he wanted from the counter out in the lobby. He told Jon what he wanted and Jon left to to order while he was left behind to save the seats. By the time Jon got back, the last preview was just getting over.

When the music for the beginning of the movie started, Jon hurried to his seat beside Jake, carrying a whole bunch of candy, a bucket of pop corn, and two drinks. He set Jake's down in his cup holder before walking in front of him to get to his seat on the other side of him. When Jon was finally settled in and the movie started, Jon took Jake's hand in his and it made Jake's stomach do back flips. Though he was still slightly bothered by the jerk he had formally met earlier, he tried not to think about it.

He tried to concentrate more on the movie so he wouldn't be all stressed out by the time he got home. He hated being stressed out, which was another reason he was glad not to have a social life. Having a social life meant having friends, but it also meant drama and if he wanted drama he could just watch soaps with his mom. He really didn't want to have to deal with it. He felt like it would be bothering him throughout the movie, but he soon forgot about it as he got more into the movie.

When the movie was over and they were heading back out to Jon's car after Jon said goodbye to Jason, Jon took Jake's hand again.

"Look. I'm sorry about what Jason said earlier. He can be a real jerk sometimes." Jon said, shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter." Jake said, though it really did.

"I know you're lying because I know it bothered you earlier. I could tell by how you were acting. Your conversation with him was rigid and forced. Believe me. I can tell when someone is outright lying to or around me." Jon said, and it made Jake look away from him.

"Look. It doesn't matter anymore. He was right. Sometimes people need to learn their place." Jake said, reminding himself finally after having forgotten about how the night was supposed to end.

"I can't believe you're agreeing with him! He's a jerk! He may be cool sometimes, but he was wrong when he said that!" Jon said, stopping and forcing Jake to stop because he still had a hold of his hand.

"Look. Just take me home please." Jake said, not looking at Jon. Though it was nice that Jon was sticking up for him, even if he didn't know it, that didn't change the fact that he had to break it off with him when he got home tonight, and it also didn't change the fact that he didn't want to.

"Fine." Jon said, letting go of Jake's hand and going ahead to unlock his car doors. He got in and buckled before Jake even reached the door, and he was starting the car when Jake got in and buckled up. The car ride to Jake's was quiet, and Jake was fine with that. He didn't want to argue with Jon anymore. When they got to Jake's house, he was surprised when Jon got out in a hurry before him and opened his door for him right after he had undone his seat belt. He grabbed his purse and stood up.

He was even more surprised when Jon took his hand and shut the car door for him, leading him to his front door.

"Look, Ashley. I'm sorry for arguing with you earlier. I didn't mean to upset you." Jon said, smiling at Jake and looking straight into his eyes. It almost made Jake forget what he was supposed to be doing, and his face flushed again. He sighed and steeled himself for what he had to do, though his face was still flushed.

"Jon. I-" he started, but was cut off by a kiss from the taller teen. He put his arms around Jon's neck and he was soon lost in the kiss. When they finally pulled away, Jon was embarrassed looking but extremely cute. It made it all the more hard for Jake to do what he had to. He pulled away from Jon and took a few deep breaths to get at least some semblance of composure. He looked at Jon sadly, and the embarrassed smile slid off Jon's face only to be replaced by a frown.

"What's wrong?" he asked, stepping toward Jake. Jake backed up to his front door and felt for the knob, and by the grace of god it was unlocked. Though that also might have been because his mother was home, but that was beside the point. Jake sighed.

"Jon. We can't...we can't see each other anymore." Jake said, and he looked away from the irresistible teen in front of him.

"B-but...why? What did I do?" Jon asked, and there was confusion as well as sadness in his voice.

"I wasn't you, Jon. It's just...I...I only went out with you because you were bugging me. I don't want to go out with you again." Jake said, lying at the last part of that last sentence. He didn't want to hurt Jon, but he didn't want him to think that they could keep dating. He wanted to end it here and now so he didn't have to deal with it later.

"Y-you...don't even like me...a little?" Jon asked, his voice sounding smaller as he asked.

"No." Jake lied, though it hurt him to do so. All he wanted was to keep dating Jon.

"Okay. I understand. I'm sorry I...wasted your time." Jon said, his voice quivering as he said this. He turned away and walked toward his car, and as Jake stood there and watched him walk away, he wanted nothing more than to run to him and kiss him again like he had earlier. He stood there and watched until Jon drove away, then he went inside, trying not to cry. It had really hurt him to do that, because he now really liked Jon even though he had just gotten to know him.

There was also the fact of how Jon had sounded as he apologized to Jake for wasting his time. He had sounded so dejected. He sounded like he was going to cry. Not at all like the jock that he thought he was. In fact, he hadn't expected him to give up so easily. Maybe the fact that he knew that Jake had gotten the chance to get to know him had something to do with it. Maybe he had only been persistent the first time around because he knew Jake hadn't given him the time of day yet.

Kind of like a "you don't know what you're missing" type of thing. Now that Jake had gotten to know him a little and he didn't want to date him again, he wasn't going to bug him again like the first time. Or maybe it was the first comment he had made. The thing about only going out with him because he was bugging "her", and about "her" not wanting to go out with him anymore. He probably really hurt him by saying that, but there wasn't much he could do about it now.

It was over and done with, and he couldn't take the comment back, nor did he have any way to contact Jon to apologize even if he thought he could make up for it. He sighed and went up to his room, turning on the console that was hooked up at the moment and playing that for the rest of the night. He only went down stairs twice that night, and that was to bring whatever food he wanted up there to eat it alone.

He had his own master bath adjoining with his room, so he didn't really have to leave his room unless he was getting something to eat, and that made him feel better, though only a little. His mother finally succeeded in getting him to talk to her when she came up knocking with some dinner later on, and he told her everything about what had happened to him as best he could. She listened intently and at the end, she looked thoughtful.

"Well, you know Jakey; if you really like him you should tell him the truth. It's never a good thing to let this kind of stuff go. Besides that, I hate lying, and as Jon pointed out to you, I never said anything about having a daughter, though you did considerably well covering your ass on that one. It's going to be hard keeping up this ruse, you know. You're officially listed as on only child on all of my papers, so if he were to research into it anymore on his own, he'd find out." Jake's mom said, sighing.

"So, basically I'm SOL if he finds out on his own, and I might permanently damage any chance we had together and effectively ruin my reputation at high school along with probably getting beaten up as well. It sounds like I only have one choice, but with doing that, I might do all of that on my own as well. Either way, I'm pretty much screwed. Great. Fantastic. Just freakin' wonderful. This is all I need in my life. More stress. Thanks mom." Jake said, crossing his arms.

It was her fault he'd gotten into that situation anyway, because she had started it by making him go out into public in one of his "other" outfits. She was the one who thought it was a good idea, and look where it had gotten him. It was the root cause of his problems today.

"You can't blame it all on me. For one, it's your hobby, and for another, you could have changed when I left and I would have never known. You can't pin it on me, Jakey boy. You have to take responsibility for your own actions and choices. Once you learn to do that, you'll be better off. Why don't you try to call him?" his mom offered, pointing to the phone.

"He didn't give me his number." Jake said.

"Duh. I work with his father. I have the home number because that's where I meet him." his mom said, rolling her eyes.

"Duh yourself, smart ass. How would I explain having his number?" Jake asked, becoming annoyed by his mother's so called help.

"You could say you looked it up in the phone book. It isn't that hard. Just call him and apologize and ask him to meet you somewhere." his mom said, smiling at her own "genius".

"I...just don't want to. Will you get off my case, please? Just...leave me alone." Jake said, sighing.

"Fine. I'll leave you alone for today. But don't think this is over." his mom said, smirking and leaving the room. Jake got up and closed the door behind her, locking it and lying down on his bed, not even bothering with his paused game as he drifted off into a restless sleep.


*******


The next morning, Jake awoke and sleepily made his way to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and turning on the sink to splash cold water on his face. As he turned the water off and started to wipe his face with a towel, he heard a knock at the door. With a groan, he went to answer it. He didn't want to start with his mom right after he had woken up, but it might have been something important and he didn't want to find out too late if it was.

As it just so happened, it was something important like he had thought, or at the least, important to him.

"I forgot to mention that Mr. Laski is coming over here to conduct business today, and he decided to bring his son along to meet you." his mom said, making him drop his annoyed look only to be replaced by a slightly panicked look.

"What do you mean you "forgot"?!? You mean that you made the plans this morning and just happened to mention that he should bring Jon over!" Jake accused, angry and panicked at the same time.

"Mayyyybe..." his mom said with a smirk.

"Why would you do that?!? You know I didn't want to deal with this yet!" Jake said, and though it was uncharacteristic, tears were starting to build up in his eyes.

"Look, Jakey. You have to deal with him sometime and it's better to do it sooner than later. I'm sorry I did it without telling you, but I thought it was the best way to do it. You never take chances, and it's time that you did; at least...where your love life is concerned." she said, pulling Jake into a hug.

"I'm...staying in my room. I won't talk to Jon today because I want some time to sort out my feelings before I try to approach him." Jake said, wiping his face on the back of his hand.

"Will you at least come down to say hi and introduce yourself?" she asked, letting go of him as he pulled away from the embrace.

"I...maybe." Jake said, shaking his head and turning away from his mother in order to go back into his room. He closed his door and changed out of his clothes, putting on a fresh set as he had slept in the ones he had worn yesterday. After that, he ran a brush though his long hair and after it was soft and tangle free, he put it back in a loose ponytail so he could at least look more manly than he did on his "date" and less like "Ashley". He didn't want to give away the fact that he was posing as his "sister".

Just after he had put his hair back, he heard his mom call up to him.

"What?" he called down the stairs after cracking open his door.

"I said they're pulling into the driveway now. Come down and say hello at least!" she called back up. After having a moment to think about it, he decided it wouldn't hurt to at least say hi. He sighed.

"Okay. I'm coming." he said, going out into the hallway and closing his door. He put his hands in his pockets as he came down the stairs and he was standing by his mom at the door by the time they knocked. He felt suddenly nervous as his mom stepped forward to answer the door, and he took a few steps back until his heels hit the stairs. When she opened the door, she greeted the pair and they stepped inside. She closed the door after them and gestured toward her son.

"This is my son, Jake." she said, smiling at them.

"Hi." Jake said shyly, trying to sound more guyish so he didn't sound too much like "Ashley".

"It's so nice to meet you! Your mother has told us so much about you! I'm Nathan Laski and this is my son Jon." Mr. Laski said, stepping forward and shaking Jake's hand.

"Nice to meet you both too." Jake said, and though he wasn't trying to be shy, it showed.

"Ah; such a beautiful house you have Melinda." Nathan said, looking around at the design of the house.

"Oh, thank you. It's nothing, really. At least, not compared to your house." Melinda said, making small talk as she led her client out into the living room to start their meeting.

"Hey. Do you have any games? My dad's meetings are always so boring." Jon said, coming forward and standing closer to Jake.

"Uh, yeah. What games do you like?" Jake asked, though he would have given anything to have just gone back up to his room and wait until they were gone.

"Any kind of fighting games really. RPGs are cool too." Jon said, and Jake could tell he was looking at him closely.

"Oh, alright. I have plenty of those kinds of games." Jake said, turning and heading back up toward his bedroom with Jon in tow. When they got up the stairs, he turned the knob and opened the door, not paying attention as Jon followed him into the room and closed the door. Jake went to turn on the t.v. when Jon began to speak.

"You know; you look an awful lot like your sister." Jon said, making Jake's heart beat faster.

"Y-yeah...we are twins." Jake said nervously, pausing in his movements.

"There's more to it than that. You two are almost identical." Jon said, sounding closer than he had the first time. When Jake turned around he was literally right behind him, not even an inch away. This startled Jake, and he stumbled backward, away from Jon's scrutinizing gaze.

"N-nah...I'm better looking than my sister." Jake said, attempting a joke.

"Oh really. I'd have to say I agree." Jon said, smirking as he came even closer to Jake. Jake had nothing to say as that had left him speechless. Was Jon teasing him? Was he gay? No; he wouldn't have asked him out the other day if he were, seeing as he thought Jake was a girl. Did he figure him out? What was going on?

"Wh-what are you doing?" Jake asked as Jon backed him against a wall.

"Asking for another date." Jon said, smirking. Jake gasped.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked, though it was obvious that Jon had figured him out.

"Don't play stupid. I went home and asked my father about your mother's daughter. He said she didn't have one. He had been told specifically that you were an only child. After seeing you, it wasn't hard to put two and two together. You never had a sister. It was you dressed in drag that I met on the street. I must admit that you even had me fooled until just a few minutes ago. But this charade is over! Quit playing around!" Jon said, raising his voice.

Jake flinched at the volume of his voice. He didn't know what to say at first, so he looked down as he didn't want to meet Jon's eyes.

"Are you going to...tell everyone?" Jake asked, feeling that his life was over already even though Jon hadn't answered him yet.

"I'm thinking about it." Jon said, obviously angry that Jake hadn't told him straight out. At this, Jake teared up. He couldn't believe his life was going to be ruined by one mistake. He tried to stop the tears, but he found that he couldn't. He started to shake with barely audible sobs, unable to hide such a weak moment from the eyes of the guy he had actually started to like. He shoved Jon aside and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and leaving a confused Jon out in his bedroom.

Once in the bathroom, he collapsed onto the floor, his sobs becoming louder as he cried, wrapping his arms around himself. For what he didn't know. Maybe he just needed to feel an embrace, or maybe it was because he felt sick to his stomach. Either way, unbeknownst to him, his reaction had shocked Jon. Usually, a guy would lash out and maybe even threaten him or try to black mail him, or even try to beat him up. He'd never seen another guy start to cry, no matter what he had done.

Not at the age they were at, anyway. He actually started to feel bad for him. He hadn't meant to make the guy cry. He was just angry and disgusted that he'd been tricked into going on a date with the cross-dressing teen. He had meant to humiliate him, but not up to the point of making him cry when he hadn't even done anything yet. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know how to comfort someone like that. Hell; he didn't know how to comfort someone at all.

What was he supposed to do? He didn't know the answer to that, so he did the only thing he felt that he could do in that situation; he left. He went out Jake's bedroom door, closing it behind him. He went down the stairs and out the front door without a word to either the man or the woman in the living room. Neither knew who it was that had walked out the door, so Melinda decided to check her son's room while Nathan went out the front door to follow whomever it was that went out.

He saw his son immediately after stepping out the door and called out to him.

"Hey Jon. Where are you going?" Nathan asked, wondering what might have happened between the boys to make him leave sudddenly like that.

"I don't know. I just want to leave." Jon said, turning to face his father as he stopped walking.

"Well hold on for a minute and I'll take you home. Just get in the car while I go back inside and explain to Melinda where we're going and that I'll be back." Nathan said, and then turned to go back inside where waited for Melinda to come back downstairs. After a few minutes, she returned with the information that her son was still in his room. After Nathan told her about Jon wanting to leave and giving him a ride home, she bade him farewell until she saw him again later that evening.

With a goodbye from Nathan, he was out the door again, closing it behind him. Deciding that she would leave her son alone for awhile, Melinda decided to sit down to watch television for awhile before getting up to make lunch for herself, her son, and Nathan, as he would not be gone for long. His house wasn't too far away, as both their son's attended the same school. She got up to make lunch not too long after she had sat down, sighing as she thought of how badly it must have gone if Jon had wanted to leave that badly.

He hadn't even stopped to ask his father for a ride. He just walked out the door. Melinda hoped she hadn't made everything worse for her already socially, mentally, and emotionally fragile son. She had only wanted to help him out. She was the one who had told him that his love life was worth the risk, but had she been correct? She guessed she had assumed too much in thinking that Jon would be as understanding as she thought. She only wished for her son's happiness, and apparently he wasn't it.

Once she thought about it, she decided that it was his loss. He wasn't good enough for her son anyway. Anyone that couldn't accept him for who he was right off the bat didn't deserve him. She vowed to make it her goal in life to protect her son from people like that for the rest of her life. She would do it on her deathbed if she had to. She wouldn't have her son unhappy. She loved him more than the sun that gave our earth light. More than the water that gave our earth life.

She growled as she prepared lunch. She would cheer her son up and cheer him on no matter what he did, and she would interfere in his love life no more except to keep those away that would hurt him. She finally finished preparing lunch when she heard Nathan coming back in the front door and she excused herself to go see her son for a minute with a tray of food and a can of soda. She set the tray on his dresser and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Jakey. I brought you up some lunch, okay? You can eat alone in here if you'd like. I'd really like to see you before I go back down to eat lunch and continue my meeting though. Please, hun?" his mom asked through the bathroom door, pressing her ear to the bathroom. After waiting for a response for three minutes, she sighed and started out the door. She heard the bathroom door open behind her and she turned just in time to receive a proper hug from her distraught son.

She hugged him back tightly, letting him cry it out until he was done. She knew how things like that were, though she didn't know exactly what had gone on and of course she had never experienced this exact scenario.

"It's okay hun. Cry it out. I'm here for you." she said, petting his hair as he sobbed. He hugged her as if he didn't want to let go, but after awhile he actually did, wiping his eyes and shaking his head.

"I'm so stupid." Jake said, laughing though it was anything but funny.

"No you aren't Jakey. Do you feel like telling me what happened?" she asked, looking at her son sympathetically. Neither of the two noticed the slight footsteps coming up the stairs that paused when Jake started to speak.

"Why? So you can go and do something like this again? I don't think so! You've effectively ruined both my love life and my social life in one fell swoop mom! I don't want any more of your goddamned help!" he said, turning away from her as his anger increased.

"You will not talk to me in that tone and you will never say that word in my house again, do you hear me Jacob?" his mom asked, becoming angry herself.

"Oh so now it's Jacob! What happened to Jakey this or Jakey that, huh?!? I'm tired of the stupid crap that comes out of your mouth! Do you even think before you speak or is that just your brain throwing up?!?" Jake asked, turning back to his mother, even more angry than before. His mother was past angry. She was livid.

"It's not my fault that you lied to Jon! You could have just turned him down on the street, but no! You had to go out on a date with him!" his mom said, practically snorting steam out of her nose.

"Excuse me, but you were the one that made me go out into public dressed in drag, okay? Because of that, he thought I was a girl and wouldn't quit hitting on me!" Jake said, clenching his fists.

"Oh you just keep coming up with ways for it to be my fault! It was your stupid habit, Jake. Yours! You were the one who dressed like that in the first place. Like I pointed out earlier if you would have been listening, you could have just as easily changed after I had went to work and gone out in normal clothes and I would have never known. It was ultimately your fault, and you can't try to blame me! You are the one who ruined your life, not me you ungreatful little whelp!" his mom shouted.

Jake sighed. He didn't even feel like arguing anymore.

"You know what? You're right. I am the one who ruined my life. I could have changed before I went out, but the fact is, I didn't and now I'm probably going to be murdered in my sleep. Just fantastic." Jake said, rubbing his forehead.

"What the hell are you talking about?" his mother asked, not all the way calmed down yet.

"Well now thanks to Jon finding out about me, he's going to tell the whole school. Do you get the implications of what I'm saying? Everyone, including the parents of the kids who go to that school will know about me, and more likely than not, there are quite a few gay bashers there and my home address is in the school registry. You can't tell me that there won't be threats against me and even attempts on my life. You should know better than anyone. You remember the case you handled all those years ago. The man ended up dead, mom, and even the best police protection couldn't help him." Jake said, his mom gasping as she finally realized why it was that her son was so angry.

He wasn't just being melodramatic. His life really was over. If Jon told the school, Jake would have to be pulled out of the school for his own safety. He would have to be sheltered for the rest of his life, or at least until they moved, which she couldn't afford to do right now. Not with her current house and car payments. She might be able to save up enough to buy a new house after about a year or two, but in the mean time, Jake would have to be kept away from the public.

"Good. I guess your silence means you get it." Jake said, turning around and sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Damn that kid! I should have never invited him over here!" Melinda said, crossing her arms as she sat next to her son. Nathan was about to make himself known by defending his son when Jake spoke up, surprising them both.

"It isn't his fault. It's mine. It's my fault that I wasn't...born right." Jake said, feeling his self-esteem drop to the floor.

"Jacob! Don't you ever say that again! You weren't born wrong! You're just different and people don't understand that!" Melinda said, punching the bed.

"Yeah. I still kind of wish that maybe..." Jake said, not finishing the sentence.

"What?" his mom asked, interested in what he was going to say next. On the stairs, Nathan was just as interested. He shifted the tape recorder that he had turned on when the talk started to turn into an arguments in case anything happened and the police needed to be called so they would know how it had gone.

"I kind of wish that maybe Jon liked me as much as I like him." Jake finished shyly, looking down at his lap. Both Melinda and Nathan were stricken silent by this comment, though Nathan was already silent to begin with. Both of them wouldn't have known what to say to the kid about that. After a few minutes, Melinda found her voice.

"You...really like this kid, don't you?" his mom asked, trying to hold back her tears as she realized just how much her son really liked Jon.

"I...think I love him. I've never felt anything like this. I don't think I could ever face him again though. I couldn't stand to see him looking at me like I have some kind of contagious disease. I think it might break my heart if I did." Jake said, his tears rolling down his face again. He tried to wipe them away, but more came.

"Oh hun. It's going to be okay. I'll go talk to the school tomorrow and have you taken out. I'll just tell them I'm homeschooling you or something. We'll work it out, okay?" she asked, hugging her son again.

"Okay." Jake said, letting her hug him but not hugging back. He didn't really feel in the mood for hugs. At this point the conversation seemed to be over, so Nathan crept back down the stairs, and when he was in the living room, he turned the tape recorder off. It was usually used to record their meetings so he could review the stuff later, but obviously he had just used it very differently. It was an older tape recorder, so of course it still used tapes and not digital memory.

He was planning to get a new one soon, but this would have to do for now. He took the current tape out so he wouldn't accidentally record over it and put it back in its small plastic case, putting it in a different pocket so he could tell which one it was. He then took out another small case, took a small tape out, and stuck it in the tape recorder. By the time he was done with this, Melinda was coming back down the stairs.

"Sorry about that. I had to talk to my son." she said, her voice normal though her eyes made it obvious that she had been crying. He would have known even if he hadn't listened in. He chose, however, not to say anything and they went about their business. They ate lunch, finished their meeting, and then Nathan left to go home once again, giving Melinda a hug before he left as a form of goodbye along with the word itself. They had become good friends while working together.

As Nathan got in his car, he patted the tape in his pocket. He had thought about talking to his son, but he figured that it would be best just to let him listen to the recording and hear just how much Melinda's son really liked him. Maybe hearing what Jake said would make Jon change his mind. After all, the kid already had low self-esteem, and you could hear it in the things he said. Maybe Jon could be convinced not to hurt this kid more than he already was by listening to his heartbreaking conversation with his mother.

He turned the key, started the car, pulled out of the driveway for the second and last time that afternoon, and drove toward his house which was only 20 minutes away. He really hoped that Jon could be convinced, but then, he thought that probably anyone would after listening to this tape. He knew he definitely had to try. He had never been against or for gays before, but just listening to that kid made him want to help him out. He didn't know why, but it did. He sighed. All that was left to do was get home.

Ch. End