Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Lasting Impressions
THANK YOUS
lyrical_lies: Yikes! A 10-page paper disappearing? I would have honestly cried.
Chloe and Alex seem to be in the same boat. They're both fucked up without each other.
somethingorother: You are correct. Chloe is having a really tough time getting over him.
Ouch. Deleting iTunes sounds like a tough thing to undo.
tryingtohard_x: Heart strings are my favorite instruments. I play them quite well ;)
Thank you thank you thank you for rating all the chapters, yo!
doyleangel: He wasn't thinking when he cheated ;(
danceislife: lol. I'm glad you liked the Harry Potter reference.
F-A-S-D: I played both sides of the spectrum in the last chapter. Built you up, then knocked everything out from under your feet. Like I said, I play the heart strings quite well.
Aww. I'm sorry that your iPhone died. That really sucks.
STORY BELOWWW.
“How are you all doing tonight?” Alex asked, slipping the acoustic guitar over his head.
The sold out arena enthusiastically screamed in response, filling the air with high-pitched echoes and cheers of excitement.
“That’s good to hear,” he said, chuckling.
He then took a seat on the stool a roadie had placed on the center of the stage. Watching this, it was hard to believe that the bright-eyed boy on stage was the same broken man I’d seen outside the hotel just the day before.
For obvious reasons, I’d been opting to hang out with Jess backstage or find something else to keep me occupied rather than watch ATL’s sets. But since it was the final date of the tour, I felt obligated watch my brother play his heart out.
“Since this is the last show of the tour, I thought I should do a little something special,” Alex spoke into his mic. “Being the awesome person I am, I decided to give the rest of the guys a break while I play an acoustic song.”
While Rian, Zack, and Jack disappeared to the opposite side of the stage, I remained in place next to Paul.
“Remembering Sunday!” someone screamed from the barricade.
Alex weakly smiled, then quietly strummed his guitar.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not playing that.”
A collective “Aww” bounced off the walls, and I wondered what he was up to.
“Tonight I’m going old school.”
“Play ‘Circles’!” someone yelled from the crowd.
“Nah, this one’s gonna be a cover,” he said. “It goes out to a girl I used to know. Her name’s not Jasey, but she knows who she is.”
“What’s wrong?” Paul asked, noticing my sudden apprehension.
“Nothing,” I quickly responded. “Just a little cold.”
He stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Better?”
“Yeah,” I smiled, leaning against him.
“Good.”
He planted a soft kiss on my cheek before resting his chin on my shoulder.
“I’ll wait til the clock strikes a nerve to spend some time with you
I can’t stand to depend on the shadow I cast alone when we should
For the sake of making a statement
Let’s make our presence known
Let’s show them what were made of…”
“Isn’t The Starting Line one of your favorite bands?” he asked as we stood there watching him play.
“Yeah…” I quietly responded as Alex continued playing.
I felt like running away, but my feet remained glued to the floor as Ken Vasoli’s words rang throughout the room.
I hated it.
I hated myself for the inability to put one foot in front of the other and walk away.
I hated how Alex could take one of my favorite songs and use it against me.
I hated how he could still twist my stomach into knots.
I hated how I knew he meant every word.
It would have been so much easier if he didn’t give a fuck about me.
If he had just stopped caring.
If he just gave up.
Although my brain was screaming for me to leave, I continued watching the stage.
“So let’s meet at the mouth for a kiss
That’s been so long overdue
No thanks to my asshole behavior
And the bullshit I’ve put you through
I still love you, girl…”
I bit my lip at the change in lyrics.
Why was he doing this?
He was sleeping with groupies.
He was getting over me.
He was moving on.
Right?
My memory quickly responded, and conversation from the previous night floated through my mind.
“Alex was a better person when he was with you… All the other girls he’s been with couldn’t make him half as happy as you could.”
“How would you know?”
“He said so.”
I took a deep breath and quietly yet it out as the song continued.
“I could explode
‘Cause you just never, you never know
It would suit the moment perfectly
You’ve made a lasting impression
And if he doesn’t feel right
Then I just can’t go wrong
I’ve been sleeping with the lights on
So if I wake in the night
Your picture is clearly in sight
You’ve made a lasting impression
And if he doesn’t feel right
Then I just can’t go wrong
I’ve been sleeping with the lights on
So if I wake in the night
Your picture is clearly in sight
We can't go wrong
We can't go wrong…”
As the final notes still hung in the air, Alex turned to look at me.
The huge grin on his face faltered for a moment, and I noticed that while the corners of his mouth were upturned, his eyes lacked the sparkle that accompanied genuine smiles.
“Can we go somewhere else?” I asked, looking up at Paul.
He wordlessly kissed the top of my head and slipped his hand into mine, before leading me away from the stage.
Rather than going to one of the dressing rooms, we opted to get some fresh air and exited the building through one of the back doors.
I took a seat on the ground, and rested my back against the venue wall. Paul did the same.
We wordlessly sat there for a few minutes, unsure of what to say.
Ignoring the obvious tension, I watched cars as they drove by.
I counted 18 blue and 21 grey before turning to face Paul.
Rather than watching traffic, he’d turned his attention to the sky. Since we were in the city, only a handful of stars were visible.
“Do you still love him?” he quietly asked, still gazing upward.
I looked out to the street once more and sighed.
“I…”
Taking a deep breath, I thought about how I would finish my sentence.
A part of me said that I did. And that he felt the same way about me. That I should forgive and forget, because that’s what love is about.
Another part of me said that I didn’t. That after such a deep betrayal there was no way to bounce back. It told me that I’d fallen in love, but it had fallen apart.
But before I could even begin the debate, yet another part of me asked what love was.
Was it smiling and holding hands? Long walks on the beach and castles in the sand? Starting a family and growing old together?
According to Travis, love is the closest we can get to magic.
According to The Used, love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife.
According to the Bible, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
From what I’d experienced, love was messy and tiring. It was laughing at each other and pulling pranks. It was sharing breakfast after a night of partying. It was writing songs. It was dropping everything to buy cookies at a grocery store. It was pinky swears. It was falling asleep knowing that you wouldn’t wake up alone. It was fighting while knowing that everything would blow over in the end.
So back to the question: Do I still love Alex?
“Yes…” I softly responded, looking down at my feet. “And honestly, I think a part of me always will…”
Guilty didn’t even begin to describe how I felt about the situation. I wished with every fiber of my being that I could’ve given him my whole heart, but I knew I’d feel worse if I hadn’t given him the whole truth.
Rather than getting up and walking away, Paul wrapped an arm around my shoulder and hugged me to his side. I turned my head to face him and without a word he slowly leaned down and kissed me. It was short, but sweet nonetheless.
There were a lot of things I didn’t know, but looking up at him, one thing was for certain.
I loved Paul, too.
+++++
And the plot thickens.
RATE & REVIEW if you want more.
Q&A #16: Is anyone going to the Glamour Kills Tour this fall?
I just bought tickets for both days in Chicago ;)
lyrical_lies: Yikes! A 10-page paper disappearing? I would have honestly cried.
Chloe and Alex seem to be in the same boat. They're both fucked up without each other.
somethingorother: You are correct. Chloe is having a really tough time getting over him.
Ouch. Deleting iTunes sounds like a tough thing to undo.
tryingtohard_x: Heart strings are my favorite instruments. I play them quite well ;)
Thank you thank you thank you for rating all the chapters, yo!
doyleangel: He wasn't thinking when he cheated ;(
danceislife: lol. I'm glad you liked the Harry Potter reference.
F-A-S-D: I played both sides of the spectrum in the last chapter. Built you up, then knocked everything out from under your feet. Like I said, I play the heart strings quite well.
Aww. I'm sorry that your iPhone died. That really sucks.
STORY BELOWWW.
“How are you all doing tonight?” Alex asked, slipping the acoustic guitar over his head.
The sold out arena enthusiastically screamed in response, filling the air with high-pitched echoes and cheers of excitement.
“That’s good to hear,” he said, chuckling.
He then took a seat on the stool a roadie had placed on the center of the stage. Watching this, it was hard to believe that the bright-eyed boy on stage was the same broken man I’d seen outside the hotel just the day before.
For obvious reasons, I’d been opting to hang out with Jess backstage or find something else to keep me occupied rather than watch ATL’s sets. But since it was the final date of the tour, I felt obligated watch my brother play his heart out.
“Since this is the last show of the tour, I thought I should do a little something special,” Alex spoke into his mic. “Being the awesome person I am, I decided to give the rest of the guys a break while I play an acoustic song.”
While Rian, Zack, and Jack disappeared to the opposite side of the stage, I remained in place next to Paul.
“Remembering Sunday!” someone screamed from the barricade.
Alex weakly smiled, then quietly strummed his guitar.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I’m not playing that.”
A collective “Aww” bounced off the walls, and I wondered what he was up to.
“Tonight I’m going old school.”
“Play ‘Circles’!” someone yelled from the crowd.
“Nah, this one’s gonna be a cover,” he said. “It goes out to a girl I used to know. Her name’s not Jasey, but she knows who she is.”
“What’s wrong?” Paul asked, noticing my sudden apprehension.
“Nothing,” I quickly responded. “Just a little cold.”
He stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Better?”
“Yeah,” I smiled, leaning against him.
“Good.”
He planted a soft kiss on my cheek before resting his chin on my shoulder.
“I’ll wait til the clock strikes a nerve to spend some time with you
I can’t stand to depend on the shadow I cast alone when we should
For the sake of making a statement
Let’s make our presence known
Let’s show them what were made of…”
“Isn’t The Starting Line one of your favorite bands?” he asked as we stood there watching him play.
“Yeah…” I quietly responded as Alex continued playing.
I felt like running away, but my feet remained glued to the floor as Ken Vasoli’s words rang throughout the room.
I hated it.
I hated myself for the inability to put one foot in front of the other and walk away.
I hated how Alex could take one of my favorite songs and use it against me.
I hated how he could still twist my stomach into knots.
I hated how I knew he meant every word.
It would have been so much easier if he didn’t give a fuck about me.
If he had just stopped caring.
If he just gave up.
Although my brain was screaming for me to leave, I continued watching the stage.
“So let’s meet at the mouth for a kiss
That’s been so long overdue
No thanks to my asshole behavior
And the bullshit I’ve put you through
I still love you, girl…”
I bit my lip at the change in lyrics.
Why was he doing this?
He was sleeping with groupies.
He was getting over me.
He was moving on.
Right?
My memory quickly responded, and conversation from the previous night floated through my mind.
“Alex was a better person when he was with you… All the other girls he’s been with couldn’t make him half as happy as you could.”
“How would you know?”
“He said so.”
I took a deep breath and quietly yet it out as the song continued.
“I could explode
‘Cause you just never, you never know
It would suit the moment perfectly
You’ve made a lasting impression
And if he doesn’t feel right
Then I just can’t go wrong
I’ve been sleeping with the lights on
So if I wake in the night
Your picture is clearly in sight
You’ve made a lasting impression
And if he doesn’t feel right
Then I just can’t go wrong
I’ve been sleeping with the lights on
So if I wake in the night
Your picture is clearly in sight
We can't go wrong
We can't go wrong…”
As the final notes still hung in the air, Alex turned to look at me.
The huge grin on his face faltered for a moment, and I noticed that while the corners of his mouth were upturned, his eyes lacked the sparkle that accompanied genuine smiles.
“Can we go somewhere else?” I asked, looking up at Paul.
He wordlessly kissed the top of my head and slipped his hand into mine, before leading me away from the stage.
Rather than going to one of the dressing rooms, we opted to get some fresh air and exited the building through one of the back doors.
I took a seat on the ground, and rested my back against the venue wall. Paul did the same.
We wordlessly sat there for a few minutes, unsure of what to say.
Ignoring the obvious tension, I watched cars as they drove by.
I counted 18 blue and 21 grey before turning to face Paul.
Rather than watching traffic, he’d turned his attention to the sky. Since we were in the city, only a handful of stars were visible.
“Do you still love him?” he quietly asked, still gazing upward.
I looked out to the street once more and sighed.
“I…”
Taking a deep breath, I thought about how I would finish my sentence.
A part of me said that I did. And that he felt the same way about me. That I should forgive and forget, because that’s what love is about.
Another part of me said that I didn’t. That after such a deep betrayal there was no way to bounce back. It told me that I’d fallen in love, but it had fallen apart.
But before I could even begin the debate, yet another part of me asked what love was.
Was it smiling and holding hands? Long walks on the beach and castles in the sand? Starting a family and growing old together?
According to Travis, love is the closest we can get to magic.
According to The Used, love is not like anything, especially a fucking knife.
According to the Bible, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
From what I’d experienced, love was messy and tiring. It was laughing at each other and pulling pranks. It was sharing breakfast after a night of partying. It was writing songs. It was dropping everything to buy cookies at a grocery store. It was pinky swears. It was falling asleep knowing that you wouldn’t wake up alone. It was fighting while knowing that everything would blow over in the end.
So back to the question: Do I still love Alex?
“Yes…” I softly responded, looking down at my feet. “And honestly, I think a part of me always will…”
Guilty didn’t even begin to describe how I felt about the situation. I wished with every fiber of my being that I could’ve given him my whole heart, but I knew I’d feel worse if I hadn’t given him the whole truth.
Rather than getting up and walking away, Paul wrapped an arm around my shoulder and hugged me to his side. I turned my head to face him and without a word he slowly leaned down and kissed me. It was short, but sweet nonetheless.
There were a lot of things I didn’t know, but looking up at him, one thing was for certain.
I loved Paul, too.
+++++
And the plot thickens.
RATE & REVIEW if you want more.
Q&A #16: Is anyone going to the Glamour Kills Tour this fall?
I just bought tickets for both days in Chicago ;)
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