FicWad

Another day, another city and yet more time sat in the claustrophobic confines of an overcrowded dressing room. Gerard sat picking at the thread on his black jacket before running his hands through his newly cropped bleached hair.

He'd spent weeks watching Kelly's profile and the changes to it both excited and terrified him. Her photos were becoming wilder and raunchier, the comments more confusing and suggestive. He'd heard nothing more from Louise, Kelly's closest friend, since his short message and he was surprised that instead of relief he felt disappointment. He realized he'd wanted her to push it, to make him reveal who he was in order for Kelly to find out that he was still there for her, still watching over her.

The band, his band, were heavily promoting their new album but even the hard work load couldn't distract him from this obsession and his preoccupation hadn't gone unnoticed. Gerard glanced quickly at Mikey to find that once again his piercing stare was glued to him. He smiled but his brother made no attempt to alter his thoughtful expression. Gerard didn't know how much longer he could blame his absentmindedness on stress. Mikey knew him better than anyone and it wouldn't take him long to figure out Gerard was lying - in fact he was shocked it was taking him quite so long.

Gerard took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. There was nothing else for him to do and Mikey's weighty stare was beginning to unnerve him.

A knock at the door caused the room to break with what they were doing as someone craned their head around to announce their ten minute call. It was time for Gerard to get in to character. He stood up and shook out his limbs.

"What's up with you?" Mikey asked, joining his brother as he began to pace the room.

Gerard looked from Mikey to the other men crowded in to the room and back again. There was enough background noise and shared conversations for them to speak without being noticed.

Gerard sighed, he'd known that eventually he would have to confide in Mikey but had hoped he could draw it out for a few weeks or at the least, days, until they were back at home. Sadly Mikey had other ideas.

"I'm doin' just fine Mikey. Why? Are you okay?" Gerard tried to deflect but his brother was on top of him.

"You've been weird for weeks now, why won't you tell me what's going on with you? And don't try and bull shit me, this isn't just nerves."

Pulling in his bottom lip, Gerard stopped pacing and appraised his little brother.

"Five minutes guys."

It was now or never. He hated dropping this bombshell just before they were due on but at least it would give Gerard a little breathing space whilst Mikey digested the information. He decided to go for the direct approach.

"Okay, you're right, it's not nerves." He twisted the hem of his jacket between his thumb and forefinger wishing desperately that he could swap the material for a cigarette. "It's Kelly."

As soon as the name fell from his lips Mikey's expression soured. Gerard sagged, he was hoping Mikey wouldn't recall the name quite so quickly but the fact that he did meant that this little chat wasn't going to go as well as Gerard wanted.

"What do you mean? What about her?" Mikey hissed quietly.

Gerard swallowed nervously. "She and her husband split."

Mikey's eyes narrowed. "How do you know?"

"I've been watching her profile from a second account."

"They split up? When?"

Gerard shrugged, purposely avoiding both the questions and Mikey's suspicious eyes.

"Well it makes no difference. You promised, we both did, you'd better not break it or so help me God I'll-"

"You're up guys," a petite blonde stuck her head around the door and grinned widely at the group, "follow me."

Gerard matched her smile and quickly fell in to step beside her, his gratitude at her timing and the valid excuse to get away from Mikey, overwhelming. As they neared the studio Gerard snuck a glimpse at his brother. Mikey, his hands shoved deep in to his pockets was walking at the back of the group, his dark eyes hooded and cast down.

*

Mikey remained quiet for the rest of the day and night, politely answering anyone who spoke to him but never instigating a conversation. Gerard knew he should speak to his brother but was hesitant, he didn't know where to start. Fortunately Mikey took the problem into his own hands, approaching Gerard as he crawled into his bunk.

"We need to talk."

Gerard sighed, it wasn't a request. He ran his trembling hand through his hair and followed his brother to the back of the moving bus. Glancing at his watch he noted it was nearing midnight, Mikey had been stewing over this for almost ten full hours.

As soon as they entered the empty area and the door was closed quietly behind them Mikey turned on Gerard.

"How long have you been stalking her?" His eyes blazed with silent fury and Gerard reeled back from their harsh glare.

"It's not like that." He offered feebly.

"Oh? Explain to me then? We agreed Gee, in fact you pretty much gave me no option and then you come to me and tell me this? What the fuck man?"

"You think you're the only one who's confused as hell? Mikey you're happy, you got Alicia, what do I have? Who do I have?"

"Oh right, I get it, you waited till I was happily married, and now you're going to make a move yeah? Was that the plan all along? Wait around long enough till I was taken then hit on her? Well I gotta at least admire your patience, what is it now one, two years?" Mikey was struggling to contain his anger as he hissed furiously at Gerard.

"No, it wasn't like that. Fuck Mikey, I'm an addict-"

"No! Don't you dare play that card. I forgave you so much shit but no, not this, you don't get to do that! We agreed. Damnit Gerard."

Gerard flopped down on to the padded booth and dropped his head into his hands, the motion of the bus gently rocking him. "I don't have an excuse Mikey and I'm sorry I really am but I couldn't quit her. I never talked to her, I never contacted her I just watched her. She has no idea but I just couldn't walk away Mike, I love her."

Mikey sighed and sank down next to his brother. "Yeah? And you know how I felt about her and for that matter how she felt about me, we had a connection, we got each other, but I gave it all up for you. I walked away, I left her in the dark, do you know how cruel we were to do that? You were her friend and I was... And we just turned our backs on her and now here you are telling me that you've been watching her all this time. Have you any idea how difficult it was for me to just cut her out like that?"

"Yeah Mikey I do. You're not the only one who connected you know, we had something-"

"I'm not having this argument again! Fuck, it's like we've gone back in time or something. I don't care who had the biggest claim on her, neither of us do now. Fuck it, neither of us did then, she was married." Mikey growled.

"Was." The word slipped out before Gerard could stop it. Instantly he clamped his hand over his mouth as Mikey turned to him, his eyes malicious slits.

"It doesn't change anything." Mikey snarled.

Gerard lowered his hand to his thigh and began nervously twisting his fingers together. "But why not? Things have changed Mikey, I've changed and you're happily married."

"You made a promise to me and you're going to fuckin' stick to it. It doesn't matter if I'm with Alicia-"

"What? What are you talking about? Are you saying you'd rather have Kelly?" Gerard gaped at his sibling, his mouth hung open in disbelief.

"No, God no! You know how I feel about Alicia; she's my world, that's not my point." Mikey sighed and sat back on the seat. "My point is this; you and I made a pact and just because things have changed it doesn't mean we can forget what we swore."

"Why not?"

"What? You want a list?" Mikey threw up his hands and shook his head. "Man, you're unbelievable."

"But I need her Mikey, I love her, still, after two years I still think about her-"

"And I don't? Are you forgetting that amongst everything else she was my friend?"

Gerard cast his eyes down, his guilt and sorrow knocking the air of his lungs. Mikey was right, it had been Gerard who had forced his brother to give her up but he'd had to, their relationship had depended on it.

"I know." Gerard whispered. "And you were a much better friend to her than I was but that doesn't change how I feel now. I can't help who I love Mikey. God knows I've tried to forget her but it doesn't work." He turned his face to meet the eyes of his brother. "I dated Sarah because physically she reminded me of Kelly, I slept with Reece because she used the same phrases that Kelly does, I dated Sophie because she had Kelly's eyes... do you want me to go on or have I made my point?"

"Yeah well you weren't the only one who found it hard getting over her-" Mikey snapped.

"That's just it though, I never got over her, I'm still as hung up on her now as I was back then can't you see that?"

Mikey licked his lips and stretched out his legs whilst eyeing his brother closely. Finally he nodded.

"Okay, so you still love her, but what difference does that make? Take me out of the equations for a moment... Remember why else you left her. I'm sorry Gee but you're still not good for her, you've changed yeah but you're still obsessive by nature. Sure it's her you want now, it's Kelly that's your infatuation but sooner or later you'll get bored and you'll move on to your next craving."

Gerard glared his eyes murderously dangerous and dark.

"Get over yourself Gee, you're a typical addict, you can't help yourself. You'd throw yourself in to the relationship for a while but eventually you'd hurt her, and I don't blame you, I'm not saying this to be a dick, it's just the way you're programmed. And you know it's all true. That's part of the reason you begged me to agree to this is in the first place."

"Yeah because back then what you said was true but I've changed. The whole situation is different now, you're not interested in her anymore, you have your wife."

"Damnit Gerard, this almost tore us apart and you're willing to go through it all again, and for what? I walked away from Kelly for you, I chose you over her even though I loved her..." Mikey swallowed. "Now I'm asking you to do the same. Choose me over her Gee, leave her alone and find someone else, anyone else, just not Kelly."

Gerard's heart stuttered painfully as he processed Mikey's request. It was a strange echo of the words Gerard had spoken almost two years earlier and they both knew that.

He'd had no right to ask Mikey to choose and yet for the love of his brother Mikey had done it. He'd never spoken of Kelly since and it had taken him a long time to forgive Gerard for making his unreasonable demands but they had eventually put it all behind them. Until now.

And now the shoe was on the other foot and Gerard knew that he really had no choice. He loved his brother and now he had to prove it.

"I'm sorry Mikey, you're right. Let's just drop it; I don’t wanna fight with you."

"No more stalking?"

Gerard sighed and nodded. "I won't check her account again."

Mikey slapped his brothers back, "I'm so sorry Gee but I really think this is for the best. It's only 'cos I love you so much dude."

Gerard smiled bitterly. "Yeah, look, I'm sorry I dragged this whole mess back up. I-"

"Let's just forget it and concentrate on the new album okay? No more Kelly, just the Black Parade from now on."

"Yeah. The Black Parade only."

Mikey stood up and stretched. "Thanks man." He stared earnestly down at Gerard. "I love you." He mumbled before walking to the door. "Night." He called as he sipped quietly through the door.

Gerard sighed heavily to himself. "Night." He whispered sadly.