FicWad

Frank wanted Mae back. He used to miss her so much whenever they had to part ways for even the shortest of moments. It's been eating him up ignoring her for the last month. He even stopped hanging out with Bob and Lydia just so he wouldn't have to see her and be reminded of everything he was longing for. It took him that much time to finally admit defeat. He had to swallow his pride and get her back. And that, he reminded himself, was why he was standing in front of the Way household. He took a deep breath and rung the doorbell hoping that someone other than Gerard would answer just so he could stall some time.

"What are you doing here?!" Gerard exclaimed, fully surprised to see Frank.

"Can I come in?" Frank asked. "I need some help."

"Are you lost? Drunk? Out of your mind?!" Gerard questioned.

"I'd say all of the above," Frank muttered. "Seriously, just please hear me out."

"You have one minute to convince me," Gerard stepped aside to let him in.

*

"So how's your fancy advanced placement assignment going?" Bob teased Mae as she finished up her last piece of math homework for Mr. Betterby.

"Done," Mae sighed.

"I wish I knew what that meant," Lydia scanned the jargon of mathematical procedures on Mae’s paper.

"Me, too," Mae replied. "I just made a bunch of stuff up so I can get credit. He doesn't grade on correctness anyways."

"Well, then I should've taken that class!" Bob smirked. "I'm an expert on pretending to know what the hell I'm doing!"

"Until you take the tests," Mae giggled. "He grades those on correctness, by the way."

"Oh well," Bob shrugged.

Mae shook her head and smiled. She couldn't help but think of Frank every time she hung out with Bob. Lydia and him have been a couple for awhile now and Mae couldn't help but to feel like an intruder at times. But she really had no one else at school since she stopped talking to Frank. She looked through her paper and decided that she should at least try to do some of the problems right. She erased through her previous work and attempted to do the quotient rule. If only she could remember the formula for it.

Suddenly, she remembered Frank telling her exactly how to do it. It was two days after she had just taught him how to take a derivative. He caught onto the material so quickly. He even made a saying to remember the rule. "LowDHigh minus HighDLow over Low squared." The quotient rule was a rule used to take the derivative of a fraction. The rule said to take the difference of the denominator multiplied by the derivative of the numerator and the numerator multiplied by the derivative of the denominator. Frank simplified it by calling the derivative "D" and the numerator and denominator "High and Low." It made it that much easier to memorize and it certainly helped her through her exam. She just wished every math problem didn't have a connection to him. But every derivative, every integral, every tiny piece of area brought something back about him.

She wished the High's and Low's of her problems were the High's and Low's of her life. That she could have the power to subtract them all out of her memory and cancel them out with each other so that she could live a happy, content life. Then she remembered how the difference of the High's and Low's is divided by Low squared. Any squared number is positive therefore her life would be perfect as a quotient rule. If only she really knew how to apply math to her real life.

*

"I love her," Frank proclaimed to a skeptical Gerard.

"Okay and?" Gerard tapped his fingers impatiently on the wall.

"I mean it," Frank stressed.

"You sure haven't been showing it," Gerard scoffed.

"I know I haven't," Frank admitted. "I was afraid to. Please you gotta help me."

"What makes you think that I would help you?" Gerard sneered.

"Because I think you do believe me," Frank said boldly. "But you're just afraid of letting Mae go."

"I want what's best for her," Gerard stated.

"And that means keeping her from falling in love?" Frank asked. "I know you've been hurt before. I have been, too, but don't you think you should let her make her own mistakes?"

"What the fuck are you going on about?" Gerard's patience was wearing thin.

"You're scared because you know Mae loves me back and you don't want us to end up like you and Alexia," Frank explained.

"Get the fuck out," Gerard opened the front door for him.

"Look," Frank said softly. "I'm sorry I hurt her. But I just wanna make things right for once. I don't wanna screw up again."

"You're just a little too late, Frank," Gerard said, unmoving.

He glared as Frank walked out of his house, head low in defeat. He couldn't believe that Frank had the nerve to step into his house to tell him off like that. How dare he bring up Alexia's name and tell him how to take care of Mae. As far as he's concerned, Mae is in good hands. He was keeping her safe from assholes like Frank.

"Gerard!" Frank called out while Gerard's front door was still wide open. "You couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't your fault."

"What are you-" Gerard began.

"He's your brother," Frank explained. "It's not your fault he hurt Mae."

Gerard didn't know whether he wanted to call Frank back inside or beat the shit out of him. It was as if Frank was so sure he understood the situation so well. Gerard had and still felt guilty that he could do nothing to change what happened between Mikey and Mae. He always cursed Alexia of her infidelity when his own brother had done the same thing. He always hoped to compensate what happened by protecting Mae from falling for people who deceived her. And somewhere along the road, he begun to protect her from falling in general. He always thought that Mae was so brave for not crying over what Mikey had done. But maybe she just wasn't brave enough to commit to him. He gave Alexia his everything and he got nothing but shit in return. Was it really worth the risk to fall or was it safer to stay on the sidelines keeping count of how many bodies died from the impact?

*

"Am I bothering you guys?" Mae asked as Lydia and Bob exchanged lovesick stares.

"No, Mae, you're our friend," Lydia insisted.

"We invited you over for a reason," Bob added.

"Sorry," Mae apologized. "I just can't help but feel like I'm pestering you. Don't you want to spend some time with each other?"

"Don't worry about that," Bob grinned.

"Yeah," Lydia grinned. "We spend a lot of time with each other. It doesn't bother us to have you around."

"Thanks," Mae felt relieved. "I don't have many friends."

"That's what we're here for," Bob assured her.

Mae wanted to cry. Bob was Frank's best friend and they suddenly stopped talking all because of her. It was like Frank gave her his friends to make up for breaking her heart. It wasn't fair. Even the people she talked to reminded her of him. She couldn't even remember the precise moment when she became vulnerable enough for him to hurt her. There was no warning, no visible signs, just a sad realization that she wanted him so bad. It was hard to pretend that she didn't care. It was hard to keep a straight face when Lydia asked her if she was alright. It was even harder to lie through her teeth that she ever felt anything that significant for anyone.

~

That night she couldn't sleep. Graduation was literally two days away and everyone was going to go on all these different paths. Mae was going off to a university where she didn't know a single person. She was going to be an outcast all over again and, this time, there would be no Frank to save her. She wondered what he was going to do after high school. Would he go off to the best college and accomplish great things in math and science? Would he chase his dreams of becoming a musician until she'd become surrounded by his image on billboards and TV screens? Would she see his face on a magazine one day and claim that he was her first love only to have whoever is listening to her laugh in her face? He had so much promise in his future and she was nothing but an anchor to weigh him down.

Sometimes she couldn't help but to blame herself for losing him. She bitched about him keeping secrets from her about his past and when she finds the scattered clues she thought she'd hate him forever. But when he finally told the truth like she wanted him to, she forgave him in a second. Her mind wasn't making sense and she was too confused to know what her heart was saying. Frank had a lot of baggage from what he had been through and she wasn't stable enough herself to keep him grounded. No wonder he left her. At that moment, she finally accepted it. It had been a month already and he had not made a single gesture toward her. That was it. She was officially broken up with Frank Iero. And for the first time in her life, her heart had broken.

*

"Why are you so far away?" Frank read his lyrics back. "Even when you're standing next to me."

He hadn't written a song since he had moved to that city. Usually, he wrote sappy songs about love and heartache but it always backed by a melody he was proud of. Sometimes, he just wrote songs that didn't relate to him at all just because he had music he was ready to show off. He knew he wasn't the best lyricist but, for once, he had something to say.

He looked around and caught sight of his Say Anything tape remembering how he and Mae had watched that movie together and almost broke up that same night. Because of his stupidity...yet again. She said she loved Lloyd Dobbler.

"And I'll be your Lloyd Dobbler," Frank said aloud as he wrote. "With a boom box down the street."

There was a melody he had been playing on and off with his acoustic guitar and he had wanted to add lyrics to it for awhile. It wasn't tear-jerking sad but it wasn't extremely happy. It was kind of honest and he needed honest lyrics to back it up.

"And I'll be there if you need someone."

Mae never heard him play before and she always said she wanted to. He had a thing about sharing his music. He was still too shy to perform on stage even if he had seen his grandpa and his dad do it so effortlessly. Maybe he still felt as if he wasn't good enough. Or maybe it's because sharing his songs was almost like sharing a kiss. They were personal and cheesy as hell but they meant a lot to him.

"Even if he isn't me."

"It sounds good," Gerard agreed.

"Thanks," Frank nodded.

*


It was the countdown to graduation. There were rehearsals the next day and the seniors were getting antsy waiting for their classes to end. Mae was more nervous than excited. She wasn't ready for it to end yet. She wasn't completely happy with high school but she was used to it. She knew where to go and what to do. She knew that after 9th grade there was 10th, after 10th it was 11th, after 11th it was 12th. But there were too many choices after senior year. There was no set grade afterward. A high school graduate could go off and get a job, start a family, go to college. It was an unknown territory as of now. Tomorrow could be the last time she ever sees some of her classmates. Including Frank.

He didn't sit near her in Calculus anymore. He found a seat somewhere on the other side of the room where she couldn't even see his face from her distance. But, for some reason, he didn't even go to school that day. She couldn't help but be disappointed. No matter whether they were on speaking terms or not, she still liked having the comfort that he was nearby.

Would he even be there for the rehearsal? Of course, he would. Why wouldn't he be? It's his high school graduation. Mae wondered if Frank would ditch rehearsals or the graduation ceremony altogether just to avoid her. Did he hate her that much?

"Cheer up," Lydia nudged her shoulder. "Two more days and we're out of here."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Mae sulked. "I don't think I'm ready to leave."

"Don't tell me you actually wanna stay here!" Bob remarked.

"It's not that I wanna stay longer," Mae explained. "It just feels like I have some unfinished business here."

"Oh," Bob decided not to push it any further.

The school day went slower than usual. Mae felt like it was the longest day of the summer. The heat was too strong for it to still be spring. All she wanted to do by the end of the day was to go home and fall face forward on her warm bed. And she didn't want to get up until the next afternoon. What was the point of being excited about graduation? All it meant was new responsibilities, new challenges, and new things to stress about. Somehow, she just couldn't get into all the hype like everyone else. She was starting to feel like her old self again.

Only now, she felt like a pathetic version of her old self. She was stressed, she was unhappy, and she was brokenhearted. She hated the sound of the word. It was so cliche but, for lack of better words, it was the only way she could describe how she was feeling. Everyone else was so excited about starting the new journey toward adulthood but Mae was less than ecstatic about it. Most adults she saw were miserable and forever complaining about their day-to-day life and all she hoped for was that she wouldn't end up like that in the future.

But sadly, she saw an image of herself 10 to 20 years down the road. Unhappy, unmarried, and mostly unsatisfied with what she done so far in her life. And Frank would be successful-famous even--with his beautiful rock star wife and three mansions. And she would be standing in the same place she had always been. On the sidelines, never taking risks, and constantly yearning for the things she could've had but so foolishly let go.

God, she wanted him back. But time was up and her sudden revelation of her true feelings felt too late. Wasn't Time suppose to heal wounds? It seemed as if all Time did was stretch out the wounds and shake salt into the infections in an agonizingly slow motion. Every minute that passed by just felt like another stab in her chest.

Gerard's car pulled up by the curb across the street of the school. Mae bid goodbye to Bob and Lydia and eagerly got into the Subaru.

"How was your day?" Gerard asked his routine question.

"Too long," Mae leant back against the headrest. "Let's just go home."

"Actually, I have something else in mind," Gerard reentered the main road.

"Can it wait? I'm exhausted," Mae sighed.

"Nope, sorry," Gerard shook his head. "It can't."

"Where are we going?" Mae asked.

"We need to talk," was all Gerard gave her.

"We're talking right now!" Mae whined. "We can talk at home, too. We don't need to go downtown to have a conversation."

Gerard proceeded to ignore her complaints and demands for him to tell her where he was planning on taking her. He pulled into a parking lot near the park where they used to play in when they were kids.

"Come on," Gerard opened her car door for her. "Let's take a walk."

"Alright . . .," Mae followed reluctantly.

Mae was surprised that Gerard was so eager for a stroll through the park considering the bright sunny sky and how he was not equipped with his sunglasses. Gerard led her to the big tree they use to sit under when they were younger. Their parents always put Gerard in charge of being the "big kid" of the trio and to watch out for Mikey and Mae. Then they would play the classical hide-and-seek and tag. Sometimes, they would set up a little picnic underneath the giant branches of the old tree which still seemed to be just as large as if the tree had grown up with them. Gerard took a seat beneath their childhood spot and waited for Mae to do the same.

"We haven't been here in years," Mae gazed up at the newly sprouted leaves.

"Yeah, I can't even remember when we stopped going," Gerard said nostalgically.

"Me neither," Mae realized.

"I used to take Alexia here," Gerard told her.

"Do you still love her?" Mae asked, lying down against the grass.

"No, not anymore," Gerard shook his head. "But I still miss her sometimes."

"Is it possible to miss someone who's right in front of you?" Mae wondered.

"I don't know," Gerard shrugged. "You tell me."

"Why hasn't he talked to me?" Mae blurted out. "I've been waiting for him to just take back everything he said but he hasn't. I just kinda hoped that he would still want me back."

"You really love him, huh?" Gerard smiled sadly.

"Being with him is like a dream come true," Mae sighed. "Not because every girl wants him, but because I was lucky enough to be wanted by someone I wanted back."

"Wow," Gerard could see the memories in her eyes.

"It was almost too good to be true," Mae continued. "Like I would wake up every morning and couldn't believe that he was mine and when I see his face in my class I would be reminded that it was real."

"That's beautiful, Mae," Gerard replied.

"I know," Mae said wistfully. "It was."

*

Frank readjusted his guitar for the fourth time just to try to shake the nerves out of him. Gerard had helped him write a song and got him a spot at the Star Cafe. He was even going to bring Mae in just in time for his performance. He still had a few minutes but already he felt like his stage fright was getting the best of him. He tested the mic again and some girls in the front giggled about how cute he was.

He hoped that it would be enough to win her over. With a few sweet nothings and a simple melody and a whole lot of apologies. It was the most he could give. Her very own song and that would be the first thing she would hear him play. His eyes stayed fixed upon the entrance waiting for her to come in. His heart skipped a beat when she finally did.

Mae didn't understand what Gerard was trying to do. First, he drags to the park where he talks to her about things he could have told her over the phone. Then, he refuses to tell her where he would take her and brings her to the Star Cafe for no particular reason. When they sat down, Gerard didn't even speak. He just bobbed his head to the music which was some acoustic tune.

"Gerard, why are we--"

"Shhh . . .I'm trying to listen to the song," Gerard cut her off.

It wasn't until Mae heard the voice of the singer did she realize who it was.

Why are you so far away? Even when you're standing next to me You eyes give you away Telling secrets when your mouth don't feel like talking.

She walked up to the very front of the small stage and stared him straight in the eyes. She would not take her eyes off of him for the whole performance.

And I'll be your Lloyd Dobbler With a boom box out in the street And I'll be there if you need someone Even if he isn't me.

She giggled at the chorus and exchanged grins with him. He still couldn't sing that well but she knew he meant it and that was all that mattered.

Lying in your bed As lights dance across the ceiling I listen to you breathe Toss and turn in your sleep And I wish that you'd believe.

It was like he was telling their story on the stage and only they truly knew how it ended. Mae felt her heavy heart flutter into her throat. It suddenly began to feel as light as a feather.

That I'll be your Lloyd Dobbler With a boom box out in the street And I'll be there if you need someoneEven if he isn't me.

Mae remembered how Frank said he wouldn't rip off Lloyd's boom box idea and how he could do something out of his own mind. The song was perfect and, as imperfect as he maybe, Mae knew that he was perfect for her.

There's a Norman Rockwell painting Two kids sitting on a bench It reminds me of all the stupid things I'd like for us to share But I don't care.

He stroke the last chord of the song and the room burst with applause, mainly from the girls up front who whistled and squealed at Frank. Mae caught their spiteful eyes as Frank helped her step onto the stage and planted a passionate, longing kiss square on her lips.

"When did you plan all this?" Mae asked, breathless.

"Just yesterday," Frank grinned at his feat.

"And how did you do that?" Mae wanted to know.

"I had a little help from someone," Frank gestured toward Gerard.

Mae looked back to see Gerard standing at the table where they were sitting, giving her two thumbs up. She couldn't help but to laugh at how they managed to let her stay pissed off and then just lift her spirits with just a two minute song. Gerard smiled as Frank pulled Mae close once again. She had finally fallen in love and he was just okay letting her.

"I love you," Frank said softly, cradling her in his arms.

"I love you, too, Lloyd," Mae said as she grabbed him by his shirt collar for another kiss.

There was no way in hell she was ever going to let him go again.