FicWad

All I could do was blink at him.

Gay.

That was it? That was all? That was the big astounding news that was going to change the entire nature of our relationship?

I blinked some more. “That’s it?

He looked at me like I was growing a second nose. “What do you mean, ‘that’s it?’”

“Uh . . .” Exactly what I’d said, really. I didn’t really know how to respond to his coming-out other than it didn’t really mean anything to me.

What do you say to someone who comes out to you, especially when they look as sad as he did?

“That’s so great!”

That sounds kind of phony . . . And what if they don’t think it’s great? You never know.

“I’m sorry.”

For what? It’s not like they’ve been diagnosed with cancer or something, for crying out loud.

“Whatever.”

Now you’re just being an insensitive douche bag.

“That’s it?”

This is what you say when you thought that they were going to tell you they were dying, especially after a scene like that. Or maybe you thought they were going to propose or something, and instead they tell you they have a thing for their gender, not yours. And that’s when you say:

“But I thought you were going to tell me you were in love with me,” and that’s probably not the best option, all things considered.

“I don’t really get it,” was what I actually did say. “How’s that going to make things weird between us?”

I mean, really . . . Now, what I’d thought he was going to say, that he liked me, now that would have changed things for sure. This? Not so much.

“I don’t know . . . You might be a homophobe.”

Now who was the insensitive douche bag?

“I am not a homophobe,” I said, indignantly. “For your information, my cousin Carlos is gay and he is one of my favorite people.”

“Carlos from Canada?”

“He’s not from Canada, he just lives in Canada.”

“Oh.”

“I think you made that way worse than it had to be,” I said. “Here I was, thinking you were going to tell me you were . . .” I stopped before I completely humiliated myself by saying “into me” and bit my lip again.

It hurt, but this time I felt like I deserved the pain. I mean, surely this couldn’t be easy for him.

I’m such a bitch.

He cocked an eyebrow. “Tell you I’m what?”

“Dying?”

Okay, so I hadn’t really thought he was going to tell me he’s got three months to live or something. I mean, he hasn’t even been to the doctor in the last year. But he didn’t have to know that.

“I’m not dying,” he said. “But . . . I don’t know. We’re cool, then?”

“Totally,” I said.

Truth be told, I was incredibly relieved that he was gay and not into me. If he had been into me, that would have made things very, very weird. And I didn’t feel any differently about him or toward him than I had before, although I did think his timing was kind of suspicious.

He sighed, relieved.

“Am I the first person you told?” I asked.

He gave me a sarcastic glare. “Of course not,” he said. “You’re probably, like, the tenth person I’ve told. I now introduce myself by saying, ‘Hi, I’m Gerard, and I’m gay.’”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, fine. Do your parents know yet?”

His face scrunched up a little. “No,” he said, sounding worried. “That’s what I was kind of afraid of, you know? I figured I’d tell you first and see how you’d respond.”

“So I’m your guinea pig, is that it?”

“No.”

“Seriously, you can’t predict your parents’ reaction by mine,” I said. “I mean, old people tend to be less openminded than our generation.” I stopped, realizing I’d just called his parents old. “Not that your parents are old. I’m just saying.”

He threw his head back and laughed.

I pursed my lips, confused. I hadn’t thought what I said was funny at all.

“Alixz,” he said, wiping tears of laughter away, “you are ---”

“Wait,” I said, incredulous. “You’re crying? It wasn’t that funny!”

“Alixz,” he said. “you’re my favorite, you know that?”

I wanted to laugh along with him, as Jack came along and served us our food, but all I could manage was a weak smile.

There’s only so much a girl can take, you know.