Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Tell Me I'm A Bad Man
“So,” Bob stirred his coffee slowly as he tried to think of how to phrase his next question. “I take it from the distance we travelled from your office, that you could get into a lot of trouble for this?”
Lisa looked up. At first she was surprised, but her expression soon melted into a smile. Despite all the turmoil going on in his life, Bob still took the time to notice the details and think about someone else’s situation. On reflection, she should have realised that he would be able to do that. To Bob, appearing normal was his primary concern. He could release his fears and anguish in the privacy of her office, but outside, to all intents and purposes, he was Bob Bryar; no nonsense, yet thoughtful, caring and, she almost blushed at the thought, handsome.
“I like that you can compartmentalise, it’s a good coping technique.”
Bob smiled as genuinely as he could; it was, he realised with a degree of surprise, important to him that his next words were taken kindly.
“I glad you know what I’m doing, but given that you know, I’m sure you realise that outside your office, I can’t be that guy. I really can’t discuss it… not here.”
“Yeah,” she nodded apologetically. “I know. I’m sorry. You see, I’ve already crossed one line and I think I’m pretending that if I talk about work, that the line is actually still there.”
“You will get into trouble, won’t you?”
“Well,” she hesitated as she collected her thoughts. “Technically, it’s considered malpractice. If I were my own boss… no not even then. I work as part of a team of therapists at a private practice run by a very well respected man in the industry. If he knew, there would be no way I would be allowed to stay and bring the Practice into disrepute.”
“So, that’s a big yes?”
“Yeah,” Lisa sighed. “I would, yes, but only if they catch me,” she added with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Normally, Bob would laugh at the comment, but he found himself instead taking a deep breath. There were so many things he wanted to ask but didn’t know where to begin. He didn’t want to sound foolish or naïve, neither did he want to seem forward. There were so many unknowns. Was this a date? Was she interested in him? If she wasn’t it seemed unlikely that she would risk her job, but what if it was just a way to talk to him in a more relaxed atmosphere? But she had told him that she was as good as fired if they were even seen together. Then, of course, she had put her hand over his, but was that just a kind gesture?
Damn it, Bryar! Pull yourself together! She’s looking at you! Say something, for God’s sake!
“Should I find another therapist?” he asked tentatively.
Saying nothing, Lisa drew her bottom lip between her teeth. To Bob she looked so innocent, so vulnerable. So much so, it almost made him feel strong again. In his peripheral vision, he noticed that she had extended her fingers towards his hand, but seemed reluctant to take the next step and physically move it closer. Despite his earlier uncertainties and insecurities, there was now very little doubt in his mind that she liked him; enough to risk her position at the clinic. Despite everything he had shared with her over the last few months, he was relieved and pleased to find that she hadn’t thought him weak or pathetic. She had made him feel at ease and protected at a time when he felt the trauma of recent events was crushing him. Slowly, he edged his hand closer to hers, lightly brushing her fingertips before enclosing her slender hand in his.
“We can’t do both,” he smiled, “and I’d rather do this.”
*
“Crazy? I’m crazy?” Gerard pointed at himself and laughed at the idea. “No, I don’t think so!”
“Okay,” Ray shrugged indifferently. “So how do you account for me?”
“I don’t have to account for you! I didn’t ask you to be here!”
Ray paced the room, his brow knitted as if mulling something over. Half way across the cell, he turned slowly and cocked his head to one side as he looked at Gerard, still slumped on the bunk and leaning back against the wall.
“You don’t think you could be creating me, then?” he questioned.
Gerard exhaled noisily and sneered in response.
“Trust me, Toro, if I wanted to see someone in here with me, the last person it would be, is you!”
Ray laughed with genuine amusement. Gerard’s replies suggested to him that he was irritated and frustrated by Ray’s very presence. Ray allowed a satisfied grin to spread across his face before his expression darkened into one of deep contempt.
“Actually, the last person you want in here with you is Frank.”
“Frank?” he replied with the hint of a mocking laugh in his tone. To him the idea was ridiculous; what could Frank possibly have done to him? Even alive, he would barely consider him a threat, but now? Unimpressed by the statement, Gerard almost spat out his next words with scornful disregard. “And why is that?”
Ray was growing tired of Gerard’s sheer arrogance. The more he heard it, the more his demeanour wanted to change. He knew that his upbeat taunting and disrespect towards Gerard upset him greatly and it was something that he sincerely wanted to continue. If Gerard managed to make him lose his temper, then he won and Ray was not about to let that happen.
“Why? Because he’d probably kill you,” Ray explained in a casual and matter-of-fact tone.
“Is that so?” Gerard scoffed. “Kill me? A ghost, or whatever the hell you are! If you could kill me, then why haven’t you? I’ll tell you why! Because you can’t! It’s an empty threat. And you’d have good reason to; I had you killed too, you know.”
“I know,” Ray smiled thinly. “But I much prefer to make you suffer this way.”
“You think I’m suffering?” Gerard laughed again. “You’re wasting your time, Toro. I’m not suffering at all,” he crowed.
Ray leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms as he stared thoughtfully and silently at Gerard for several minutes.
“What? What now!” Gerard yelled, pushing himself to his feet as the waiting became too much for him. Standing in an aggressive pose, Gerard stared angrily at the smirking guitarist.
“Yeah,” Ray nodded with a satisfied smile. “I’d say you were suffering. I’m wearing you down, Gerard and at every opportunity I get to humiliate you, I’m gonna point and laugh! Your whole sense of self worth is massively inflated and I’m going to take great pleasure in bursting your bubble.”
“You know what, Toro,” Gerard growled. “You’re not gonna get the chance.”
Breaking into a short sprint, and lowering his shoulder, Gerard ploughed sidelong into Ray, throwing all his weight behind the vicious body blow. A loud sickening, bone-cracking thud resonated around the small room and a dull cry of pain and self-pity followed.
Crumpling to the floor, Gerard whimpered and gasped in agony as he clutched at his upper arm; the excruciating pain washing over him in hot waves. His dislocated shoulder sent violent shooting pains into his neck and back at even the slightest of movements. Blood poured from a small but deep gash; the warm viscous liquid oozing over his fingers as he gripped his arm. He groaned unhappily as the room spun and moved in and out of focus. Concussed from the sharp blow as his head hit the wall, he found himself too dazed to react to the situation. Lying on the floor, barely conscious, bruised, bloodied and in desperate need of medical attention, Gerard became vaguely aware of the sound of Ray’s laughter ringing loudly in his ears.
“Is now a good time to tell you that you can’t actually touch me?” Ray choked out, apparently gasping for air and helpless with laughter.
Overcome by the searing pain and blood loss, Gerard slipped into unconsciousness. Gazing down at the limp form at his feet, Ray’s laughter faded into a contemptuous sneer; amusement and loathing jostling for position on his face.
“That’s for Frank.”
Lisa looked up. At first she was surprised, but her expression soon melted into a smile. Despite all the turmoil going on in his life, Bob still took the time to notice the details and think about someone else’s situation. On reflection, she should have realised that he would be able to do that. To Bob, appearing normal was his primary concern. He could release his fears and anguish in the privacy of her office, but outside, to all intents and purposes, he was Bob Bryar; no nonsense, yet thoughtful, caring and, she almost blushed at the thought, handsome.
“I like that you can compartmentalise, it’s a good coping technique.”
Bob smiled as genuinely as he could; it was, he realised with a degree of surprise, important to him that his next words were taken kindly.
“I glad you know what I’m doing, but given that you know, I’m sure you realise that outside your office, I can’t be that guy. I really can’t discuss it… not here.”
“Yeah,” she nodded apologetically. “I know. I’m sorry. You see, I’ve already crossed one line and I think I’m pretending that if I talk about work, that the line is actually still there.”
“You will get into trouble, won’t you?”
“Well,” she hesitated as she collected her thoughts. “Technically, it’s considered malpractice. If I were my own boss… no not even then. I work as part of a team of therapists at a private practice run by a very well respected man in the industry. If he knew, there would be no way I would be allowed to stay and bring the Practice into disrepute.”
“So, that’s a big yes?”
“Yeah,” Lisa sighed. “I would, yes, but only if they catch me,” she added with a mischievous glint in her eye.
Normally, Bob would laugh at the comment, but he found himself instead taking a deep breath. There were so many things he wanted to ask but didn’t know where to begin. He didn’t want to sound foolish or naïve, neither did he want to seem forward. There were so many unknowns. Was this a date? Was she interested in him? If she wasn’t it seemed unlikely that she would risk her job, but what if it was just a way to talk to him in a more relaxed atmosphere? But she had told him that she was as good as fired if they were even seen together. Then, of course, she had put her hand over his, but was that just a kind gesture?
Damn it, Bryar! Pull yourself together! She’s looking at you! Say something, for God’s sake!
“Should I find another therapist?” he asked tentatively.
Saying nothing, Lisa drew her bottom lip between her teeth. To Bob she looked so innocent, so vulnerable. So much so, it almost made him feel strong again. In his peripheral vision, he noticed that she had extended her fingers towards his hand, but seemed reluctant to take the next step and physically move it closer. Despite his earlier uncertainties and insecurities, there was now very little doubt in his mind that she liked him; enough to risk her position at the clinic. Despite everything he had shared with her over the last few months, he was relieved and pleased to find that she hadn’t thought him weak or pathetic. She had made him feel at ease and protected at a time when he felt the trauma of recent events was crushing him. Slowly, he edged his hand closer to hers, lightly brushing her fingertips before enclosing her slender hand in his.
“We can’t do both,” he smiled, “and I’d rather do this.”
*
“Crazy? I’m crazy?” Gerard pointed at himself and laughed at the idea. “No, I don’t think so!”
“Okay,” Ray shrugged indifferently. “So how do you account for me?”
“I don’t have to account for you! I didn’t ask you to be here!”
Ray paced the room, his brow knitted as if mulling something over. Half way across the cell, he turned slowly and cocked his head to one side as he looked at Gerard, still slumped on the bunk and leaning back against the wall.
“You don’t think you could be creating me, then?” he questioned.
Gerard exhaled noisily and sneered in response.
“Trust me, Toro, if I wanted to see someone in here with me, the last person it would be, is you!”
Ray laughed with genuine amusement. Gerard’s replies suggested to him that he was irritated and frustrated by Ray’s very presence. Ray allowed a satisfied grin to spread across his face before his expression darkened into one of deep contempt.
“Actually, the last person you want in here with you is Frank.”
“Frank?” he replied with the hint of a mocking laugh in his tone. To him the idea was ridiculous; what could Frank possibly have done to him? Even alive, he would barely consider him a threat, but now? Unimpressed by the statement, Gerard almost spat out his next words with scornful disregard. “And why is that?”
Ray was growing tired of Gerard’s sheer arrogance. The more he heard it, the more his demeanour wanted to change. He knew that his upbeat taunting and disrespect towards Gerard upset him greatly and it was something that he sincerely wanted to continue. If Gerard managed to make him lose his temper, then he won and Ray was not about to let that happen.
“Why? Because he’d probably kill you,” Ray explained in a casual and matter-of-fact tone.
“Is that so?” Gerard scoffed. “Kill me? A ghost, or whatever the hell you are! If you could kill me, then why haven’t you? I’ll tell you why! Because you can’t! It’s an empty threat. And you’d have good reason to; I had you killed too, you know.”
“I know,” Ray smiled thinly. “But I much prefer to make you suffer this way.”
“You think I’m suffering?” Gerard laughed again. “You’re wasting your time, Toro. I’m not suffering at all,” he crowed.
Ray leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms as he stared thoughtfully and silently at Gerard for several minutes.
“What? What now!” Gerard yelled, pushing himself to his feet as the waiting became too much for him. Standing in an aggressive pose, Gerard stared angrily at the smirking guitarist.
“Yeah,” Ray nodded with a satisfied smile. “I’d say you were suffering. I’m wearing you down, Gerard and at every opportunity I get to humiliate you, I’m gonna point and laugh! Your whole sense of self worth is massively inflated and I’m going to take great pleasure in bursting your bubble.”
“You know what, Toro,” Gerard growled. “You’re not gonna get the chance.”
Breaking into a short sprint, and lowering his shoulder, Gerard ploughed sidelong into Ray, throwing all his weight behind the vicious body blow. A loud sickening, bone-cracking thud resonated around the small room and a dull cry of pain and self-pity followed.
Crumpling to the floor, Gerard whimpered and gasped in agony as he clutched at his upper arm; the excruciating pain washing over him in hot waves. His dislocated shoulder sent violent shooting pains into his neck and back at even the slightest of movements. Blood poured from a small but deep gash; the warm viscous liquid oozing over his fingers as he gripped his arm. He groaned unhappily as the room spun and moved in and out of focus. Concussed from the sharp blow as his head hit the wall, he found himself too dazed to react to the situation. Lying on the floor, barely conscious, bruised, bloodied and in desperate need of medical attention, Gerard became vaguely aware of the sound of Ray’s laughter ringing loudly in his ears.
“Is now a good time to tell you that you can’t actually touch me?” Ray choked out, apparently gasping for air and helpless with laughter.
Overcome by the searing pain and blood loss, Gerard slipped into unconsciousness. Gazing down at the limp form at his feet, Ray’s laughter faded into a contemptuous sneer; amusement and loathing jostling for position on his face.
“That’s for Frank.”
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