FicWad

I sat at my kitchen table, planning out how my life should go when I walk out the front door. I mean, lets face it; I had no choice but to leave, I just didn't know when I was going to do it. If I left now, I'd leave behind everything. No one would know where to find me or where I went. Maybe in a couple of years I would write someone or call; but I doubt it. If I left in the next ten minutes, it would be likely that someone would come home, and stop me. Stop me or compromise with me. I'd promise something I probably wouldn't keep and I wouldn't cry until I got out on the road.

But the longer I thought it through, the more likely that the second option was going to happen regardless.

Did I really have it in me to leave behind everyone I loved? Yeah, I knew I did and that was what was holding me back; keeping me from leaving forever. I knew I couldn't live if I told Brian that I was leaving, but if I would leave without telling him goodbye, everything would be easier for me to walk out that front door even though that would break his heart.

I promised myself that I would only stay in this god forsaken place for as long as necessary. And time is up.

My father, the one reason I was here in the first place, was an alcoholic. Dependent on nothing but the amber, clear, bitter, fruity liquid that kills you with each sip. My mom loved my father but it was too much for her... Or maybe it wasn't enough. Either way, she packed up and left. Leaving me behind with him and moving on to someone somewhere that could fulfill her dreams. Someone had to take care of him, so I dropped out of school. I promised myself that when he no longer needed me, I would leave this hell; go away to find myself. To be someone.

My father died of liver failure and throat cancer three weeks ago and instead I found myself planning my get away instead of grieving. I loved my dad, but I didn't need to show that to him at his funeral when he was dead and didn't know about it. I was his only family left, so there really was no funeral to begin with.

My bags were already in the car, and I now knew why I was waiting. Why I was still sitting in my kitchen chair. I was waiting to see Brian one last time. I didn't have to go around saying my goodbyes to all my close friends, it would just be too much. I'm sure Brian would tell them the news and inform them that I loved them dearly, and that I just couldn't stay any longer.

I held my breath when I heard the door handle jiggle, indicating that Brian was home. As always, he would come in, set his keys in the dish, take off his shoes and jacket by the door and then come search for me to give me my kiss. Everything went as predicted until he came into the kitchen, seeing me there crying. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

"What's going on? What's wrong?" His concern was in overdrive as he rushed over to me and knelt down so that we were level. I squeezed my eyes closed before opening them and turning to look at him.

"I love you," I sighed. "But it's time that I leave."

He stood up fast, and stepped back away from me. He looked hurt and it wrenched my heart looking at his face as I watched his emotions change from one to the other in his eyes. Then he finally looked at me as if I had some sort of contagious disease.

"You're leaving me?!" I couldn't answer it bluntly, because that was the only way I could answer that question, so instead I bowed my head as more tears fell and nodded. I knew I shouldn't of waited for him to get home.

Everything was quiet. I didn't dare look up, but I knew he was staring at me - I could feel him - to figure out why I could possibly be breaking his heart like this for, out of the blue.

"Why?" His voice cracked, showing that he was on the edge, ready to cry at any moment when he would hear my answer.

"You knew I hated it here. You knew that I was only staying for as long as my dad needed me, Brian." I finally looked up, and I mentally slapped myself for being right. "He doesn't need me anymore."

"So? So fucking what if he doesn't need you anymore, Katie!" He started to pace, I knew his anger was to cover up his true emotion. "What about everyone else; our friends. What about me?"

After I didn't answer him, I'm pretty sure I heard the shattering of our hearts together.

"There's no way I can change your mind, is there?" He asked, and I looked at him for a minute before shaking my head. Why?

"Then I'm going with you."

I felt my eyes widen in shock and surprise. Was he crazy? He had his friends and a career here.

"No, Brian-"

"If I can't talk you out of it, I'm going with you."

"Brian!" I shouted, standing up from my chair and looking at him in bewilderment. "You're life is here! You can't leave it..."

"You're my life. I'm not leaving it if I'm going where ever you are."

I continued to stare at him, making sure that he was serious before smiling. I started to smile so big that it was hurting and I ran to him, throwing my arms around his neck. He spun us around, before setting me down to run upstairs and pack. I went to one of the drawers int he kitchen and pulled out a pad and a pen; I scribbled a note telling our friends that we've gone on a extended vacation and don't know when we'll be back. I signed Brian and I's name before taring it off the pad and putting it in my pocket as I waited for Brian to come back downstairs.

Once he did finally come down, I smiled and walked over to the door and looked around, making sure I had everything we would need. I had my cell phone but I'm sure I was going to let it die. Brian walked out of the door and I followed behind him, making sure the door was lock. I pulled the note from my pocket and stuck it between the frame and the screen door.

Brian climbed into his "car":http://www.autogaleria.pl/tapety/img/ford/ford_mustang_convertible_2005_01_s.jpg, getting into the driver's side and honking the horn; signaling me to hurry up. He had a shit eating grin on his face as he watched me run towards the car and jump into it without opening the door.



We were somewhere in Nevada right now, I think he was heading towards Las Vegas, he knew the roads well enough to get there; him and the guys toured and vacationed there enough. I smiled over at him, watching him focus on the road while holding my hand in one of his and the other on the wheel. I was finally leaving like I've always wanted too, and I didn't have to leave the one thing that meant the world to me behind.

I thought while he drove. He just gave up everything he's ever worked for, up for me. All he ever wanted from me was a family; to get married and settled down to continue on with his name. He said that if we got married that he would give up the band for me, he told me that I was all he ever wanted other than a kid. I never agreed to marriage or a kid, I was afraid. I don't know why, I was just afraid of being a mother; if I would be a good one or bad. Would I end up being like my mom? I wasn't afraid of commitment, I'd get married to Brian in a heartbeat. The only thing that was stopping me was that he would give up everything for me, but I didn't want to give him what he wanted because I was scared. But now? I've changed my mind.

After a couple of hours driving, he pulled off at a gas station to fill up and I walked in the store to get some snacks. Brian walked in to pay for the gas and asked where the nearest hotel would be. Thanking the man behind the counter, Brian laced his fingers with mine and walked over to the car and started it when I got in. He followed the directions and pulled into a motel twenty minutes later and kissed me on the cheek.

"I'll be back in five minutes." I nodded, chewing on a Slim Jim and watched him get out of the car. As promised, five minutes later he walked out with the keys and over to my side and opened the door for me. I smiled in thanks and followed Brian to our room.


"I saw a bar on the way here," I said, setting my suitcase on the bed. "Do you want to go?"

"Sure, sounds good." He called from the bathroom. I "freshened up":http://www.polyvore.com/fiftyeight/set?id=7094119, brushing the wind knots out of my hair and applied some make up. As soon as we walked in the room, we walked out and on to the bar.

Upon arriving, we got out of the car, - made sure everything was locked up - and met up in front of the car. Whenever we went out back home, he was always protective enough to show that I was off limits, but never too much to where I was smothered and abused. I smiled at him as we walked through the doors and to the bar. He ordered a beer and I got a water; not really feeling like drinking.

The bar was dead, hardly anyone was in there with the exceptions of a few bikers in the corners with their girls and some guys on the end of the bar, hitting on some woman who looked like they where trying to pull off that they were in their early twenty look instead of their real age that would be around forty. There was a band on a small stage, they seemed to be locals and were doing covers. The guitar was being "played":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNC8mZL9TAo, and the song was familiar but didn't know what or who it was.

"Let's dance," I smiled, slipping off my stool to tug on Brian's hand. He rolled his eyes while taking one last sip before putting his drink down and getting up to walk me out to the dance floor. He put his arms around me tightly, holding me close to him as I wrapped mine around his neck and laying my head on his shoulder as we swayed together.

"I've been thinking a lot on the way down here," I began.

"What you thinking about baby?" He asked, dipping his head for it to lean on mine.

"You gave up everything for me today, so I'm going to do something for you."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

Looking up at him, "I'm ready to give you the family you want. That is, if you still want it."

He didn't say anything else to me, just smiled the most beautiful smile he's ever given to me and leaned his head back on mine to continue dancing. We ignored everyone that was staring at us strangely and I wrapped my arms tighter around him.

I remember we were driving driving in your car, the speed so fast I felt like I was drunk. City lights lay out before us, and your arm felt nice wrapped around my shoulder. I had a feeling that I belonged, and I had a feeling I could be someone.