FicWad

This one goes out to moocow, Xnataliex, and killxsmile.

XD


I studied myself in the bathroom mirror and frowned. I realized that I didn't recognize the reflection of the woman looking back at me.

Did I really look this bad?

It had been nearly three months since I had worn the blue scrubs that completed my 'uniform' for work. The loose fitting material let me know just how much weight I had lost.

It wasn't a healthy amount.

But my weight, or lack there of, wasn't the only thing that had changed about me. My skin had become extremely pale since I started moping around the house and stopped frequenting the tanning salon. My new complexion set off the emerald blue of my eyes. I used to get compliments on my eyes almost on a daily basis, now I wondered if they'd scare people away.

They say that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. I believed that now. My eyes looked as if I had lost a piece of my soul. That piece that made me happy, made me believe in myself. That piece that made my life worth living. Now all I could see in my eyes was the anguish and sorrow that I felt at all times.

Circles so dark, that no amount of cover up would conceal them, underlined my eyes. My nightmares had done nothing to help me get the sleep I needed. My cheeks looked like they were ready to be swallowed into my face. My appetite had disappeared. My mouth was set in a grim line that threatened to give me wrinkles at age twenty-three. I attempted a smile but gave up when it began to hurt to move my mouth that way.

It fucking hurt to smile.

I looked up from my mouth and began concentrating on my hair. The chocolate brown locks that had once been full of body and natural curl now hung in an unflattering stringy mess around my face. I sighed and threw my chest length hair into a messy bun on the top of my head. Makeup? No. I hadn't found a waterproof mascara strong enough to hold up to my seemingly endless flow of tears. I looked down at the sink, putting my hands on either side of it, and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and choked back the tears. I couldn't cry right now.

Get a hold of yourself Emerson. At least for Sadi's sake. She doesn't deserve this. She needs her mother right now.

I took another deep breath and let it out slowly while I repeated those words over and over in my head. The bathroom door banged open making me jump. I looked over at my intruder and found Sadi standing there with Damian's dark brown eyes and my unruly brown hair. She had insisted on getting dressed by herself and I hadn't really had the energy to fight her. Her outfit consisted of a royal purple long sleeved shirt, lime green shorts, hot pink tights, and black 'dress shoes' as she liked to call them. I gave her a small smile and bent down to give her a hug.

"Are you ready mommy? I wanna go ta school!" She began jumping up and down in the doorway, her shoes making an annoying clack clack sound as she did so.

"Go get your jacket and then we can go." I told her. Sadi squealed and set off at a run towards the living room. I let out a small laugh that sounded like it should be in a horror movie rather than coming from my lips. I followed her to the coat closet and grabbed our jackets before heading out the door and locking it behind me. I walked over to the car where Sadi was trying really really hard to get her door open. I reached over her and lifted the latch, pulling it open for her.

"You weren't spost ta do that mommy. I'm the big sister now and it's my job." She told me before climbing into her car seat. I gave her a questioning look and got her settled in before closing the door and sliding into the drivers seat. I put a 'Toddlers Tunes' CD in the player before backing out of the driveway and heading towards her preschool.

Sadi sang along to the songs and clapped her hands when each one was finished. As 'There's a hole in the bucket' wrapped up, I pulled into A Child's Place and found a suitable parking spot. I opened my door and started getting out of the car.

"Mommy? Will Drake be here?" Sadi asked me before I stood up.

"Yes." I told her as I opened her door and began unbuckling her.

"What about Hadley, and Dylan, and Lily?" She asked as I pulled her out of the car.

"I'm sure they'll all be here sweetie. Did you miss your friends?" I set her on the ground and closed the door.

"Mhm. Can we go see them?" I nodded and took her hand we walked across the parking lot to the entrance of the school. I walked Sadi to her classroom and kissed her goodbye before I signed her in.

As I was walking away from the door I heard Sadi ask her teacher, "Is Rhion here?"

I didn't stick around to hear what Christina, her teacher's, answer was. I rushed out of the building and jumped into my car. I replaced the CD in the CD player with a new one and turned the volume on high. Paramore's 'All we know is falling' filled the speakers as I made my way to Dr. Elrick's office.



It was three o'clock and I was staring longingly at the clock. Only two more hours left to endure. I sighed and picked up the office phone that was now ringing.

"Dr. Elrick's office. This is Emerson. How may I help you?" Three months ago I would've probably sounded like I was actually happy to be here. Now I just sounded like a recording.

"Uhm yeah. I need to make an appointment for next month." The male voice on the other end of the phone stated.

I opened the calender on my computer and looked at the dates for June. "I have appointments open on the 7th at two o'clock or on the 15th at ten. Would either of those work for you?" I nestled the phone between my ear and my shoulder and listened as the caller seemed to be shuffling through papers.

"I think the seventh would work best." I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me and began typing information into the small box.

"Alright. Can I get your name and the reason for your visit?"

"Joseph Trohman. My tooth's been bothering me for some time now but I can't get into town until next month." I typed in his name and simply put toothache underneath it. Why does everyone have to make everything so complicated? I really wasn't interested in every detail of their lives.

"I have you all set Mr. Trohman. You have an appointment with Dr. Elrick on June seventh at two o'clock. Would you like us to send you a reminder in the mail?" I saved the appointment and turned in my chair so I could write a reminder for myself to mail it out.

"Uhh yeah that would be good. Thanks." I nodded again before I remembered that he couldn't see me.

"No problem Mr. Trohman. We'll see you on the seventh. Have a great day." My tone of voice was beginning to make me think that I wouldn't want to be calling myself and talking to me. I sounded so lost, so depressed.

"Okay. Thanks." I heard the dial tone and hung up the phone. I glanced back up at the clock and noticed that the conversation had only taken five minutes. It had felt like much longer. The next two hours were going to be slow as hell.



Five o'clock came and I started the process of locking up. I made sure that Shane didn't have anymore patients and locked the front door. I closed the blinds and turned off the TV in the waiting area before making my way towards the back and doing everything that needed to be done there. When everything was secure, I said goodnight to Shane and went out to my car.

I got into the drivers seat and rested my head on the steering wheel. Today hadn't been as bad as I was expecting. It could have been much worse. Ava, the other receptionist, had called in sick so I was left to do my job and hers. It kept me busy enough that I hadn't cried once since had entered the building that morning at nine.

I sat up and turned the key in the ignition. Damian was supposed to pick up Sadi from school after he got off at four, so all I had to do was drive home. The only problem was that I didn't want to go home right now. I called Damian and told him I'd be a little late. He gave me a flustered reply but told me to just be careful and he'd see me soon. He hung up before I could even get in a goodbye.

I couldn't think of anywhere to go so I ended up just driving around without any music playing and wasting gas for about an hour. I started heading in the direction towards home when I heard my cell phone ringing from somewhere in my purse. I reached over and attempted to drive while searching one handed for my cell phone hoping I could get to it before it went to voice mail. I finally touched the cool metal right as a beep signaled that I had a missed call. I grabbed the phone and pressed the talk button twice before holding it up to my ear.

"Hey Emers!" A giddy voice yelled into my ear.

"Jer? What are you doing and why is it so loud?" I heard a loud clunk before her voice came on the line again.

"Ack! Sorry I dropped you. I'm at the Hotel. We're hosting some sort of high school dance tonight. How are you doing love?" I pulled onto the side of the road and relaxed in my seat. This could take a while.

"I started working again today and Sadi started preschool again." I told my cousin.

"Oh yeah? That's good. I'm honestly glad to hear it. So listen, what are you and Damian doing on Saturday?" I furrowed my eyebrows and looked questioningly at the phone. Jerrica was never one to cut straight to the chase. She did a lot of flitting around the subject before actually admitting there was one.

"Nothing that I can think of. Why?" I heard her sigh over the phone and frowned even more. What was she doing?

"Because I'm going to watch Sadi and you and Damian are going out. End of story. You know I hate telling you what to do but you guys need some time just to yourselves. You need to go see a movie or something." I wanted to be angry that Jerrica was making plans for me but I couldn't be. A night out sounded like something I needed. We needed.

"That actually sounds good Jer. I take it you've talked to Damian?" She had the decency to at least try to sound embarrassed.

"Well I called the house looking for you but Damian picked up and we got to talking. I talked to Sadi for a bit too. Please don't hate me. It's not like I meant to do this behind your back." I could never hate Jerrica. I don't think I could ever even try to. We'd been born three months apart, our mothers were sisters. We grew up together.

"I don't hate you Jer. You know that. I'll talk to Damian when I get home so we can figure out a time and such. Really I should be thanking you Jer." She laughed a little at that.

"Yes, yes you should. See you Saturday. Love ya Em." I told Jerrica I loved her too and hung up the phone. I pulled back into traffic and was home in less than fifteen minutes. Damian was talking on the phone in the kitchen when I got inside. I noticed he had started dinner and that surprised me.

Damian never cooked. He always ordered pizza or take out. Maybe this was his way of trying?

I walked over to Damian and hugged him from behind. I buried my face in between his shoulders and inhaled his scent. A tension I didn't realize I had left my shoulders as I felt his hand take mine. I heard him say his goodbyes on the phone before he turned around pressed his lips to mine. We pulled apart after a few moments and I looked into his eyes.

Maybe this could work?

"I'm trying Emerson." I nodded but held his gaze.

"I know you are Damian. I am too." He gave me a small smile and kissed me again.

"Saturday?" I mumbled into his lips.

"Yes." He answered before deepening the kiss.

Admittedly it had been way too long since we had had any sort of intimacy like this. Not good for a married couple going through hell and trying to come out unburned. Not good at all. I sighed into the kiss as he pressed his hand on the back of my neck, making sure there was no space left between our two mouths. I heard the little pitter patter of feet running on carpet and broke the kiss. I opened my eyes and gave him one last chaste kiss before seeing my daughter enter the kitchen. She was wearing the same outfit as this morning which meant that she hadn't had any accidents at school.

"Mommy? Daddy? Where's Rhion?" I realized just before the tears came that this would be my first big cry today.

Point for me.

I looked up at Damian who was still holding me in his arms and noticed that his eyes had filled with tears as well.

Sadi frowned and came farther into the kitchen. When she came to where Damian and I were standing she wrapped her two-year-old arms around our legs and squeezed tight. I sat on the ground and gathered her in my arms. She looked at my face and wiped at one of my cheeks.

"Where's Rhion mommy? I want to play with him." I tried so hard. I really did but I couldn't stop it. My body shook with the sobs as I held Sadi closer and rocked back and forth.

Would I ever wake up from this nightmare? Please, someone wake me up.

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Thanks mucho for reading.
Review? It would be much appreciated.