FicWad

Title: Of Twins, Fish Poo, And The Top God Only Knows How Many Reasons Why I’d Rather Be A Girl: Chapter Nine: Love Found, Virginity Lost

Author: Allison Wonderland

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Kiri thinks his best friend Trinity could never love him because he is not a girl like his twin sister Kari but during an accidental sleepover he finds out differently. One shot.

Warning(s): Language, homosexuality, sex with a minor.

Disclaimer: Mine. Slimy paws are to be kept off unless I have given my permission otherwise.

Note(s): Inspired by the manga Because I’m A Boy by Asia Watanabe

"Does that clear things up?" Trinity asks when he moves away. He doesn't go far.

I'm too surprised to answer. I can feel my mouth working and what finally comes out is, "But I'm a boy!"

"I know, sweetheart," he says, "That's part of the appeal."

I sniffle again. "But you rejected me." But now he likes me? Like that?

"When did I do that?"

"That summer at the fair." When he still looks blank I continue. "When we were eleven and you were thirteen. You said you like Kari best because she's a girl."

I can tell by his expression that he remembers. "I was only thirteen," Trinity explains. "And I had just realized that I was in love with my best friend. My best male friend."

"You aren't in love with Kari?" It seems too good to be true.

"No, sweetie. I'm in love with my Kiri-Kitty."

And he kisses me again.

This time I'm not surprised and let myself enjoy it. It's only my second kiss ever but what to do comes instinctively to me. As Trinity's tongue pushes against my lips I open my mouth and let him inside. Before now when I've thought about kissing anyone like this I always thought of the spit and germs and other icky stuff. But Trinity's tongue feels so good against my own that I am unable to think, unable to do anything but feel.

I have to get closer to Trinity. I need to get closer. After so long I’m finally getting my chance to have Trinity – at least until he comes to his senses – all for my very own and I’m not going to waste a minute of it. My fingers scratch at the skin on his shoulders but there’s nothing I can really hold on to. I try to get closer but we’re already as close as it’s possible to get without crawling inside each other. But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Right now I want him inside me – even though I know it’s going to hurt – almost more than I want my next breath.

I think Trinity senses my desperation or maybe he wants me as much as I want him. He pulls back far enough to look at me and for a moment I wonder what I look like to him. But I don’t have time to do more than let the vaguest of thoughts involving ‘skinny, red hair, freckles, too girly’ cross my mind before he says, “I think we need to take this somewhere more comfortable.”

The floor isn’t exactly the place I would choose to lose my virginity. I mean, it’s hard, harder than I am at this point. But I don’t want to go back down the hall to my room either in case Trinity changes his mind on the way there. “Where?” I ask and I know I probably sound pathetic but I can’t help wanting him so much. It’s the wanting him so much that puts the whining note in my voice.

“Bed,” Trinity says. Still kissing me, he slides his hands down my sides and…

And…

And…

Oh…

My…

God…

He lifts me up just enough to cup my butt in both of his hands so he can bring me with him when he stands up.

Oh.

My.

God.

I know I seem to be thinking that a lot tonight but Trinity’s hands are

On.

My.

Butt.

Seriously. My best friend is touching my butt and I know he can feel how hard that thing in my pants – or rather the thing that would be in my pants if I were wearing pants – is. Only I don’t think Trinity is disgusted by it at all. In fact I think he likes it. We’re so close together that I can feel his hardness through his black silk bikini briefs – the only piece of cloth separating our bare skin and I want it gone.

Trinity stands up, bringing me with him. One of his hands is still cupping my butt but his other has moved to my back and I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. It seems so natural. His lips come down on mine again, distracting me but not before I wonder where we’re going. I don’t have time to ask even if he wasn’t kissing me senseless because we only move about two feet before Trinity lowers me gently onto the same bed I was hiding under only a few minutes ago.

I really can’t bring myself to care that I’m about to lose my virginity on my parents’ bed. Trinity leaves me lying on top of the comforter just long enough to wiggle his underwear off and let them fall to the rug covering the hard wood floor. Then he joins me on the bed.

But he doesn’t touch me. Instead he presses his lips to mine for the shortest kiss of the night so far before propping himself up on one elbow beside me and just looking at me. I know I lie a lot – almost always to myself – but I won’t this time. Having Trinity stare at me is just creepy, especially when I’m lying here naked. I’m overcome with a sudden desire to cover myself. Some of my old insecurities creep in again and I move my hands to cover myself because what if – despite how close we were earlier and how he must have felt my thing get hard – Trinity had thought I was a girl?

“No!” He catches my hands before they can move very far. “Don’t do that,” Trinity says. He brings my hands up to his mouth and kisses them. “I know you don’t like it but just for a minute.

I start to protest but Trinity continues.

“I’ve spent at least one night every week over here with you and Kari climbing all over me-“

I had to smile at that. When our parents had first started leaving my sister and me alone with Trinity after school we had thought it – and Trinity – was the greatest thing in the world. We had been all over him, begging him to play with us and read to us and generally being annoying.

“-and wandering around half naked trying to get a reaction our of you-“

So it wasn’t just a coincidence that Trinity forgot his clothes in my bedroom every time he took a shower here and came wandering out in just a towel.

“Just let me look at you for a minute.”

He has me at that but his next words make me want to let him stare at me forever.

“You’re so beautiful, Kiri.” Trinity brushes a stray lock of hair off of my cheek and his hand lingers there for a moment before he kisses me again. His tongue explores my mouth for several long moments and I’m pretty sure there are going to be little fingertip shaped indentations in Trinity’s biceps from where I’m hanging on him because the last thing I want right now is for Trinity to move away from me.

But eventually he does of course, even though it’s only to lift his head. But that means he’s looking at me again. “Kiri-Kitty,” Trinity says. He cups my cheek in his hand and I can’t help but turn my face into his touch. “Pay attention for a second,” he says softly.

As if I could really do anything else with the boy I’ve wanted since I knew what sex was lying on top of me all but naked?

Hardly.

But I stare up at him anyway -

- giving him my full attention.

“Are you a virgin, Kiri?” Trinity asks.

His question is the last thing I’m expecting. “Umm…” I answer, not really sure what to say. I don’t want to lie to him but what if he doesn’t want me anymore once he knows I’ve never done anything like this before? But in the end I don’t have to say anything because my silence speaks for me.

“That’s what I thought,” Trinity says.

I can’t look at him because I know everything is over before it even really started. “I’m sorry.” My voice is barely a whisper and I’m pretty sure he can’t hear me.

“About what?” Trinity asks.

“That I’m… That I haven’t…” I can’t even say it.

“Being inexperienced is nothing to be ashamed of, Kiri-Kitty. In fact, I think being your first is kind of special.”

“Really?” I ask. I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to make me feel better but it’s working.

“Really,” Trinity agrees. “Because you always remember your first time.”

I want to ask about Trinity’s first time but now isn’t really the right time. What comes out of my mouth instead is, “Promise?” I want to remember this forever even if all I get with Trinity is one night.

“I promise,” Trinity says and I believe him. He parts my legs so gently I don’t even think to be nervous. But then he moves between my legs and I feel something flutter in my stomach. It’s really going to happen. What I’ve wanted for so many years is finally going to be mine.

Only maybe not because I only feel Trinity’s naked hardness against my own for a moment – an ecstatic moment – before he moves away again. I reach for him and start to protest but Trinity catches my hands and lowers them to rest by my sides again.

“No,” he tells me softly. “I promised you that you won’t ever forget your first time. I don’t intend to break that promise.” Trinity looks at me again, studies me this time. Somehow I have a feeling he’s trying to decide where to start and that scares me a little. Then he smiles and that scares me more.

But all he does is lean forward and claim my lips in yet another kiss. Not that I’m complaining or anything but I’m feeling giddy and nervous and it’s entirely possible that I might throw up so I kind of wish that he would hurry up and help me with this whole loss of virginity thing before I have a sudden urge to run for the bathroom again. I’m pretty sure he can feel me shaking or maybe more like just trembling because I’m nervous and the air conditioner and…yeah.

Thank God Trinity moves just then and I have no more time to think. He plants a trail of kisses down my throat and to my collar bone. I feel his teeth against my flesh and the tiniest hint of pain as he almost breaks the skin as he sucks gently. I have never been happier. I can’t see it but I’m pretty sure Trinity has left his mark on me.

And until that mark fades I belong to him.

“You like that,” Trinity says when he looks up at me again.

“Yes,” I agree.

“You’re mine now,” he says.

I can’t help it. I give him the biggest smile I’ve ever given anyone. It hurts my cheeks. “Yes,” I agree when I can finally stop the smile.

“You like that, too.” This time he doesn’t give me an opening to say ‘yes’ again even though I want to. Trinity reaches one hand between us and his fingertips stroke that achingly hard thing between my legs – I still don’t even want to think the word for it and although I know now that Trinity likes me the way I am, on some level I still want to be a girl.

I moan anyway. I can’t help it. I’ve dreamed about having his hand on me there for so long but it feels so much better than I ever could have dreamed.

Trinity continues kissing a trail down past my collar bones. He pauses for a moment to flick his tongue over each of my nipples and I moan again as they harden. Between Trinity’s tongue and his hand I’m pretty sure I’m going to explode.

But then he goes farther. Trinity kisses my stomach, dips his tongue into my belly button long enough to make me shudder in pleasure – who would ever have thought that was such a sensitive spot? – and looks up at me. He makes sure I’m watching then his hand curls around the base of my thing and he bends his head and licks it. I know I’m going to come right then except that Trinity’s hand squeezes. Not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to stop the pleasure.

I whimpered. I couldn’t help it even though I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that these noises were so embarrassing and normally I would be mortified. I’m not but I probably will be in the morning. I don’t care. It will have been worth it.

When Trinity’s hand finally stops squeezing me the immediate need to come is no longer a threat. He returns his mouth to my flesh and his fingers, still wrapped around it, squeeze gently then relax as if to remind me that he can prevent me from coming any time he wants to. I think I like letting Trinity have complete control of me. He bends his head and licks it again and while the sensation is still unlike anything I’ve ever felt before I’m prepared for it this time and not in any immediate danger of mind blowing orgasm. He uses his tongue to trace the vein on the underneath side all the way up to the tip and takes the whole thing into his mouth.

I had been so sure it would not fit.

But then he moves one hand from my hip bones – he’s been using them kind of like handles to hold me down even though I swear they don’t stick out that much – and slips it down to rub his finger over the same little opening I had been fingering in the bathtub. I push back against his finger because I want it inside me then up into his mouth because I want that too. With the few mental faculties I have left I can’t decide which I want more plus I’m whimpering so much that I swear Trinity is going to start calling me Kiri-Puppy instead of Kiri-Kitty.

And Trinity and I are exchanging bodily fluids.

And…

And…

And…

I don’t care!

Or rather I do care but despite my OCD I’m not freaking out.

In fact, I want more.

My hands curl into fists in the sheets and I moan and thrash back and forth because I can’t decide which I want more – his finger or his mouth – and no one ever told me having sex would be this complicated. But just as I’m ready to scream at Trinity, to tell him to hurry up and just do something, one thing, so I don’t have to decide which of two things I want more because even though I’ve never done it before I’m pretty sure sex, even gay sex, is not supposed to be this complicated Trinity stops everything, which is the last thing I want.

I frown at him, still a little dazed from the amount of pleasure that I had been feeling just a second ago and the sudden stop. “Trinity-“ I protest. It comes out as a whine.

“Shh,” Trinity says and I think it’s supposed to sound soothing but it’s not.

“Why?” I’m whining again.

“Do you have any lotion or oil or…soap or anything?” he asks instead of answering my question.

“There’s smelly lotion on the dresser. I think it’s vanilla.” My mom always has lotion around because her elbows are all dry and gross like a lizard. “Why?” I ask.

“Because.” Trinity leaves me lying on the bed and goes to get the lotion bottle. I don’t have time to protest before he’s back on the bed beside me.

“What’s that for?” I ask again.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Kiri-Kitty,” Trinity says by way of an answer.

I am still confused.

Trinity settles himself beside me, opens the lotion bottle, and squirts out a generous amount of yellowish white vanilla scented lotion onto his fingers. His hand moves between my legs and suddenly I understand what he’s doing with it and where that is going to go.

There is no way it’s going to fit.

I can’t help the gasp that comes out or the way my whole body tenses up.

I guess Trinity notices. “Do you want to stop?” he asks.

“No!” There is no way I want to stop now, not even when I know it’s going to hurt, not when having something besides my own finger inside me – especially something that’s part of Trinity is so close. “I…I want to, Trinity. Really.”

“Then relax and try to breathe.”

Oh, right. I’m still holding my breath.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Kiri but you’re making that hard.” A moment later I feel one of Trinity’s lotion covered fingers press against my opening then slip inside.

His fingers are about twice the size of mine, or at least it feels that way. I can’t help going all tense again.

“Kiri-Kitty,” Trinity says, “I’m really trying hard not to hurt you but you’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t relax.”

“I’m trying.” I am. Really. It’s just… His fingers are bigger than mine.

Trinity slides his finger all the way into me and even though they’re bigger than my fingers, Trinity’s finger inside me feels painful but at the same time it’s a more full feeling than what my own finger can produce and I like that part of it.

Just as I come to the conclusion that it isn’t nearly as painful as I had thought it to be Trinity adds another finger. This time it doesn’t hurt nearly as bad because I’m half expecting it and it sort of feels better than just one finger. When Trinity spreads his fingers it burns but before I can say anything his fingers hit that one spot inside me that feels so good.

While I’m busy arching my back up off the bed and moaning so loudly that I’m really, really, really glad my sister isn’t around tonight and trying to get Trinity’s fingers farther inside me without coming too soon he adds another finger. At first I don’t even realize it but then Trinity moves his fingers, stretching me, and they bump against that tiny spot that causes so much pleasure.

“Good,” Trinity murmurs when I moan uncontrollably again. “You’re being such a good boy, Kiri,” he murmurs reassuringly. “You’re doing so good, honey.”

Trinity has never called me ‘honey’ before. I love it.

His fingers move against that spot a third time and I cry out more loudly than before. It’s a little embarrassing but Trinity smiles. “That’s it,” he says. “Scream for me.”

There is no way I’m screaming, for Trinity or for anyone else.

But Trinity’s fingers move inside me again and I don’t have a choice. He’s so good at this that I’m afraid he’ll think I’m inadequate or something.

“Relax, Kiri-Kitty,” Trinity says softly. “Whatever you’re thinking is making you all tense again.”

I take a deep breath and tell myself that Trinity already knows I’m a virgin and that hasn’t put him off so far. It helps. I feel a lot less tense and I think Trinity can feel that. He moves his fingers again and even though this time they don’t hit that spot it still feels good.

“Trinity-“ I whine.

He cuts me off with that deep laugh that always makes me shiver. “What is it, Kiri-Kitty?”

I’m not quite sure. “I…I don’t…I want…”

“What is it, honey? Tell me what you want.” Trinity’s fingers thrust into me again but only brush fleetingly against that thing inside me and even that feels so good that I can’t help making another of those embarrassing half moan, half whimper noises.

“I…I don’t know…something.” I want more but how am I supposed to say that without sounding completely…well…slutty?

Trinity pulls back a little, not much, just enough to prop himself up on his elbow above me again. But then he very carefully pulls his fingers out of me and I’m overcome with a sudden feeling of loss and emptiness. Then he wipes the rest of the lotion from his fingers on a corner of the sheet and I make a face. Trinity – of course – sees it. “Don’t freak, Kiri,” he says. “We’re going to have to wash the sheets tomorrow anyway.”

Oh, right. Yeah, because sex can be a messy and disgusting thing. Or so I’ve heard. I mean, it’s not like I know or anything. At least not yet.

“I really don’t want to hurt you, Kiri,” Trinity says, “but it is going to hurt at least a little bit.”

Probably more than a little bit. It’s not like I haven’t read about this sort of thing.

Trinity moves again. His hand is doing something down there and then I feel something a lot harder and a lot bigger than his finger pressing against my opening.

There’s no way it’s going to fit. No way.

“Deep breath, Kiri.”

“What?”

“Take a deep breath.”

I do and while I’m distracted – which is probably the whole point – by why and how that’s supposed to help and is it some secret that hasn’t been released to the world at large because there wasn’t anything about it in any of the stories I read online Trinity moves quickly and I feel him press more firmly against me before something sort of gives way with a pop then he pushes forward hard and is suddenly inside me.

I am convinced that I can not possibly be in more pain if someone were pulling my spine out. I wriggle and thrash and oh my god someone just make it stop hurting!

“Be still, Kiri,” Trinity says calmly.

Right. Like that’s going to happen.

“You’re going to hurt yourself if you aren’t still.” He tries to hold my arms down but I wrench myself free. I want to scream, to tell him that he’s hurting me enough for both of us but I can’t get the words out. So I struggle harder.

“Damn it, Kiri! Stop moving!”

I do, not because he tells me to but because Trinity has never yelled at me before, not even when he had to read my complete and unabridged copy of Alice In Wonderland before I fell asleep, not even the next morning when I jumped on him to wake him up and miscalculated and my knee accidentally went in his stomach.

“Shh, honey,” Trinity murmurs. “I know it hurts but it’s best to get the worst part over as soon as possible.” He wipes away the tears I have no idea I’m crying. “Just be still, Kiri. It gets better.”

“Are you sure. Just lie still for a minute. If it doesn’t feel better we don’t have to go any farther, okay?”

“’Kay…” I do my best to relax. It helps that Trinity doesn’t give me time to dwell on the pain in my nether regions. He keeps me distracted with other little kisses and touches and he’s right. Gradually the pain does fade until it’s just a dull ache and I can feel him throbbing inside me. I can feel…”Oh,” I say softly when I realize exactly what I’m feeling.

“What is it, Kiri?” Trinity asks and I can tell he’s concerned.

I can’t help smiling as I say, “I can feel your heart beating inside me.”

“Yeah?” Trinity asks and I nod. It’s amazing because not only can I feel his heartbeat inside me but it’s beating in time with my own. “So it’s okay if I do this then?” Trinity asks. Then he moves.

I gasp because I’ve never felt anything like it before. Even Trinity’s fingers inside me can not compare to this and I’m instantly hard again.

Trinity grins at me. “I guess that means you like it,” he assumes.

“Yes,” I breathe.

Trinity pulls back so he’s almost completely out of me but before I can protest he slides back in again. This time it doesn’t hurt. Instead it feel so good I think I’m going to scream if he doesn’t do it again. “Fuck you’re tight,” Trinity gasps out and I’m pretty sure he’s trying not to just let go and fuck me into the mattress. He buries his face in my hair. “Fuck,” he says again. “Are you okay, honey?” he asks after a moment. “I’m sorry, Kiri but I’m going to have to move.”

“Yes, please,” I gasp and Trinity moves again.

He pulls almost all the way out again, then pushes back in.

Once…

Twice…

I lose count. All I can think about is how good it feels to have him inside me. My nails dig into his shoulders, my legs wrap around his waist. “Trinity,” I whine. “I can’t… I need…”

“It’s okay, Kiri,” he pants. Trinity never stops his rhythm inside me but he reaches between us and wraps his hand around my thing. “Come for me, Kiri,” he says, stroking his hand up and down.

I do. White lights blossom in front of my eyes. My nails dig into his arms harder. Just as I begin to feel as if I’m going to pass out I feel Trinity come inside me.

And then I let the blackness overwhelm me.

When I come to it must be only a moment or two later. Trinity is a warm, welcome weight on top of me. I’m exhausted but I manage to lift my hand and run my fingers through his blue hair.

Several minutes pass before Trinity moves. “I’m squashing you,” he says by way of explanation. He kisses my shoulder as he pulls out of me. I’m overcome by a horrible sense of loss but before I can protest Trinity moves both of us around so that we’re lying on our left sides. His left arm is stretched out across the pillows with my head resting on it. His right arm is around me, hand on my stomach and he’s holding me – my back to his front – almost protectively. I yawn and Trinity reaches to pull the blankets over us. “Sleep, Kiri-Kitty,” he says softly.

As I’m drifting off I realize that I’m happy. My OCD should be kicking in overtime. There is lotion smeared on the sheet, we’ve just exchanged bodily fluids, my own…stuff is drying on my stomach and there’s something leaking out of my ass that I’m not even sure what is. I should be freaking out. But I’m not. I’m happy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.