Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Purity of Blood
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Purity of Blood
(#) AnnF 2009-08-02
Formatting is horrible.
Also the line about being impressed that Griphook didn't try to steal is more of a slap rather than a compliment.Purity of Blood
(#) theVerb 2009-08-03
First up; the errors
I won't fault you on formatting simply because ficwad has a horrible uploading program.
Since when is Pigwidgeon multi or even vibrantly colored? He is gray.
“The possessor of the golden eyes quickly flew over and landed on her humans shoulder.” You have plural humans, not possessive.
Harry's full first name is “Harry” not “Harold”. Just Harry.
Onto the story:
Wretchedly clichéd and forced.
I understand the need to have Harry's friends abandon him. But the way it occurs in this fic is heavy handed and forced.
The Weasleys' letter is cruel, epically seeing that Aurthur risked reprimand from the Ministry and Dumbledore for having warned Harry about Sirius Black in Prisoner of Azkaban and Molly acted as Harry's mother, comforting and consoling him after Cedric's death in Goblet of Fire.
And why would Hermione so willingly follow her parents' harsh orders? Since the middle of the first book, she has bent and broken rules if Harry needed help. So why wouldn't she continue to “hang out” with Harry during the school year? Does her parents' have spies within the school that will inform them if she associates with Harry.
(also: “I’m sorry to say this but I can’t hang out with you anymore Harry.” Are you certain that Hermione would use a phrase such as “hang out”?)
“After my little trip to the vault I used my pick pocketing skills slip a galleon into the small goblins front pants pocket as a thank you.” What? Was Harry raised by the Dursleys or Fagin from Oliver Twist? How the hell did Harry pick up pick pocketing skills? If you decided to alter Harry's past to allow for this particular skill, you should've mentioned it before the letter to the goblins.
“Hedwig I need you to take this to Gringott’s as fast as you can alright? Please Hedwig do this for me and I’ll spoil you rotten okay?” Yes because Harry's had to beg and bribe Hedwig to deliver his letters before.
I agree with AnnF: why would the goblins think Harry's statement about them to be a compliment?
“‘5…4…3…2…gone’ with that Harry seemed to implode in on himself leaving behind a bare room and an injured heart.” Did Harry just apparate before his fifth year? (checks next chapter where Harry's age is listed as 14) Yes you did.
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