Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Clandestine's School for the Strange
The Letter
5 reviewsFinally. From another world, that only a very small amount of the world knew exsisted. Almost as great as the lost city of Atlantis.
0Unrated
*continued from last time. Trixi bought Patrick a nice Christmas gift. Like what I got a friend last year for a secret Santa)
I had to laugh at Patrick’s obscene facials. It was weird. Like a mix of, “Ergh! Wrong color girlfriend!!” and, “Uh huh man, she totally wants me. Good thing I totally started making myself puke because of my awfully terrible self-consciousness.”
Okay so he isn’t bullemic. Yeah, not kidding.
PUBLIC APPEAL: I’M SORRY PATRICK, I TOTALLY KNOW YOU’RE TOTALLY NOT BULLEMIC.
Andy picked them up and stretched the out.
“PUT-THEM-DOWN-BEFORE-ANYBODY-SEES.” Patrick said, steam practically coming out of his ears.
Lol.
Andy pretended not to listen though and he flicked them onto the top of the tree. Nobody in the house was exactly what you could call, uh, a giant. So the green thong was doomed to living at the top (head?) of our tree until somebody like Gabe’s dad came over to pull it down. Even if Dad stood on a chair, he still wouldn’t be able to reach the top.
Irish people. What a laugh!
I went back to unravelling the present that Mom and Dad bought me.
Soft. No noise when shaken. Hmmm, clothes?
I had to go through three layers of paper to find the present.
T’was almost like they didn’t want me to find it. No deal! No deal!
I lifted the last piece and there it was. Some sort of material.
I touched it and it felt very . . . jeansish?
Jeansish? Fuck, that isn’t even a word!
Nevertheless I did actually pull them out of the paper, rather than just staring, mouth open in search of blowflies. Now that would just be dumb, Mr/Miss Reader, wouldn’t it?
And don’t you dare question my authority?
STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT, CRAZY BITCH!!!
(Oh wait, I don’t care about her anymore. You are forgiven.)
(FOR NOW.)
I put the jeans on the floor so I could take in the awesomeness of them. I started hyperventilating in fact.
They were a RAINBOW of colours. Like the coolest hippy jeans you can imagine but the skinny version.
(THEY.EVEN.FELT.LIKE.SUNSHINE.DUST.AND.FAIRY.ASS)
“What the fuck?” I heard Patrick say in a loud whisper so that Dad and Liz couldn’t hear.
“What, they’re freaking awesome.” I said, still not averting my eyes to glare at Patrick for his comment.
“They’ve even been Bedazzled on the ass pockets.” Andy noted, scratching his chin, “Cool.”
I was still staring at them when I pulled the wonderfully designed jeans to my chest. Being a freak and all, I decided that I would sniff them too.
“Mmm, jeans flavour.” Andy said, watching me and smiling
“Well, they’re all mine. So there!” I said, poking out my tongue at him (ew, gross white stuff from waking up in the morning!)
“Oh. . . Fuck me.” Andy said sarcastically
“NO!” I said, “Back up Andy!”
“Don’t be sick Crystal!” said Patrick angrily.
Jeez, I think somebody did fall out of bed on the wrong side didn’t they.
The rest of the present opening isn’t that spectacular (okay it was!). Patrick got a new i-Pod and a really cool Prince shirt (note to self: STEAL IT!). Andy got SIGNED drumsticks from Travis Barker (I asked later and it turns out Travis’ wife was in hospital. Oh no!). And then I got a whole heap of that last minute stuff. Oh and a super awesome rainbow coloured bead watch! I shall never go anywhere without it from now on
Lunch is the most important meal of the day so we all got dressed in whatever we got.
Yes, I did where the super awesome epic amazing jeans. Hehehehehehe. I know you want some!
No, seriously man, I mean, don’t even smile! I might not be able to read minds, but I’m sure that you think I’m a complete reject. . .
Oh crap, which I am!!!
“There’s a couple of. . . letters for you!” Dad called from the kitchen to upstairs.
“Coming!” I said
“You too Andrew!” Liz added
“Coming Mom.” Andy said, blushing at the fact his Mom just called him by his real name.
Somehow, walking into the kitchen that day reminded me of Veruca Salt in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie. Dad was holding the letters out and Liz was standing REAL CLOSE to him.
“Daddy, I want a pair of kissing fish who are having sex! Now!!” I felt like saying, but then, I am not Veruca Salt am I? Hahaha, Gabe’s mind control is SOOO growing on me!
“Are these the letters that Renaldo was talking about?” Patrick said taking his envelope from the counter Dad had just put the letters on top of
“I don’t think so, I mean look at the address. . .”
“Ohhhh. .”
“Retard.” I told Patrick
“Bumpoo!” he retorted
“WTF?” Andy decided to say, out of the blue.
We all turned around and stared at him like he was a baby lamb (because lambs are FREAKING awesome.)
I looked down at the parchment envelope in my hot little hands. Now, I will say here that I love Harry Potter and all, but really, PARCHMENT? You’ve got to be kidding me right?
I decided that if I couldn’t win the race to the tree, I’d be first to open my suspicious envelope first. Just because I love people who read my blogs (journals?) so much, I’ll tell you what it said:
To dear Crystal,
I don’t know WTF happened with your parents, I think Raylee had the info for you written down incorrectly. Seeing as there is no goddamn returning address for this piece of Queen Latifah ass, I can’t ask how’ve you been lately, so I guess that completely sucks for you,
We understand that you are special (not in the sense that you are mentally retarded), but at birth you were given a special gift (or power if you want to be that way, GOSH!). Only one fifth of the world is gifted with these special abilities. That is why we are asking you to atttend our school. Here at Clandestine’s School for the Strange (yeah, I know, I mean, totally fruity name, right?), we try and give you the opportunity to have a sense of normality and somewhere to learn how to control your powers properly.
Despite your unclear family (I mean seriously, how does that happen. Evil Mummy Bitch?) origins, you and your two half brothers, Andrew and Patrick have been invited to attend my school here in Tokyo, Japan. No expenses are to be made, as we do have our connections, you know, so we have paid for all of your plane tickets and school needs.
Please find enclosed your plane tickets (KEEP THEM SAFE OR ELSE OR I KICK YOUR ASS!) and a list of stationery that you will require:
I turned the page over and a list of stationery was being written, kind of like watching a teacher write on a blackboard (minus teacher, minus blackboard because nobody uses them anymore )
My phone vibrated (P.S NEW PHONE SIDEKICK PRIDE!) but I decided to ignore the text
STATIONERY FOR THE SCHOOL (yeah, you have to get it, but it’s payed for you!):
Well, really I don’t think we should have to write out this darn thing again! Just get all the stuff you had to purchase last year for your old school. Kapish? Good. Although, I should at least tell you, we do not have a uniform code. Unlike other stupid schools, we think you should all be able to wear whatever (no rocket shoes permitted.). Other than that everything should be okay.
I may as well tell you about where you’ll be staying as well.
Our school does in fact have boarding facilities (there is no day only stayers). So far, we’ve been okay with letting boys and girls sleeping in the same room. However, if anybody seems to want to “try anything”, somebody will be there instantly. And then you will have a nasty detention (NOT GOOD MAN!).
It’s pretty laid back here, I suppose. The same rules apply to anywhere really.
No drugs
No smoking
No alcohol
All of which are not allowed on the premises. We have drug crazed dogs locked in a basement, and when they sniff coccaine in the air, they go insane!
We ask that you all have respect for each other. We really do not have a problem with booting you out of school.
That’s about it. We’ll be seeing you in the New Year hopefully (January the Something, I’m terrible with dates).
Oh yes.
You are allowed to bring electronic items.. It’s a big relief for our students when they discover that they also have Internet access (BOOYEAH!). Don’t worry it’s fast. And we’ve also got a super (IRONY MUCH?) reception tower, so most cellphones have reception. The other big relief is we can have phonecalls for you to your family back home.
So I really do think you should come. It’s a really great opportunity for you. The education is really good, and we have a broad spectrum of subjects and activities.
Crap! I’m going to leave you now with the subjects and extra-curriculars. We’ve taken your grades from your old school already.
Ciao!
Signed,
Professor Mandrake,
Headmaster of Clandestine’s School for the Strange
SUBJECT LIST:
Compulsory:
Maths – Professor Zheng-Ho
English – Professor Lingermouse
Science – Professor Windleyarn
Social Studies – Professor Shaantyak
Physical Education – Mr. Bootlické
Self-Defence Class – Professor Muse-Lime
Power Control 101 – Miss Mundane
Electory:
Art
Super Mega Extreme Outdoor Recreation
WWE Wrestling Class
Cooking
Applied Science
Biology
Psychology (unavailable to students who have mind control abilities)
Geography
History
Ladies Ettiquette Course
Fashion & Textiles (Clothes Making)
Woodwork
Music
Graphics
Extreme Dance
Regular Dance
Art Design
Writing for Benefit and Self Pleasure
Entertaining Guests (A Guide to How To Throw A Party)
(Choose four of the above electories)
Extra-Curriculars Groups and Associations:
Animal Rights Committee
Amnesty International
Debating Team
Writing Club
Who’s the Hottest Boy Committee?
The Rock (Christians United!)
Shakespeare Community
Twilight (school fan base)
Music Appreciation (last year they kicked out the gangster kids. Now there’s just a whole lot of sad people in there.)
OMG, JB IS LIKE TOTALLY HOT CLUB (Jonas Brothers looney pack)
International Committee
The Dream Journal Children.
Sports:
Flamethrowers (only for those with pyrokinesis)
Baseball
Soccer
Basketball
Cricket
Rugby
Running (no super speed people!)
Swimming (school pool)
Telekinetic See-How-Far-You-Can-Throw-Something Club
Moshing (olympic sport)
“Dad, look at what it says!” I told him, shoving the letter into his face, like I imagined myself as a small child woud have done.
He sighed before continuing, “I already knew. Your grandfather went there, a long long time ago.”
(NOT REALLY MY GRANDAD REMEMBER?)
“Really?”
“Yeah, he was around when there was a man in his sixties. . .”
Dad had suddenly pulled on his reminiscing face. It suddenly became apparent to me that it would be easy to run and duck for cover.
“named um, something like, Ernald Clandestine. . .”
Too late.
“Ernald? That’s one I haven’t heard before.” Liz said, popping her head up from te little conversation she and Andy were having, presumably about the letter.
“Yeah, I know!” he answered back, “Anywho, your grandad went to school when the original Professor Clandestine was around.”
“Cool. So, do you know if he liked it there. I mean, don’t you reckon it would be a pretty, major change from Ireland to Tokyo?”
“Yeah, but apparently, he liked it quite a lot.”
I breathed out.
“It’s a pity, he was the first kid to drown in the lake.” Dad said, “Then I think that’s when he came back as my Dad.”
“Interesting.” Patrick said sarcastically.
“Very.” Dad said, not picking up on Patrick’s terribly obvious sarcasm
I looked down at my phone, and clicked a button so the screen would turn on.
“Ha” I began thinking, “How fast do you reckon Gabe would be signing up for the party class?”
Then the thought hit me like a bomb. They said only one fifth of the world had superpowers. What if they couldn’t come!!!?”
gasps
(That’s when you read the text Goldilocks!)
I instructed myself forcefully to read the message
“Got some pretty sweet mail this morning. WBU?”
YAY! We got Trixi onboard. If Trixi is coming, then, OMJESUS! Pete is most likely coming too.
Hey Crystal. Guess what? I can see you. And I can guess by the extreme expression of shock on your face that you think that nobody else was coming. But don’t worry, coz G.A.B.E’s got your flab and everybody else is coming too.
(REPLY): Where are you stalker?
Outside! Oh and keep your mouth shut, you’re beginning to look just a little like a goldfish. JK!
(REPLY): grrr face
See you at lunchtime!
I relaxed my tensed up shoulders.
Something made me want to tweet about my life on the ever-growing, Twitter.com
logs onto computer
checks email
types twitter in search box
makes account
tells everybody to look up SporeOfPoppit on twitter
thinks to self, "Mission Accomplished."
end transmission
I had to laugh at Patrick’s obscene facials. It was weird. Like a mix of, “Ergh! Wrong color girlfriend!!” and, “Uh huh man, she totally wants me. Good thing I totally started making myself puke because of my awfully terrible self-consciousness.”
Okay so he isn’t bullemic. Yeah, not kidding.
PUBLIC APPEAL: I’M SORRY PATRICK, I TOTALLY KNOW YOU’RE TOTALLY NOT BULLEMIC.
Andy picked them up and stretched the out.
“PUT-THEM-DOWN-BEFORE-ANYBODY-SEES.” Patrick said, steam practically coming out of his ears.
Lol.
Andy pretended not to listen though and he flicked them onto the top of the tree. Nobody in the house was exactly what you could call, uh, a giant. So the green thong was doomed to living at the top (head?) of our tree until somebody like Gabe’s dad came over to pull it down. Even if Dad stood on a chair, he still wouldn’t be able to reach the top.
Irish people. What a laugh!
I went back to unravelling the present that Mom and Dad bought me.
Soft. No noise when shaken. Hmmm, clothes?
I had to go through three layers of paper to find the present.
T’was almost like they didn’t want me to find it. No deal! No deal!
I lifted the last piece and there it was. Some sort of material.
I touched it and it felt very . . . jeansish?
Jeansish? Fuck, that isn’t even a word!
Nevertheless I did actually pull them out of the paper, rather than just staring, mouth open in search of blowflies. Now that would just be dumb, Mr/Miss Reader, wouldn’t it?
And don’t you dare question my authority?
STOP TALKING ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT, CRAZY BITCH!!!
(Oh wait, I don’t care about her anymore. You are forgiven.)
(FOR NOW.)
I put the jeans on the floor so I could take in the awesomeness of them. I started hyperventilating in fact.
They were a RAINBOW of colours. Like the coolest hippy jeans you can imagine but the skinny version.
(THEY.EVEN.FELT.LIKE.SUNSHINE.DUST.AND.FAIRY.ASS)
“What the fuck?” I heard Patrick say in a loud whisper so that Dad and Liz couldn’t hear.
“What, they’re freaking awesome.” I said, still not averting my eyes to glare at Patrick for his comment.
“They’ve even been Bedazzled on the ass pockets.” Andy noted, scratching his chin, “Cool.”
I was still staring at them when I pulled the wonderfully designed jeans to my chest. Being a freak and all, I decided that I would sniff them too.
“Mmm, jeans flavour.” Andy said, watching me and smiling
“Well, they’re all mine. So there!” I said, poking out my tongue at him (ew, gross white stuff from waking up in the morning!)
“Oh. . . Fuck me.” Andy said sarcastically
“NO!” I said, “Back up Andy!”
“Don’t be sick Crystal!” said Patrick angrily.
Jeez, I think somebody did fall out of bed on the wrong side didn’t they.
The rest of the present opening isn’t that spectacular (okay it was!). Patrick got a new i-Pod and a really cool Prince shirt (note to self: STEAL IT!). Andy got SIGNED drumsticks from Travis Barker (I asked later and it turns out Travis’ wife was in hospital. Oh no!). And then I got a whole heap of that last minute stuff. Oh and a super awesome rainbow coloured bead watch! I shall never go anywhere without it from now on
Lunch is the most important meal of the day so we all got dressed in whatever we got.
Yes, I did where the super awesome epic amazing jeans. Hehehehehehe. I know you want some!
No, seriously man, I mean, don’t even smile! I might not be able to read minds, but I’m sure that you think I’m a complete reject. . .
Oh crap, which I am!!!
“There’s a couple of. . . letters for you!” Dad called from the kitchen to upstairs.
“Coming!” I said
“You too Andrew!” Liz added
“Coming Mom.” Andy said, blushing at the fact his Mom just called him by his real name.
Somehow, walking into the kitchen that day reminded me of Veruca Salt in the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie. Dad was holding the letters out and Liz was standing REAL CLOSE to him.
“Daddy, I want a pair of kissing fish who are having sex! Now!!” I felt like saying, but then, I am not Veruca Salt am I? Hahaha, Gabe’s mind control is SOOO growing on me!
“Are these the letters that Renaldo was talking about?” Patrick said taking his envelope from the counter Dad had just put the letters on top of
“I don’t think so, I mean look at the address. . .”
“Ohhhh. .”
“Retard.” I told Patrick
“Bumpoo!” he retorted
“WTF?” Andy decided to say, out of the blue.
We all turned around and stared at him like he was a baby lamb (because lambs are FREAKING awesome.)
I looked down at the parchment envelope in my hot little hands. Now, I will say here that I love Harry Potter and all, but really, PARCHMENT? You’ve got to be kidding me right?
I decided that if I couldn’t win the race to the tree, I’d be first to open my suspicious envelope first. Just because I love people who read my blogs (journals?) so much, I’ll tell you what it said:
To dear Crystal,
I don’t know WTF happened with your parents, I think Raylee had the info for you written down incorrectly. Seeing as there is no goddamn returning address for this piece of Queen Latifah ass, I can’t ask how’ve you been lately, so I guess that completely sucks for you,
We understand that you are special (not in the sense that you are mentally retarded), but at birth you were given a special gift (or power if you want to be that way, GOSH!). Only one fifth of the world is gifted with these special abilities. That is why we are asking you to atttend our school. Here at Clandestine’s School for the Strange (yeah, I know, I mean, totally fruity name, right?), we try and give you the opportunity to have a sense of normality and somewhere to learn how to control your powers properly.
Despite your unclear family (I mean seriously, how does that happen. Evil Mummy Bitch?) origins, you and your two half brothers, Andrew and Patrick have been invited to attend my school here in Tokyo, Japan. No expenses are to be made, as we do have our connections, you know, so we have paid for all of your plane tickets and school needs.
Please find enclosed your plane tickets (KEEP THEM SAFE OR ELSE OR I KICK YOUR ASS!) and a list of stationery that you will require:
I turned the page over and a list of stationery was being written, kind of like watching a teacher write on a blackboard (minus teacher, minus blackboard because nobody uses them anymore )
My phone vibrated (P.S NEW PHONE SIDEKICK PRIDE!) but I decided to ignore the text
STATIONERY FOR THE SCHOOL (yeah, you have to get it, but it’s payed for you!):
Well, really I don’t think we should have to write out this darn thing again! Just get all the stuff you had to purchase last year for your old school. Kapish? Good. Although, I should at least tell you, we do not have a uniform code. Unlike other stupid schools, we think you should all be able to wear whatever (no rocket shoes permitted.). Other than that everything should be okay.
I may as well tell you about where you’ll be staying as well.
Our school does in fact have boarding facilities (there is no day only stayers). So far, we’ve been okay with letting boys and girls sleeping in the same room. However, if anybody seems to want to “try anything”, somebody will be there instantly. And then you will have a nasty detention (NOT GOOD MAN!).
It’s pretty laid back here, I suppose. The same rules apply to anywhere really.
No drugs
No smoking
No alcohol
All of which are not allowed on the premises. We have drug crazed dogs locked in a basement, and when they sniff coccaine in the air, they go insane!
We ask that you all have respect for each other. We really do not have a problem with booting you out of school.
That’s about it. We’ll be seeing you in the New Year hopefully (January the Something, I’m terrible with dates).
Oh yes.
You are allowed to bring electronic items.. It’s a big relief for our students when they discover that they also have Internet access (BOOYEAH!). Don’t worry it’s fast. And we’ve also got a super (IRONY MUCH?) reception tower, so most cellphones have reception. The other big relief is we can have phonecalls for you to your family back home.
So I really do think you should come. It’s a really great opportunity for you. The education is really good, and we have a broad spectrum of subjects and activities.
Crap! I’m going to leave you now with the subjects and extra-curriculars. We’ve taken your grades from your old school already.
Ciao!
Signed,
Professor Mandrake,
Headmaster of Clandestine’s School for the Strange
SUBJECT LIST:
Compulsory:
Maths – Professor Zheng-Ho
English – Professor Lingermouse
Science – Professor Windleyarn
Social Studies – Professor Shaantyak
Physical Education – Mr. Bootlické
Self-Defence Class – Professor Muse-Lime
Power Control 101 – Miss Mundane
Electory:
Art
Super Mega Extreme Outdoor Recreation
WWE Wrestling Class
Cooking
Applied Science
Biology
Psychology (unavailable to students who have mind control abilities)
Geography
History
Ladies Ettiquette Course
Fashion & Textiles (Clothes Making)
Woodwork
Music
Graphics
Extreme Dance
Regular Dance
Art Design
Writing for Benefit and Self Pleasure
Entertaining Guests (A Guide to How To Throw A Party)
(Choose four of the above electories)
Extra-Curriculars Groups and Associations:
Animal Rights Committee
Amnesty International
Debating Team
Writing Club
Who’s the Hottest Boy Committee?
The Rock (Christians United!)
Shakespeare Community
Twilight (school fan base)
Music Appreciation (last year they kicked out the gangster kids. Now there’s just a whole lot of sad people in there.)
OMG, JB IS LIKE TOTALLY HOT CLUB (Jonas Brothers looney pack)
International Committee
The Dream Journal Children.
Sports:
Flamethrowers (only for those with pyrokinesis)
Baseball
Soccer
Basketball
Cricket
Rugby
Running (no super speed people!)
Swimming (school pool)
Telekinetic See-How-Far-You-Can-Throw-Something Club
Moshing (olympic sport)
“Dad, look at what it says!” I told him, shoving the letter into his face, like I imagined myself as a small child woud have done.
He sighed before continuing, “I already knew. Your grandfather went there, a long long time ago.”
(NOT REALLY MY GRANDAD REMEMBER?)
“Really?”
“Yeah, he was around when there was a man in his sixties. . .”
Dad had suddenly pulled on his reminiscing face. It suddenly became apparent to me that it would be easy to run and duck for cover.
“named um, something like, Ernald Clandestine. . .”
Too late.
“Ernald? That’s one I haven’t heard before.” Liz said, popping her head up from te little conversation she and Andy were having, presumably about the letter.
“Yeah, I know!” he answered back, “Anywho, your grandad went to school when the original Professor Clandestine was around.”
“Cool. So, do you know if he liked it there. I mean, don’t you reckon it would be a pretty, major change from Ireland to Tokyo?”
“Yeah, but apparently, he liked it quite a lot.”
I breathed out.
“It’s a pity, he was the first kid to drown in the lake.” Dad said, “Then I think that’s when he came back as my Dad.”
“Interesting.” Patrick said sarcastically.
“Very.” Dad said, not picking up on Patrick’s terribly obvious sarcasm
I looked down at my phone, and clicked a button so the screen would turn on.
“Ha” I began thinking, “How fast do you reckon Gabe would be signing up for the party class?”
Then the thought hit me like a bomb. They said only one fifth of the world had superpowers. What if they couldn’t come!!!?”
gasps
(That’s when you read the text Goldilocks!)
I instructed myself forcefully to read the message
“Got some pretty sweet mail this morning. WBU?”
YAY! We got Trixi onboard. If Trixi is coming, then, OMJESUS! Pete is most likely coming too.
Hey Crystal. Guess what? I can see you. And I can guess by the extreme expression of shock on your face that you think that nobody else was coming. But don’t worry, coz G.A.B.E’s got your flab and everybody else is coming too.
(REPLY): Where are you stalker?
Outside! Oh and keep your mouth shut, you’re beginning to look just a little like a goldfish. JK!
(REPLY): grrr face
See you at lunchtime!
I relaxed my tensed up shoulders.
Something made me want to tweet about my life on the ever-growing, Twitter.com
logs onto computer
checks email
types twitter in search box
makes account
tells everybody to look up SporeOfPoppit on twitter
thinks to self, "Mission Accomplished."
end transmission
I can't remember if I had posted this somewhere not too long ago, but I just wanted to say thanks to anybody who has helped me out so far. Especially to SidelineStalker, who without reading this version of the story has made my life seem a little more worthwhile. Probably one of my favourite people in this world at this exact time of 5:18 p.m.
Even though it sounds completely obscene saying somehting like that about somebody who you have never had "feelings" for, your friends will always be there for you. Through all those bad times with bad relationships and marital statuses, they'll be there to eat a whole container of Triple Ripple ice-cream with you, regardless of the extreme amount of calories.
Thank you so much!
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