Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > A User's guide to Toddlers
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Chapter two: Feeding.
If your baby refuses to eat, scare the bejeezus out of her. When the baby shrieks in terror, you have about 1.5 seconds to get the spoon to her mouth.
Saturday was Cooper’s favorite day of the week. She didn’t have to go to work, she got to cuddle Jon longer in bed, and she got to spend the day with her beautiful baby girl.
Today was going to prove to be a day from hell…at least for Jon.
Saturdays were also the days that Cooper had trained her little girl to sleep in past 8:30. It was the only day of the week that one of the two parents weren’t awoken by 7:30 to entertain their toddler.
Of course that didn’t mean that Jon and Cooper didn’t wake up until 8:30.
‘Why can’t we just sleep in on Saturday mornings?’ Cooper mumbled as she woke up at the same time she did every day.
‘I just want to sleep in one day, that’s it, one day.’ Jon whined throwing the blankets over their heads.
‘Remember when we used to sleep until noon?’
‘No, I don’t even remember what it’s like to sleep past nine.’
‘Well as long as we’re up, we might as well do something productive.’ Cooper smiled as she looked over at her husband before pouncing on him.
Two hours later, Cooper walked into the kitchen after her shower. She was dressed and ready for her long day of errands. Jon was busy attempting to bribe Evie with anything he could, to eat her breakfast of baby cereal and chunks of bananas. She had eaten the bananas but refused to eat the cereal.
‘Hey honey, why don’t you hang out with the guys today? I’ll take Evie with me to the grocery store and stuff.’ Cooper suggested as she pulled out some oatmeal to make for him.
‘It’s alright baby, I don’t mind staying here with her.’
‘Jon, really, it’s fine. You never hang out with the guys.’
‘I like hanging out with my baby girl…except when she refuses to eat.’
‘Is she not eating?’
‘No.’
‘Well, I think you should hang out with the guys today. Brendon will be here to get you at eleven.’
‘You talked to him already?’
‘Yes because I knew you wouldn’t agree to it. You don’t need to spend all of your time cooped up in the house with the baby. You need to be normal and hang out with your friends.’ She joked.
‘I’m not going anywhere until she eats her cereal.’ Cooper rolled her eyes as Jon continued trying to stuff the spoon into her mouth. Cooper watched as Jon sucked in some air and let out a burp. Cooper laughed as she watched Evie’s cheeks puff and her bottom lip jet out before she began to wail opening her mouth just long enough for Jon to get the spoon in. That was the point where Evie realized she had been tricked. Cooper laughed at the face her daughter made as she ate her cereal.
‘You know one of these days she’s going to realize that when you burp while feeding her it’s just to scare her so she’ll eat. She’s going to stop getting scared.’
‘Until the day comes, at least she’s eating.’
‘So you really don’t mind me hanging out with the boys? I could stay here with Evelyn, I really don’t mind.’ Jon asked as he sat on the bed with Evie playing with some toys right next to him. Cooper rolled her eyes. Jon had nearly given up spending time with his friends. It was kind of annoying she didn’t want Jon to lose all of his friends because he was enamored with the baby.
‘Jon, no I don’t mind. I want to spend some time with her too you know. Besides, you need your boy time.’
‘Well that’s too bad because I need boy time.’ Brendon said as he walked into the kitchen, ‘Claire dumped me.’
‘Aw sweetie, what happened?’ Cooper asked while she pulled Brendon into a hug.
‘I don’t know she claimed it was her not me. Apparently, I’m not helping her aspiring modeling career.’
‘It’s her loss. You’re a great guy.’ Cooper said as she straightened his collar.
‘So what are we doing today?’ Jon asked while Evie played in the last of her cereal.
‘We’re going to do guy things. We’re going to have a big lunch and then play.’ Brendon was so excited. Cooper rolled her eyes as she picked up her messy daughter and started over to the sink to clean her off.
‘You guys have fun. Baby girl and I are going to have some girl time.’
‘I need to take a shower before we go.’
‘Oh, oh, oh, Jon take Evie with you.’ Cooper smiled as she handed Jon his daughter. Jon knew what this meant. Evelyn was not a fan of the shower. It scared her. Jon had the routine down to three minutes. This was going to be no different.
Chapter two: Feeding.
If your baby refuses to eat, scare the bejeezus out of her. When the baby shrieks in terror, you have about 1.5 seconds to get the spoon to her mouth.
Saturday was Cooper’s favorite day of the week. She didn’t have to go to work, she got to cuddle Jon longer in bed, and she got to spend the day with her beautiful baby girl.
Today was going to prove to be a day from hell…at least for Jon.
Saturdays were also the days that Cooper had trained her little girl to sleep in past 8:30. It was the only day of the week that one of the two parents weren’t awoken by 7:30 to entertain their toddler.
Of course that didn’t mean that Jon and Cooper didn’t wake up until 8:30.
‘Why can’t we just sleep in on Saturday mornings?’ Cooper mumbled as she woke up at the same time she did every day.
‘I just want to sleep in one day, that’s it, one day.’ Jon whined throwing the blankets over their heads.
‘Remember when we used to sleep until noon?’
‘No, I don’t even remember what it’s like to sleep past nine.’
‘Well as long as we’re up, we might as well do something productive.’ Cooper smiled as she looked over at her husband before pouncing on him.
Two hours later, Cooper walked into the kitchen after her shower. She was dressed and ready for her long day of errands. Jon was busy attempting to bribe Evie with anything he could, to eat her breakfast of baby cereal and chunks of bananas. She had eaten the bananas but refused to eat the cereal.
‘Hey honey, why don’t you hang out with the guys today? I’ll take Evie with me to the grocery store and stuff.’ Cooper suggested as she pulled out some oatmeal to make for him.
‘It’s alright baby, I don’t mind staying here with her.’
‘Jon, really, it’s fine. You never hang out with the guys.’
‘I like hanging out with my baby girl…except when she refuses to eat.’
‘Is she not eating?’
‘No.’
‘Well, I think you should hang out with the guys today. Brendon will be here to get you at eleven.’
‘You talked to him already?’
‘Yes because I knew you wouldn’t agree to it. You don’t need to spend all of your time cooped up in the house with the baby. You need to be normal and hang out with your friends.’ She joked.
‘I’m not going anywhere until she eats her cereal.’ Cooper rolled her eyes as Jon continued trying to stuff the spoon into her mouth. Cooper watched as Jon sucked in some air and let out a burp. Cooper laughed as she watched Evie’s cheeks puff and her bottom lip jet out before she began to wail opening her mouth just long enough for Jon to get the spoon in. That was the point where Evie realized she had been tricked. Cooper laughed at the face her daughter made as she ate her cereal.
‘You know one of these days she’s going to realize that when you burp while feeding her it’s just to scare her so she’ll eat. She’s going to stop getting scared.’
‘Until the day comes, at least she’s eating.’
‘So you really don’t mind me hanging out with the boys? I could stay here with Evelyn, I really don’t mind.’ Jon asked as he sat on the bed with Evie playing with some toys right next to him. Cooper rolled her eyes. Jon had nearly given up spending time with his friends. It was kind of annoying she didn’t want Jon to lose all of his friends because he was enamored with the baby.
‘Jon, no I don’t mind. I want to spend some time with her too you know. Besides, you need your boy time.’
‘Well that’s too bad because I need boy time.’ Brendon said as he walked into the kitchen, ‘Claire dumped me.’
‘Aw sweetie, what happened?’ Cooper asked while she pulled Brendon into a hug.
‘I don’t know she claimed it was her not me. Apparently, I’m not helping her aspiring modeling career.’
‘It’s her loss. You’re a great guy.’ Cooper said as she straightened his collar.
‘So what are we doing today?’ Jon asked while Evie played in the last of her cereal.
‘We’re going to do guy things. We’re going to have a big lunch and then play.’ Brendon was so excited. Cooper rolled her eyes as she picked up her messy daughter and started over to the sink to clean her off.
‘You guys have fun. Baby girl and I are going to have some girl time.’
‘I need to take a shower before we go.’
‘Oh, oh, oh, Jon take Evie with you.’ Cooper smiled as she handed Jon his daughter. Jon knew what this meant. Evelyn was not a fan of the shower. It scared her. Jon had the routine down to three minutes. This was going to be no different.
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