Categories > Anime/Manga > Hellsing

Excerpts From the Diary of Enrico Maxwell

by trollopfop 3 reviews

Iscariot isn't all impassioned speeches and religious crusades, y'know. This is a lighthearted look at Iscariot members who didn't make the cut, in response to a challenge.

Category: Hellsing - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Anderson,Enrico Maxwell,Yumeko - Published: 2005-05-17 - Updated: 2007-11-10 - 484 words - Complete

03 June:

We've been sent some new recruits. Some of them look promising, but, as usual, it is too early to be certain. Their faith will be tested here, and, God willing, they will come through all the stronger for it. Still, I find myself wondering just what form the inevitable mental breakdowns will take this time.

08 June:

Merciful God, what have I done to deserve this? The male recruits are almost all fresh out of seminary, and at least half of them are gay. Confession isn't a sacrament anymore, it's that American Jerry Springer show, only with more angst about celibacy.

I think I need a glass of wine.

13 June:

Paladin Anderson was kind enough to play the hostage in a terrorist situation so the new recruits could get some training. Robert shot him. Five times. The boy's already shown that he's a danger to himself with edged weapons, and now he's a danger to others with a gun. Maybe I could get him a really big club?

I think perhaps I need several glasses of wine.

18 June:

Lucas cracked under the strain (One too many training-ambushes?) and declared that we were evil, and trying to brainwash everyone. By the time we got there, his roommate Angelo had been tied to a bed with a gun to his head for several hours, while listening to Lucas explain that he'd be let go as soon as he saw how we were manipulating him. Angelo is in therapy now. Lucas's remains are being sent back to his mother in France.

Forget the glasses; I have a perfectly good bottle right here.

23 June:

We let the new ones attempt to face down a nosferatu, with Anderson providing backup. They did not do badly, except for Rosa, who threw herself at the abomination, offering to be its devoted slave for all time. It killed her, the rest of the group killed it, and the task of explaining that Rosa's actions had damned her to an eternity of torment fell to me.

Three of the other young nuns left after that.

Perhaps I should not have given the speech as I was demonstrating how one prevents a corpse from being revived as a vampire or ghoul. I always thought that the blood and squishing noises added to the impact, however.

28 June:

Michael attemped to seduce Yumeko. Unfortunately, he removed her glasses. He is still alive, but some... parts... were not recoverable. The Lord is merciful and wise, and I can only assume that, in His wisdom, He chose to make it easier for Michael to keep that pesky vow of celibacy.

03 July:

Those that haven't been killed or run away seem to have reached a point of stability, or at least one of peace with their psychoses. Excellent. The worst of the training is over, and I feel the need to celebrate. With vodka. A great deal of vodka.
Sign up to rate and review this story