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I have no idea why I can't do simple math. Didn't I learn this in kindergarten? I thought Bandit was three months old...wtf? I went back and fixed it, but...w/e. I'm baaaaaaaaack!!! Oh, and so is Gee. Who apparently can change diapers one handed. No longer a ghost on the web mutha effers!

One-shot #3: Tattoos

Lindsey walked in the house a few hours later to find Gerard dozing off on the living room couch, Bandit asleep on his stomach.

She stifled a laugh and tiptoed to the kitchen, where the camera was sitting on the counter. "Must...capture...on...film!"

Gerard stirred when he noticed her standing over them, the lens close to his face. "What're you doing?" he asked, rubbing his eyes as it flashed.

"Oops. Left the flash on. Oh, well." She patted his feet, trying to move them off the couch. "Scoot."

He held up a finger, telling her to wait while he maneuvered the baby around, trying not to wake her up. "There." He gave Lindsey room to sit.

She shrugged off her jacket and held one hand behind her back. "Guess what?"

Gerard yawned. "What?"

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "You have to guess, that was the point of me asking."

"Uh...sorry...I guess that...the angry Raisin made a mess in the kitchen again?"

She shook her head. "No..."

"That...Chantal wants another game night?" He gently stroked Bandit's soft head, playing Lindsey's game.

"No...although she probably does..." Lindsey sighed. Obviously Gerard wasn't good at this. She pulled her arm out from behind her back and held it in front of him. "Look!"

"Linds, did you hurt your arm? And if you did...why bother turning it into a guessing game?" He shifted the sleeping baby in his arms, bringing his eyebrows together.

Lindsey glanced down at her arm in surprise. "Oh...whoops, forgot to take the bandage off!" She turned her back to him and carefully uncovered the surprise, wincing because it was still sore.

She turned back around and displayed her right wrist to him proudly. "Here's what I was showing you."

Gerard's eyes widened in awe. It wasn't even that big, really. Scrawling across the inside of Lindsey's wrist in black calligraphy was one word.

Bandit.

She bit her lip and stared at his face, waiting for some sort of reaction. "And...you know, if anymore Ways come down the pipes...I can just add 'em underneath Lady B."

Gerard closed his gaping jaw. "I...I thought you went out to lunch with Chantal and Alicia and...and Lucinda..."

"I did...but afterwards I got this done." She looked down at the couch. "It's okay if you don't like it. I was going to tell you, but I thought since you're off to Japan in a few days, I'd surprise you."

He moved Bandit around again and used his free hand to turn Lindsey towards him. "Hey! Why wouldn't I love it?"

She smiled. "Same old Gerard...Got to keep innocent people on the edge of their seat."

He nodded. "That's me."

He picked up her arm carefully, holding it up in the air. "I don't even want to think about it..."

"Think about what, exactly?"

"Needles. Ink. In your skin." He shivered. "That."

"Oh, you big baby!" Lindsey whacked him on the head softly with her free hand. "This thing's small...it didn't even hurt!"

He made a face at her. "Somehow I can't believe that."

Lindsey shrugged.

Raisin strutted into the room on her little dog toes, her chin in the air. She circled around for a few minutes and stopped at the couch. And for no apparent reason, started barking at the three of them.

"Shit." Lindsey stood up, going over to the dog. "Go! Skedaddle! What is it this time? We forget to leave your toy out or something?"

Raisin growled at her, then started barking louder than before.

"Sh!" Lindsey hissed.

Over on the other side of the room, Gerard was struggling to keep his hands over Bandit's ears in a futile attempt to keep her asleep. Bandit stirred anyway, trying to lift her head and find out what the noise was.

Almost on queue, the dog barked again, making it clear she wasn't going quietly.

Gerard lifted Bandit to his shoulder and made his way off the couch, out of the room, but Raisin's temper tantrum followed them down the hallway.

"Sh..." he whispered in Bandit's ear. "Go back to sleep, the dog's just being...well, a bitch." (lmao)
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gerard paced the kitchen floor. "Oh, c'mon, why are you being such a wimp about this?"

"You don't even have to look."

"Frank's gonna help you out!"

"He'll hook you up, man, it'll be fine!"

Lindsey walked in when he was talking to himself. "Uh...am I interrupting something?"

He jumped, startled. "No! I mean, no."

"Ooookay..." she said, reaching for the refrigerator.

"I'm just gonna go hang out with Frank for a little bit. Haven't spent much time with him outside the studio."

Lindsey raised her eyebrow at him. "Uh-huh. No gay marital affairs, 'kay, honey?"

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Yeah...I'll let Frank down gently." He smiled childishly at her.

"Yep." She picked out a frozen dinner. None of these Ways could cook much, unfortunately. Or maybe they were too lazy.

Gerard stood in front of her, blocking her way. "I love you."

Lindsey stared at him, somewhat confused. "I'm pretty sure I love you more."

"Naw...trust me. I know, I know, we've had this debate, but I'm pretty sure it's me." Right around then was when they'd wink at each other and giggle. Pretend that they were teenagers. Or five year olds.

She ruffled his messy hair. "Whatever, Senor."

"Dinner, por favor?" He stuck out his lower lip.

"Okay, since when are we imitation Mexicans? La bamba! No, but, anyway, you aren't getting dinner with Frank?"

"No, he and Jamia were shopping, and he'd already eaten."

"Oh. Well this lasagna is mine." She turned back to the fridge. "You know what?"

"What?"

"I'm sick of all this crap that takes four minutes thirty seconds to cook on high."

"Okay?"

"Let's make some dinner, dude!"

"I might not have time..." he let the sentence drop, seeing the look on her face. "Oh, of course, Frank can wait."

She smiled. "Uh-huh, because you have plenty of time-"

"To spend with my beautiful, amazing, talented-need any more?"

"Keep 'em coming..."

"Intelligent, wonderful, sexy, inspiring wife!"

Lindsey smiled and placed her hands on either side of his head. "Good job."

Gerard nodded within the confines of her hands. "But..."

"Do we have any food? 'Cause I'm hungry."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After Lindsey made a trip to the grocery store, sunglasses/hoodie disguise in tow, they had a whole counter full of food.

"Yum." Gerard grabbed the jar of spaghetti sauce. And then the rock hard block of parmesan cheese. "Double yum."

"I knew this was what you'd want." Lindsey pulled out the box of noodles. "And I know how to make spaghetti. If I didn't, I'd have the culinary skills of a nine year old."

"Mhm..." Gerard could already smell it. "Gah, I freakin' love Italiano!"

Lindsey bent down to grab a pot. "Wouldn't you think after being raised on it, you'd prefer something different?"

"Hmm...no."

"Haha. Give me a little while and this'll be ready. Check on B, will ya?"

Gerard saluted her. "Yes, m'am!"
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"N-A-P is done!" Gerard called out, walking into the kitchen with Bandit.

"Aw...so much for a quiet dinner...ah, well. If we didn't get her up and partying now, she'd be up all night."

"True..."

Lindsey stirred in the sauce calmly. "What time are you and Frank going out?"

"I called him and cancelled," Gerard admitted.

Lindsey stopped what she was doing and frowned. "You didn't have to do that."

"No, no, I wanted to...what we were gonna do just wasn't...right for me?"

Lindsey cracked her knuckles. "You do remember what we discussed about gay marital-"

"-affairs, yes, now stop making fun of me! "Frerard" or whatever the hell those teenagers were calling it is so 2007!" Gerard stomped his foot in frustration.

Lindsey waved a napkin in the air, her truce flag. "Just messing with you...geez."

"Is it almost ready?" Gerard didn't mean for his voice to come out in a whine, but it did.

"Pop quiz? Who's the child? You, or that baby you're holding, who looks like she's about to spit up, by the way." Lindsey pointed at her and went back to the meal.

"Oh." Gerard angled the baby burp rag perfectly on his shoulder.

"Anyway," he continued, wiping off the corner of Bandit's mouth. "How much longer?"

Lindsey pretended to glare at him. "Five minutes. Now wash up and hush up."

Gerard's eyes widened. "Oh, God, you sounded so much like my mom, it's not even funny."

Lindsey smiled, getting that look in her eye. "Really?"

"Yeah," he said, mimicking her dreamy tone and the misty look in her eyes.

She grabbed a dish towel and flicked him with it. "Oh, shut up."

"Hear that foul language your mother is using, B?" he said sarcastically.

Lindsey snorted. "Foul language? She hasn't heard nothing yet."

"Nuh-uh!" Gerard sounded like a kindergartener. "Shut up is too a bad word!"

"Go grow up while you wash your hands. Oh, and there's Bandit barf on your new Planet of the Apes t-shirt..." Lindsey smirked, satisfied.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Mmm...thus is swo gwood..." Gerard commented with a mouth full of noodles.

Lindsey gave him a look. "Yeah. Tonight'll be better for you if you chew with your mouth closed."

Gerard considered that. Hell to the yeah, he was swallowing and planning on better table manners from now on.

"Yes m'am!" he replied, not for the first time that night.

"Okay...but in all seriousness...I almost did something really scary."

Lindsey set down her fork, concerned. "Like...?"

"Get a tattoo with Frank." He paused, realizing what that sounded like, and he did not need another warning about gay marital affairs. "Not as in with him, with him, but with him there."

"Why the fuck-" Lindsey paused, looking at Bandit. Who wouldn't even know or care if she dropped the f-bomb right now. "Why the fuck would you get a tattoo? I thought you hated needles? Ink? In your skin?"

"I do! Well, just on me. I love the artistry though," he sighed, getting off topic. "I mean, obviously." He gestured to all of Lindsey's ink.

"Back to the subject! Why would you go and do the one thing that makes you flip out because you're so damn scared of it? I mean, Jesus, when this little peach was born-" She waved her hand in the general direction of Bandit's high chair. "-you almost left the room when they put in my IV."

He flinched at the memory. "I know it was stupid. Hence me canceling. I just...saw this-" He lightly tapped the bandage on her wrist. "-and it's just...you guys are everything to me."

Lindsey closed her eyes, trying to grasp what he was feeling. "You don't need to go get inked to...to prove that to me, Gee."

He looked down at the table. "I know. I'm stupid. But it did look damn cool on you."

Lindsey gave him that look again. The special one she reserved for Gerard. "You're not stupid, hun. And thank you."

"Now let's finish dinner."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

After he arrived home from Japan, Lindsey said she had something planned for him. "God, we missed you! Anyway! What was I saying? Oh...right. Look in your bag."

Gerard unzipped the bag, looking puzzled. "What's in my bag?"

"I slipped something in there after I grabbed it off that carousel thingy. You'll feel it, it's right on top." Lindsey waved to the MCR boys and their honeys as they walked away.

He searched for a few more seconds with his hand before grabbing a small slip of what felt like paper. "Aw, thanks!" he said when he found it, hugging her with one arm.

"You've more than proved yourself, but this is for fun."

"Fuck yeah! Simple things can be so entertaining!" he yelled out in the airport. (Anyone else notice that sometimes his voice is real loud, but then it'll get quiet again? O_O Gerard is hyped up on caffeine!)

All the people in the airport turned to glare at him. "Sorry!" he whisper-yelled. "With my wife! Haven't seen her! Ecstatic!"

"Me woman. You man," Lindsey mimicked. "That was caveman back there, wasn't it?"

What Gerard was holding in his hand was one temporary tattoo.

LLOOLL, man. LO to the L.
I've finished this now, and I've thinking about an idea for when fictional Bandit is a teenager...one that hasn't been done yet...I think.
But I'll wait to post that one, 'cause I'm trying to have some sort of order to these.

In other news, the beach is finally coming back after all those hurricanes a few years ago. But if you're not a Floridian you probably have no clue what I'm talking about...*shrugs*

Lindsey's "look" that I'm talking about: http://media.photobucket.com/image/gerard%20and%20lynz/BeautifulMagical/My%20Chemical%20Romance/Gerard%20Way/Gerard%20and%20Lyn-z%20Way/Gerard_And_Lyn-z--large-msg-1217990.jpg?o=58

Rate and review dearest(s)...pwease?
xoxo-Jaime (back and more sunburned than ever before!)