FicWad

Sitting in the local 50s style diner, Sousa's, after school was completely new to me. I always assumed that only the various popular crowds came here, making me and my clumsy, un-cool self feel as though I was unwelcome.

However, I was wrong; it seems as if this might be the one place where your social status didn't matter... that much. Everyone was just hanging out in the same place with one similar thought; thank god those seven hours of torture are finally over...for today at least.

I was pulled out of my observations when the waitress came to take our order.
"What can I get you?" she asked curtly.
Considering I have never been here and I hadn't bothered to read the menu I looked at Brendon, willing him to order first. I guess he caught the pleading edge to the look I gave him and he rambled out his order.
"I'll just have an order of fries and a coke, please."
I smiled thankfully at him and looked towards the waitress who was giving me a look that screamed I can't believe you are here with him. Turning on my sweet and innocent charm, I reached over and took Brendon's hand smiling shyly before turning to look at the waitress.
"I'll have the same, thanks." Giving her an answering yes, he's minelook of victory before she turned and stomped off towards the kitchen.

I turned my attention back to Brendon, who was smiling his breathtaking smile again. I was yet again at a loss for words, so we just sat there looking at each other for a few minutes. It started to fill slightly awkward that neither one of us had said anything yet so I decided to try to start some form of conversation.
"So..." I was about to ask whatever random question happened to come to mind but I was sidetracked by a random guy coming over to our table.
"Hey, Brendon, what's up?"
I vaguely recognized the guy from our band class, a tuba player I think. Feeling slightly self conscious, as was my customary reaction around people I hardly knew, I pulled my hand away from Brendon's and placed it in my lap.
"Oh, hey Trace."
Ok he definitely sounded irritated that this Trace person was talking to him, or maybe it was because I had pulled my hand away...
"I'm kind of busy here" he continued motioning towards me, "What can I do for you?"
Trace turned to look at me now, a sheepish grin appearing on his face.
"I'm sorry I interrupted, I was just wondering what time you guys where practicing this weekend..."
Brendon seemed to relax, the irritation almost completely gone, but not quite. He smiled slightly before answering, "We'll probably start around six thirty or seven."
"Awesome, I'll be there. Oh, and I'm sorry again..."
With that Trace was gone, leaving me with what I'm hoping is an interesting topic-o-discussion.

Brendon watched as Trace made his hasty exist before turning his attention back to me, an almost smug smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
"So, what was that all about? He mentioned you practicing this weekend..."
I trailed off hoping Brendon would fill in the gaps of what I had missed. He didn't say anything at first, so I wasn't sure if he was going to tell me or not. I was about to prompt him more when he finally decided to respond.
"I'll tell you if I can have your hand back."
Oh god, that was beyond cute. I blushed and willingly complied.
"That's Trace, obviously... He's just one of the usuals that shows up to watch us practice."
The smugness was becoming more and more apparent on his gorgeous features. I need a new word to describe him, but that just fits him so well...
I waited for him to continue but that was all he said.
Are you kidding me?
Why was he being so difficult? I could see it all over his face that he was beyond amused by this.
"Am I going to have to guess, or are you going to tell me what kind of practice you're referring to?" I probably should have tried to hide my building annoyance but...it's too late now.
"Alright, alright. I was just having some fun."
The nerve...he is actually pouting! This is unbelievable, he is the one withholding information, yet I'm the bad guy here? How...how...ugh. I can't even be mad because that face is too adorable. Oh look, a new adjective! Go me...Oh right I'm supposed to be mad here.
I mock glared at him, which earned me the smile I was quickly growing to adore.
"Ok, so I'm in a band. Right now all we do is practice in a basement, but we sort of have a following already...I guess that means we're good. At least that's what I like to think. OH! You should come Saturday. I can introduce you to the guys. Well you already meet Spence..."
I guess he could tell from the look I was giving him that he had lost me, he started talking really fast to the point I was having trouble understanding. He blushed slightly, looking down at the table. "Sorry, I tend to do that when I get excited about something."
I laughed lightly. "You don't have to apologize. You might have to repeat some of that though...But if I understood you correctly, I would love to see you play this weekend."
He looked up from the table, with the slightest hint of a blush still visible on his checks.
"Awesome. You're really going to love the guys."
He paused briefly before adding, "Oh, and, I just have to let you know that you look adorable when you're trying to be angry."

Surprisingly, I was very thankful that the waitress returned with our order. I was able to look away and hide the fact that my cheeks were now a deep crimson.

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For the second time today I woke up with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Why did it have to end? We were perfect together.

But I know why it ended and no matter how much I try, I'll never be able to get him back. It's too late. He has probably already moved on. If he only knew how much I miss him, how much I love him, how sorry I am about everything that happened. If he could at least forgive me then maybe I might be able to move on as well.
But then again I can never move on, when he left he took my heart with him.

I can't take any more of these memories today; I have to do something, anything, to get my mind off him; even if it's only for a few hours...
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So what would someone who has nothing to loose, nothing to live for, nothing but the company of memories too painful to bear do to try to escape the harshness of reality?

There's always the option of drugs or alcohol... but what would that possibly do aside from hurt me more.
No. I need something more.

I could try to be good; go catch a movie maybe. But I don't see how that could distract me for five minutes let alone a few hours.

Maybe...I could just degrade myself even farther. It might work. I can get cleaned up, try to make myself look halfway decent, then find some shitty club full of desperate men; hook up with some random guy...
What am I thinking? I could never go through with that either.

Ugh, who keeps calling me? Can't I just wallow in peace?
I guess should answer it, waiting a few minutes to think of a brilliant plan won't hurt anything.

Picking up my cell phone, I answer without bothering to look at the caller ID.
"Yeah?" I asked, making my annoyance very obvious to whoever was on the other line.
"Kae? Is that you?" the caller asked with uncertainty.
Wait, I know that voice.
"Ryan?"
"Hey! Wow, you sound different. Are you alright?"
"Well Ryan, how would you feel if everything you cared about was gone from your life?"
I probably should have been a little nicer. None of this is Ryan's fault; it's completely unfair for me to take it out on him. Besides, he is the only one that still tries to talk to me, so I should try a little harder to at least keep him in my life.
"I'm sorry Ryan. I shouldn't have said that..." I trailed off unsure of what else I should say to him.
"Kae, you don't have to apologize. I know how hard all of this is for you."
I haven't realized until now how much I truly miss Ryan. I mean, we were beyond being merely best friends. We had that whole kindred spirit thing going on. The more I think about it, the more I realize Ryan is what I need right now.
"Hey, Ry? Are you busy right now?"
"How about our old spot in thirty?" There was a smile evident in his voice. He always knows what I'm going to ask before I get the chance to even come close to asking.
"That sounds absolutely perfect. I'll see you soon."

With that we hung up, and for the first time in months...I smiled.



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Notes:

As usual, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
I posted it a little sooner than I had planned, but I'm going out of state until next Sunday and I didn't want to leave without giving you a little something.
Please review and let me know what you think so far.
Comments=Happy Writer And Happy Writer=More Updates!