Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco

I Don't Love You Im Just passing The Time

by Rainbow_Cookies 2 reviews

RYDON!!!! Previously posted on my other account, posted here cause I can =D

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2009-08-29 - Updated: 2009-08-30 - 1439 words - Complete

Brendon stared at the lyrics in his hand, tapping his pen against his cheek as he thought. He said the words over and over in his mind, thinking of a way to make them mean more than they already do. He heard movement behind him and turned to see Ryan standing in the doorway
“Hey babe” Brendon smiled. Ryan walked over and sat next to Brendon. Brendon leaned in to kiss him, not noticing the other boy hesitate before he did the same. Ryan's lips lingered, drawing out the taste before he broke away so he could face Brendon
“Bren... I...” he began, but stopping when he saw the expression on Brendon's face. The trust. The adoration. The love. “Bren... I... We... I...” he tried again
“Ryan are you okay?” Brendon asked, taking the older boys hands in his, and seeing the look on his face went further “Are... we okay?” he asked and Ryan took a deep breath
“Bren... I don't feel right... Where I am... Where we are... What we're doing...” he said and tried not to cry seeing the look of worry on his lovers face
“W-What do you mean?” Brendon asked and Ryan swallowed
“Panic isn't what I want... I... Im leaving... Moving house... Starting over new” he took a deep breath “Starting over new... Without you” he said
“W-What?” Brendon asked
“I... I... I don't want to be with you anymore” he said, pretending he didn't see the tear streak down Brendon's face
“But... Ryan...” he said, his mouth gaping “I love you” he whispered
“I wish I could say the same. Im so sorry. I really am.” Ryan pleaded. Brendon stood, dropping Ryan's hand and walking out of the room. He lay on his bed and closed his eyes, wishing this had all just been a bad dream, but knew deep down that it hadn't. He stood up, going to the kitchen. He sung 'She Had The World' as he walked through the house
“I don't love you Im just passing the time” he sang, then shut his mouth, hearing Ryan's voice singing the line over and over in his mind. He sat at the table, with his face in his hands. He watched the tears drip on the table, trying to block Ryan out of his mind, he couldn't. He stood and turned on the radio in an attempt to get his mind off things
“In a perfect world this could never happen, in a perfect world you'd still be here, and it makes no sense I could just pick up the pieces but to you this means nothing, nothing at all” sang the radio. He quickly switched it off, walking into the living room where he saw pictures of him and Ryan, Spencer and Ryan, Jon and Ryan. Ryan's words rang in Brendon's ears

Starting over new... Without you.

I don't love you Im just passing the time

I don't want to be with you anymore

Im leaving

The words circled his mind like sharks circled blood. He thought of all the time he had been with Ryan all the years the fans had written stories about them being a couple, not knowing the truth of their fantasies. He thought of all the love poured into their music, thinking that it was all for Ryan. He thought of the way Ryan had looked at him during their first practice of 'When The Day Met The Night' and how Ryan had told him afterwords that he was the sun and Ryan was the moon. He thought of how much Ryan meant to him. And he thought of how little he meant to Ryan. He looked over at his calendar and saw the circle around the following night: the night of the last ever concert with Ryan and Jon. The last ever time he was going to see Ryan. The thought of seeing Ryan the last time hurt more than any knife ever could. Brendon loved Ryan more than he valued his own life so he knew exactly what it was he had to do. He walked over to a desk and took a pen and piece of paper, scribbling hastily to whoever found it first. He headed straight to the bathroom cabinet and took out a bottle of sleeping pills, tipping half the contents into his trembling hand. He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and took his wallet from his pocket, flipping it open to reveal a picture of Ryan. He stared at the picture and swallowed all the pills at once then leant on the wall, letting the drugs take hold of him

“I love you George Ryan Ross” he whispered before shutting his eyes for the final time


Ryan's P.O.V.

I sat on the edge of the bed in my hotel room, staring at the picture of Brendon in my wallet. How I loved that man, and how I regretted leaving. My phone buzzed and I leapt to answer it, hoping to hear his beautiful voice

“Hello?” I answered, almost pleadingly

“Ryan? Ryan it's Spencer” came the voice from the other end of the line and my heart sank

“Oh... Hi Spence” I sighed, disappointed

“Ryan, we need you at the hospital” he said and I furrowed my brow

“Why?” I asked, confused

“It's Brendon” he said and I wave of terror washed over me

“What? Brendon? Is he okay? Why is he there?” I asked, hurriedly

“Ryan we'll tell you when you get here just get here fast” he replied and I hung up, dropping my phone on the bed and running out of the room, to my car as fast as I could. I sped to the hospital and ran into the family waiting room where I found a rather panicked looking Spencer and Jon. Spencer stood up and walked over to me

“Where is he? What's wrong? Is he okay? What's happening?” I asked

“The doctor said he overdosed, he's in a coma and...” he paused, looking back at Jon who looked upset

“And what?” I asked, tears stinging my eyes

“Ryan... Their not sure if he'll ever wake up” he said, tears running freely down my face

“No he will... He has to” I said, wiping my wet cheeks. Jon stood and walked over, putting his arm reassuringly on my arm

“I'll show you where he is” he said and I nodded, following him down the hall to a small lifeless room where I saw Brendon lying on a bed, his arms by his sides and various needles and tubes feeding into him. I pulled up a seat next to him and took his cold, limp hand in mine

“I love you Brendon Boyd Urie” I said. I sat there for hours just watching, hoping that his beautiful chocolate eyes would open and he would smile at me. He didn't. I sat there long after I knew he was dead. He looked so peaceful lying there pale and beautiful, lifeless and cold. The most beautiful thing... the most beautiful thing...


I opened the door to his apartment, walking through the rooms, high on the remainders of his unique scent. I found an envelope on the bed with my name on the front and opened it slowly


I love you more than I love anything that is why I have to do this. I cannot face the pain of saying my last farewell. I am only meeting the darkness that is so quickly forming around me.

When the moon found the sun he looked like he was barely hanging on but her eyes saved his life in the middle of summer.

I am too far gone to be saved. You have all my love and you always will no matter how many times you tell me that you don't love me

Yours forever

I read the letter feeling my heart break as his words filled my mind.
It was me.
My fault.
The love of my life was dead and I had killed him.

3rd Person's P.O.V.

Ryan dropped the letter and ran out of the apartment, onto a crowded street


A young learner driver screamed as she watched a handsome young man get hit by her car. She slammed on the breaks and lept through the door, running over to see if he was okay. He was lying on his back, blood pouring from his head and smiling softly

“Im coming baby” he whispered before shutting his eyes for the last time...

Short and not too good but... I dunno... I like it I suppose =D
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