FicWad

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, don't own the basic plot and quotes you recognise from Californication.

WARNINGS: This story is based on the television series "Californication", if you didn't like it or were offended by it, please do not read. I have changed a lot of the plot to suit my own wicked ways but it still includes a lot of swearing, alcohol and drug use, sex in every shape and form and some volgarity. Please do not read if this offends.


Chapter Seventeen - What crap have you been putting into my sons head?

When Frank woke up the next day, hung-over and feeling sorry for himself once again, he took comfort in the fact that Gerard was still there.

Wasn't he?

The moment he stretched out his back and let his arms and legs explore his bed, he jumped up with a start because he couldn't feel Gerard's warm body next to him.

Had he walked out after Frank had begged him to stay? Sure, he was completely wasted, but he still remembered and he was positive that Gerard wouldn't have left him. After all, he had come back for him. He had come all that way back for him!

Reluctantly Frank opened his eyes, only to find that he was in fact right, Gerard was not there with him where he was supposed to be.

Perhaps it was the fact that he was still slightly tipsy or perhaps it had something to do with the past few nights finally taking their toll on him. Either way, the next thing Frank knew he had an arm raised up and over his eyes as he groaned loudly when he realised he just couldn't stop them from leaking.

When the fuck did he become such a pansy?

Almost on cue, after that exact thought, there was an excited bark and a familiar scratching on the floor boards out in the hall before Frank was suddenly joined by an extremely excitable Labrador jumping up onto his bed in one single bound.

Instantly Pansy smothered him, licking every inch of him she could get to.

"Alright, alright. Down Pans ... who the fuck let you in anyway?" Frank asked the excitable puppy as she abandoned her attempts at licking him and instead grabbed his blanket between her teeth, jumped back off the bed taking the blanket with her and rushed back out the door.

Frank just moaned in annoyance as he realised that not only was he teary eyed and hung-over, he was now extremely cold.

"Sorry, I had to let her in," a familiar voice said and Frank's head snapped around to his bedroom door to find Gerard standing there smiling sheepishly at him. "Darn dog wouldn't stop barking and scratching at the door. I think she was worried about you to."

Frank let out a small laugh as he realised he was lying there in his boxer shorts with nothing covering him because his stupid hyperactive dog had run away with his bed spread. It was suddenly quite funny, especially when he no longer felt that deep depression at having been left alone. Gerard hadn't left him at all.

At that realisation, he sniffed loudly and hastily threw his arm back over his eyes so that Gerard couldn't see the tears that were still annoyingly present at the corner of them.

"She's gotten really big," Gerard said, still discussing Pansy as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, clearly trying hard not to look at Frank. "In fact she's almost as big as you."

Gerard clearly still remembered how much Frank hated being week. He didn't want Gerard to see he was crying and that was probably why he pretended, very badly, like he hadn't noticed. Naturally that only made Frank realise even more just how fucking much he missed him, how much he missed having someone know him inside and out. God, what the fuck was happening to him?

He sniffed loudly again and removed his arm, it was no use trying to pretend. Gerard just smiled weakly again before seemingly caving into his emotions and approaching Frank slowly. At first Frank thought he was going to throw himself at him, but then apparently he thought better of it and composed himself enough to take a seat by Frank's side instead.

"How you feeling?" Gerard asked, finally completely giving in and jerkily reaching out a hand to gently rub at the few tears that had made their way down Frank's cheek.

Unable to help himself, Frank whined loudly at the gesture of affection. Gerard just tisked loudly, looked annoyed and then continued to wipe away the rest of Frank's tears more forcefully as though he was going to do it whether Frank liked it or not.

And he did like it, how could he not?

"I thought you'd left me," Frank admitted with a heavy sigh, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. He hated having to explain his emotions sometimes.

"Nope ... still here," Gerard said as he lowered his hand from Frank's face and placed it on the bed instead.

There was a moment of silence as Frank simply took a second to actually wake up. He felt so at ease now that he knew Gerard was still with him that he almost fell asleep again, but something kept him up. Gerard was dressed, his shoes and jacket already on and he had even tamed his usual bed hair with either water or some of Frank's hair gel.

Was he going already? And after Frank had begged him to stay, even if they had another argument. Had he thought Frank was joking? Because he fucking wasn't!

"Where you going?" he asked, a sickening feeling creeping up into his stomach when Gerard rose to his feet.

He felt slightly anxious now, he didn't have the energy to fight with Gerard and beg him to stay. Yet, he couldn't just let him walk out either, he needed him. Even if he fucking hated to admit it to himself because he hated being that dependant on someone, Frank fucking needed him.

"Home," Gerard replied with a heavy sigh. "You know I can't stay here forever Frank."

Frank just swallowed the lump in his throat and turned away from Gerard so that he could stare at the ceiling. There was something definitely wrong with him because he felt like he was going to start crying all over again.

Not because he was upset about anything in particular, it was just because he was so fucking exhausted and so fucking frustrated with his life. Why couldn't Gerard just stay with him all fucking day, why did things ever have to change? Why did he have to be such a fuck up?

"Come on Frank, get up, get dressed," Gerard suddenly announced, surprisingly not moving as he just stared at Frank expectantly.

"What? Why?" Frank asked, moving his vision from the ceiling to Gerard.

"Well, if I don't take you to pick up your car now then you're never going to do it," Gerard said, rolling his eyes.

It took Frank a few moments to realise what was actually happening. Gerard may have been leaving, but he was asking Frank to go with him. That was definitely something new.

"I don't think I should drive just yet," he admitted honestly. He wasn't saying it because he knew he was probably over the legal limit for driving, he was saying it because he felt sick, too sick, he wouldn't be able to drive even if he wanted to.

"Well, I have some errands to do at home first," Gerard continued, sighing as he rubbed a hand through his perfect hair. "So I figured that if you came with me, well I could drop you at your car afterwards. You know, just so you've had some time to sober up, maybe eat something as well, it'll make you feel better."

Once again, Frank could hardly believe his ears. Asking, no begging, Gerard to stay was one thing, but Gerard going out of his way to make sure Frank came with him was another. Lindsey wouldn't like seeing Frank with Gerard; she would know that they had spent the night together, as innocent as it was. That reason alone was probably why he found the strength in his completely fucking fucked up body to roll out of bed.

After all, he just wanted to see the look on Lindsey's face ... and, all tough guy thoughts aside, he really just didn't want to leave Gerard's side just yet. He was turning into a fucking girl!

"Here," Gerard said, breaking through Frank's meaningless search through his piles upon piles of dirty laundry.

Turning around, Frank noticed that Gerard was holding out a pair of jeans and a black shirt for him to take. It was amazing just how easily Gerard could locate things in a room that wasn't even his. Frank couldn't even find anything in there anymore, how the hell did Gerard know where to look?

Clearly he noticed Frank staring at him strangely, because he shrugged his shoulders before saying, "they smell a lot cleaner than the others."

Frank laughed lightly as he approached Gerard and reached out a hand for the clothes. Their hands brushed and Frank felt Gerard pull away quickly, his eyes flashing up and down Frank's half-naked body before hastily turning around and rubbing a hand through his hair again.

"Sorry," Gerard apologised to the wall, surprising Frank immensely.

Why the fuck was he apologising? They used to fuck each other for crying out loud, it was only natural that every now and again they would have a quick glance at each other or think about what they used to have.

He watched Gerard's figure closely as he changed his boxers and then continued to dress himself in the clothes he had been given. Gerard's back remained facing him the whole time and yet he seemed oddly tense. Usually Frank was the one steeling glances or being caught out checking out Gerard, it was odd to have it returned all of a sudden.

"Um, I'm done," Frank announced, feeling stupid. They had seen each other naked before, he really didn't care if Gerard had seen and why didn't he just leave the room if he didn't want to look at him so badly?

Something was definitely a little off that morning.

When they climbed into Gerard's car and drove, windows down, through the busy streets heading towards Gerard and Lindsey's home, whatever tension had been present back in the bedroom was still there.

Gerard hadn't asked about the night before, even though there was really nothing else that needed to be said. He hadn't lectured, he hadn't yelled, he hadn't done much of anything. Was this how it was going to be? Was he just going to keep acting weird like this? Frank was wondering if he preferred a lecture to this and yet, there was something strangely satisfying about that fact that he had somehow managed to silence Gerard.

Perhaps his drunken words outside The Prince had left their mark. Perhaps Gerard was finally going to start appreciating Frank's friendship. After all, he had made it quite clear that that was all they were allowed to have anymore. And yet, Gerard had been the one steeling glances at Frank's tattooed chest and wiping away his tears and rescuing him from his horrible dilemma the night before.

Since when did they change rolls like this?

"Hey Gee," he asked, finally breaking the silence. There wasn't even any music playing for fucks sake.

"Yeah?" Gerard responded, tensing up slightly as he took the last right that placed them in his street.

"Um, where does Lindsey think you were last night?" he dared to ask. After all, if Gerard had a cover story then he needed to know, he would cover for him, he wasn't that much of an asshole.

"I don't know," Gerard answered, surprising Frank once again.

"You mean, you didn't tell her where you were or that you weren't going home?" Frank was slightly shocked but he didn't want to aggravate Gerard so he knew he wouldn't press the matter.

"No," was all Gerard said as he pulled into his drive-way and winced slightly as he recognised the car that was already in his usual spot. "Shit! The wedding dress ladies are here. Fucking hell, I thought she'd had that fitted by now."

Frank didn't comment that at all. He didn't need to because he knew Gerard. To Gerard, big weddings were like torture. To have it all happening around him and harshly reminding him of the big event soon to come was clearly not the way he wanted to spend his weekend.

Together they exited the car and headed solemnly for the front door. Gerard pushed it open hesitantly and they both braced themselves for the conversation with Lindsey that neither of them expected to go well.

They entered the lounge room; Gerard taking the lead and Frank following closely behind, instantly it was unrecognisable. There were magazines and books full of wedding paraphernalia all laid out on the coffee table, the lounges were covered in dresses and table cloth designs and different coloured napkins. On the carpet were pieces of paper with sketches of seating arrangements and guest lists and invitation layouts.

It was insane.

In the middle of all that insanity was two older women that Frank assumed were the wedding dress fitters and a smiling Lindsey. To Franks, and he was positive to Gerard’s, surprise Lindsey smiled even wider when she spotted Gerard and made her way over to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him twice on the lips.

"Did you have a good stay at Mikey's last night?" she asked, still clasping onto him tightly as the two older women behind them sighed as though completely smitten by the couple. Frank felt sick.

"Er -" Gerard mumbled, staring at her in confusion. "H-how did you know that I -"

"He called me last night silly. Said you guys were having the usual Friday the 13th movie marathon thing, I didn't even realise what day it was," Lindsey said very quickly. She was clearly buzzing with excitement; after all, what girl didn't like looking at wedding dresses?

"Oh ... yeah. Sorry, just a bit tired ... we were up late," Gerard said, forcing a smile and playing along with the lie.

Frank had to hand it to Mikey, the kid fucking thought of everything. He was positive that Gerard was practically confessing his undying love to his brother right then and there inside that head of his.

"Hey Frank." Lindsey greeted him airily as though not even caring that he was there.

"Um - I have to drop him at his car," Gerard hurriedly explained as though fearful that the lie he had been given would be suddenly taken away from him because of Frank’s presence.

"Great," Lindsey said, hardly paying attention. "How was the gig and the hotel? Have a good time?"

Frank couldn't believe what was happening. They had the perfect cover up's. Gerard was at Mikey’s, his own brother had told her so and he knew Alicia would go along with it. Then there was Frank, Gerard couldn't have been with him, he was staying at the hotel with the band. The boys wouldn't tell her otherwise, as far as they were concerned it was none of Lindsey's business what they did. She owned their label, which was all, they didn't communicate with her at all except to hear about gigs.

"Yeah good ... I'm sure you'll hear great things about us. Mini-bar bill might be a bit high though," Frank hurriedly replied, forcing the best cheeky smirk he could muster.

Lindsey just laughed.

"Yeah, I figured that would happen, you're just lucky that tickets to your next show are sold out otherwise I would have hit you boys up with the bill," she stated, finally realising Gerard after one more kiss before practically skipping back to the waiting dress fitters.

She introduced everyone and then stated that they were going to have some breakfast, the dress makers seemed more then pleased that they were going to get fed and Gerard thankfully offered to cook the food whilst Lindsey remained in the other room looking at dresses. Naturally she beamed at the idea.

"That was pretty lucky," Frank said when they had reached the calm sanctuary of the kitchen. Gerard just nodded in agreement as he bit at his nails nervously.

"I'm going to buy Mikey the biggest fucking coffee around the next time I see him. What you want for breakfast? Pancakes? I don't think we've got any soy milk though," Gerard stated apologetically.

"Na, I'll just have toast man, its fine," Frank stated with a shrug as Gerard grabbed the mixing bowl looking slightly off-put still.

Frank was about to ask him if anything was wrong, after all, he had been acting up all morning, but at that moment a small figure quietly entered the room.

"Hey Jacky," Frank said enthusiastically.

Gerard spun around looking surprised that his son had entered the room. After all there had been no excited squeal, no aeroplane noises and no big hugs. It seemed like everyone was slightly off that morning.

Frank was emotional, Gerard was horny and Jack was just the very definition of miserable.

"What's up Jack?" Gerard asked, staring at his son in concern as he bent down and hugged him.

Jack's small arms didn't hug back; they just hung limply by his side as he accepted his dad's hug and his dad's kiss. Frank had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach; this didn't feel right, what the hell was wrong with everyone?

"I'm sleepy," Jack responded as he took a seat next to Frank and rubbed at his big hazel eyes. They were Gerard's eyes, the same fucking eyes, nearly the same fucking face; it explained why Frank was always so protective of him.

And now his protection and his fatherly tendencies were on over drive. Something wasn't right. What was wrong with Gerard? What the fuck was wrong with Jack? As much as he tried to convince himself that he had his own problems and his own life to sort out now that he was a miserable, drunken mess, he couldn't help but linger on the other two people in the room.

What the fuck was wrong with his family? Because no matter what he told himself, no matter what other people told him, Jack and Gerard were still his fucking family.

"Alright, that's it!" Frank said loudly, surprising not only Jack and Gerard but himself as well.

It took him a few moments before he realised that both Jack and Gerard were watching him expectantly. Where was he going with this? Did he even actually have anything he wanted to say?

"What's wrong with you guys?" Frank asked his voice steadier this time. He reached out a hand and ruffled Jack's hair, just so the kid knew he wasn't yelling at him.

"Nothing is wrong," Gerard quickly replied, returning to the pancakes he was attempting to make. "It's just been a long couple of days Frank, you know that."

Frank almost let it go, mainly because Gerard was right; the days had seemed way to fucking long lately. Plus, Frank was mostly to blame for Gerard being exhausted, he was the one keeping him up, he was the one demanding that he stayed with him. It was nice to be taken care of every now and then, but now that he knew his friendship and love for Gerard was returned, it was up to him to fix things again.

It was a terribly exhausting cycle.

"Alright, then what's up with you Jack?" Frank tried, turning to face the exhausted looking boy next to him.

Gerard went quiet as well, clearly hoping that Jack would give them both an answer. To Frank's great surprise, the small boy glanced nervously at his dad before returning his gave to his lap. Whatever he had to say was big.

"How's the cooking coming along?" Lindsey announced as she suddenly entered the kitchen.

She smiled brightly at them all, but clearly wasn't fooled as they all forced their returning smiles. Gerard was stirring the pancake mix with very little enthusiasm as most of it tipped over the edge and littered the floor. Frank still felt guilty and as though he had something to hide so he had nothing more to say to her and Jack was now looking at his mother with the same nervous expression that he had given his father moments before.

"What's wrong?" Lindsey asked, her smile fading as she picked up on the mood of the room.

"Nothing," Gerard quickly responded. His voice was sharp and high; it wasn't convincing at all.

Then, everyone's attention suddenly fell on Jack as the small boy opened his mouth and said the few words that nobody clearly wanted to hear.

"I want to live with Frank," he said, his voice small and weak.

There was a moment of silence as Frank just stared at Jack, mouth hanging open before he snapped back to reality and realised that both Gerard and Lindsey were staring at him with equal looks of surprise on their faces.

"What?" Lindsey said, her voice shaking slightly.

Jack looked from his mum to his dad, his expression apologetic, but his voice strong with purpose.

"I'll still visit, but I want to live with Frank most of the time," Jack explained, cowering slightly when Gerard put the mixing bowl down and ran his hands through his hair in frustration instead.

Lindsey went into instant mother mode; she was definitely not going to have any of this.

"You can't stay with him," Lindsey spat out, glaring at Frank as though he had concocted this whole thing. "He's not anything to you Jack, he's not a parent, he's not even family. You can't just choose to go and stay with him! Frank, what crap have you been putting into my sons head?"

"W-what?" Frank stammered out, slightly amazed at how this could be all his fault. "I haven't said anything to him!"

"I want to stay with you!" Jack cried out, slightly louder this time as he clutched tightly onto Frank's arm.

"Jack ... buddy, seriously? I mean, have you thought about this?" Frank asked him, there was no point in yelling, they just had to fix whatever was wrong with him in the normal way.

"There's nothing to think about Frank! He's not living with you! How can you do this?" Lindsey continued to yell, the tears freely rolling down her cheeks now.

Frank wanted to yell at her, shout out that she was over-reacting. But he had to admit, it couldn't be easy for a parent to here that their young child wanted to live somewhere else. It clearly meant that something was wrong, that they weren't happy. Lindsey was a lot of things, but Frank couldn't say that she was a bad parent. Why did Jack want to live with him?

When Frank didn't reply and Lindsey continued to sob, Gerard finally seemed to come back into the moment that was happening right in front of him and approached his crying fiancé. He tried to comfort her, to pull her in and tell her that everything was alright but his heart didn't seem in it, he was exhausted.

Picking up on his lack of presence in the matter, Lindsey hastily pushed him away and stormed out of the room. The three of them merely sat in silence before Jack's small sobs began.

"Come on Jacky, don't cry, we can sort this out," Frank said, turning to the crying boy and trying to figure out a way to make this all better.

"Why do we have to sort it out? Why can't I just live with you? Don't you want me to?" Jack stuttered out in-between heavy sobs.

"What? Of course I do," Frank hastily responded, but there was a hesitation in his voice that the boy picked up on. Because no, he didn't want Jack to live with him. He didn't want the six year old to see what a pathetic mess he had become.

Jack instantly jumped off his chair and ran from the room, his tears flowing more freely now; it was heartbreaking. Frank took a moment before he raised his head and finally chanced a glance at Gerard.

Gerard watched Frank for a few moments looking thoroughly worn out. He rubbed a hand through his hair again, spreading pancake mix all through it before sighing heavily. Instantly Frank cracked.

"Please don't pin this on me Gee! I had nothing to do with it, I swear!" Frank instantly yelled out. This couldn't be happening, they were going to argue all over again, after they had finally mended all the obstacles that could possible get in their way.

To his great surprise, Gerard just shook his head again causing bits of flour to fly everywhere before smiling kindly at Frank. He looked tired, he looked older somehow and Frank instantly relaxed, partly because he couldn't be in trouble if there was a smile involved and partly because he couldn't stay so tense and defensive when Gerard looked how he did.

"It's alright Frank ... t-things are just - well, they're shit here at the moment," Gerard began, his voice mellow. "I didn't want to say anything because Lindsey didn't even know I told you to begin with but ... she's not pregnant. Doctor made a quick assumption and well, he was wrong. Turns out it was some stomach bug thing going around ..."

Frank tried to stop himself from screaming out for joy. His heart was hammering so loudly against his chest that he knew Gerard would hear it. It was wrong of him to be so delighted at those few simple words, but he couldn't help playing them over and over again in his head. Lindsey was not pregnant ... at least not this time.

"Lindsey's pretty upset about it," Gerard continued, clearly not noticing Frank's lifted spirits. "She said I'd been real distant lately and I think it was her way of pulling me back in and - well, I dunno Frank, she's just been ... exhausting, I guess the word is. We've been arguing, Jack's just getting over it I think. The teachers at school have been calling up asking if there were problems at home, say he's been falling asleep in class and fighting with some of the other kids. That's not who I want my son to be Frank!"

Despite how happy and distracted he now was at the news Gerard had previously told him, Frank forced himself to pay attention. Jack wasn't coping, Gerard was worried, that was all that mattered. He knew what Gerard was getting at. Gerard wanted Jack to stay with Frank!

Frank's house was a mess, the amount of beer bottles, dirty clothes and mouldy dishes that were lying around was beyond disgusting and yet, what if Jack staying there was exactly what he needed to get his ass back into gear. He was falling apart; lately he had been so out of it on alcohol and drugs that he didn't know what day of the week it was.

He knew that if Jack was there it would save him from himself. For the kids sake.

"You want him to live with me don’t you?" Frank asked, making sure he was clear on what Gerard was asking.

"Only temporarily Frank of course," Gerard confirmed, stepping closer to him and looking almost as though he was pleading. "This whole wedding thing is just so crazy; maybe just until it's over he can stay with you ... does that make me a bad parent? That I can't even take care of my own kid? After all, parents are meant to pass their children on to someone else ... they're meant to be able to cope, always putting their kids first!"

The question surprised Frank, only because he was still lingering on what Gerard had asked before that. Jack living with him! Just him and Jack! He would be like a real parent again, just like when they all lived together.

"No Gee, that doesn't make you a bad parent. Least you notice that your son needs to get away, takes a fucking fantastic parent to do what you're doing," Frank tried to reassure him. "B-but you do know that you're sending him to live with me, don't you. Me! Frank fucking-screw-up-everything Iero."

Gerard just chuckled lightly before staring at Frank with a great fondness in his eyes. A fondness Frank had forgotten to look for lately, had it always been there? Had it ever really gone?

"You'll do fine Frank, I think it'll be good for both of you," Gerard said, reaching out a hand to pat at Frank's shoulder.

It was slightly stiff and it felt a little strained, but it was enough.

"I'd better go up and talk with Lindsey. Stay here," Gerard instructed, almost pleaded, as though he would truly need him there when he came back from talking with his fiancé.

When Gerard left the room, hunched over with fingers twitching as though he needed a beer or a cigarette or perhaps both, Frank was left with a very silent kitchen.

Not having anything to do, he got up and returned to making the pancakes wondering what the fuck he was supposed to feed Jack when he came to live with him.

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AN: Hi guys waves I know it's been forever and I know this chapter is extremely short considering I have to make up for lost time. But I've been away for so long that I thought I'd give you all a chance to re-remember me. Haha, promise I am still updating, just lost my way for a bit. xx