Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Only The Strong Survive (Forbidden Pt 2)
Present September 2012
Lyn fed herself, cleaned up and then braced herself for Frank’s bad mood. As she walked to the master bedroom she looked at their decor. She had never been inside the Iero home before and she always imagined it to be dirty and unkempt but in fact she found it clean and homey. As she reached the door she considered knocking but decided against it. The element of surprise was always best.
‘Frankieeeee my love’ she cried as she swung open the door ‘are you ready to talk?’
Frank sat up with a start ‘what the fuck?’ he screeched pulling the covers over his bare chest.
Lyn skipped over to the bed and threw herself on Jamia’s side ‘so let’s start at the very beginning shall we?’
‘Get the fuck out of my bed’ he growled ‘right now! I’ve been polite up until this point but I’m about to lose my patience.’
‘Oh really’ Lyn cried ‘what about my God damn patience huh? I came here for your help and you agreed. It’s been three days and you haven’t even bothered to return my calls. I have a daughter that I haven’t seen for nearly a week so don’t you talk to me about patience Frank Iero, don’t you dare.’
‘Just leave’ Frank sighed
‘Nope’ Lyn said forcing her temper away ‘I’m going to make myself really comfortable, hey I might even sleep here’
‘Knock yourself out’ he said turning on his side so his back faced her.
‘hmmm why is Frank sad I wonder?’ Lyn said to herself out loud ‘is it because Jamia won’t put out. No!’ she answered herself ‘Okay then, is it because you don’t have a baby? No okay. What else could Frank be sad about?’
‘What are you doing?’ Frank asked not bothering to hide the agitation in his voice. It was taking all his strength not to roll over and push her out of the bed.
‘I’m guessing why you’re sad’ Lyn said making her voice sound extra light and breezey ‘if you told me I could stop guessing. Is it because you’re getting old?’
‘I’m not getting old’ Frank snapped ‘you bitch’
‘Hmm what about your man parts are they getting old, are they not functioning right? Is that why you’re sad?’
‘My cock works just fine thanks’ he spat
‘I’m going to need proof of that’ she joked laughing loudly at her own joke.
‘In your dreams’ Frank retorted ‘now can you please shut up.’
‘No not until I help you so you can help me.’ She told him softly
‘I’m beyond help’ he sighed ‘there’s nothing anyone can do.’
‘Oh my God’ Lyn said turning on her side and facing his back, she placed her hand on his shoulder ‘Oh no. Frank, are you sick?’
‘What?’ No!’ Frank said ‘just shut up’
‘Make me’ she challenged stabbing him in his back with her finger nails. ‘Now I’ve already guessed penises, babies and illness, what else could there be I wonder? Oh I know’ she squealed suddenly ‘you want to leave My Chemical Romance and pursue something else and you don’t have the guts to tell Gerard and the others because you’re a coward.’
‘No’ he said
‘You’re gay aren’t you, I knew it!’
Frank closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath. This was going to be a very long night.
*
Past September 2007
‘Nice huh?’ Frank said as Cheyenne laid eyes on the finished nursery.
‘when...how did you do this?’ She laughed ‘I’ve only been in hospital for two days.’
‘Yeah but lucky for me you already painted it, all I had to do was build the furniture, place it all and then stick a load of stuffed toys everywhere.’
‘Its great!’ Cheyenne said putting her arms around him ‘thank you.’
‘It does look fantastic’ Gerard agreed jealous of his friend’s good deed and how happy it made Cheyenne ‘but you missed something.’
‘What?’ Cheyenne said ‘it looks perfect to me.’
‘The crib is missing’ Gerard stated feeling proud that he was able to find a flaw.
‘True but that’s coz I couldn’t find one’ he said ‘so I ordered one.’
‘You didn’t’ Cheyenne laughed ‘the box was quite large so I left in the storage cupboard under the stairs.’
‘Really? Frank said ‘how did I miss that?’
‘Why don’t you guys out it up together while I sort out baby?’ Cheyenne suggested
‘I can do it’ Gerard said dismissively ‘I won’t need Frank’s help.’
‘You’ll get it done quicker this way, plus I’m dying to put Jasmine in it so I can take some pictures.’
‘Fine’ Gerard said sourly ‘we can do it together.’
‘Good get to work.’ Cheyenne said leaving them to it, oblivious to the increasing testosterone in the room.
*
Present September 2012
Cheyenne bit her tongue as she came stifling the sound that begged to be screamed from her lips. She heard Gerard grunting heavily as he too muffled his pleasure as to not wake their sleeping daughter only a room away.
‘These silent orgasms are not the same’ Gerard whispered kissing Cheyenne who was still under him
‘I know’ she agreed ‘I miss the days of screaming your name in the heat of passion.’
‘Not as much as me’ he laughed rolling out from between her legs and settling beside her, pulling her relaxed body into his arms. ‘Imagine how quiet we’ll have to be when we have another one.’
‘Hmm’ Cheyenne said not wanting to discuss another baby coming into the family it wasn’t something she wanted at the moment.
‘What are you thinking?’ Gerard asked his voice muffled against her hair.
‘I don’t know, lots of things’ she said ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind.’
‘Anything you want to discuss?’ he yawned his voice wavering tired from the day he had.
‘No I’m ok.’ She said rubbing her fingers across his hands lightly tickling his soft skin.
'I love you’ Gerard announced squeezing her tightly in his arms.
‘And I you’ she said. As Gerard dozed off her body close to his all Cheyenne could think about was Frank. She thought of ways to change his mind, of scenarios where she’d say yes to what he wanted to keep him close to her, but mostly she thought of how terribly she missed him.
*
Past September 2007
‘You’re doing it wrong’ Frank snapped grabbing the piece of wood from Gerard’s hands.
‘I wouldn’t be doing it wrong if you read the instructions properly’ Gerard retorted
‘Don’t blame me’ Frank huffed ‘I could’ve done this without your help’
‘But it’s my job’ Gerard said softly sitting back ‘I’m supposed to do it.’
‘You should try harder then’ Frank said
‘Frank’ Gerard said ‘I know what you think of me, what everyone thinks of me. I’ve failed at this father thing already...’
‘Gee’ Frank started
‘No let me finish’ Gerard said ‘I know I’ve failed but I’m willing to try. I know how much you’ve done for Cheyenne and Jasmine and I’m so grateful that you’ve been there for them but I’m here now and know I’m late but I want this chance I need to make it up to them. So I’m asking you back to off let me take the reins let me try and be their knight in shining armour. Let me be the person that Chey calls when she needs something. Let me show them that I’m capable that I’m not some liability that’ll make things worse instead of better. I want to be the man that they both need but I need the space I need to make an impression and I can’t do that with you around coz next to you I’m like the booby prize that nobody wants and I need to show them I’m just as good as the gold. All I’m asking is you step down and let me take your place, I won’t let them down.’
‘It wasn’t my place to claim Gerard’ Frank replied ‘it’s always been yours and I’m happy to give it back to you’
‘But?’ Gerard said sensing a hesitation in his friends voice.
‘But if you mess this up, if you let them down...’ Frank warned
‘I won’t mess this up’ Gerard vowed ‘I’ll make everyone proud’
‘Good’ Frank said embracing his friend ‘I’m rooting for you. I’m going to leave and give you and Cheyenne some time alone to figure things out. Make me proud Gerard.’
‘I will I swear.’ Gerard said releasing his friend so he could leave. ‘Thanks Frank.’
‘Don’t mention it’ Frank said and he meant every word.
*
Present September 2012
‘...Is it because you’re a vegetarian and you really want to eat meat?’
‘No its not’ Frank exploded sitting up and switching the bed side lamp on ‘it’s not because I have a secret desire to be a clown. It’s not because I’m really a girl, it’s not because I want to act out a fan fiction I read online and it’s not because I have a crush on Christa. Now please shut the fuck up I can’t take anymore of your stupid guesses or the sound of your voice.’
‘Is it because Gerard is prettier then you?’ Lyn said cautiously ‘because I think you’re both as good looking as each other.’
‘That’s it!’ Frank screamed. All her stupid guesses enraged him so much and all he wanted to do was silently think of Cheyenne and what their lives would be like together and she was ruining it. If telling her was the only way to shut her up then he’d fucking scream it from the roof tops. ‘You wanna know why I’m so fucking upset you want to God damn know why? It’s because I’m in love. I am madly in love and there is nothing I can do about it and its killing me, it’s been killing me every day since I’ve realised and I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do.’ he said ‘I’m stuck.’
Lyn watched as his breathing became less erratic, she sat very still letting him calm down allowing him to gather his thoughts and then she finally spoke.
‘Who are you in love with?’ She whispered
‘Cheyenne’ he said turning his head for the first time to look at her ‘I’m so in love with her and I don’t know what to do.’
‘Oh crap’ Lyn said lying flat on her back ‘but she’s with Gerard.’
‘I know that’ Frank sighed ‘and yet I can’t stop wishing she was with me every day.’
‘Have you told her?’ Lyn asked
‘Yes’ Frank said turning the lamp light off and sliding down next to Lyn. He figured it was easier to have this conversation in the dark.
‘What did she say?’
Frank ignored her questioned ‘Cheyenne and I had a thing’
Lyn knew better than to say anything, instead she just let him talk.
‘It started around Christmas time. Cheyenne and I kissed in Donna’s kitchen, well she kissed me. She was upset about something, I didn't know what at the time but right after it happened she apologised and asked me to forgive her. Anyway, I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, if it meant anything more or if it was just a one off. I picked her up one night and we talked about it and we both confessed that we had a crush on each other I mean it was kind of obvious there was always "something" there but neither of us took it seriously.’
‘So what happened?’ Lyn asked eager to hear more if she was sitting she would’ve been on the edge of her seat.
‘We spoke for hours and then I took her home and we kissed again’ Frank said a small smile playing on his lips at the memory and he was glad for the darkness in the room.
‘Then what happened’ she whispered her hand clutching his thigh, he didn’t seemed to mind and her hand remained there digging into his flesh slightly as she waited to hear more. ‘why did you kiss again?’
‘Well the kiss in Donna’s kitchen was rushed and we wanted to know what it would be like...’
‘If you were both expecting it’ she finished for him and he heard the smile in her voice.
‘Yeah’ Frank replied ‘that was exactly it.’
‘So...’
‘So nothing’ Frank said ‘Nothing was supposed to happen again, we had it out of our systems I didn’t see her for a few days and yeah she crossed my mind a few times but it wasn’t anymore then before you know? And then it was New Years Eve’
‘Oooh! What happened?’ Lyn squealed she didn’t know why she was so interested in this tale maybe because it was naughty, forbidden or maybe because she couldn’t help but love the romance that she could see unfolding.
‘You happened’ Frank growled. He still felt anger over that night five years ago and his fists automatically clenched an action that came naturally every time his mind flashed back.
‘Oh’ Lyn said removing her hand from his thigh and wrapping her arms around herself, the guilt she felt from that night still ate away at her now. She couldn’t believe what a monster she used to be and she prayed not only that Paige wouldn’t find out what she was like in the past but that she wouldn’t ever turn out like her either.
‘That night, after you left we all fell apart as a group, as couples, individually’ he sighed heavily at the memory. ‘We didn’t know what to do or where to go, everyone was at a loss. Cheyenne disappeared sometime after you left, Jamia followed not long after and then before I knew it the house was empty and I was all alone. I had so many thoughts going through my mind it was like the messages that your brain sends to your body to make it work were getting blocked and I just stood in the same spot for God Knows how long, just replaying the madness over and over again. I don’t know how long I was alone or how I found the bottle of Vodka but when Cheyenne returned I was very drunk, we argued and then she left to pack, she was heading back to Chicago. I wasn’t sure why but I didn’t-couldn’t be alone that night I needed her to stay I sobered up and I went to her and before I knew it one thing led to another and we slept together. We realised we loved each other that night. I told her that I’d take care of her, we’d find a way to make things better again.’
‘So how come you’re not together?’ Lyn asked scared to break the atmosphere.
‘When I woke the next morning she was gone. I called her but she never answered it would be two months before I saw her again. There wasn’t a minute that went by in those two months that I didn’t think about her, wonder where she was or if she was safe and I couldn’t get that night out of mind she was all I thought about. But I was confused because Jamia and I agreed to try again and I wanted to I was happy to start a fresh and we tried and it was good but Cheyenne consumed my mind constantly. I was in love with two people at the same time.’
‘Where did she go?’ Lyn whispered
‘She stayed in Jersey, she changed her number found a small place to rent less than thirty minutes away, she was so close and all the time I thought she was in Chicago if I’d even suspected she was so near I would’ve gone to see her, I would’ve found her. Bob gave nothing away of course I guess he was trying to give her the space she needed. Gerard tried and failed to find her and then he did what he always does he withdrew into himself letting alcohol be his life support.’ Frank shifted his position so he was facing Lyn now he lowered his voice as he continued ‘Then one day out of the blue Cheyenne shows up on my doorstep and tells me she’s pregnant and that there was a 50/50 chance the baby was mine. I had never been so elated or confused at the same time. I mean a baby! I can’t even tell you how excited I was I thought about it for days I even came up with names’ he said with a small laugh. Lyn could see his smile through the darkness ‘but of course it wasn’t meant to be’ he explained ‘the paternity test showed that Gerard was the father, not me. She begged me to be the father told me that we could start over but I couldn’t do that to him, I couldn’t do that to Gerard he deserved a chance. I know if the tables were turned I would’ve wanted that chance myself. One of the hardest things I had to do was turning her down. The offer of being with her and raising the baby, having a family unit of our own was so tempting but I couldn’t do it, not to Gerard and not to Jamia. But I promised her, I promised I would always be there for her and I always have. I love Jasmine as if she was my own and for the first three years of her life she was my own and there were nights when I was with them playing happy families and they were some of the best nights of my life. I’ve loved Cheyenne for five years and in that time I’ve convinced myself time and time again that I wasn’t in love with her to make things better for myself to be a better man for Jamia because she deserves so much better but no matter how hard I try I can’t stop loving her. At the beginning of the year Jamia suggested we try for a baby and I was more than willing I hoped the arrival of a little one of our own would change the way I feel but I’ve got a low sperm count or some shit and it’s not happening for us but I realise now that, that wouldn’t be a solution to how I feel it would only make things worse in the long run.’
‘You’re right’ Lyn agreed ‘you’d all suffer even the baby.’
Frank continued as if Lyn had never spoken ‘I told Cheyenne the other day that I was madly in love with her. Actually I told her twice. I asked her to be with me and she declined. It felt like a massive hole had been punched into my chest I’ve never felt such pain, the night that Jamia gave me her wedding ring back felt like a pinch compared to having Cheyenne reject me. I realised that I couldn’t be so close to her anymore and not be with her. I can’t see her everyday and trust myself to not tell her I love her and that I want t be with her. So I told her I can’t see her anymore, ever, only when it’s necessary. I can’t inflict anymore pain on myself. It’s better if I stay away. And that’s why I’m sad Lyn.’
It took Lyn a few minutes to realise she had tears running down her cheeks. She had no idea what Frank had been through, what he was still going through an how much pain he was in.
‘I’m sorry Frank’ she said reaching for him in the darkness, she found his cheek and stroked it gently ‘I’m sorry for coming here, I had no right to ask you to help me, you have your own stuff to deal with I’ll talk to Gerard myself.’
‘You don’t have to’ he sighed ‘I’ll help you.’
‘You have to help yourself’ she told him ‘what are you going to do?’
‘What I told Cheyenne I was going to do’ he replied ‘I’m going to stay away.’
‘That’s not going to do you any good’ Lyn protested ‘and what about Jamia and your plans to have a baby.’
‘I’m going to leave Jamia’ he said quietly rolling onto his back ‘I can’t keep doing this to her. God knows I love her...’
‘But you’re not in love with her’ Lyn finished for him
‘She deserve better. She a wonderful woman who ought to have a man that will love her and be in love with her and I’m not that man anymore. Keeping her with me is just plain selfish, every day I’m leading her on, leading her into a life that she believes we both want but I don’t want it and I don’t want to be selfish anymore.
‘Gosh Frank’ Lyn said ‘Are you sure you can’t make it work with Jamia? Maybe if you stay away from Cheyenne like you planned you’ll realise how much Jamia means to you.’
‘She means everything’ Frank said ‘she’s been my closet friend forever but Cheyenne means more.’
‘I don’t know what to say’ Lyn sighed heavily
‘And I’ve said too much’ Frank stated unsure of why he had said so much to someone he considered his enemy for so long.
‘I won’t tell anyone’ Lyn promised ‘I’ll never tell a soul.’
Frank said nothing, not sure whether to believe her or not but despite his lack f trust it felt good to get it off his chest, it felt good to finally say it all out loud. The relief was a comfort.
‘I’m going to go’ Lyn said after a while ‘And I’m sure you need to rest, your mind must be working over time.’
‘Don’t leave’ Frank spoke so softly so quietly that Lyn barely heard him ‘please.’
‘You want me to stay?’ Lyn asked confused by his decision she thought he would want nothing more than to be alone he had a lot to think about
‘If you don’t mind, I don’t feel like being by myself’ he confessed ‘you’re the only one who knows why I’m hurting. I guess you’re the only one who can really comfort me.’
Lyn smiled at his honesty and laid back down beside him. She found his hand and clasped it tightly in hers. She didn’t need to say a word the gesture said it all.
A/N Oh My God Lyn comforting Frank! Well I never! Hello my dears hope you all enjoyed that. There’s so much going on in here that I don’t know which part to write next but as usual with my stories it’s all going to end in a bang! See ya soon Reign xxx
Lyn fed herself, cleaned up and then braced herself for Frank’s bad mood. As she walked to the master bedroom she looked at their decor. She had never been inside the Iero home before and she always imagined it to be dirty and unkempt but in fact she found it clean and homey. As she reached the door she considered knocking but decided against it. The element of surprise was always best.
‘Frankieeeee my love’ she cried as she swung open the door ‘are you ready to talk?’
Frank sat up with a start ‘what the fuck?’ he screeched pulling the covers over his bare chest.
Lyn skipped over to the bed and threw herself on Jamia’s side ‘so let’s start at the very beginning shall we?’
‘Get the fuck out of my bed’ he growled ‘right now! I’ve been polite up until this point but I’m about to lose my patience.’
‘Oh really’ Lyn cried ‘what about my God damn patience huh? I came here for your help and you agreed. It’s been three days and you haven’t even bothered to return my calls. I have a daughter that I haven’t seen for nearly a week so don’t you talk to me about patience Frank Iero, don’t you dare.’
‘Just leave’ Frank sighed
‘Nope’ Lyn said forcing her temper away ‘I’m going to make myself really comfortable, hey I might even sleep here’
‘Knock yourself out’ he said turning on his side so his back faced her.
‘hmmm why is Frank sad I wonder?’ Lyn said to herself out loud ‘is it because Jamia won’t put out. No!’ she answered herself ‘Okay then, is it because you don’t have a baby? No okay. What else could Frank be sad about?’
‘What are you doing?’ Frank asked not bothering to hide the agitation in his voice. It was taking all his strength not to roll over and push her out of the bed.
‘I’m guessing why you’re sad’ Lyn said making her voice sound extra light and breezey ‘if you told me I could stop guessing. Is it because you’re getting old?’
‘I’m not getting old’ Frank snapped ‘you bitch’
‘Hmm what about your man parts are they getting old, are they not functioning right? Is that why you’re sad?’
‘My cock works just fine thanks’ he spat
‘I’m going to need proof of that’ she joked laughing loudly at her own joke.
‘In your dreams’ Frank retorted ‘now can you please shut up.’
‘No not until I help you so you can help me.’ She told him softly
‘I’m beyond help’ he sighed ‘there’s nothing anyone can do.’
‘Oh my God’ Lyn said turning on her side and facing his back, she placed her hand on his shoulder ‘Oh no. Frank, are you sick?’
‘What?’ No!’ Frank said ‘just shut up’
‘Make me’ she challenged stabbing him in his back with her finger nails. ‘Now I’ve already guessed penises, babies and illness, what else could there be I wonder? Oh I know’ she squealed suddenly ‘you want to leave My Chemical Romance and pursue something else and you don’t have the guts to tell Gerard and the others because you’re a coward.’
‘No’ he said
‘You’re gay aren’t you, I knew it!’
Frank closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath. This was going to be a very long night.
*
Past September 2007
‘Nice huh?’ Frank said as Cheyenne laid eyes on the finished nursery.
‘when...how did you do this?’ She laughed ‘I’ve only been in hospital for two days.’
‘Yeah but lucky for me you already painted it, all I had to do was build the furniture, place it all and then stick a load of stuffed toys everywhere.’
‘Its great!’ Cheyenne said putting her arms around him ‘thank you.’
‘It does look fantastic’ Gerard agreed jealous of his friend’s good deed and how happy it made Cheyenne ‘but you missed something.’
‘What?’ Cheyenne said ‘it looks perfect to me.’
‘The crib is missing’ Gerard stated feeling proud that he was able to find a flaw.
‘True but that’s coz I couldn’t find one’ he said ‘so I ordered one.’
‘You didn’t’ Cheyenne laughed ‘the box was quite large so I left in the storage cupboard under the stairs.’
‘Really? Frank said ‘how did I miss that?’
‘Why don’t you guys out it up together while I sort out baby?’ Cheyenne suggested
‘I can do it’ Gerard said dismissively ‘I won’t need Frank’s help.’
‘You’ll get it done quicker this way, plus I’m dying to put Jasmine in it so I can take some pictures.’
‘Fine’ Gerard said sourly ‘we can do it together.’
‘Good get to work.’ Cheyenne said leaving them to it, oblivious to the increasing testosterone in the room.
*
Present September 2012
Cheyenne bit her tongue as she came stifling the sound that begged to be screamed from her lips. She heard Gerard grunting heavily as he too muffled his pleasure as to not wake their sleeping daughter only a room away.
‘These silent orgasms are not the same’ Gerard whispered kissing Cheyenne who was still under him
‘I know’ she agreed ‘I miss the days of screaming your name in the heat of passion.’
‘Not as much as me’ he laughed rolling out from between her legs and settling beside her, pulling her relaxed body into his arms. ‘Imagine how quiet we’ll have to be when we have another one.’
‘Hmm’ Cheyenne said not wanting to discuss another baby coming into the family it wasn’t something she wanted at the moment.
‘What are you thinking?’ Gerard asked his voice muffled against her hair.
‘I don’t know, lots of things’ she said ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind.’
‘Anything you want to discuss?’ he yawned his voice wavering tired from the day he had.
‘No I’m ok.’ She said rubbing her fingers across his hands lightly tickling his soft skin.
'I love you’ Gerard announced squeezing her tightly in his arms.
‘And I you’ she said. As Gerard dozed off her body close to his all Cheyenne could think about was Frank. She thought of ways to change his mind, of scenarios where she’d say yes to what he wanted to keep him close to her, but mostly she thought of how terribly she missed him.
*
Past September 2007
‘You’re doing it wrong’ Frank snapped grabbing the piece of wood from Gerard’s hands.
‘I wouldn’t be doing it wrong if you read the instructions properly’ Gerard retorted
‘Don’t blame me’ Frank huffed ‘I could’ve done this without your help’
‘But it’s my job’ Gerard said softly sitting back ‘I’m supposed to do it.’
‘You should try harder then’ Frank said
‘Frank’ Gerard said ‘I know what you think of me, what everyone thinks of me. I’ve failed at this father thing already...’
‘Gee’ Frank started
‘No let me finish’ Gerard said ‘I know I’ve failed but I’m willing to try. I know how much you’ve done for Cheyenne and Jasmine and I’m so grateful that you’ve been there for them but I’m here now and know I’m late but I want this chance I need to make it up to them. So I’m asking you back to off let me take the reins let me try and be their knight in shining armour. Let me be the person that Chey calls when she needs something. Let me show them that I’m capable that I’m not some liability that’ll make things worse instead of better. I want to be the man that they both need but I need the space I need to make an impression and I can’t do that with you around coz next to you I’m like the booby prize that nobody wants and I need to show them I’m just as good as the gold. All I’m asking is you step down and let me take your place, I won’t let them down.’
‘It wasn’t my place to claim Gerard’ Frank replied ‘it’s always been yours and I’m happy to give it back to you’
‘But?’ Gerard said sensing a hesitation in his friends voice.
‘But if you mess this up, if you let them down...’ Frank warned
‘I won’t mess this up’ Gerard vowed ‘I’ll make everyone proud’
‘Good’ Frank said embracing his friend ‘I’m rooting for you. I’m going to leave and give you and Cheyenne some time alone to figure things out. Make me proud Gerard.’
‘I will I swear.’ Gerard said releasing his friend so he could leave. ‘Thanks Frank.’
‘Don’t mention it’ Frank said and he meant every word.
*
Present September 2012
‘...Is it because you’re a vegetarian and you really want to eat meat?’
‘No its not’ Frank exploded sitting up and switching the bed side lamp on ‘it’s not because I have a secret desire to be a clown. It’s not because I’m really a girl, it’s not because I want to act out a fan fiction I read online and it’s not because I have a crush on Christa. Now please shut the fuck up I can’t take anymore of your stupid guesses or the sound of your voice.’
‘Is it because Gerard is prettier then you?’ Lyn said cautiously ‘because I think you’re both as good looking as each other.’
‘That’s it!’ Frank screamed. All her stupid guesses enraged him so much and all he wanted to do was silently think of Cheyenne and what their lives would be like together and she was ruining it. If telling her was the only way to shut her up then he’d fucking scream it from the roof tops. ‘You wanna know why I’m so fucking upset you want to God damn know why? It’s because I’m in love. I am madly in love and there is nothing I can do about it and its killing me, it’s been killing me every day since I’ve realised and I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do.’ he said ‘I’m stuck.’
Lyn watched as his breathing became less erratic, she sat very still letting him calm down allowing him to gather his thoughts and then she finally spoke.
‘Who are you in love with?’ She whispered
‘Cheyenne’ he said turning his head for the first time to look at her ‘I’m so in love with her and I don’t know what to do.’
‘Oh crap’ Lyn said lying flat on her back ‘but she’s with Gerard.’
‘I know that’ Frank sighed ‘and yet I can’t stop wishing she was with me every day.’
‘Have you told her?’ Lyn asked
‘Yes’ Frank said turning the lamp light off and sliding down next to Lyn. He figured it was easier to have this conversation in the dark.
‘What did she say?’
Frank ignored her questioned ‘Cheyenne and I had a thing’
Lyn knew better than to say anything, instead she just let him talk.
‘It started around Christmas time. Cheyenne and I kissed in Donna’s kitchen, well she kissed me. She was upset about something, I didn't know what at the time but right after it happened she apologised and asked me to forgive her. Anyway, I couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss, if it meant anything more or if it was just a one off. I picked her up one night and we talked about it and we both confessed that we had a crush on each other I mean it was kind of obvious there was always "something" there but neither of us took it seriously.’
‘So what happened?’ Lyn asked eager to hear more if she was sitting she would’ve been on the edge of her seat.
‘We spoke for hours and then I took her home and we kissed again’ Frank said a small smile playing on his lips at the memory and he was glad for the darkness in the room.
‘Then what happened’ she whispered her hand clutching his thigh, he didn’t seemed to mind and her hand remained there digging into his flesh slightly as she waited to hear more. ‘why did you kiss again?’
‘Well the kiss in Donna’s kitchen was rushed and we wanted to know what it would be like...’
‘If you were both expecting it’ she finished for him and he heard the smile in her voice.
‘Yeah’ Frank replied ‘that was exactly it.’
‘So...’
‘So nothing’ Frank said ‘Nothing was supposed to happen again, we had it out of our systems I didn’t see her for a few days and yeah she crossed my mind a few times but it wasn’t anymore then before you know? And then it was New Years Eve’
‘Oooh! What happened?’ Lyn squealed she didn’t know why she was so interested in this tale maybe because it was naughty, forbidden or maybe because she couldn’t help but love the romance that she could see unfolding.
‘You happened’ Frank growled. He still felt anger over that night five years ago and his fists automatically clenched an action that came naturally every time his mind flashed back.
‘Oh’ Lyn said removing her hand from his thigh and wrapping her arms around herself, the guilt she felt from that night still ate away at her now. She couldn’t believe what a monster she used to be and she prayed not only that Paige wouldn’t find out what she was like in the past but that she wouldn’t ever turn out like her either.
‘That night, after you left we all fell apart as a group, as couples, individually’ he sighed heavily at the memory. ‘We didn’t know what to do or where to go, everyone was at a loss. Cheyenne disappeared sometime after you left, Jamia followed not long after and then before I knew it the house was empty and I was all alone. I had so many thoughts going through my mind it was like the messages that your brain sends to your body to make it work were getting blocked and I just stood in the same spot for God Knows how long, just replaying the madness over and over again. I don’t know how long I was alone or how I found the bottle of Vodka but when Cheyenne returned I was very drunk, we argued and then she left to pack, she was heading back to Chicago. I wasn’t sure why but I didn’t-couldn’t be alone that night I needed her to stay I sobered up and I went to her and before I knew it one thing led to another and we slept together. We realised we loved each other that night. I told her that I’d take care of her, we’d find a way to make things better again.’
‘So how come you’re not together?’ Lyn asked scared to break the atmosphere.
‘When I woke the next morning she was gone. I called her but she never answered it would be two months before I saw her again. There wasn’t a minute that went by in those two months that I didn’t think about her, wonder where she was or if she was safe and I couldn’t get that night out of mind she was all I thought about. But I was confused because Jamia and I agreed to try again and I wanted to I was happy to start a fresh and we tried and it was good but Cheyenne consumed my mind constantly. I was in love with two people at the same time.’
‘Where did she go?’ Lyn whispered
‘She stayed in Jersey, she changed her number found a small place to rent less than thirty minutes away, she was so close and all the time I thought she was in Chicago if I’d even suspected she was so near I would’ve gone to see her, I would’ve found her. Bob gave nothing away of course I guess he was trying to give her the space she needed. Gerard tried and failed to find her and then he did what he always does he withdrew into himself letting alcohol be his life support.’ Frank shifted his position so he was facing Lyn now he lowered his voice as he continued ‘Then one day out of the blue Cheyenne shows up on my doorstep and tells me she’s pregnant and that there was a 50/50 chance the baby was mine. I had never been so elated or confused at the same time. I mean a baby! I can’t even tell you how excited I was I thought about it for days I even came up with names’ he said with a small laugh. Lyn could see his smile through the darkness ‘but of course it wasn’t meant to be’ he explained ‘the paternity test showed that Gerard was the father, not me. She begged me to be the father told me that we could start over but I couldn’t do that to him, I couldn’t do that to Gerard he deserved a chance. I know if the tables were turned I would’ve wanted that chance myself. One of the hardest things I had to do was turning her down. The offer of being with her and raising the baby, having a family unit of our own was so tempting but I couldn’t do it, not to Gerard and not to Jamia. But I promised her, I promised I would always be there for her and I always have. I love Jasmine as if she was my own and for the first three years of her life she was my own and there were nights when I was with them playing happy families and they were some of the best nights of my life. I’ve loved Cheyenne for five years and in that time I’ve convinced myself time and time again that I wasn’t in love with her to make things better for myself to be a better man for Jamia because she deserves so much better but no matter how hard I try I can’t stop loving her. At the beginning of the year Jamia suggested we try for a baby and I was more than willing I hoped the arrival of a little one of our own would change the way I feel but I’ve got a low sperm count or some shit and it’s not happening for us but I realise now that, that wouldn’t be a solution to how I feel it would only make things worse in the long run.’
‘You’re right’ Lyn agreed ‘you’d all suffer even the baby.’
Frank continued as if Lyn had never spoken ‘I told Cheyenne the other day that I was madly in love with her. Actually I told her twice. I asked her to be with me and she declined. It felt like a massive hole had been punched into my chest I’ve never felt such pain, the night that Jamia gave me her wedding ring back felt like a pinch compared to having Cheyenne reject me. I realised that I couldn’t be so close to her anymore and not be with her. I can’t see her everyday and trust myself to not tell her I love her and that I want t be with her. So I told her I can’t see her anymore, ever, only when it’s necessary. I can’t inflict anymore pain on myself. It’s better if I stay away. And that’s why I’m sad Lyn.’
It took Lyn a few minutes to realise she had tears running down her cheeks. She had no idea what Frank had been through, what he was still going through an how much pain he was in.
‘I’m sorry Frank’ she said reaching for him in the darkness, she found his cheek and stroked it gently ‘I’m sorry for coming here, I had no right to ask you to help me, you have your own stuff to deal with I’ll talk to Gerard myself.’
‘You don’t have to’ he sighed ‘I’ll help you.’
‘You have to help yourself’ she told him ‘what are you going to do?’
‘What I told Cheyenne I was going to do’ he replied ‘I’m going to stay away.’
‘That’s not going to do you any good’ Lyn protested ‘and what about Jamia and your plans to have a baby.’
‘I’m going to leave Jamia’ he said quietly rolling onto his back ‘I can’t keep doing this to her. God knows I love her...’
‘But you’re not in love with her’ Lyn finished for him
‘She deserve better. She a wonderful woman who ought to have a man that will love her and be in love with her and I’m not that man anymore. Keeping her with me is just plain selfish, every day I’m leading her on, leading her into a life that she believes we both want but I don’t want it and I don’t want to be selfish anymore.
‘Gosh Frank’ Lyn said ‘Are you sure you can’t make it work with Jamia? Maybe if you stay away from Cheyenne like you planned you’ll realise how much Jamia means to you.’
‘She means everything’ Frank said ‘she’s been my closet friend forever but Cheyenne means more.’
‘I don’t know what to say’ Lyn sighed heavily
‘And I’ve said too much’ Frank stated unsure of why he had said so much to someone he considered his enemy for so long.
‘I won’t tell anyone’ Lyn promised ‘I’ll never tell a soul.’
Frank said nothing, not sure whether to believe her or not but despite his lack f trust it felt good to get it off his chest, it felt good to finally say it all out loud. The relief was a comfort.
‘I’m going to go’ Lyn said after a while ‘And I’m sure you need to rest, your mind must be working over time.’
‘Don’t leave’ Frank spoke so softly so quietly that Lyn barely heard him ‘please.’
‘You want me to stay?’ Lyn asked confused by his decision she thought he would want nothing more than to be alone he had a lot to think about
‘If you don’t mind, I don’t feel like being by myself’ he confessed ‘you’re the only one who knows why I’m hurting. I guess you’re the only one who can really comfort me.’
Lyn smiled at his honesty and laid back down beside him. She found his hand and clasped it tightly in hers. She didn’t need to say a word the gesture said it all.
A/N Oh My God Lyn comforting Frank! Well I never! Hello my dears hope you all enjoyed that. There’s so much going on in here that I don’t know which part to write next but as usual with my stories it’s all going to end in a bang! See ya soon Reign xxx
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