Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses
Ghostly Gunners
1 reviewwhen Axl buys an old abandoned hotel for GNR's new home, weird things start to happen.
2Funny
Ghostly Gunners
Axl had just brought an old abandoned house on the outskirts of LA and was just showing the gang around.
Axl: this house will be perfect! It’s big, away from annoying neighbours, and it’s actually made of brick!
Slash: our last house was made of brick.
Axl: I know but the walls where made of plaster. I don’t want to hear Izzy talking in his sleep!
Izzy turned red as everyone stared and Steven started to laugh.
Steven: you sleep talk!
Axl: anyway, this place is big enough for everyone to have they’re own room!
Steven: does that mean I have to buy my own deodorant?
Axl: you used mine?!
Steven: no, I used Izzy’s.
Izzy: eww, that’s gross.
Slash: (to Duff) look, a stair rail. I dare you to slide down it!
Duff: do I have to?
Slash: yeah.
Duff walked upstairs and as he got onto the landing he saw someone walk into one of the bedrooms. Knowing that the house had been abandoned for 30 years he ran down the stairs screaming.
Duff: I just saw someone walk into one of the bedrooms!
Axl: no ones been in this house for 30 years. What are you talking about?
Duff: I’m sure that I really did see someone!
Steven: was it a Zombie?
Slash: good god Steven! That was the last fic! If you start talking about them again I swear I’ll kill you.
Bedtime
They where all going to sleep in their own room, Duff in a different room to the one he saw a “person” going into. Then they heard Steven scream running up and down in the corridor.
Steven: someone’s at the window!
Izzy: (coming outta his room) what do you mean there’s someone at the window?
Steven: I saw a face at the window! It looked like Buckethead!
Izzy: why would Buckethead be at your window?
Steven: it wasn’t him it just looked like him! Please, come and have a look!
Steven led Izzy into his room, dog following, and looked out of the window.
Izzy: I don’t see anyone. Why don’t you close you curtains?
Steven: there’s a spider on them.
Izzy’s dog started to wine to get out, then the room went cold.
Steven: Izzy, close the window.
Izzy: (scared) its closed. All the windows in the house are closed.
Izzy’s dog started to bark and was really restless. It started clawing at the door.
Izzy: I think there’s something in here that’s not supposed to be…
Steven: yeah, I want your opinion. Would the room look bare without this big bookcase or should it stay?
Izzy: you brain dead moron! That’s not what I’m talking about! I’m outta here before anything happens.
As he went to turn the doorknob he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.
Izzy: what do you want Steven?
Steven was sitting in the bed staring out the window.
Steven: I didn’t say anything.
Izzy: never mind.
He turned the knob and it wouldn’t open. Then he shook the door but still nothing happened.
Izzy: Steven, did you lock the door?
Steven: no, I left it open. Wide open. Why is it locked?
Izzy: there’s no keyhole and there’s oil on the hinges… we’re trapped.
Steven: (banging on the door) HELP!
Several minuets of shouting later…
Izzy: (talking to his dog) come on boy, howl. Howl…
His dog let out the loudest howl any of them had ever heard causing them to cover their ears.
Axl heard the noise and walked out into the corridor and headed towards Steven’s room.
Axl: what has he done now? DO YOU NED ANY HELP?
Izzy: yeah, open the door!
Axl: wait, you’re not Steven. Izzy what are you doing?
Izzy: me, Steven and my dog are stuck in here. Open the door!
Axl: okaaaayyy…
He twisted the doorknob and it opened normally. Izzy’s dog ran out and straight into Izzy’s room leaving two very scared Gunners behind.
Axl: what where you doing?
Steven: there was a face at the window and Izzy came to look and then the door locked its self.
Axl gave an unbelieving look at Izzy.
Izzy: its true! Even my dog was scared!
Axl: doors don’t lock themselves.
Steven: mine does!
The next morning
The guys where eating breakfast in the lounge watching TV then the channel changed itself.
Duff: (looking at Izzy who had the button) hey, put it back on!
Izzy: I didn’t do it.
Slash: this is creepy. First the person Duff saw, then the thing with the face and door now this.
Steven walked in with some papers and sat down.
Steven: I think I know what’s going on. This place once belonged to a rich king who chopped peoples heads off. The ghosts of the people still walk around this place looking for revenge.
Axl: that’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard! The place was a hotel! What where you reading off anyway?
Steven: just some drawings I printed off the computer.
Axl: I banned you from using the computer. Remember?
Steven: oh yeah. I kept on changing the background picture from Kate Bush to a race car.
Duff: we have a computer? Since when?
Axl: ever since we got the first house.
Duff: so we’ve had one for 3 years and I didn’t know. Where is it?
Steven: in the dining room.
Duff ran off and immediately came back disappointed.
Slash: your back soon.
Duff: the damn things smashed on the floor.
Steven: that’s funny. I just came off it and everything was fine.
Axl: I spent 80$ on that computer! I blame it on Steven.
Izzy: he just said that when he came away everything was fine! How can you blame it on him?
Axl: easy. He usually breaks everything.
Steven: the car doesn’t count. It wasn’t my fault the breaks wouldn’t work.
Duff: actually it was. You tried to replace the break pads and you ended up breaking the breaks. Why did you think you could do that?
Steven: it looks easy on TV.
Meanwhile Slash was in the kitchen trying to find cigarettes when the lights went out. Thinking it was probably the light bulbs he unscrewed one and put another one in. as he screwed it in the power came back and gave him an electric shock causing him to fly back against the wall. Hearing him scream the guys came running in.
Axl: what happened? Did you put a knife in the toaster again?
Slash: (cough) no, the lights (cough) went out and I thought it was the bulbs. So I took one out (cough) and changed it and as I screwed it back in the power came back on.
Steven: what happens when you put a knife in the toaster? Lemme try!
Izzy: no don’t!
Axl: let him! It’ll serve him right for breaking the computer!
Steven: I didn’t do it!
Duff: I’m sure this place is haunted. I know lets get an Ouija Board!
Izzy: I wouldn’t. I know loads about this type of thing, and by using an Ouija Board will make the problem worse. It will attract evil spirits that’ll refuse to leave.
Axl: so…
Izzy: so what?
Axl: so lets ignore Izzy and get one anyway!
Steven: (twisting the knife in the toaster) nothings working. Maybe I should touch that red-hot wire…ouch!
Steven dropped the knife and he started to twitch with his hair standing up on its ends.
Steven: so that happens…
Duff: your hair’s curly and frizzy just like Slash’s! Now I know how he gets it like that!
Slash, obviously angry, threw his shoe at Duff hitting him between the legs.
Duff: owwwwww…I’ll get you for that Slash…
Axl: why does everyone get hurt in the kitchen? So far nothings happened to me or Izzy.
Steven: (holding up a chair) so you wanna get hurt? That can be arranged!
Izzy: I’m outta here before anything else happens.
Axl: (grabbing him by the shoulder) oh no you don’t. We’re staying together in this house.
Izzy: why?
Axl: cause of the freaking ghost that’s why!
Izzy: I don’t think it’s one ghost. I think it’s a few.
Slash: what makes you think that?
Izzy: I don’t know really. It just came to me.
Duff: (now recovered) I’m outta here before Slash hurts me even more…
2 hours later
Axl walked in the room with a box in his hands.
Axl: good news guys! I brought an Ouija Board!
Izzy: and when I told you not to as well! Why do I even bother?
Axl: fine then. You don’t have to use it.
Steven: I don’t know Ax. Since what Izzy said I don’t think it’ll be a very good thing to do.
Axl: since when do you think?
Steven: good point. I can’t wait to use it!
Later on at night
All the guys, apart from Izzy who sat out at the side, where sat around the table holding hands in front of the Ouija Board. Axl was trying to read the instructions.
Axl: when using the Ouija Board you can also use an EVP. Whats that?
Izzy: Electronic Voice Phenomenon.
The 4 gunners gave him blank looks.
Izzy: (sigh) a small box that you can record Ghosts talking. It picks up voices that you cant hear with your ear.
Axl: nerd.
Izzy: I’m not. I’m just into this type of thing.
Steven: why are we holding hands? Axl’s are really sweaty.
Axl: anyway, IS THERE ANYBODY HERE WITH US TONIGHT?
Steven: it’s a bit obvious that’s it’s the ghost.
Slash: shut up!
Axl: IF THERE IS ANYONE HERE MOVE THE TABLE FOR US.
Steven: TO THE CORNER OVER THERE! WHEN I GET UP IN THE NIGHT I TRIP OVER IT!
Slash: shut up!
The table started to move and Steven screamed.
Izzy: sorry, that’s just my dog. Come here boy…
2 hours passed with Steven mucking up and getting the occasional table movement. A few times the cup moved to “yes” or “no” but nothing else.
Duff: well that was a total waist of time. Nothing happened!
Slash: I just spent the whole time watching Izzy’s dog try to catch that fly.
Steven: I’m scared. What if what Izzy said is true?
Izzy: it is true and I warned you. But nobody listened as usual.
He walked out the room and up the stairs. Duff gave a worried look to slash.
Duff: maybe we should learn to listen to him.
Slash: yeah. What if doing this did make the problem worse?
Axl: don’t worry about it. Nothing will happen and as for Izzy, he’ll get over it. Tomorrow he’ll act like nothing happened.
The next day
Steven: I was scared to sleep last night…
Duff: why?
Steven: I kept on hearing tapping at the window. But when I looked this morning I realised it was just a tree branch.
Duff: is this story getting anywhere?
Steven: no not really.
Izzy: there’s an old man here. He’s the one who you saw through the window Steven.
Steven: old man?
Duff: and you know that because?
Izzy: I just know. I can tell.
Axl: what makes you so special that only you know this?
Izzy: maybe cause I’m not a hothead who only cares about fame and money.
Axl just grunted and walked out.
Steven: wow, you’ve never stood up to Axl before.
A few minutes later Axl walked in smiling.
Axl: I just phoned a Psychic to come in and see if Izzy’s telling the truth!
Steven: what about the ghost?
Axl: oh yeah, um…I’m sure she’ll get rid of it as well.
The phone rang and Axl answered.
Axl: (putting down the phone) she wont be coming. She’s dead. The police found her in her apartment.
Duff: who did you talk to when you said she could come?
Axl: her secretary. Where’s Slash?
Duff: out buying EVP’s.
Izzy: look. Instead of buying all this crap, why don’t we just face the fact that we’re not the only ones who live in this house? I mean, really, half the time they don’t know we’re here. They’re just stuck in an area in time. Lemme guess. You all think I’m mad don’t you?
They all nodded their heads then Izzy’s dog started to bark. Izzy looked down at it but it was asleep. It was still barking then something jumped on Izzy’s stomach. He sat up in bed and looked around and saw his dog chewing some sort of toy.
Izzy: it was all a dream. Wow.
Steven walked into they’re room holding a can of deodorant.
Steven: Um, Izzy, we’re outta deodorant.
Izzy: I just had the weirdest dream. Axl brought a haunted abandoned hotel for our new house.
Steven: that’s weird. I had a strange dream as well. I dreamed that it was Christmas everyday!
Axl had just brought an old abandoned house on the outskirts of LA and was just showing the gang around.
Axl: this house will be perfect! It’s big, away from annoying neighbours, and it’s actually made of brick!
Slash: our last house was made of brick.
Axl: I know but the walls where made of plaster. I don’t want to hear Izzy talking in his sleep!
Izzy turned red as everyone stared and Steven started to laugh.
Steven: you sleep talk!
Axl: anyway, this place is big enough for everyone to have they’re own room!
Steven: does that mean I have to buy my own deodorant?
Axl: you used mine?!
Steven: no, I used Izzy’s.
Izzy: eww, that’s gross.
Slash: (to Duff) look, a stair rail. I dare you to slide down it!
Duff: do I have to?
Slash: yeah.
Duff walked upstairs and as he got onto the landing he saw someone walk into one of the bedrooms. Knowing that the house had been abandoned for 30 years he ran down the stairs screaming.
Duff: I just saw someone walk into one of the bedrooms!
Axl: no ones been in this house for 30 years. What are you talking about?
Duff: I’m sure that I really did see someone!
Steven: was it a Zombie?
Slash: good god Steven! That was the last fic! If you start talking about them again I swear I’ll kill you.
Bedtime
They where all going to sleep in their own room, Duff in a different room to the one he saw a “person” going into. Then they heard Steven scream running up and down in the corridor.
Steven: someone’s at the window!
Izzy: (coming outta his room) what do you mean there’s someone at the window?
Steven: I saw a face at the window! It looked like Buckethead!
Izzy: why would Buckethead be at your window?
Steven: it wasn’t him it just looked like him! Please, come and have a look!
Steven led Izzy into his room, dog following, and looked out of the window.
Izzy: I don’t see anyone. Why don’t you close you curtains?
Steven: there’s a spider on them.
Izzy’s dog started to wine to get out, then the room went cold.
Steven: Izzy, close the window.
Izzy: (scared) its closed. All the windows in the house are closed.
Izzy’s dog started to bark and was really restless. It started clawing at the door.
Izzy: I think there’s something in here that’s not supposed to be…
Steven: yeah, I want your opinion. Would the room look bare without this big bookcase or should it stay?
Izzy: you brain dead moron! That’s not what I’m talking about! I’m outta here before anything happens.
As he went to turn the doorknob he felt someone tap him on the shoulder.
Izzy: what do you want Steven?
Steven was sitting in the bed staring out the window.
Steven: I didn’t say anything.
Izzy: never mind.
He turned the knob and it wouldn’t open. Then he shook the door but still nothing happened.
Izzy: Steven, did you lock the door?
Steven: no, I left it open. Wide open. Why is it locked?
Izzy: there’s no keyhole and there’s oil on the hinges… we’re trapped.
Steven: (banging on the door) HELP!
Several minuets of shouting later…
Izzy: (talking to his dog) come on boy, howl. Howl…
His dog let out the loudest howl any of them had ever heard causing them to cover their ears.
Axl heard the noise and walked out into the corridor and headed towards Steven’s room.
Axl: what has he done now? DO YOU NED ANY HELP?
Izzy: yeah, open the door!
Axl: wait, you’re not Steven. Izzy what are you doing?
Izzy: me, Steven and my dog are stuck in here. Open the door!
Axl: okaaaayyy…
He twisted the doorknob and it opened normally. Izzy’s dog ran out and straight into Izzy’s room leaving two very scared Gunners behind.
Axl: what where you doing?
Steven: there was a face at the window and Izzy came to look and then the door locked its self.
Axl gave an unbelieving look at Izzy.
Izzy: its true! Even my dog was scared!
Axl: doors don’t lock themselves.
Steven: mine does!
The next morning
The guys where eating breakfast in the lounge watching TV then the channel changed itself.
Duff: (looking at Izzy who had the button) hey, put it back on!
Izzy: I didn’t do it.
Slash: this is creepy. First the person Duff saw, then the thing with the face and door now this.
Steven walked in with some papers and sat down.
Steven: I think I know what’s going on. This place once belonged to a rich king who chopped peoples heads off. The ghosts of the people still walk around this place looking for revenge.
Axl: that’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard! The place was a hotel! What where you reading off anyway?
Steven: just some drawings I printed off the computer.
Axl: I banned you from using the computer. Remember?
Steven: oh yeah. I kept on changing the background picture from Kate Bush to a race car.
Duff: we have a computer? Since when?
Axl: ever since we got the first house.
Duff: so we’ve had one for 3 years and I didn’t know. Where is it?
Steven: in the dining room.
Duff ran off and immediately came back disappointed.
Slash: your back soon.
Duff: the damn things smashed on the floor.
Steven: that’s funny. I just came off it and everything was fine.
Axl: I spent 80$ on that computer! I blame it on Steven.
Izzy: he just said that when he came away everything was fine! How can you blame it on him?
Axl: easy. He usually breaks everything.
Steven: the car doesn’t count. It wasn’t my fault the breaks wouldn’t work.
Duff: actually it was. You tried to replace the break pads and you ended up breaking the breaks. Why did you think you could do that?
Steven: it looks easy on TV.
Meanwhile Slash was in the kitchen trying to find cigarettes when the lights went out. Thinking it was probably the light bulbs he unscrewed one and put another one in. as he screwed it in the power came back and gave him an electric shock causing him to fly back against the wall. Hearing him scream the guys came running in.
Axl: what happened? Did you put a knife in the toaster again?
Slash: (cough) no, the lights (cough) went out and I thought it was the bulbs. So I took one out (cough) and changed it and as I screwed it back in the power came back on.
Steven: what happens when you put a knife in the toaster? Lemme try!
Izzy: no don’t!
Axl: let him! It’ll serve him right for breaking the computer!
Steven: I didn’t do it!
Duff: I’m sure this place is haunted. I know lets get an Ouija Board!
Izzy: I wouldn’t. I know loads about this type of thing, and by using an Ouija Board will make the problem worse. It will attract evil spirits that’ll refuse to leave.
Axl: so…
Izzy: so what?
Axl: so lets ignore Izzy and get one anyway!
Steven: (twisting the knife in the toaster) nothings working. Maybe I should touch that red-hot wire…ouch!
Steven dropped the knife and he started to twitch with his hair standing up on its ends.
Steven: so that happens…
Duff: your hair’s curly and frizzy just like Slash’s! Now I know how he gets it like that!
Slash, obviously angry, threw his shoe at Duff hitting him between the legs.
Duff: owwwwww…I’ll get you for that Slash…
Axl: why does everyone get hurt in the kitchen? So far nothings happened to me or Izzy.
Steven: (holding up a chair) so you wanna get hurt? That can be arranged!
Izzy: I’m outta here before anything else happens.
Axl: (grabbing him by the shoulder) oh no you don’t. We’re staying together in this house.
Izzy: why?
Axl: cause of the freaking ghost that’s why!
Izzy: I don’t think it’s one ghost. I think it’s a few.
Slash: what makes you think that?
Izzy: I don’t know really. It just came to me.
Duff: (now recovered) I’m outta here before Slash hurts me even more…
2 hours later
Axl walked in the room with a box in his hands.
Axl: good news guys! I brought an Ouija Board!
Izzy: and when I told you not to as well! Why do I even bother?
Axl: fine then. You don’t have to use it.
Steven: I don’t know Ax. Since what Izzy said I don’t think it’ll be a very good thing to do.
Axl: since when do you think?
Steven: good point. I can’t wait to use it!
Later on at night
All the guys, apart from Izzy who sat out at the side, where sat around the table holding hands in front of the Ouija Board. Axl was trying to read the instructions.
Axl: when using the Ouija Board you can also use an EVP. Whats that?
Izzy: Electronic Voice Phenomenon.
The 4 gunners gave him blank looks.
Izzy: (sigh) a small box that you can record Ghosts talking. It picks up voices that you cant hear with your ear.
Axl: nerd.
Izzy: I’m not. I’m just into this type of thing.
Steven: why are we holding hands? Axl’s are really sweaty.
Axl: anyway, IS THERE ANYBODY HERE WITH US TONIGHT?
Steven: it’s a bit obvious that’s it’s the ghost.
Slash: shut up!
Axl: IF THERE IS ANYONE HERE MOVE THE TABLE FOR US.
Steven: TO THE CORNER OVER THERE! WHEN I GET UP IN THE NIGHT I TRIP OVER IT!
Slash: shut up!
The table started to move and Steven screamed.
Izzy: sorry, that’s just my dog. Come here boy…
2 hours passed with Steven mucking up and getting the occasional table movement. A few times the cup moved to “yes” or “no” but nothing else.
Duff: well that was a total waist of time. Nothing happened!
Slash: I just spent the whole time watching Izzy’s dog try to catch that fly.
Steven: I’m scared. What if what Izzy said is true?
Izzy: it is true and I warned you. But nobody listened as usual.
He walked out the room and up the stairs. Duff gave a worried look to slash.
Duff: maybe we should learn to listen to him.
Slash: yeah. What if doing this did make the problem worse?
Axl: don’t worry about it. Nothing will happen and as for Izzy, he’ll get over it. Tomorrow he’ll act like nothing happened.
The next day
Steven: I was scared to sleep last night…
Duff: why?
Steven: I kept on hearing tapping at the window. But when I looked this morning I realised it was just a tree branch.
Duff: is this story getting anywhere?
Steven: no not really.
Izzy: there’s an old man here. He’s the one who you saw through the window Steven.
Steven: old man?
Duff: and you know that because?
Izzy: I just know. I can tell.
Axl: what makes you so special that only you know this?
Izzy: maybe cause I’m not a hothead who only cares about fame and money.
Axl just grunted and walked out.
Steven: wow, you’ve never stood up to Axl before.
A few minutes later Axl walked in smiling.
Axl: I just phoned a Psychic to come in and see if Izzy’s telling the truth!
Steven: what about the ghost?
Axl: oh yeah, um…I’m sure she’ll get rid of it as well.
The phone rang and Axl answered.
Axl: (putting down the phone) she wont be coming. She’s dead. The police found her in her apartment.
Duff: who did you talk to when you said she could come?
Axl: her secretary. Where’s Slash?
Duff: out buying EVP’s.
Izzy: look. Instead of buying all this crap, why don’t we just face the fact that we’re not the only ones who live in this house? I mean, really, half the time they don’t know we’re here. They’re just stuck in an area in time. Lemme guess. You all think I’m mad don’t you?
They all nodded their heads then Izzy’s dog started to bark. Izzy looked down at it but it was asleep. It was still barking then something jumped on Izzy’s stomach. He sat up in bed and looked around and saw his dog chewing some sort of toy.
Izzy: it was all a dream. Wow.
Steven walked into they’re room holding a can of deodorant.
Steven: Um, Izzy, we’re outta deodorant.
Izzy: I just had the weirdest dream. Axl brought a haunted abandoned hotel for our new house.
Steven: that’s weird. I had a strange dream as well. I dreamed that it was Christmas everyday!
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