Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Fire Down Under
A/N Yeah, I won't be going with option 2. So no worries there. Well sort of. Just read it, and the notes at the end. >=)
In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):
"I own nothing, I make nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"
Ch 2
Harry was looking around Diagon Alley for something to make his wives happy. He had several gifts already, but he wanted to get supplies for a party as well. As he was walking past Knockturn Alley, he saw a new store just on the corner.
He couldn't make out the sign, as it appeared in an odd language he did not recognize. There was a flag hanging outside that looked like a red pennant bordered by black on top of a longer yellow pennant bordered by white on a field of green. He entered into the store, and found himself in a bizarre little store that had bags of Demerara sugar, large pieces of bauxite ore, several stuffed jaguars, and large crates marked with Peoples Temple Agricultural Project on the side. They were currently being unpacked, and the store was quite a mess. He continued to browse, being greeted several times by extremely friendly people. Oddly, he was reminded of Luna. He really didn't find anything to interesting, although he was invited back several times for the grand opening with free food and drink and a "special" sale. He knew if the girl's got wind of this he would be forced to attend.
Just as he was leaving, a young man walked up to him and invited him again to the grand opening. He mentioned that the entire Wizengamot would probably be in attendance. Harry declined, hoping he could avoid telling the girls, but knowing he would probably be forced to attend. The man smiled, and offered him a small dark red potion, that had a label "J.J's Super Magical Flavor Aide Supplement", suggesting it for the party that Harry had discussed throwing for his wives. He said that it would make the party the one to remember for the rest of their lives. Harry thanked the man, and hurried home to prepare the food and drinks for the party.
Harry was drinking pumpkin juice, saving the special beverage for his girls, hoping for a fresh start with them after all of his failures. As they arrived, they were upset about canceling their plans, but as he rubbed their feet, and gave them their presents, their mood improved. As the night wore on, the girls became more and more happy and Harry was glad he had made the flavored drink for them. They almost seemed tipsy, and he wondered if the beverage was alcoholic or had some other odd effect. He probably should have asked what was in it, but the man was so nice. He decided to try some, and found it quite tasty. The girls were starting to doze off, and Harry sat down amongst them, knowing everything was going to work out just as it should.
Harry was starting to doze off, and had a small daydream. He was standing at King's Cross Station, and he was surrounded by his wives and children. Oddly none of the children looked like him, and one that was holding on to Ginny actually had very dark skin, and reminded him of an old school mate. All of his wives had gained a large amount of weight, were berating him for his failures, and could easily have eclipsed the sun, or at least Molly. He shuddered, closed his eyes and said to himself, "What the hell was I thinking? I swear on my magic I wish I had never married these harridans!"
As Harry breathed his last, a blue flash surrounded him, and the frown lines around his eyes and mouth faded as the tension left his body for the last time.
Suddenly Harry was back in King's Cross Station. He warily looked around, hoping to avoid his wives and the hellions. But no one was there. Where the hell did every...
one...
g...
Shit.
"Alright, you old bastard! Where the hell are you? I don't know whose idea of a sick fucking joke this is, but I have an elder wand that's about to get shoved sideways up someone's arse in about two seconds if I don't get some answers! And so help me god, if I hear a prophecy that involves me I am going to lose my shit!" ranted Harry.
"Wow pup, are you not getting any or something?" came a familiar voice. "Cause you seem kind of cranky!"
"Si-Si-Si--Sirius?!?!" stammered Harry.
"Yes, that is a serious situation, it explains quite a lot, and Oi! Gerroff! Just cause you aren't getting your ashes hauled doesn't mean I want you humping my leg" laughed Sirius.
"Shut it mutt! I missed you, now what the hell is going on?"
"Kids, no respect for.." Sirius paled as his eyes crossed at the Elder Wand pointed at his nose, held by a growling Harry.
"Really Harry, all that growling is bad for your throat, it.."
POKE
"Right. Well it's like this Harry, you got love potioned by pretty much everyone of your "wives" during the celebration after defeating snakelips. Turns out that much Amortentia pretty much frys your brain for a few years, kills your libido, and makes you very susceptible to suggestion. You got railroaded into being the fearsome five's bank and entry into polite society." explained Sirius.
"Fuck me!" groaned Harry.
"Sorry pup, I know I would probably be an improvement over those girls but.."
POKE
"Dammit Harry, that hurts! I am trying to help you here! Now we can send you back in time, but only a day or two. And when are you going to learn about being so trusting? I mean some random bloke hands you a potion and you drink it up? Really? You better pull your head out, or if not I definitely suggest staying away from the rainbow district of Knockturn Alley..."
POKE
"Oi! Lay off, I.."
"What do I need to do Sirius?" growled Harry.
"Well, here's the thing pup, I can't tell you what to do, and while Fate feels sorry for you, she can't intervene directly. You basically have to choose, Door #1, or Door #2." explained Sirius.
"But I keep my memories and..." asked Harry.
"Not exactly, you will remember the scene you saw in the future, and you won't have the Amortentia in your system anymore, and the side effects should be all gone, but you won't remember this conversation. You should definitely notice things that went right over your poor little fried head before though." explained Sirius.
"Seriously, that's it? I get another steaming load of misery dumped on my life and that's all the help I get?" whined Harry.
"That's my name.."
POKE
"Owww!! Ok, look your time is almost up, I really can't help you much, you have to make a choice, but remember go to the new store, and ask to speak to the owner. We are all happy here, but it's not your time yet. You've got to choose Pup! One or two, hurry!" said Sirius. He hugged Harry, and as he shoved Harry towards the two doors, he started to fade away.
Harry stood in front of the two doors thinking.
"Shit."
Now what was he supposed to do?
A/N Yeah, there was no way I could go with Option 2, but I thought I could have some fun with it. Either way, Harry will pull his head out a bit. Remember, option 1 is all Harry, the other option Harry still pulls his head out, but gets a lot more help from outside sources.
Thanks for all the reviews and feedback!
In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):
"I own nothing, I make nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"
Ch 2
Harry was looking around Diagon Alley for something to make his wives happy. He had several gifts already, but he wanted to get supplies for a party as well. As he was walking past Knockturn Alley, he saw a new store just on the corner.
He couldn't make out the sign, as it appeared in an odd language he did not recognize. There was a flag hanging outside that looked like a red pennant bordered by black on top of a longer yellow pennant bordered by white on a field of green. He entered into the store, and found himself in a bizarre little store that had bags of Demerara sugar, large pieces of bauxite ore, several stuffed jaguars, and large crates marked with Peoples Temple Agricultural Project on the side. They were currently being unpacked, and the store was quite a mess. He continued to browse, being greeted several times by extremely friendly people. Oddly, he was reminded of Luna. He really didn't find anything to interesting, although he was invited back several times for the grand opening with free food and drink and a "special" sale. He knew if the girl's got wind of this he would be forced to attend.
Just as he was leaving, a young man walked up to him and invited him again to the grand opening. He mentioned that the entire Wizengamot would probably be in attendance. Harry declined, hoping he could avoid telling the girls, but knowing he would probably be forced to attend. The man smiled, and offered him a small dark red potion, that had a label "J.J's Super Magical Flavor Aide Supplement", suggesting it for the party that Harry had discussed throwing for his wives. He said that it would make the party the one to remember for the rest of their lives. Harry thanked the man, and hurried home to prepare the food and drinks for the party.
Harry was drinking pumpkin juice, saving the special beverage for his girls, hoping for a fresh start with them after all of his failures. As they arrived, they were upset about canceling their plans, but as he rubbed their feet, and gave them their presents, their mood improved. As the night wore on, the girls became more and more happy and Harry was glad he had made the flavored drink for them. They almost seemed tipsy, and he wondered if the beverage was alcoholic or had some other odd effect. He probably should have asked what was in it, but the man was so nice. He decided to try some, and found it quite tasty. The girls were starting to doze off, and Harry sat down amongst them, knowing everything was going to work out just as it should.
Harry was starting to doze off, and had a small daydream. He was standing at King's Cross Station, and he was surrounded by his wives and children. Oddly none of the children looked like him, and one that was holding on to Ginny actually had very dark skin, and reminded him of an old school mate. All of his wives had gained a large amount of weight, were berating him for his failures, and could easily have eclipsed the sun, or at least Molly. He shuddered, closed his eyes and said to himself, "What the hell was I thinking? I swear on my magic I wish I had never married these harridans!"
As Harry breathed his last, a blue flash surrounded him, and the frown lines around his eyes and mouth faded as the tension left his body for the last time.
Suddenly Harry was back in King's Cross Station. He warily looked around, hoping to avoid his wives and the hellions. But no one was there. Where the hell did every...
one...
g...
Shit.
"Alright, you old bastard! Where the hell are you? I don't know whose idea of a sick fucking joke this is, but I have an elder wand that's about to get shoved sideways up someone's arse in about two seconds if I don't get some answers! And so help me god, if I hear a prophecy that involves me I am going to lose my shit!" ranted Harry.
"Wow pup, are you not getting any or something?" came a familiar voice. "Cause you seem kind of cranky!"
"Si-Si-Si--Sirius?!?!" stammered Harry.
"Yes, that is a serious situation, it explains quite a lot, and Oi! Gerroff! Just cause you aren't getting your ashes hauled doesn't mean I want you humping my leg" laughed Sirius.
"Shut it mutt! I missed you, now what the hell is going on?"
"Kids, no respect for.." Sirius paled as his eyes crossed at the Elder Wand pointed at his nose, held by a growling Harry.
"Really Harry, all that growling is bad for your throat, it.."
POKE
"Right. Well it's like this Harry, you got love potioned by pretty much everyone of your "wives" during the celebration after defeating snakelips. Turns out that much Amortentia pretty much frys your brain for a few years, kills your libido, and makes you very susceptible to suggestion. You got railroaded into being the fearsome five's bank and entry into polite society." explained Sirius.
"Fuck me!" groaned Harry.
"Sorry pup, I know I would probably be an improvement over those girls but.."
POKE
"Dammit Harry, that hurts! I am trying to help you here! Now we can send you back in time, but only a day or two. And when are you going to learn about being so trusting? I mean some random bloke hands you a potion and you drink it up? Really? You better pull your head out, or if not I definitely suggest staying away from the rainbow district of Knockturn Alley..."
POKE
"Oi! Lay off, I.."
"What do I need to do Sirius?" growled Harry.
"Well, here's the thing pup, I can't tell you what to do, and while Fate feels sorry for you, she can't intervene directly. You basically have to choose, Door #1, or Door #2." explained Sirius.
"But I keep my memories and..." asked Harry.
"Not exactly, you will remember the scene you saw in the future, and you won't have the Amortentia in your system anymore, and the side effects should be all gone, but you won't remember this conversation. You should definitely notice things that went right over your poor little fried head before though." explained Sirius.
"Seriously, that's it? I get another steaming load of misery dumped on my life and that's all the help I get?" whined Harry.
"That's my name.."
POKE
"Owww!! Ok, look your time is almost up, I really can't help you much, you have to make a choice, but remember go to the new store, and ask to speak to the owner. We are all happy here, but it's not your time yet. You've got to choose Pup! One or two, hurry!" said Sirius. He hugged Harry, and as he shoved Harry towards the two doors, he started to fade away.
Harry stood in front of the two doors thinking.
"Shit."
Now what was he supposed to do?
A/N Yeah, there was no way I could go with Option 2, but I thought I could have some fun with it. Either way, Harry will pull his head out a bit. Remember, option 1 is all Harry, the other option Harry still pulls his head out, but gets a lot more help from outside sources.
Thanks for all the reviews and feedback!
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