Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Happy Birthday To Me!

by Madilayn 1 review

Remus decides to give himself something he really, really wants for his 18th birthday. SLASH

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Erotica, Humor - Characters: Lupin, Sirius, Snape - Warnings: [!] [X] - Published: 2006-03-27 - Updated: 2006-03-27 - 3027 words - Complete

It was, perhaps, fortunate that Remus Lupin was alone in his Dormitory. In fact, of his dorm-mates, only Sirius Black was staying during these Easter holidays, saying he wanted to keep Remus company.

James was spending Easter with Lily - and they all expected that they would be told of their engagement when they returned.

As for Peter, he was always off like a shot on holidays.

Remus was different. His parents could not afford to have him come home for the holidays, and with his condition, it was a lot easier for him to stay at school where "arrangements" had been made.

It had made for some lonely times.

This Easter, however, Remus had decided to give himself a birthday present. He had always considered it rather ironic when his birthday fell on Good Friday, but this year, he had decided it would be a very Good Friday.

He had wanted this particular present since he was fifteen, and now - on his eighteenth birthday, it was now or never. Fortunately for him, the fates had co-operated to make it possible.

It had taken a lot of planning, and now, Remus gave a grunt and tugged the large bundle into the common room. It was moving and muffled noises were coming from it. With more heaving, he managed to get it upstairs and into the Dormitory, where a similarly large bundle was already before the fireplace.

He shoved and pulled and got the bundles on either side of the fireplace before sitting down himself in the middle, humming happily to himself. Certain things were going to be rectified tonight, and he was going to have the best birthday ever.

He hoped.

If things went to plan, there would be enjoyment and fun. And sex. Lots and lots of Sex.

If not, there would be bloodshed.

Come to think of it, there could be bloodshed and sex.

He had carefully laid things out. The chilled bottle of champagne with three glasses, large quantities of chocolate (that would make things a lot easier!) - including a large pot of chocolate body paint. He paused as he looked at the pot. Was there enough? Oh well, he had some extra.

As a final step, he carefully closed and locked the door, making sure that he used a charm that had a silencing spell attached to it.

All the time, he hummed happily to himself, and the two bundles moved more and more violently, and the noises became more agitated.

He looked at them and chuckled. "Ssshhhh," he said, and went back to his humming.

As he sat down between the bundles, he reached out and patted each of them, and the humming became recognizable as singing.

"Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to Remus,
Happy Birthday to me."

The bundles began to twitch more alarmingly, and the noises were louder, and Remus could actually hear his name clearly. He chuckled again and hoped that the surprise he was about to give would be enough to tame tempers.

Finally, he decided things were as ready as they would ever be. He pulled out his wand and addressed the bundles.

"Now listen to me," he said sternly. "It's my birthday and you are my guests here. Kindly remember that and behave yourselves. I'm determined to have at least one birthday in my life that I can remember with great joy and this is it. I can guarantee you will have the time of your life if you are good," he paused and thought to himself and an even better time if we're bad. "So, I'm going to give you a few seconds to think about things and then I'm going to set you free."

Both bundles moved violently, though the sounds were softer and not as threatening.

"Right," he raised his wand and pointed it at the first bundle.

"Moony, you arsehole!" said Sirius Black, erupting from the enshrouding folds, his face red and his hair tousled (becomingly). "What the hell did you think you were doing? If you wanted to have a birthday party, just bloody ask me to come! Don't kidnap me!"

"Behave, Sirius," said Remus calmly. "Sit down and have some champagne."

Sirius looked at the array, as well as the now violently moving bundle remaining. "What, no cake?" he asked as he sat down and started to pour champagne into a glass. He wobbled the bottle at his friend. "You?"

"Yes please. And better fill the third glass as well."

"Ah yes. And who - or what - have you got in there."

"My other special guest."

"Remus, not to spoil anything, but most people just issue an invitation to a birthday party."

"I know."


"Well, what?"

Sirius sat back. Remus was enjoying this. He would tell when he was good and ready and not before - Sirius knew this. And although he loved his friend dearly, he was NOT going to give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of him. Yet.

Remus chuckled and raised his wand, pointing it at the other bundle.

It exploded to reveal a very angry Severus Snape. "What the fuck do you think you are doing, Lupin?"

"Been there, done that. Had this conversation."

Snape looked at Sirius Black and snarled. "You may have had this conversation, but I seem to be singularly lacking in explanations from Lupin."

"Well, Snivellus, I happen to be in the same boat. He's not letting anything out."

Remus sipped his champagne. "Sit down and shut up, both of you," he said, his voice rising slightly. "This is my birthday party and you are my special guests."

At this, Snape looked at the champagne and other assorted things. "What, no cake?"

Remus laughed at this. "If I'd known you would both be hipped on cake, I would have arranged one."

Both of the other young men looked chagrined. Snape picked up a large block of chocolate. "Do you think that you could do without this particular block of chocolate?"

Remus looked gravely at the foot high mound of chocolate on the table. "I think I may be able to. Why?"

Severus Snape cleared a space on the table and put the block of chocolate in the centre. He raised his wand, muttering something beneath his breath.

A large cake now stood in place of the block of chocolate. "I'm afraid it's chocolate. I never can get the hang of changing taste."

Sirius nodded approvingly. "Well done," he said, for once in accord with Snape. "And I don't mind chocolate. I know Remus doesn't."

Remus nodded happily. "Chocolate cake is good. Thank you Severus."
Sirius grinned. "Now all we need is candles for you to blow out."

"I don't want to blow.... candles."

The other two started at that. After seven years of being at school with Remus J Lupin, they knew he tended to be economical (to say the least) with language. But this was just a bit more; well, suggestively economical, than he was normally. They looked at each other and decided to ignore it.

To Remus' secret amusement. They had no idea what he planned as his birthday present.

"So cut the damn cake then, Remus."

Remus raised his wand and neatly sliced the cake into three. He looked at the other two "Can you cope with a third each?"

"Are you expecting other guests?"


"Then a third each sounds good to me."

For a time the room was silent, the only sounds were those of eating and drinking, the three young men joined for once in companionship, rather than rivalry.

Sirius finally sat back and belched loudly. "So I suppose you want presents?" he asked.

"I have a present for myself," said Remus calmly.

"I didn't ask if you had a present for yourself. I asked if you wanted presents. Well, Moony, I do happen to have a present for you. Wait here." He got up and went to his trunk at the end of his bed and rifled around in it. Finally, he emerged with a large and badly wrapped parcel. "Happy Birthday, Moony! It's actually from the three of us, and they left it with me to give to you."

He dumped the package in Remus' lap and patted him on the head. "We know you'll be using it."

Remus smiled at his friend and turned his attention to the large package. It was surprisingly light for its size and he ripped at the paper.

What emerged touched him immensely. A beautiful leather briefcase, with the legend "Prof. R. J. Lupin" in gold lettering across one corner.

Sirius smiled to see the tears in his friend's eyes. "As soon as you got that letter from the Academy in Romania, we knew you'd need a briefcase. And James got Lily to put a charm on it so that it's bigger on the inside than the outside."

Remus looked at him, the tears openly showing. "Thank you. Thank you all." He put the briefcase down and pulled Sirius into his arms, holding him tight against him. Sirius happily returned the hug - Remus' friends loved to do small things to make him happy, and they had thought long and hard about this gift.

Of course, he was taken aback when Remus kissed him, but just put it down to Remus having another of his little jokes. He did think, though, that the tongue was just a bit over the top. Good kisser, though.

An embarrassed cough from the room's other occupant stopped Remus (to Sirius' secret chagrin). "I have no gift for you - in fact until now I had no idea it was your birthday. Happy Birthday, though."

Remus smiled, and moved his attention to Snape, flinging his arms around him. "But Severus," he said, "You gave me a cake!" And with that, he treated Severus to the same thorough kiss he gave Sirius. It was, however, Remus' turn to be surprised.

Severus had watched what had happened with Sirius, and had been warned when Remus launched himself at him. Severus returned the kiss, his own tongue sliding over the other boy's, causing Remus to writhe slightly and groan with pleasure. And Severus was pleased - it put him in control.

Sirius was surprised to feel jealousy. How date Snape kiss HIS Moony. And a desire to join the other two in exchanging kisses.

The kiss ended, both boys a little breathless. "Very nice," murmured Remus.

Perhaps his plan was not so far-fetched after all.

Sirius picked up the champagne bottle. "This appears to be empty," he said, "do you have any more?"

"I certainly do," and Remus rummaged under the small table, emerging with another three bottles of Champagne, their outsides beaded with moisture.

"Four bottles?" asked Severus.

"I like to celebrate in style," replied Remus. "And alcohol also has other pleasurable effects. As does chocolate."

Had that line been too blatant? He hoped so. They had missed everything else that he had thrown at them, and he was getting a little too excited to wait. Severus returning the kiss had almost been his undoing.

He opened one of the bottles of Champagne, taking a long swig out of the bottle and passed it to Sirius.

"No glasses, Remus?"

Remus grinned. "Let's be reckless! Chocolate, Padfoot? Severus?"

Both boys accepted the chocolate, and Severus took the bottle of Champagne from Sirius, swallowing some himself.

Sirius finally looked at Remus. "It's time you told us, Remus. Why Snape and I? What is your big plan?"

"All in good time, Sirius, all in good time. Chocolate?"

Snape, meanwhile was leaning back and surveying the remains of the small feast. He had not spent much time with Remus Lupin over the years, but the two of them had spent enough time together to realise that their minds tended to work well together, and they had an uncanny ability to work out the other's thoughts.

He was, however, somewhat surprised that Lupin had thought up this little scenario. It seemed somewhat out of character, but then they were all behaving a little out of character tonight. After all, he and Black had been together for over an hour now, and had not tried to hex each other once.

But then, both of them realised that Remus Lupin did not make empty threats.

Snape looked again at the table and smiled slowly. "Chocolate, Alcohol. I'm surprised, Lupin. No oysters or asparagus?"

"I don't like shellfish. And I couldn't get any fresh asparagus. Besides, it doesn't go well with the chocolate."

Snape laughed. "And all these years everybody has been thinking it's Potter and Black leading your little band of terrorists."

"Well, somebody has to think of some things." Lupin suddenly looked Snape in the eyes. "Not all, though. I never encouraged those things."

"But you didn't do anything to stop them, either."

Lupin looked ashamed. "No. I was too weak."

Sirius leaned forward. "What the hell are you two talking about? And why does Snape seem to know what you have in mind?"

"Not all of it, Black. Just some. I have one burning question, though."

"Ask away, Severus."

"Why Black and I?"

"Very good question, Severus. The best, in fact. Ten points to Slytherin. Why the two of you. Well, when I first started here, you two were the first to show me friendship. Over the years, in your own ways, you've both protected me. Sirius, I know why you've done it, but I could never understand Severus," and he looked at Snape.

"Because you're such a fool that you can't see that hanging around with these idiots will get you killed. Somebody has to watch out for you. You certainly don't."

Remus smiled. "Thank you, Severus. That is the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me. Except one rather big thing," he looked at Sirius and then back at Snape. "I wonder. Should I? Nah. Not yet. But later. Definitely later."

Sirius looked more and more puzzled. What on earth was Remus planning? And why was he being so cryptic - even more so than usual. It was as if he was unsure that what he was planning would work. Very unlike his Remus. Normally, his plans were so meticulously set out that they always knew there would be no problems.
"Remus, I really think you've carried this joke - or whatever it is - far enough. It's time to be straight with us."

At this, Remus started to laugh - well giggle actually - and he fell over onto his side, giggling insanely. "I don't think I want straight at this stage," he muttered. Sirius bent over him.

"It's the alcohol," he remarked. "Remus, just how much have you had to drink?"

The other boy sat up abruptly, so abruptly that his lips brushed Sirius', his lithe form a little too close for Sirius' peace of mind at this point. "Not that much, Sirius. But enough. Definitely enough."

Sirius felt his lips tingling, and, surprising himself, he returned the kiss, his arm snaking around Remus and pulling him against his body. He was even more surprised when he felt, against his thigh, how aroused Remus was.

Snape moved closer to the other two and put a hand on Remus shoulder. "So, what's this mysterious birthday present you have for yourself?" he breathed softly. He thought he had worked it out, and was rather excited. He had not thought Remus was that way inclined, let alone had noticed him. As for himself, he didn't really care about the sex of his partner. And he had always liked Remus. A lot.

He was also intrigued as to what Black's reaction would be. For a boy who had the reputation of the "school stud" he was certainly dense in this little scenario. Or was he. Snape hadn't missed every nuance of Black's kiss with Remus. Including that both of the others were quite aroused. As was he.

Remus looked at Snape. "Wait and see. Not long now."

"I hope not."

The two smiled. "I think you already know what it is, Severus. Very intelligent of you."

"Logic, Lupin, Logic. Something your friend here doesn't seem to have much of."

"I'm impressed though. And I don't think I can wait for later."

With that, he suddenly moved and straddled Snape, pushing him onto his back on the ground, and swooped down, taking his mouth in a searing kiss. Snape wrapped his arms around the other boy, and twisted, the two twining themselves together and moaning as they deepened their kiss.

Finally they separated and Remus sat up again. "Very, very good, Severus. Where did you learn that?"

"Just what do you think it is that Slytherins do in their common room?"

"I'm starting to wish I was a Slytherin," said Remus, and then turned to Sirius. "Don't you, Sirius?"

Sirius eyes were narrowed. He was finally taking in the whole atmosphere, and his eyes rested on the large pot of chocolate body paint. "Remus, you idiot. Why didn't you just ask? I would have said yes like a shot!"

With that, Remus flung himself on his friend, but this time it was Sirius who initiated the kiss, Sirius that controlled it.

And it was also Sirius who removed Remus' shirt. Remus groaned as Sirius' hands roamed over his bare skin. He finally broke the kiss and tried to pull away, only to find Snape directly behind him, his own hands stroking up and down Remus bare arms.

"I had no idea what you would say. And besides, this was far more fun."

"Fun for whom?" came the silky tones in his ear.

"Well, I had fun kidnapping you both. And you both had fun eating and drinking. We're having fun now - and I can think of many ways we can have even more fun later."

Severus and Sirius looked at each other. Snape smiled. "You get the rest of his clothes off. Bags me with the body paint first."

Remus lay back and chuckled. If you listen carefully, you might even be able to hear him.

"Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to Me
Happy Birthday to Remus,
Happy Birthday to Me!"
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