FicWad

That night the bodyguards brought in all our stuff. I sat by the pool watching my reflection, I know you all would think this was a perfect love scene and Gerard would come and we would make out and all that junk.
Like I said in the very beginning, this story is too complicated. I would love for this to be a lovey dovey story forever, but it’s just not possible. I swirled my reflection with a stick. When I was a kid, I was the loser, everyone hated me and I was badly abused. Look at me now.
I was a rock star’s lover, living the life in L.A. And on top of that, I still feel like a loser, unknown and weak. But I’m here with Gerard. Probably living someone’s dream. But why did I have to depend on Gerard? I wanted to be independent.
Under my breath I sang the words to my old lullaby that Draco had made up a while ago. I would tell you the words, but it was too embarrassing. It wasn’t that it was an awful lullaby, I play a part on the piano, it was that the song was about me. And just thinking about it made me feel awful.
The starry sky twinkled a little too much for my liking. After a while the sky was black and the only source of light came from the pool. I took off my shoes and dipped my feet into the pool. It was cold, freezing. I didn’t care.
I was in my PJs, and it was around midnight, the reason I was out here so late was because I knew Gerard would wake up and want to suck blood from me. I didn’t want to put him through that pain.
He didn’t understand that I loved him too much, and that I couldn’t hurt him purposely. As if right on schedule I heard Gerard say:
“It makes me nervous when you’re outside so late.”
He sat next to me. I refused to look at his face. Was he thirsty or not? I didn’t want to find out. But since I couldn’t help it I looked at him by the corner of my eye. He wasn’t looking either. His eyes weren’t blood red; they were more of a light red. He was better now that I hadn’t slept with him. He actually got some sleep. Ashamed I looked away again.
“You’re better off without me sleeping with you.” I said.
“My body is better, but not my heart.” He said.
Finally he looked at me. His eyes became a full blood red. He sighed.
“I hate hurting you Rose.”
He stood up and held out his hand, I took it and he lead me to the bedroom.
“You need your sleep.” He said while he closes the door.
I lay down on the bed. Gerard lies down next to me. I scooted further away from him.
“It’s alright…” He whispered.
Gerard pulled me on top of him. I was sprawled on top of him. It felt like it had been ages since I did this. I smiled to myself and sighed in comfort. For five minutes he seemed completely calm, his breathing was steady and so was his heart beat. When he thought I was asleep I could feel his heart beat race. And he was having hard time breathing. He sighed shakily. From the corner of my eye I could see him. I clutched onto him shirt, he looked down.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
He groaned a little and he was licking his lips.
“I can’t believe I’m putting you through this pain.” I said.
I moved up and kissed him gently and slowly.
“But it’s worth it.” He whispered.
He grunted and put his hand on his throat.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Every time I’m thirsty there is a throbbing in my neck, and you kissing me doesn’t exactly make it better.”
“Oh…” I said and stopped kissing him.
“Why couldn’t I be normal? If I was normal then we could do so much more.” He whispered.
“You’re too thirsty…” I said. “I won’t let you suffer anymore tonight.”
I moved my hair away from my neck and Gerard just stared in amazement at me.
“You’re...going to make me regret this…when I suck you’re blood, it doesn’t hurt?”
“Sometimes, but it’s for you, so I don’t have a problem with it.”
Gently he rolled me over, then slowly but surely he leaned down to my neck. I clutched onto the back of his shirt.
“I-I can’t do it…” I said.
He grunted again and put his hand on the front of his neck again, then sat next to me on the bed.
“Have you gotten tired of my blood already?” I asked playfully.
“No, your blood is…too much.”
I sighed and got off the bed. Suddenly I was pinned against the wall hard and Gerard began to drink. I smiled to myself. I knew he couldn’t help it. But my smile turned into a instant frown when he was drinking to hard. I let out a shriek, it felt like someone had jabbed a knife down my neck.
“Gerard! Stop!” I said desperately.
I would rather die then feel this pain. I struggled to get him off me, but he wouldn’t let go. I slid to the ground against the wall. While I was screaming I remembered why I was letting him do this, it was because he went through more pain then I did every single night because of me.
I knew I would hate myself but I put a hand on Gerard’s head and pushed him hard, making his fangs go deeper. At this point, it was so painful I couldn’t scream. Kind of like when you were on the scariest roller coaster in the carnival and when you went through the loops and drops you couldn’t scream.
I felt his hair poke through my fingers and he was beginning to get goose bumps on his neck and the rest of his body. I felt the blood trickle from my neck and his mouth to the floor.
Without stopping he held me in his arms. Then finally, he slid his fangs out of my neck. I felt like I was holding my breath for a long time, my chest was throbbing. And right there, I buried my face into his chest and cried softly.
“I’m so sorry.” He said. “When you just gave yourself up like that…it didn’t feel right to suck your blood.”
“But this bite was horrible; it was as if glass was being shoved down my neck.”
“Isn’t that how most of them feel?”
I shook my head. “This one was worse.”
I looked into his eyes, they were hazel now, his hair had grew out since I first met him, but not very much, it was beginning to look like his hair was getting highlights.
There was blood dripping from his mouth. I put my hand on my neck.
“Don’t you see? This is why I rather not take blood from you…”
He removed my hand from my neck and felt his own bite marks.
“And no matter what I do…I’ll always want more…”
And before I knew it his eyes began to fade into a dark red and his fangs prodded out only a little. My reaction was horrible.
“No! Stay away from me!” I shrieked, they were more like desperate cries.
To his surprise I pushed him away and crawled quickly away from him. I was horrified, and my face showed all my emotions. Gerard just stared at me at this point, I pushed him pretty hard. Then I realized what I had just done. I had rejected him…I was afraid of him. I felt so fragile and weak, and even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was fragile and weak.
I hugged my legs and cried into my knees. Gerard looked at me sadly.
“It’s funny that when you’re suffering all you can think of is me.” He whispered. “And I’m the one causing you the suffering.”
He came closer to me and his eyes became brighter.
“Don’t touch me!” I screamed.
I didn’t look at him, I was ashamed at myself for being afraid of my one true love, and I was also ashamed that what he said was all true. I heard him get up and head for the door. He opened the door and before he left he said:
“I’m sorry my Black Beauty, I love you.”
And he was gone.
That night was I tried to fall asleep I kept on tossing and turning. It was awful. Then finally I had fallen asleep, it seemed like morning came a few moments later and I had completely forgotten what had happened.
“Gerard?” I whispered.
He wasn’t next to me. Then the memory came back to me. I groaned. Then I got up and peeked out the door. He was sitting on the couch drawing on a notebook; around his eyes were dark circles. He was dressed now. He hadn’t slept at all, and then I realized he had dyed his hair black again. His eyes were blood shot but I was surprised to find them hazel again.
“I opened the door completely and he looked up. Gerard looked at me weary. He looked like he could pass out right at that second, but he didn’t.
“I’m not going to hurt you if that’s what you’re worried about.” He said coldly.
Those words stung.
“You dyed your hair…” I said.
I came over and sat on his lap, he didn’t hold me or anything, and he just looked away.
“What’s wrong? I-I’m sorry about last night, but that doesn’t mean you have to treat me so coldly.” I said.
He said nothing, but when he looked at me, his eyes became blood red.
“Sh*t!” He said and looked away from me again and his eyes came back to normal.
“Oh.” I said.
I got off him and gave him some space. He was thirsty. He wasn’t going to be able to say much to me, but before he didn’t act so awful. Then I kissed him softly on the lips.
“A little kiss won’t hurt right?” I asked.
After three seconds he let out a yell and turned away from me. His face was frozen in a grimaced and he put his hand on his throat.
“Affection only tempts me more.” He said.
I stumbled back and stared at him, but he refused to meet my eyes. Yet again he let out another yell followed by desperate gasps. I began to come toward him.
“Gerard-“
“Don’t come any closer.” He said. “My hunger is becoming more demanding.”
He gulped and looked at me, his eyes shined bright blood red. I shook my head and sat on his lap again then rested my head on his chest and put my arms around his neck. But he still didn’t hold me.
“Why are you doing this?” He asked shakily.
“I don’t like it when you don’t touch me Gerard.”
I kissed him gently on the cheek. I could feel his heart beating too fast. His breathing came out in shaky gasps. I gently pushed him down by his chest so he was lying down.
“Rose…” He said.
“Relax, you’ll be fine…” I whispered.
“No, I won’t be fine.” He said firmly.
I lay down on top of him. And I began to play with his hair. Then I realized my neck was right above his face. I looked down at him; he was looking up at me sadly.
“I’m sorry…”I said quietly.
“Why do you tempt me so much, love? Why aren’t you afraid of me like you were last night? The way it’s supposed to be?” He asked.
“That’s the way it’s supposed to be?”
He looked away.
“Just let me play with you for once…” I said.
I tugged at his pants. His eyes widened.
“I-I don’t know…this isn’t the right t-time.” He stuttered.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” I asked.
For once he was the one holding back, I wasn’t being cruel, it was just that I couldn’t help myself, and I was a woman. And the best part was that he was put under MY spell for once. I wasn’t going to let this opportunity go.
One by one I tugged open his button down shirt. When I was done he grabbed my hands and whispered:
“Please, love. Please.”
“Gerard, I don’t know when I will be able to find the courage to do this again…”
He slowly let go of my hands.
“I-I afraid of hurting you…not only from my fangs…” He whispered.
“I’ll be fine.”
He clutched onto the couch. “You have no idea how long I wanted this, but…I-I’m thirsty right n-now and…”
Slowly I slid off his shirt, his wounds were completely healed, he WAS a vampire, and vampires tend to heal quickly. He grunted and put his hand on his neck again. I took it of his neck and put my own hand there, I could feel the throbbing and the throbbing got faster after a few seconds.
“Are those the only reasons you’re afraid?” I asked boldly.
“…n-no…”
“You’ve been afraid of this haven’t you?”
“I’m afraid of having se* with you, love. I-I don’t know what will happen…”
“Don’t think about it…”
“W-what if you become pregnant?” He asked.
I shook my head. “I’ve already dealt with that.”
He sighed in relive.
Then bravely and boldly I began to take off my own shirt but Gerard took my hands and said:
“May I?”
I nodded and pulled off my shirt. When I began tugging off his jeans he whispered.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Anything…” I said.
“I’m not wearing any underwear…”
I paused. Was I ready to see this? Without even thinking I tugged off his jeans.
“You’re such a liar.” I whispered back.
He laughed.
“That wasn’t funny! You scared me!”
Then suddenly Gerard yelled and put his hand to his throat again. Then he shook his head and easily pulled off my Jack the Skeleton PJ pants.
“Do you think we should wait a bit until…?”
Then he put his hand on his throat again.
“I don’t think I could wait any longer…”