Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Harry for Minister

by Quillian 3 reviews

One-shot! If Harry were to run for Minister of Magic, what would his ad campaign be like? Probably not like this, that's for sure!

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor, Parody - Characters: Harry - Published: 2005-05-16 - Updated: 2005-05-16 - 722 words - Complete

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, etc. Also, this is a parody of a funny clip from the humor website www(dot)jibjab(dot)com. Look in The Vault and then go to the clip called "Ahnuld for Governor." Basically, it is (or was?) Arnold Schwartzanegger's election campaign. (You might want to watch that first, which is little more than a minute's length in time.)

A/N: /I KNOW/ you guys want me to update HoG soon, /EXCEPT NOW I'M SO BUSY LATELY!/ I promise I'll update it A.S.A.P., /I PROMISE!/

WARNING: Harry's slightly OOC here. Or greatly OOC. Whatever; either way, we know he wouldn't really do something like this!


By Quillian
(formerly named kraeg001)

/[Ad begins.]/

[Harry Potter stands in the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic.] My fellow witches and wizards, this is not an election, this is a revolution!

[Stands outside door to the office of the Minister of Magic, gripping his wand and kicking open the door.] I've come back to kick out Cornelius Fudge and clean up the Ministry of Magic! [Fudge is shown hiding behind his desk (complete with name plaque), waving a white flag. The next second, there's a flash of red light and a BOOM, and he's gone with a crater in the wall behind where he just was a moment before.]

If you elect me as the Minister of Magic... [Parchments upon parchments of budget information are slashed apart by Godric Gryffindor's sword, being held by Harry himself.] ...I'll slice the fat from the budget the same way I slice up monsters, all the time! [Gestures to Fudge, Umbridge, and a few other corrupt politicians at podiums, making speeches.] How can you slice the fat from the budget if you can't even slice it off your own arse/? [/Umbridge's fat rear suddenly sticks out from behind the podium.]

[Harry stands in Auror's robes, next to a Muggle traffic light that switches from "Walk" to "Don't walk."] If you're worried about crime, stop worrying; everyone knows I have several years' experience with law enforcement, not to mention defeating Voldemort several times. [The three Dursleys jaywalk obliviously, because they're so arrogant, happy and stupid. They put their hands over their faces as Harry points his wand at them and shouts, "Get down on the ground!"]

[Harry now sits behind a desk in a classroom at Hogwarts.] I'll also use my experience from teaching fellow students defense to help clean up the education system. [A twenty-something Draco Malfoy turns his head around and pleads, "Father, please help rewrite the laws so I can finally graduate without having to repeat my years here!"]

[Harry now stands in front of Hogwarts, the castle in all its majesty.] I have a plan to help make money for special interests. [Exchanges an I.O.U. note with someone for a bag of Galleons, and then flashes a winning smile while giving the thumbs-up sign.]

[Two Healers are now shown standing over a patient on a wheeled table, whose unconscious occupant happens to be Severus Snape. The EKG machine is beeping behind them.] I'll also eliminate all costs from the health care system. [One Healer says to the other, "It's some kind of experimental poisoning; we need to cure him, quick." Harry then shows up in Healer's robes. "It's not poisoning. Wash him up and get him outta here!" he says, pushing the end of table down the room and down the hall. As a result, the EKG goes flatline.]

That's right, everybody, it's IMPEACHMENT time for Cornelius Fudge! [Pans out, showing Harry gripping him in a headlock.]

[Harry is shown standing in the Atrium again.] And if you know what's good for you, you'll vote HARRY for Minister of Magic. [Signs autograph and gives it to a little girl before straightening out again.] Thank you.

[Ad goes black, and at the bottom appears Fudge's cowardly face in a red circle with a slash over it. Next to it is a sentence, which someone reads: "Paid for by people who really, really hate Cornelius Fudge."]

/[Ad ends.]/

A/N: So, how did you guys like this?
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