FicWad

Mr. Brightside

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down, because I want it all.
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss; it was only a kiss.

He had always prided himself on being brilliant. True, he'd never tried to impress his knowledge on others, or even shown off, but there was simply no denying the fact that, after hundreds of years alive, he was a genius. And yet he had not seen this coming, at least not consciously. He had been completely in the dark in that regard, and perhaps that was contributing to the fury that he felt now, a fury that could not be matched by any he had ever felt.

His hands were tight on the steering wheel, the knuckles white due to lack of blood because there was so much tension in him. He was shaking, unable to drive away, unable to look away, and unable to stop this horrible, gut-wrenching moment though he wanted to be able so with all his might.

Kurama had not ever seen a woman in the light that he had first seen you. His years as Yoko notwithstanding, he had never truly been in a relationship, and had only found a few women to be attractive over the course of his life.[1] But when the two of you had gone to high school together, in a prestigious school not far from his home, he had found a woman who had been at least as smart as he was, who had made him laugh, and who had seemed to be attracted to him.

The two of you had more or less hit it off, and getting to know you had been so effortless that it now made him question whether he knew you at all. You had simply clicked, had just worked easily together, and it had not taken more than two dates for Kurama to realize that he was clearly in love with you. You were beautiful, sophisticated, funny, charming, kind, and yet not at all naive or pretentious.

You had grown to love Kurama as well, and the two of you had been married for nearly four months now. You had not yet moved in together, and some of your friends (but none of his) had expressed fear that you two were too young to be married, but you had worked through all the trials for a steady relationship. He had even wondered whether the two of you would have children soon. Unfortunately, that had all been destroyed now.

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head...

One of the better things about you was that you had seamlessly merged with his friends and family. Though he didn't regularly participate in missions for Spirit World anymore, Kurama still enjoyed spending time with his friends, and you had ended up being a part of that. You had met his mother after a month or so of dating, and you had adored her, and she you.

You thought Yusuke was funny and kind, if a bit rowdy, and Kuwabara was sweet and caring, if a tad thick. And of course you had come to respect Hiei and even admire him on some level. It had taken him much longer to accept you than it had anyone else, but that had been expected by you and Kurama both. Eventually he had realized that you weren't going to go away (though he really should have known better from the fact that Kurama didn't exactly date a lot of women) and he had grudgingly admitted you into the infamous inner circle.

He had still treated you with indifference, but it had been a respectful one all the same. In a way Kurama had been surprised to find Hiei allowing you near him or his paradise at all, because you were both Kurama's companion and a woman. He should have known, he thought later on, that something hadn't been quite right. He should have seen it from the second the two of you had met, and yet, he had known nothing. He had been ignorant; he had been a fool not to see it.

But she's touching his chest, now
He takes off her dress, now
Letting me go.
And I just can't look—
It's killing me.
And taking control...

He had not begun to suspect anything until he had seen you standing in the dark outside Genkai's temple one night only a few weeks ago, standing next to a figure slightly shorter than yourself, and you had leaned over so that the two heads had almost been one. There had been no doubt that you were kissing Hiei, and for a hopeful moment Kurama had believed that Hiei would push you away, as he would have done anyone else.

But the hope had been dashed, and the kiss had continued for some time until Kuwabara had yelled your name from inside the temple. You had turned away slowly, had gone inside, and Hiei had disappeared. Kurama had stood outside in the dark for some time, trying to shut off all emotions that were pouring in from every side. He had not confronted you; he had hoped that perhaps it had only been a passing fantasy; a rare desire that had been completed and that you would continue to love him and only him for the remainder of your life.

He really should have known better. Perhaps he had, all along, and had only been lying to himself that you weren't stubborn enough to pursue it, that you weren't smart enough to keep a cold trail, that you weren't cruel enough to want to do this to him. But you were all those things and more, and he knew it now.

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Churning through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside.

He sat parked outside of your house, having gotten off work early to come and see you. Later he would wonder what might have happened if he had stayed at work instead of coming to see you. If he had never known about Hiei and your love for him, if he had never known the lengths that you would go to betray him, how might things have progressed?

Would you have continued your affair with Hiei throughout the marriage, or would he have called it off eventually to avoid hurting Kurama? Kurama didn't know. He had so many questions, and the only persons who could answer them—his two best friends—were currently in your living room, engaging in a tongue dance.

He couldn't tear his eyes away as you and Hiei stood in the living room, the curtains open as if you didn't care if the entire world saw you. Perhaps you didn't. Perhaps you no longer cared for him at all.

He watched you kiss Hiei with gusto, watched your tongue slide down the demon's throat. Watched your bodies pressed against each other as if a fire burned between you. And he had thought that you had loved him with passion! The idea was laughable watching the two of you, the way both of your hands traveled and danced.

He couldn't bring himself to drive away from this marriage, from this relationship, or from you, and yet you were actively betraying him with your every movement, and he hated it. He was filled with a cold anger that he could not suppress; there you two were, betraying him, with the curtains open for the world to see.

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down, because I want it all.
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.

What was it about Hiei, he wondered, that you loved so much? The two of you had long since left the living room, probably to your bedroom, a bedroom which Kurama had shared with you as well.
Was it that Hiei was any better than Kurama? Or was it, perhaps, that Hiei gave you a rush because he was dangerous, and an affair was even more dangerous?

He found that he didn't really care. There was jealousy, there was hatred, but there was little in the way of curiosity. The idea that Hiei could be putting his hands on you, let alone in your house, let alone in your bedroom, let alone in your bed where Kurama himself had done so much, was ludicrous, and he could not accept it.

Your passion was easy to sense with his demonic abilities, and he doubted that you had felt anything like this with him. The very thought made him nearly scream with anger—why was Hiei so much more effective on you? Why was he allowed to have such pleasure, when Kurama had never done anything to you to make you stray so far?

He longed to put his foot on the gas pedal, to drive away and to never come back, but the thought that Hiei would remain here, with you, forever, burned in his mind. He had no clue as to what he could do. How did one act when one's wife was in bed with another man? He could not bring himself to storm in on you, angry, or to harm either of you.

He nearly hated the two of you for doing this, for betraying him, for having such happiness, but there was no way that he could possibly injure either of you, let alone because, with the Darkness Flame under his control, Hiei posed a great threat.

Kurama had betrayed before, and he had allowed his friends to fall to injury and sometimes death, but here, in this moment, he could do no such thing. He truly hated you with a blind rage, but...he simply could not bring himself to harm either of you.

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head

What was he to do? Should he pretend that he had never seen this? He wanted to, very much, to drive back to his office and pretend that he had seen none of it, that he had not ever driven out here to catch you. But he did not know if he could lie to himself about something that so angered him that he felt as though he might burst.

He couldn't imagine himself sleeping in the same bed that Hiei was now sharing with you; couldn't imagine himself smiling at you or raising children with you, or facing Hiei ever again.

Other than the anger, he felt a stinging hurt; was he not good enough for you? Did you truly feel so little for him that you could do this? Why were you doing it at all? How could you ruin your relationship for something so base—so rash?

He grit his teeth, sitting in his car, unable to drive away and unable to take action. You were probably in there, doing it right now, and here he was less than fifty feet away, trying to keep himself under control.

It wasn't fair, goddamnit. It wasn't fucking fair. What he had he done in this life to deserve such pain; such anger? What had he ever done to you to make you hate him so? And what did he ever meant to you—clearly not much, as you were not in his arms, but Hiei's.

But she's touching his chest, now
He takes off her dress, now
Letting me go.
And I just can't look—
It's killing me.
And taking control...

How could he go on living with this knowledge? How could he continue to live his life in this way and pretend that nothing had ever happened?
He knew that he could not. Every day that he went to work, he would imagine you with Hiei, here in your house, and, eventually, in the house that you shared with Kurama.

He would imagine the smirks that Hiei sent you, he would imagine the taste of your tongue and how Hiei was allowed to savor it when it should have been Kurama's, and no one else's.

He would imagine the feel of your skin under Hiei's hands, and he would imagine the two of you in a delicate bubble, oblivious to the outside world, uncaring as to the consequences of your actions. Or maybe you weren't oblivious; maybe you simply didn't care.

A horrible thought struck him—suppose you two weren't using protection this moment? Suppose you got pregnant with Hiei's child? No one but the three of you would know, at least until the baby was born.

It was sure to look like Hiei, if it happened, and everyone would know what had happened. Could he live with the others knowing what you had done and that Kurama had stayed with you anyway?

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Churning through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr. Brightside.

He thought about mentioning it later. Perhaps, over dinner that night, he could subtly say something along the lines of, "I saw that you brought a guest home this afternoon." Or, "dear, why does the bedroom smell of Hiei?" Or, "I know what you did, you whore."

He would never say the last, could never insult you, though he dearly wanted to, and though you certainly deserved it. He tried to imagine what you would say to him once you realized that he had learned of your actions. Would you cry? He thought not. Would you beg for forgiveness? He also doubted this.

He assumed that you would do one of two things; either coldly admit to the affair, or softly admit and show retribution. He could not guess which of the two you would do; he supposed that it depended on the circumstances of this tryst. Was it a single event brought on by an urge that Kurama could not satisfy, or was it that you truly loved Hiei and did not love Kurama anymore?

Even during your relationship you had not been a prude; you had not asked him to wait until the two of you were married to share a bed, and you had been extremely at ease with the subject. Even so, he would never have imagined you to be such a whore; such a loose woman. He had believed that you had morals. He had believed in you.

As he sat across the street from your house, as you lay in your bed next to Hiei and thought of him, Kurama looked out his windshield to the sky and cursed himself for ever allowing anyone to get so close to him.

I never...
I never...
I never...
I never....

[1] Technically the canon only ever mentions Maya, and there's really no evidence that that was even a romantic relationship. Poor guy.