Categories > Games > Devil May Cry

Pizza Mercenary

by Mikari 0 reviews

A collection of Devil May Cry humor crossover one-shots.

Category: Devil May Cry - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Dante - Published: 2009-05-12 - Updated: 2009-05-13 - 1010 words - Complete

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Pizza Mercenary

Slice 01: Trouble (Final Fantasy VII)

"One of these days you're going to get into trouble because you don't pay for your pizza."

The words fell upon deaf ears as Dante continued his solo game of pool. "What are they going to do? Send someone to kill me?"

"Who knows, maybe a mercenary will show up at your door with your next pizza and kill you if you don't pay," Morrison insisted.

Dante chuckled, "let them try. You make it sound as if I've been ordering pizza from yakuzas. Actually, if this next delivery is made by a mercenary I'll pay everything I owe without putting up a fight. It's the least I could do if they go through the trouble of actually hiring a mercenary just to collect my pizza bill."

There was a knock on the door. "Delivery for Dante!" Someone called.

"The pizza's here and I'm sure it's not a..." when Dante opened the door he could only stare at the man holding the pizza, "mercenary..." he couldn't believe they actually went that far just for a few pizza bills. Worse yet, Dante had just said he would pay without even putting up a fight if a mercenary showed up.

The man had spiky blond hair and his blue eyes held an unnatural glow. He carried an oversized sword on his back and a motorcycle was parked behind him, nothing like the usual delivery scooters. "I'm a delivery boy," Cloud Strife corrected, though that was a little hard to believe. "Are you Dante? I was told not to give you the pizza until you paid these bills," Cloud handed Dante a list of what he owed.

"Fine, I'll keep my word," and so Dante finally paid his pizza bill thanks to the delivery boy who looked like a mercenary.

Slice 02: Competition (Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town)

Strawberries, it was a giant field of strawberries, certainly no place for such an evil being. The hunter, who was rather fond of strawberries and even more so of strawberry ice-cream, would not allow such a foul creature to touch the delicious little red fruits.

However, before the great Dante could shoot, a blond woman in overalls ran towards the monster wielding a scythe. With a battle cry of "stay away from my strawberries!" she sliced the being to bits, spinning rapidly with the sharp blue bladed weapon. She then hid the scythe in her rucksack and smiled at Dante. "Are you a tourist?" She followed his gaze to the dismembered pieces of the monster that stained the soil red. "Oh, I was just... adding some fertilizer!" The farmer nodded assuring the stranger so that she would not frighten him since she was unaware that he was quite used to hunting creatures like that.

"Tourist..." Dante repeated; it's not like there was anything interesting to see in Mineral Town anyway. But he wasn't in the mood to explain to the farmer that she just killed his prey and thus left him without the possibility of collecting his pay for brining the monster back barely alive, to be finished off by his vengeful client. "Yeah, I'm a tourist."

"Oh, that's good; we don't get a lot of tourists around here. Have some strawberries." The farmer picked a handful of the little fruits and gave them to Dante. "Enjoy your visit to Mineral Town!"

Dante was only able to mutter a "thanks" before heading back to the beach to catch a ride on the same shipping boat that brought him there. Honestly, now days, there's just too much competition in the job industry regardless of how unique one would think their field is and even if the opponent isn't actually trying to compete. At least he got some strawberries...

Slice 03: Hunger (Final Fantasy VII)

The swords clashed in an epic battle that stopped abruptly with the voice of a little girl, "you're making a mess!"

The two men stood frozen, sword pressed against the opponent's sword, "I'm busy," Dante replied, "he's holding my pizza hostage."

Cloud pouted, "you haven't paid for it!"

"I told you to put it on my tab this time!" Dante argued.

Patty felt herself twitch while looking at the mess the two men had made. "I'm going to clean this place," she announced as if it were her own. "Get out!"

"But the pizza!" Cloud and Dante said in unison.

Patty shoved some money into Cloud's hand, "the pizza is mine, keep the chance."

Putting away his sword, Cloud smiled, "thanks," and headed for the door along with Dante.

"She stole my pizza," needless to say, Dante was having a bad week.

"And kicked you out of your own house," Cloud added.

The remark caused Dante to give the delivery boy a deadly glare, but Cloud only laughed, which made Dante growl, "what's so funny?"

"You're having a worse week then me," though after thinking about it for a moment, Cloud shook his head. "No, I think mine has been worse, but at least I don't feel alone in the torture. Sometimes I feel as if there's a being out there putting me through all this trouble for amusement."

Dante looked up at the clear blue skies, "a being who is watching us right now, someone who is writing all of this as if it was a story for entertainment?"

There was a pause and the two men shook their heads, "nah!"

"I'm going home, Tifa promised she would make me a strawberry sundae after work," Cloud was looking forward to it and Dante's stomach growled at the mention of his favorite dessert.

The white haired man tried to quiet his hungry stomach until it could be fed and decided, "I'm going too."


Disclaimer, I don't own Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy VII or Harvest Moon.
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