FicWad

Missions: Report IV

Mission 31: Jump

Being a Turk, Rude got plenty of exercise; it was required for his job. After all, a Turk had to be ready at all times, because no one knew when spoiled princess Ruru would wake up in the middle of the night with a craving for Farbucks coffee, with all sorts of cream and a silly assortment of sprinkles. Obviously it couldn't be home made coffee, goodness no, it had to be bought from princess Ruru's favorite establishment, which was so conveniently open twenty-four seven, thus nullifying any possible excuses.

When the pretty boy princess had more than one Turk over to guard his door at night, and rush in to rescue him should the under the bed monster decide to come out, they would play a game of rock paper scissors to decide who would go out to get pretty boy's midnight snack.

Try as they may to avoid the midnight, or early morning, runs, Rufus would only accept freshly bought goods, nothing re-heated or re-frozen. Because re-heated coffee didn't taste the same according to him, and soft-serve ice-cream tasted best when eaten right away, becoming more like shaved ice made with flavored water if left in the freezer for too long.

Then the unfortunate Turk who lost the game would have to make a run to and from the establishment, be it Farbucks or Basket Robin, all the to Healin Lodge, which was most of the time done in a helicopter and sometimes a car, and be back before the delivery cooled off or melted; running up the stairs to tend to Rufus' needs.

Because of all that exercise, even if Rude wasn't as much as a cat as Reno, he was very agile and had a vast supply of stamina. One could also point out, especially of that one happened to be a fangirl, that Rude also had great abs, but that would be getting into another topic.

The point was that today, even if Reno had once again unwittingly lost the game of rock paper scissors, the redhead took to showing his cat-like attributes in a different way by giving his partner the saddest kitten look he could muster, thus making Rude feel like a heartless bastard if he exercised his right his to stay in Healin Lodge while Reno went out to fetch Rufus' snack.

That was how Rude's predicament started, and now he found himself in front the Seventh Heaven, which was already closed. Rufus had once tasted Tifa's cooking in a propaganda filled visit to the Seventh Heaven, during which the Turks were ordered to discreetly taste the food for poison first, which fortunately went well. The problem was that Rufus, also known as Mr. Spoiled Brat Pretty Boy, had developed a liking for Tifa's cooking, and now he wanted some fried chocobo from Tifa.

One would reason that Rude could simply go to one of those twenty-four hour fast food establishments and buy some fried chocobo, but Rufus, who was without a doubt the pickiest eater in the world, would immediately notice, and Rude's paycheck would suffer.

Thus Rude found himself jumping, he jumped until he reached a pipe sticking out of the wall of the Seventh Heaven and careful not to slip, climbed up to the second floor ledge. Of course, Rude had considered calling Tifa, but she would either murder him for waking her up in the middle of the night asking for fried chocobo, or decide to go back to sleep while she sent Cloud to murder him, hence why Rude was sneaking around trying to cause Tifa to wake up indirectly to avoid the blame.

If his plan worked, then Rude would call and say he saw the lights on and wondered if everything was alright. He would say it was his latest mission to patrol the city at night, and maybe the kind hearted Tifa would take pity on him and offer him a snack. He would find some way to bring fried chocobo into the conversation, ask her to make it 'to go' and leave, so as to not keep Tifa awake for longer than needed. At least that was the plan, and Rude was thankful that Reno wasn't preset to make a comment about how it was all about sneaking into Tifa's house more so than getting the fried chocobo.

Confirming the location Tifa's room, Rude climbed up to the roof and jumped up and down on the surface. The noise succeeded in both waking Tifa, and getting Rude's foot trapped in the hole he just made in the roof. A scream soon came, confirming just how awake Tifa was. Rude pulled his foot free, losing his shoe in the process, and ran for dear life.

Rude jumped from roof to roof until he got away, then dashed to his car, which he parked a safe distance away. Thankfully, Rude carried an extra suit and shoes, since Turks jobs sometimes got messy, or they used to in the past. He put on a new pair of shoes and casually drove by.

Rude didn't even have to call, for Tifa opened the door with a fierce look and look and her fighting gloves on, but she calmed down as soon as she recognized the driver. "Rude thank goodness it's you, I though there was some stranger driving around and I was ready to give him a beating if he turned out to be the guy who tried to break in."

"Someone tried to break in?" Rude tried to ignore the guilty feeling that pained him. Turks were not supposed to feel guilt.

"Yes, a little while ago someone was walking on the roof. I'm pretty sure it was a man judging by the shoe he lost when his foot went through a thin spot on the roof right over my bedroom. I screamed and the kids woke up, but I sent them to back bed saying I just had a nightmare; I didn't want to scare them. The guy must have run away when he realized I woke up. Cloud sleeps like a log, so I just let him rest. I'm not going back to sleep until I install a good security system," Tifa explained.

It broke Rude's heart to see Tifa that way because of something he caused, all for the sake of Rufus. "I can stay if it'll make you feel safer."

"Oh no, I couldn't ask that. I'm sure you must be tired after a long day's work. I know how the Turks' missions have been lately," Tifa replied.

"It's alright, I'm not sleepy anyway, I can keep you company and tomorrow I'll have someone from Shinra come over and install a security system for you, free of charge," Rude offered.

"Really? You would do that? Thank you so much! If you're sure you want to stay over, how about a midnight snack?" Tifa discreetly glanced at Rude's feet as they went inside, he had both his shoes, how silly of her to suspect. The similar shoe sizes were a mere coincidence. Who knows how many men in the area wear the same shoe size; and Rude was so kind...

Meanwhile, in the second floor of the Seventh Heaven, Cloud Strife tossed and turned in his sleep, as if he were having a nightmare. But back at Healin Lodge, Reno was having the real nightmare putting up with an impatient Rufus who wouldn't get his fried chocobo until the next morning.

Mission 32: Stalker

Lately Reno had been followed by a mysterious stalker and he made it his mission to find out who she was. He suspected that the same mysterious stalker was leaving those messages in his PHS calling him Ren-cake. The number was impossible to trace, and thus impossible to reply to, and the stalker's true identity remained a mystery.

Tired of waiting for the mysterious girl to show herself, Reno declared at the top of his lungs, from the roof of Shinra headquarters that he wished to take his stalker on a date at the Gold Saucer. However, when he went to meet her at the entrance to the Gold Saucer, the place was closed for repairs.

They claimed that there had been an asteroid shower, but those who knew about materia, knew that wasn't the case. Someone had a fully developed Comet materia and knew how to use it. The area had been cleared and the girls that gathered retreated.

Some said the culprit was hiding among the crowds, some even said she might have allowed her own attack to hit her to keep up appearances. Either way, one thing was for sure, she was sneaky.

Regardless of the set backs, Reno would not give up. His fellow Turks had already declared he was insane to want to meet the stalker, but the redhead had reached a new level of insanity with his latest plan.

"This is bad," Rude stated the obvious because it looked like Reno had somehow missed it.

"It's okay, just tie me up and don't forget the blindfold." Reno was currently on the roof of the Shinra building, tied up and blindfolded, no fan girl could resist the opportunity. The Shinra satellite should give out his location when the fan girl borrowed it again, and just in case, Reno had talked Tseng, Rude and Elena into guarding all the access routes to the roof.

Rude left Reno there and went to his position. The stalker should be able to track him down, get inside Shinra and past the other Turks. It couldn't be just a regular fan girl; it had to be the skilled stalker.

Time passed and nothing happened, and time continued to pass. "This isn't going to work, she only appears when I'm near other girls..." but it couldn't just be any girl, it had to be a girl with an interest on him, otherwise the stalker didn't really mind. "Rude, untie me, this isn't working! Rude!" That time, Reno had to untie himself the hard way. He knew the Turks were still at their posts because no fan girls got to him, but they let him untie himself on his own. At least he practiced rope escape in case he ever needed it.

Even after that experience, Reno still refused to give up. But if he set himself up to be captured random fan girls could interfere, and if he made sure they didn't interfere by making it too much of a challenge to get to him, then the stalker wouldn't get possessive and she wouldn't come. If he tried to find a random girl to flirt with, the stalker would attack from a distance and he wouldn't be able to catch her. It didn't look like she was planning to try to go out with him, she simply kept other girls away; and that was the most annoying part.

Exhausted, Reno went home and tried to get some sleep, until his PHS rang. "Ren-cake, don't endanger yourself. I'm always watching, always keeping you safe, but don't do anything stupid."

It was the stalker, after all that she had the nerve to call. At least this time she was actually talking instead of only leaving a message, even if the number was still untraceable. "Who are you? How did you hack Shinra's satellite?"

"I didn't have to hack Shinra's satellite, I work for Shinra, I just borrowed the satellite for a while. Don't try to find me in the employee records because I took care of that. But if you really want to know who I am I'll tell you, do you want to know?"

"Of course I want to know!"

"I'm all of them, each and every fan girl. I'm a body of thoughts, a being created from their love and their possessive instinct. Because I'm all of them I can't give you to one girl alone, I have to make sure they keep their distance so that you may live for all of them. That's the reason I was made."

"A body of thoughts... You're like the remnants except you're made from fan girl thoughts..." Needless to say Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz were nothing in comparison to a creature made from fan girl thoughts. "Is all of this true?"

"Maybe..." The call was ended.

Reno stared at his PHS in disbelief. "What does she mean maybe?" All in all, he went in one big circle and didn't truly accomplish anything.

Mission 33: Stapler

The continuous clicking sound was really starting to get on Tseng's nerves, and it only got worse when he looked at the four mountains of papers on his desk. In rhythmic motion, Tseng picked up one of each paper, lined them up and stapled them together. The four papers were placed on a fifth mountain, and the action was repeated.

First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, align them, stapler, clicking sound, place them in a pile. It was driving Tseng insane, and the fact that Reno was sitting across the room staring at the process with a zombified expression didn't help.

"Reno," the redhead completely ignored the leader's voice. "Reno!" There was no reply. "Reno!" Tseng slammed the stapler on the desk, accidentally stapling the smooth wood.

"Huh? What? Where?" Reno looked around as if he just woke up, but it made no sense because his eyes were already open before. It was as if he was so bored, he was hypnotized by the stapler.

"Help me staple these papers." Tseng's words made Reno wake from his trance completely and spring to his feet.

"I think I hear Rufus calling!" Reno dashed out of the Turks' office at an inhuman speed.

Tseng continued his robotic motions, stapling was his mission after all, not Reno's. Elena returned from her latest mission, it wasn't so bad; she just had to waitress at a restaurant. She sat at her desk to write her report, but instead watched Tseng.

"Do you want to help me staple?" Tseng asked.

"I have to write a report," Elena didn't take her eyes off Tseng.

"Then why aren't you writing it?" Tseng asked, with the same automatic motions, first paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, staple.

"I am..." Elena continued to stare. Tseng's movements were so precise; she couldn't help it but to watch.

First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, staple, Tseng continued his work. First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, staple, the same thing over and over. First paper, second paper, third paper, forth paper, first paper, staple, wait that's not right. First paper, second paper, forth paper, staple, no, no! Tseng put the stapler down. He had lost the rhythm of work and found himself unable to recover it.

Elena finally started writing her report and finished it fairly quickly, while Tseng had slowed down but managed to regain some of his working momentum. "I'm done!" Elena announced.

Tseng's concentration shattered and he stapled his finger, but he took it like a Turk and didn't say anything.

"I can help you now!" Elena pulled her chair to sit across from Tseng, but before she started stapling, she noticed Tseng's stapled finger. "Oh my God! You're hurt! Let me help you with that!" She rushed to get the first aid kit, then carefully removed the staple from Tseng's finger and wrapped a band-aid around it. "There you go, all better." Elena put the first aid kit away and sat down again, while Tseng stared at his bandaged finger.

As a Turk, Tseng had spent a good portion of his life dodging bullets and there he was, getting injured by a stapler, how did he fall that low? Further more, Elena's stapling speed was far grater than his, even before he lost his concentration. He wasn't sure why he cared, but it somehow felt like insult upon injury. Tseng didn't think it could get worse... until Rude arrived with another mountain of papers that needed to be sorted and stapled.

Mission 34: Zolom

"It's dangerous, they say, it eats travelers, they say, and chocobo and even children. It has to be dealt with; it's bad so it must be Shinra's fault. It's bad so Shinra must have somehow made it and Shinra has to fix it. And when you want trouble to come, it doesn't!"

The blue chocobo tilted his head to the side and looked at Reno as if he were insane. "Wark!"

"My thoughts exactly, buddy." Reno had been sent off to the swap near the chocobo farm to deal with the giant snake that resided in it. Any problem that troubled the world would be declared Shinra's fault and it would be the Turks' mess to clean up.

"Wark!" The chocobo stood around idly, trained to wait for its master, even if said master was just standing around. Arquan tilted his head back and looked away and if trying to say "I'm better than you."

Reno pouted, the Zolom wasn't coming out and the chocobo that was supposed to help him in this very annoying mission had a superiority complex. He stood at the swap where the ground was humid slippery and muddy, and made noise, threw rocks and waited, but the deadly serpent that allegedly lived in the swap refused to come out to greet him.

Stupid overgrown worm, when people wanted to get past it, it came out to eat them. But when the brave knight stood ready to slay it and rescue Princess Paycheck, the beast refused to show itself.

Arquan, the blue chocobo, walked around the area near Reno, bored out of his mind. "Wark!" He was practically begging for the Zolom to try to sneak up on him, but it didn't. "Wark!"

After a while of fruitless, and snake-less, waiting, a yellow female wild chocobo approached the domesticated blue one. "Wark!"

"Go away!" Reno threw some greens as far away as possible into the swamp.

The hungry wild chocobo to rush after the greens; she sat down, not caring about the mud sticking to her feathers and ate.

"Wark!" Arquan looked displeased, but then looked away with the same superior attitude he gave Reno. If that other chocobo preferred food over him, then she wasn't good enough anyway.

"You're not here to flirt or give me an attitude; you're supposed to be helping me!" Reno was muddy, dirty, filthy and very uncomfortable. He was certain that he would need to spend a lot of time in the shower to get the mud off, and obviously his uniform was a lost cause that would be thrown away.

"Wark!" The yellow chocobo female called as if asking for more greens, but she didn't even get up. "Wark!"

"Fine, just shut up!" Reno threw more greens at her and she continued eating them.

"Wark!" Arquan complained because he wasn't being fed, and he was used to being fed top quality greens all the time.

"I get it," Reno was about to toss more greens on the ground but the blue chocobo protested.

"Wark! Wark! Wark!" Arquan sounded offended.

"Oh right, you're too good to eat off the ground." Reno held out the greens, his glare reflecting the same sarcasm and frustration as his voice.

"Wark!" Arquan regally ate the greens off Reno's hand in small bites, giving Reno a few glances of superiority as if the red haired human was his slave. At least Arquan was too civilized and egotistical to sink low enough to bite his 'slave', that would be primitive and uncivilized.

Time passed and the Zolom still wouldn't come out. Just when Reno thought he hit rock bottom, a stray black chocobo female landed near by. Arquan elegantly walked around, wondering if the dark feathered lady would have better taste than the blond feathered one who only cared about greens.

The stray black chocobo gently nudged Reno. "Wark!"

Reno petted the black chocobo, "I guess you want greens too. Sorry girl, I don't have any more food. Yellow girl and Mr. Superiority Complex ate it all."

"Wark!" The flying chocobo didn't leave but continued cuddling Reno.

"You don't want greens, just attention?" The chocobos were too calm, as if they knew Zolom wasn't coming and Reno found that to be very suspicious.

Eventually at the end of the day, Reno returned home, leaving a trail of mud in his path. He threw his uniform on the floor and took a very long shower to get the mud and dirt off. Several hours later, he emerged fully clean and starved.

While Reno looked around the refrigerator, his PHS rang, Tseng's name displayed on the screen. "If you're calling about the Zolom report then I don't have it."

"You don't need to make a report for that, since the mission was cancelled. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer so I assumed you knew the mission had been cancelled and turned off your PHS."

The entire day replayed in Reno's mind in fast forward. Everything from Arquan being a loud mouth brat demanding attention, just like Rufus, to the wild black chocobo female who didn't know the difference between a chocobo and a human.

"The signal must have been bad in the swamp. I was trying to tell you that the WRO's nature loving activists moved the Zolom to Wutai's new aquarium to stop Shinra from killing it. At least it won't bother the travelers anymore." Tseng explained.

"Then I spent the day in the swamp putting up with Arquan's Rufus-attitude for nothing?" Reno heard some tapping on his apartment window and saw the flying chocobo female he met in the swamp. "Did you say Wutai aquarium?"

The next day people would speak of the surprise attack; the rain of bombs dropped by a flying chocobo that annihilated everything in the Wutai aquarium.

Mission 35: Rookie

The boy was still a teenager, having finished high school less than a month ago and already well into his Turk training. Some were not too happy with his choice to join the Turks, while others told him to "do what you believe is right" and Tifa trusted that he would be the one to make the difference.

The ambition to go to the top, the desire to be the best, the need to prove himself, and the longing to protect, were all too familiar to Cloud, and it took some convincing from Tifa to calm him and assure him that Denzel would be alright. Of course Barret was another story, as he would never shut up about how he wished Denzel would have done anything else, except join the Turks.

However, Denzel had been a small child during the meteor ordeal and the Turks were not all that bad afterwards. Besides, one could not change the world without being close to the force that moved the world. Despite the hidden, and not so hidden, power struggles; that force, though a bit shaky, remained to be Shinra, not the World Restoration Organization or Wutai, and definitely not the dormant Avalanche.

But that was okay, because this was the good Shinra, not the Shinra of the times he barely remembered. Many years had passed since the return of Sephiroth and the attack of Geostigma, and though the World Restoration Organization eventually became stable, without Shinra's financial help during that time, admit it or not, the WRO would have fallen, and Wutai might have been dragged down with it if Shinra stopped marketing it as a tourism spot.

The point was that Shinra had fixed things, it was still doing so and they didn't get enough credit for it. With no soldiers, and only the shadow of an army, it was all about the Turks. Some said they had intensified their training and skills to fill the gaps, and some said they were in a way mako-less soldiers, armed with materia instead.

"Ready? Go Rookie, no messing up." At Reno's signal the simulation began.

The rookie Turk wearing their well known uniform launched the first attack. He wore gloves covered in metal armor, but they still allowed movement in his hands. Three knives about five inches long came out from the knuckles of each gloves, colliding against the training robot. Denzel's materia glowed as flames were summoned to attack the mechanical beast, then the relentless attack continued until the simulation was abruptly stopped.

Reno had received news on his PHS; he looked satisfied with what he heard. "The WRO and Wutai couldn't handle that Behemoth that started attacking for no reason. It came back to the city and their forces are down."

"You sound happy," Denzel observed.

"That's because it means it's our turn. Get ready for your first real battle, Rookie." For all the unworthy missions Reno suffered through to stay with Shinra, it was payback time. Because in the end, the WRO, Wutai, and everyone else, would have to admit that there were things that only the Turks could handle.

xoxox xox xoxox

"Reno! Reno! Wake up!"

Reno woke up to find himself in a place that had become familiar. Toys were scattered about, posters were up on the walls, and the TV was on, depicting the frozen image of a videogame with the word 'pause' flashing on the screen.

There was a special offer in Turk missions for a limited time, and it was affordable even with a child's allowance. Due to messing up his boring missions lately, Reno had been forced to take the easy cheap missions, such as playing videogames with Denzel when Tifa was working, Cloud was out on deliveries and Marlene was at a friend's house with a bunch of other girls. But it wasn't so bad, because videogames were definitely a lot more fun than some of the missions Reno had to do. He allowed himself to relax and catch up on the sleep he missed.

"You're supposed to play not sleep," Denzel reminded him.

It took Reno a moment to return to reality and remember that Shinra had not yet recovered its coolness, there was no Behemoth on the rampage, and Denzel wasn't a Turk in training; at least not yet...

Mission 36: Suspicious Delivery

Maybe if he pretended the suspicious package was a vital and valuable item, Reno would feel better about being hired by Cloud Strife who was overbooked for deliveries thanks to Tifa making an effort to get him customers. She was only trying to help, but Cloud could only travel so far so fast. With that in mind, pretend he did, but it didn't make him feel any better, for the package was simply suspicious.

The weather had been bad around Costal del Sol, it was hurricane season after all, and that particular area seemed to attract the natural disasters like a magnet. However, despite that, tourists still came and went in between the showers of rain, wind and thunder. The eternally tropical beach had plenty of people occupying it despite it being a relatively low season due to the weather, and Reno faced the same dilemma he would face when it was the busy season, he couldn't find a place to land.

Every parking lot as far as the eye could see was full, so Reno resolved for landing his helicopter on top of a random building, or he would have done that if only the surface wasn't covered in satellite dishes that were so easy to set up and put away in less than an hour, allowing the residents to be free of their dependency in the ever fragile cables that took much longer to be fixed when the bad weather knocked them down.

Finally after flying a considerable distance away from the coast, Reno managed to find a landing spot and hurried towards Costa Del Sol's main coastal area under the blazing sun on foot. Just yesterday the city was constantly stalked by rain, but today the sun was shining as if making an act of rebellion against hurricane season. It was not a comfortable walk, especially not in his Turk suit.

Grumbling about the heat and the lack of parking space at a decent distance, Reno made his way to the assigned location where the package was to be taken at the Costa Del Sol inn. "I'm sorry sir, but the inn is full." The receptionist informed Reno when he arrived.

"I'm not on vacation," the words left a sour taste in Reno's mouth. "I'm here to deliver a package to one of the rooms," and due to he possibility of ditching the mission, for it to be considered complete, Reno needed the signature of the recipient. He would have tried to fake it if he actually knew who the recipient was, but the package only had an address and if Cloud knew who it was for, he kept that a secret from Reno to prevent having him try to forge the signature and falsely claim the delivery was done.

"I see, go ahead then." The receptionist continued filing some papers and answering the phone, while Reno went off to search for the room where the package would be delivered, only to find that it was locked and no one would answer the door, thus he concluded it was empty.

Reno returned to the front desk. He considered leaving the package there but he needed the signature, or at least the identity of the recipient. "I need to know who is staying in Room 205."

"I'm sorry sir, but we're not allowed to give out information about our customers," the receptionist looked at Reno suspiciously. "If you are here to deliver a package you should know who it's for."

Reno didn't feel like explaining the situation and instead pointed his electrorod at the receptionist. "Tell me who is staying in Room 205 and where this person is now, or else!"

"Y-yes ss-ir!" The receptionist quickly looked up the information on the computer and revealed the mystery person to be "Vincent Valentine, I do not know for sure, but my guess is that he is at the beach."

"The vampire?!" Reno headed towards the beach not happy with the identity of the package's recipient. Finding Vincent wasn't too hard, despite the crowds. He was the palest being on the beach, wearing red trunks and he had long black hair falling on his face as usual. "What are you doing?"

Vincent looked up at the shadow that was cast over him. "Tanning, and you're blocking the sun."

Reno laughed out loud, "tanning? Well you certainly need it, but to you it would be more like committing suicide with how most vampires react to the sun."

"Not even you will ruin my mood on this day, now move," Vincent tried to ignore the teasing.

Reno looked at Vincent's golden claw shining in the sun light. "Won't that rust if you go into the ocean?"

"Cloud is delivering something to solve that." Vincent simply replied.

The package contained a special kind of polish that would protect Vincent's claw from the harsh sun and most of all the salty waters. "Cloud was overbooked and couldn't make it," Reno held up the package.

"Is that..." Before Vincent could finish the question, Reno was already running away, with the package.

Forget the mission; if Reno couldn't enjoy a day off at the beach, then he wouldn't let Vincent enjoy it. "I hope you rust!"

Mission 37: A Turk's Life

"I'm going to be a Turk soon!" When Barret arrived for a surprise visit and was told the children were playing upstairs, he found nothing unusual in that and headed up to see them. It had been a while since he saw Marlene and Denzel. But then he heard Denzel's voice speak those words and stopped, frozen half way up the stairs.

"I want to join too; I want to be a Turk!" If Denzel's words shocked Barret, Marlene's words came close to throwing him into cardiac arrest. Barret gasped for breath, feeling that his lungs had lost the ability to process oxygen, as his heart was broken in a million pieces. How could his sweet little daughter say such things? And Denzel, he looked like such a nice boy. Had they both been brainwashed by Shinra?

"With just a little more training I'll get there," Denzel sounded so happy. Barret could only assume that the innocent boy had, in fact, been brainwashed by the evils of Shinra, and had no idea what he was saying.

"With this I'll catch up in my training in no time," it was Marlene's voice again. Barret forced his legs to move, carrying him the rest of the distance up the stairs. Tifa had remembered their visitor and rushed after Barret to make sure things didn't get out of hand, she knew he didn't like the Turks.

"Marlene you can't join the Turks! Denzel, you have to quit too!" As if things were not suspicious enough, Barret spotted Reno, a Turk, the same Turk that pressed the button to drop the plate on Sector Seven, his least favorite Turk. "You!" Could it be that Shinra was recruiting children to join the Turks? With Barret's terrible opinion on Shinra and the Turks, he wouldn't put it past them. Kids were young, and easy to mold, they learned fast and looked harmless, which could be used to their deceiving advantage.

"Barret calm down!" Tifa rushed in to stop the possible battle.

While Marlene innocently asked, "do you want to play with us?" She smiled pointing at the board game in the center of the circle that Marlene, Denzel and Reno formed on the floor.

"A board game," Barret glared at Reno suspiciously.

"It's about the life of a Turk," Reno explained, "it's a new board game from the Shinra Toy Factory." Barret did not like that board game where the players became Turks, and he specially did not Reno's precense.

"Calm down," Tifa's voice sounded more like an order than anything else. "They're only playing a game, you should join them. The Turks have changed," at this point Reno grumbled displeased and Tifa continued. "Their missions are for the well being of the world." More grumbling from Reno was heard; something about wanting better missions in the future and brining back the old Shinra, but it was hardly audible over Tifa's voice. "You see, Reno's mission is only to play with Marlene and Denzel, it's okay." Not to mention provide amusement for Tifa as she watched him be at the mercy of the children.

"Barret pouted, I don't like it," but he sat down either way. "Is there an Avalanche in this game?"

"No, it's about becoming a Turk and going on missions," Reno explained.

But Barret wouldn't accept that, "well I'm bending the rules and playing as Avalanche, pass me the dice."

Mission 38: Doctor Reno

It was that mysterious request again; the payment had been received; though it couldn't be tracked. It was them again; Reno knew it, the three little terrors of what was left of Sephiroth. But even if he knew this, Reno was bored, so bored in fact, that he hopped on his helicopter and went off to see the three little monsters. His better judgment screamed for him to turn back, but Reno ignored the voice in his head and landed in the Forgotten Capital.

At least there would be a challenge in this mission, though it may just be too much to handle. He needed to practice his survival skills anyway before he lost his Turk abilities, and this was a perfect opportunity to train. Turks were fearless, marching to their doom unfazed, and coming out of an impossible situation alive. He was a Turk, off to battle the three biggest terrors the world would ever know, the child versions of Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz.

Even if he was deliberately marching into danger, that didn't mean he was suicidal, so when Reno didn't hear the trio of energetic little voices that belonged to his torturers, he knew something was wrong. The three boys were nowhere to be seen, and the only sound faintly carried by the breeze was that of a sneeze.

Reno curiously followed the sound, wondering if the boys were playing hide and seek. Instead the found the three children curled up in a corner of a gigantic sea shell shaped house. "Brother!" The three of them ran, though not energetically, towards Reno and clung to him desperately.

The boys had been crying, and Kadaj was the first to calm down. "Yazoo, Loz, don't cry. Even if he's not mother's son, Reno will be our brother and take care of us. He did come when we called him."

Little Yazoo nodded and sniffled, while little Loz looked up at Reno pouty faced, "you'll take care of us, right?"

"Wait a minute, what's going on?!" Reno backed away from the three boys, their feverish red cheeks, warm foreheads and wet noses.

"Brother!" The three boys whined in unison, as they once again clung to their unwilling savior.

"We're sick, heal us," Kadaj demanded, he sounded funny with his stuffy nose.

"I'm not a doctor, I can't heal you!" Reno had come to do some action training, to get some practice in basic survival skill, not to take care of sick children. Those three little boys could certainly cry loudly and Reno could feel a headache starting. He knew that if he ran away, the vengeful little brats would risk being discovered to give him a bad mission review and the press would exaggerate and say Shinra is cruel to children, never mind if they are the remnants of the man who tried to destroy the planet. "Okay, fine, stop crying!"

Yazoo puckered his lip and asked, "then you'll take care of us?"

"I'll see what I can do..." Nothing ever went Reno's way, and even when he was prepared for things to be very hard, they turned out to be far more difficult than he ever imagined. Truth be told, he had no idea where to start. "How about you rest?"

"We've been resting all this time, I want to be healed, heal me!" Kadaj weakly stomped his feet and sneezed.

"Stay here, I need to get some things from the chopper," fortunately the helicopters by standard order, were to be equipped with basic emergency supplies, and Reno was pretty sure there was a box of tissues in there.

"Don't leave!" But getting the supplies would be much harder than it looked, with three little boys clinging to him, whining, crying and sneezing.

"I'll be right back, let go!" Reno pried one of the boys off, and by then the other two would start clinging to him again. It only got worse when they decided they wanted to be carried.

The walk back to the chopper, though relatively short, felt incredibly long to Reno, as he had to make it there carrying a little boy on each arm and putting up with their constant sneezes because they just didn't get it when they were told to cover their mouths. Kadaj rode on his shoulders, occasionally kicking and pulling at his hair. In short, Reno was not going to walk back like that, so he attempted to take care of the three boys in the helicopter. He found the box of tissues and hoped it was enough to last a while.

Reno knew he couldn't do this alone, so he called the only person he could think of that was constantly around children. "Tifa?It's Reno. I need to know what's the cure for a child's cold."

Needless to say, the question surprised Tifa, but then she figured Reno was stuck babysitting a sick child. "There is no real cure for the common cold, but you can treat the symptoms with over the counter medicines."

Though Reno didn't mention that he wasn't even sure a cold was the problem. Those three were different from normal children; there was no telling what it could be. He dug around the helicopter searching for some kind of medicine, finding a small bottle that was supposed to heal all status problems, a Remedy. "Found it... you three each have to drink one of these!"

A chorus of "no!" echoed all over the Forgotten Capital despite the children's sore throats.

"Tifa, they don't want the medicine, what else can I do?" Reno asked over the phone.

In the Seventh Heaven, Cloud wondered why Tifa was laughing so hard while talking on the phone. "Keep trying, you have to convince them to take the medicine. Also, you can make them chicken soup," Tifa paused, remembering the tales of Reno's kitchen disasters. "On second thought, its best if you don't try to cook for them. You could offer to tell them a story if they take their medicine and take a nap."

"Okay, I'll try that." Reno was desperate for a solution and nothing was working. "Listen up, I'll tell you a story if the three of you take the medicine and get some sleep!"

The mention of medicines and sleep only made the three boys cry and wail "big brother is mean!"

"They hate me now," Reno grumbled into the phone. He wasn't listening to Tifa's reply and instead pointed out of the chopper. "Out! If big brother is so mean, then it's best if he leaves." Forget the negative reviews and his plans to let the three terrors grow and bring the necessity of real Turk missions in the future.

"Don't abandon us!" The three boys clung to Reno again, and actually took their status problem relieving medicines, not that it did much for a cold. "Story! Story! Story!" They chanted.

Tifa continued to laugh at the sounds in the background, without realizing who the children were. Cloud gave her curious looks saying "put it on speaker phone, whatever it is, put it on speaker phone!" But the call had already been ended.

The three boys tackled Reno, effectively trapping him in a corner of the helicopter, where the three of them got comfortable, despite Reno's discomfort, and used the Turk as a living pillow. "I hate my job," Reno grumbled, but there was no room for his complaints with all the complaints from the boys that wanted a story. "Once upon a time, there was a really cool Turk. He went on all sorts of fun missions and lived an action movie style life. Then one day, the company he worked for decided to turn stupid and the missions were not fun anyone. The Turk ended up getting stuck babysitting three annoying little brats that... fell asleep in the middle of his story... acho! and have him a cold. But he couldn't leave because the brats were sleeping on him, and if he got up they would wake up... and they all lived unhappily ever after."

Mission 39: Mysterious Secret Mission

The time and place of the meeting was to be kept a secret from everyone, especially from members of the male population. Elena found that rule particularly odd but didn't question it, despite not having the full details about her mission.

She had been instructed not to wear her usual Turk uniform; instead she had to wear casual clothing that allowed her to blend in among the civilians. Maybe this was the work of a spy she was assigned to do. Maybe there was already someone tracking her, a man, a suspicious unknown man, an enemy that had been somehow identified as male, but nothing else was known about him. Thus any and all men were suspicious until the identity of the enemy man was confirmed.

Elena didn't complain a lot about the less than glamorous and non-adventurous missions that Shinra had been giving her and the other Turks lately. She was a professional after all, and she had a strong need to be recognized as a successful Turk, that was why she didn't question her missions.

"Elena," she brought her hands down on the paper sitting on her desk, covering it at the sound of Tseng's voice. The Turk leader curiously raised an eyebrow, more so at Elena's lack of uniform than at the paper she covered, though he certainly had no complaints about her chosen attire. "Were we supposed to dress casual?" Leave it to Tseng to know about all the important company details, and miss out on basic information like that.

"Not really, I'm going undercover in this next mission." Elena bit her lip to prevent herself from revealing any more information.

"What is the mission about?" Tseng asked.

Elena shook her head. "I can't say." Tseng was the leader of the Turks, he couldn't possibly be the suspicious man in the spy movie style story that Elena made up to explain this mission. But the instructions clearly said she could tell no man about this, and she intended to accomplish her mission flawlessly.

Tseng paused for a moment, wondering why Elena would refuse to tell him about the mission. He concluded that it must be something silly and embarrassing so he didn't press the matter. "I understand."

Elena nodded, relived that Tseng didn't insist on knowing what this was about. She wasn't sure if she could stop herself from telling him if he kept asking. The ability to keep a secret was something vital in a Turk, but Elena knew she still needed to develop that ability, though she had been improving.

Finally, the time came to go on her mission. Elena arrived at gates of Midgar where she found Tifa, Yuffie and Shera. "What's the mission?" She whispered.

"Shopping," Shera started.

"Going to the hair salon," Tifa continued.

"And gambling at the Gold Saucer," Yuffie finished.

"Is that a code or..." Elena didn't finish her question.

But it was answered anyway, in a chorus of Tifa, Shera and Yuffie, "girls day out!"

Mission 40: Snow

The request was unusual that was for sure. For a moment Tseng wondered if the request for snow was actually a request for ice-cream, but the paper clearly read "Snow". The mission would be a challenge that was for sure, because Tseng knew that a small amount of snow would be unacceptable, and it couldn't be fake snow or ice from materia. Tseng knew they were expecting a high quality delivery of natural snow.

Thus the leader recruited all the other Turks for this mission, "our objective, is to gather as much snow as we can from the mountains up north. To avoid accidents when we drop it on Rocket Town, we must filter out small stones and the like out of the snow."

As strange as it was, the Turks did not question their leader and went off to the snowy mountains to gather the snow. For this they recruited the help of Cid and his airship, the only ship large enough to carry everything by air.

Thus the Turks left their summery weathered headquarters and ventured into the freezing cold mountains to gather snow. "I can't believe we're doing this," Reno shoveled more snow in the machine that would blend it and extract all the stones, pebbles and unwanted materials, producing nice clean snow that would be packed in the refrigerated cargo boxes in the air ship. "Cid, whose idea was this?"

The pilot shrugged, "I don't know. But the weather's been damn hot in Rocket Town, makes me wish I thought about it myself."

Reno pouted, "can't you people wait until winter?"

"At that speed it will be winter by the time you're done," Cid pointed out.

"You're not helping!" Reno complained.

"It's not my job," Cid was amused, he enjoying watching the Turks work. That was it, Reno couldn't take it anymore. He made a snow ball and threw it at Cid, who responded with an angry, "damn Turk!"

"Reno!" Tseng scolded, "we're here to work not play!" At that very moment, Cid made a snow ball and threw it at Reno in revenge. But the redhead ducked and the snow ball hit Tseng instead. "Cid!" Though he was supposed to be the composed leader, Tseng lost his patience as well and returned fire, or rather snow.

The exchange continued until a stray snow ball hit Rude's bald head, making him yelp in a very un-Rude way. He wished he wore a hat. Whoever threw the snow ball would pay, and Rude joined the battle.

"Stop it, all of you!" Elena flailed her arms, trying to get the others to listen. Then a stray snow ball hit her. She growled as she wiped the snow away from her face. "Don't forget, the one with the ice materia is me."

It was an all out war that lasted several hours, until the Turks and Cid exhausted their energy. But even if they were tired, they would finish their mission, because they were Turks. Thus they finished gathering the snow and flew back to Rocket Town.

From the airship, Tseng announced with a loud speaker, "to bring relief from the summer heat, Shinra will now make it snow in Rocket Town, just as it was requested!"

The citizens of Rocket Town gathered around and cheered when the airship spread the snow around their town as if it were really snowing. It would soon melt, but it would be just enough to help everyone cool off.

Feeling satisfied with the conclusion of his mission. Tseng went off to get his client to sign the completed mission form as soon as the airship landed. That's when a woman approached him and asked, "where's my bowling ball?"

"Bowling ball?" Tseng repeated confused.

"I sent you a mission request to deliver a bowling ball," the woman reminded him.

With a heavy feeling of foreboding, Tseng read over his mission request form again. "Rocket Town, Snow, bowling ball... Deliver snow to Rocket Town for..." Tseng trailed off into silence realizing his mistake, he didn't even look for the client's name in the request form and didn't realize that Snow was the client's name. He was not supposed to deliver snow to Rocket Town; he was supposed to bring a bowling ball to a woman named Snow who lived in Rocket Town, but he didn't read the request well enough. "I thought..."

Catching what he meant, Snow laughed. "That you had to deliver me to Bowling Ball in Rocket Town? Well you can tell Mr. Ball that I already have someone I like," she giggled.

For Tseng what was even worse was that he spent the better part of the day gathering snow and having a snow ball fight even if he was freezing, but if he had read the mission request form more carefully, he wouldn't have needed to go through that. He could only hope that the other Turks, especially Rude, never found out.

End of Report IV

Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII, Starbucks or Baskin Robins. Mission 31 was requested by Hikou about Rude and jumping. I also credit Hikou for calling Rufus 'Princess Ruru'. Farbucks is a parody of Starbucks in Shrek II and Basket Robin is a reference to Baskin Robins. Missions 32 and 37 were requested by evenstarfictionfan. Credits to Snow and Cherri for the Shinra Toy Factory. Missions 33 and 40 were requested by Snow. Snow, owns the character by the same name, I only borrowed her for the story. Mission 34 was requested by Nique. Mission 35 is based on a dream I had where a grown up Denzel joined the Turks and Reno had to train him. Missions 36 and 39 were requested by Sharem. Mission 38 was requested by Dawn of Destruction.