FicWad

I couldn't even sleep that night so I just sat on my bed. This all reminded me of those sleepless nights, when I use to cry over Gerard. Now all I could think is, how stupid was I?
I just wanted to stop my heart from beating whenever Gerard is around or when I hear his name or even when I'm reminded of him. I wish I was a robot with no feelings whatsoever...
I sighed and slowly stood up. I was done sitting and thinking for many hours. I grabbed the bed frame and waited for the blood to rush back to my brain. I finally stumbled out of my room and just sat at the dining table. I was unsure of what to eat because after all it was 5am in the morning. I felt like french toast but I wasn't bothered to go all through the trouble to make it. I finally just settled to just have coffee so at least there will be something in my stomach. I slowly got up and pressed the boil button and waited for the water to boil. I leaned my elbow on the benchtop and silently waited. I was so dazed and so tired from a sleepless night. I frowned a little when I heard a small noise. I was a little scared because it was still dark and I had a majorly big imagination that scared me. Shut up! It isn't some mental chainsaw dude to come and get you! I shook it off. I was relieved to hear that the water was boiling vigorously, coffee, here I come!
"Good morning," I heard from behind me which made me jump.
"Gerard? You're up already?"
"Yea, sorry for scaring you."
"It's okay," I replied softly and turned back to the boiled water and tipped some into the coffee cup.
"Can I have some coffee too?" Gerard asked from behind me.
"Sure," it was really awkward right now because I really didn't know what to say. I just wanted to quickly make the coffee and get out of here. "I don't know how much sugar you wanted so you'll have to put it in yourself," I told him when I got our coffee ready.
"Thanks," he smiled and put in the smallest amount of sugar in it.
I smiled back and headed out of the kitchen.
"W-w-wait! Where are you going?" Gerard asked from behind me.
I turned back briefly, "To my room."
"Can you just... stay here?" he asked desperately.
My mind started to wonder why, "Uh... sure."
So we were seated at the dining table and awkwardly having a few sips of our coffee.
Gerard cleared his throat which made me look up at him. "I erm... why did you ask me to leave last night?" he asked with his eyes bearing into mine.
"No reason," I looked down at my coffee and started absently stiring the teaspoon in it.
"Come on, tell me. Something is up."
"I just..." I paused, I didn't want him to stare at me like I was some alien. "Never mind."
"Nicole," he said sternly.
"Okay! It's pretty pathetic though..." I licked my bottom lip. "Toni is flirting with you and is trying to play with you... and I didn't like it."
I moved my hair over my face and just stared lower if that was possible.
I heard Gerard sigh, "Yea I noticed, I really don't know what to do with her."
"What don't you don't know?" I asked and looked at him.
"How to get her off my back," he answered me simply.
My eyes widened. He's joking! No, no he's joking! But his face looked so serious. Okay, he's not joking. Argh! I screamed inside. Yes! Toni can't win Gerard over! He doesn't like her! I let a deep breath out as a relief.
He chuckled, "You don't like it eh?" he smirked.
I giggled bashfully, "Drop it Gerard."
"It's nice to know that you care about me," he pat me on the back.
"I don't just care about you," I spat out and quickly regretted it.
I grabbed my coffee cup and got up and left the kitchen.

Stupid, stupid, STUPID Nicole! You shouldn't have said that! Now he won't ever talk to you.
I stared at my now cold coffee, I didn't need any caffiene anyway. I was fully awake. You should have said something lightly.
My insides froze when my door knocked.
"Come in?" I said.
I was afraid that it was going to be Toni but it wasn't and I was half relieved and half nervous.
"Hey," Gerard walked in and sat on my bed beside me.
I just stared at him.
My cheeks tingled under his touch as he stroked it.
"You're so pale honey and you haven't been sleeping have you?" he looked straight at me in the eye.
I couldn't not look at him, I shook my head, "No."
"Why?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"Is it because you insomia? Is it because you're scared at night? Tell me."
I could only sleep with me knowing that you'll be mine forever. "I just can't sleep okay?"
"Well there must be a reason why, tell me."
He was looking me in the eye and his eyes were mesmerizing me so I told him, "I just can't sleep because of you."
"Because... of me?" he asked.
He looked clearly shocked and I didn't know why. Did he know that I had feelings for him? Of course he did. I can clearly remember the moment when I told him. Maybe he's forgotten.
I didn't say anything but just looked back at my coffee cup.
"I-I'm so sorry Nicole," he ran his fingers through his hair. "I never knew I had this type of affect on you."
Fuck Gerard be a brunette but he sure thinks like a blonde! I sighed and just gave him the most dirtiest glare, "You are so fucking blind Gerard!"
"Wha-?" he looked at me innocently. "I'm sorry! I thought you were over me. I thought you got over that feeling and started to see me as a father figure again."
This just suddenly built rage in me. "Gerard you stupid fuck! I never saw you as a father figure!"
"I'm sorry, just calm down! I thought it was just a crush!"
"Well I guess you didn't know how strong my feelings are for you," I narrowed my eyes at him and stood up.
I needed him out of here before I bursted into tears. "Just get out Gerard!" I pointed towards the door.
"Please Nicole, let's talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about!" it was amazing to see that Gerard was calm while I was raging with fury.
"Yes there is, I've got stuff to say."
"No you don't!" I ran to him and tried to pull him up with his arm. "Get out!"
"Stay calm Nicole. Please," he was desperate.
I started to cry but I still tried to pull him off my bed but he wouldn't budge. This made the tears fall more down my cheeks.
"Nicole, Nicole, look at me."
I avoided looking at him and just kept tried to pull him up with all my strength.
"Nicole look at me!"
I finally did and I finally broke into tears. I fell down inbetween a crouching position and a standing position.
"Nicole, please don't cry," Gerard pulled me to him.
So I cried in his arms, it was an awkward position for me but it was still comfortable.
I don't know how long it took for me to calm down and stop crying and when I did I realise clearly of what I've done and I was so bashful.
"I'm sorry. I just lost control," I got off him and sat on the bed beside him.
"It's alright, we lose control all the time," he fell back onto the bed and stretched.
I lied down beside him.
He turned on his side and stared at me. "I just wanted to say that I've always loved you Nicole."
A single tear fell but I didn't know what type of love he was talking about.
"Like I said before, I just don't think we can have a relationship... I'm just way older than you."
I did hear him and I did hear my heart pound a thousand miles a second. He loves me...
"And like you... I struggle to keep away from you. I just didn't know it affected you that much."
I was just about to tell him how happy I was that he was telling me the truth finally when Toni burst into my room with Maria.
"Nicole! We heard noises so we thought..." Toni stopped when she saw us.
I started to blush and Gerard sat up.
"Yea... about that, we're fine now. There's nothing to worry about," he smile.
The colour drained from Toni's face, "Oh."
And all I could do was smirk.







I think I moved so fast :S