Categories > Celebrities > Dir en grey
Disclaimer: Don't own Dir en grey, nor am I affiliated with them. We all can dream, though, right? ^^;
Mornings
The neon green numbers on the clock seemed to silently blare 7:00. It was a Friday, a normal day, an off day when the small vocalist would normally not even wake to see that number screaming at him through the darkness. Instead, he would normally turn over and huddle under his blankets as the chilly morning air made its way through his apartment.
But, he wasn’t asleep. Kyo was wide awake; rather, he wanted to sleep- he wished to the ends of the earth he could have been sleeping- but his mind wouldn’t let him. It had let him have small bouts of sleep, waking up at random intervals to stare at the clock. 12:40, 1:32, 2:55, 3:30, 4:43… And he had given up attempting sleep when he had opened his eyes to see the number 5:24 staring back at him.
For two and a half hours, he had stayed awake, running what had happened the night before through his head over and over again. The singer couldn’t make sense of it. And though he didn’t want to move even an inch, he forced himself up at seven to make himself some tea.
As he placed the tea kettle on the stove, Kyo imagined his friend brushing the singer’s blonde hair out of his eyes, like he had the previous night. He erased the smell of alcohol on his friend’s breath from his memory for that moment, just felt the other man’s lips brushing his own. Then, a moment when Kyo looked into the other’s eyes…he supposed now that pause was just his friend finding his balance, dizzily and blindly trying to have some fun, pretty intoxicated by then. Kyo couldn’t tell whether the other knew what he was doing…Kaoru.
Kyo backed away from the stove, wondering if the guitarist had any memory of what happened the previous night. Maybe he only thought he was kissing a random person at the bar the band had visited last night, maybe he really was that drunk. Kyo hadn’t touched the beer; he couldn’t stand alcohol, especially hangovers. They just weren’t worth it.
And now Kyo was more confused than he had ever been. He knew that, for as long as they were kissing in a dark, private corner last night, he felt drunkenly happy; no need for beer. But he couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t any insecurity about his sexuality. He never paid attention to whether it was a girl or guy he loved, he just loved. But he had never thought that he had a crush on his band mate. Sure, he had felt happier seeing Kaoru than anyone else, and he always wanted to be near the black-haired guitarist…
The sudden whistling of the tea kettle woke Kyo up from his thoughts. He continued making his tea, keeping his hands and mind busy for a few minutes. He finally settled at his dinner table by a window overlooking some of Tokyo, which was already bustling with businessmen going to work and children heading for school. Blowing on his tea, Kyo felt himself wanting to visit Kaoru and just be with him, but if Kaoru did remember what happened and felt…disgusted with himself…
Kyo sipped his tea, thinking now maybe it was best if he blocked the whole memory from his mind. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop feeling happy whenever he thought about how the guitarist brushed his calloused fingers down his Kyo’s arms, keeping him in place. The few minutes they spent together before a drunk Die started calling out for the lost Kaoru, who left a dazed Kyo behind. He hadn’t thought there was anything between the two of them, but now he was starting to think that he wanted there to be.
Just as the mug was emptied, Kyo decided that he needed to know where this- if there even was a this- was going. Even if the answer wasn’t what he wanted to hear. And once Kyo made up his mind, he wasn’t going to back down.
He grabbed his coat and dashed out of his apartment, locking his door, and leaving behind a pot of tea and an empty mug on the table. It didn’t take long to get to Kaoru’s apartment: even though he had only been there a few times, he had memorized how to get there. At each turn, each step, he felt a bit more apprehensive. But, finally, he arrived at the sought apartment building, climbed the stairs to the third floor (avoiding the elevator only to lengthen his trip), and stood in front of the fifth door down.
His fist hesitated before knocking lightly on Kaoru’s door. No answer. Kyo knocked harder this time. Still no answer. He let out a breath, and knocked again. After a moment he heard a bump and a familiar groan. About ten seconds later, the door opened slowly, revealing a disheveled Kaoru. The guitarist was holding his head and looking rather grim, but Kyo only saw the man from last night. He gulped down his fear and looked up at the slightly taller man.
“Kyo…?” Kaoru mumbled, sounding hoarse and groggy and a bit surprised, “Ah…come in.” He walked away from the door and sat down on his couch and closed his eyes. Kyo walked in and closed the door behind him, making Kaoru groan at the noise.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” Kyo moved closer, talking quietly, and not just to help the other man’s headache. Kaoru just nodded. “Oh. Well, I wanted to see how you were…you were pretty drunk last night…Do you remember?”
“Uh….I remember bits and pieces…Thanks for checking up on me, but I’ll be fine. Just have a terrible headache.” He picked up a pillow from the couch and covered his face with it, blocking out the light.
“Well, I can get you some water if you’d like it…” Kyo felt his heart sink at Kaoru’s words. So he didn’t remember? At least if he had remembered, Kyo would have an answer. Now how could he figure this out…?
Kaoru mumbled something like “Thanks” into the pillow, so Kyo retrieved him a glass of water and placed it next to him. Kaoru dropped the pillow and took a gulp, then another.
After a few moments of not knowing what to do with himself, Kyo asked: “Do you have any pills that can help?”
Kaoru looked up at him, a strange look on his face that melted into a small smile. “No, no…used them up. Thanks, Kyo…but I guess-“
“I can get some for you if you’d like.” Kyo blurted out, not wanting Kaoru to tell him that he could leave. Kaoru looked at him with a more surprised look on his face now.
“O-okay. But you really don’t have to-“
“No, no, I want to do…something.” Kyo didn’t specify any further than that, and Kaoru hesitantly agreed. The guitarist told him about a drugstore down the street, and Kyo left with a promise to be back soon. He didn’t see Kaoru’s eyes following him as he left, nor the blush on Kaoru’s face.
The cool air helped Kyo manage his thoughts a bit, as did getting away from Kaoru for a while, but his mind was still in turmoil. Kaoru didn’t remember their moment. But now that it had happened, Kyo had realized that he wanted this. He let out a sigh, his breath turning white as it left his lips. He bought some medicine to help Kaoru at the appointed store, and took his time getting back. He knew he was making Kaoru suffer longer, but Kaoru was (unknowingly) doing the same thing to him.
It was the second time that morning that Kyo hesitated outside Kaoru’s door. With still no plan, he knocked on it, this time with an immediate response. A slightly better-looking Kaoru opened the door and let him in, then going back to his place on the couch. Kyo got him another glass of water and got a few of the pills he had just bought. He sat down next to his friend after handing the glass and medicine to Kaoru, staring straight ahead. He refused to let his eyes wander to the guitarist, and his tenseness was clearly visible in his position and on his face.
He heard Kaoru take his pills. He didn’t want to leave, but he couldn’t see any other reason to stay. A few seconds of silence passed before Kyo turned his head to say goodbye. He froze, though, when he noticed the other man’s eyes on him.
“Kyo, don’t leave yet.” Kaoru said. Kyo’s eyes widened, feeling as though his thoughts weren’t safe now that Kaoru had seemed to read his mind.
“Ah…okay.”
Kaoru looked away, a slight blush on his cheeks. “Good…because…ano…I told you I remember bits and pieces of things from last night, right?” Kyo held his breath, guessing where this was going. “And…well, I remember what…happened. Last night. With…” He stopped there, still not looking at Kyo. “I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t…” He added quietly a few moment later.
Kyo felt his heart drop again, wishing he hadn’t heard those words. He wanted to just storm out, or to jump out the window right beside him, but instead he forced a weak smile and said: “It’s okay.” He got to his feet and headed for the door. He felt stupid and weak, but there was nothing he could do about it.
“You said you’d stay.” Kaoru said, bordering on whispering, before Kyo had the chance to reach the door.
“I…don’t think I can.” Kyo replied, trying to disguise the hurt he felt. Kaoru was still wasn’t looking at him, and didn’t answer him. The vocalist felt some anger well up inside him. He couldn’t stand the silence after about fifteen seconds. “…Kaoru, why did you kiss me?”
The guitarist’s eyes widened a bit at the question, but remained silent, remained staring ahead. Kyo walked over in front of him and knelt down a bit, forcing Kaoru to look at him. The older man moved his head back a bit, but besides that didn’t back down from his friend’s stare.
“Answer me!” Kyo begged, his voice sounding harsh to his ears. Kaoru’s eyes looked distant, like they usually did. It was regular for him to separate his emotions from everything, but Kyo couldn’t do that. His emotions directed everything he did. And, without a response, Kyo squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his lips against Kaoru’s. It was a short kiss, but he hoped it would transmit everything in his mind to Kaoru.
Kyo was the one to pull away, albeit reluctantly. It was with great relief that he saw a change on Kaoru’s face, even if the only emotion displayed was shock. Finally, he got an answer from the emotionless man.
“Kyo…” The name was barely audible, but Kyo was close enough to hear Kaoru say it under his breath.
“Please, answer me Kaoru.” Kyo begged for the last time.
“I was drunk…but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a real kiss.” Kaoru whispered, smiling. Kyo smiled back, and rewarded Kaoru’s answer with a slightly longer kiss to show he was pleased with it. This time it was Kaoru who pulled back. “Does this mean you’ll stay?” Kyo only chuckled and pulled the guitarist closer.
END
Mornings
The neon green numbers on the clock seemed to silently blare 7:00. It was a Friday, a normal day, an off day when the small vocalist would normally not even wake to see that number screaming at him through the darkness. Instead, he would normally turn over and huddle under his blankets as the chilly morning air made its way through his apartment.
But, he wasn’t asleep. Kyo was wide awake; rather, he wanted to sleep- he wished to the ends of the earth he could have been sleeping- but his mind wouldn’t let him. It had let him have small bouts of sleep, waking up at random intervals to stare at the clock. 12:40, 1:32, 2:55, 3:30, 4:43… And he had given up attempting sleep when he had opened his eyes to see the number 5:24 staring back at him.
For two and a half hours, he had stayed awake, running what had happened the night before through his head over and over again. The singer couldn’t make sense of it. And though he didn’t want to move even an inch, he forced himself up at seven to make himself some tea.
As he placed the tea kettle on the stove, Kyo imagined his friend brushing the singer’s blonde hair out of his eyes, like he had the previous night. He erased the smell of alcohol on his friend’s breath from his memory for that moment, just felt the other man’s lips brushing his own. Then, a moment when Kyo looked into the other’s eyes…he supposed now that pause was just his friend finding his balance, dizzily and blindly trying to have some fun, pretty intoxicated by then. Kyo couldn’t tell whether the other knew what he was doing…Kaoru.
Kyo backed away from the stove, wondering if the guitarist had any memory of what happened the previous night. Maybe he only thought he was kissing a random person at the bar the band had visited last night, maybe he really was that drunk. Kyo hadn’t touched the beer; he couldn’t stand alcohol, especially hangovers. They just weren’t worth it.
And now Kyo was more confused than he had ever been. He knew that, for as long as they were kissing in a dark, private corner last night, he felt drunkenly happy; no need for beer. But he couldn’t understand why. It wasn’t any insecurity about his sexuality. He never paid attention to whether it was a girl or guy he loved, he just loved. But he had never thought that he had a crush on his band mate. Sure, he had felt happier seeing Kaoru than anyone else, and he always wanted to be near the black-haired guitarist…
The sudden whistling of the tea kettle woke Kyo up from his thoughts. He continued making his tea, keeping his hands and mind busy for a few minutes. He finally settled at his dinner table by a window overlooking some of Tokyo, which was already bustling with businessmen going to work and children heading for school. Blowing on his tea, Kyo felt himself wanting to visit Kaoru and just be with him, but if Kaoru did remember what happened and felt…disgusted with himself…
Kyo sipped his tea, thinking now maybe it was best if he blocked the whole memory from his mind. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop feeling happy whenever he thought about how the guitarist brushed his calloused fingers down his Kyo’s arms, keeping him in place. The few minutes they spent together before a drunk Die started calling out for the lost Kaoru, who left a dazed Kyo behind. He hadn’t thought there was anything between the two of them, but now he was starting to think that he wanted there to be.
Just as the mug was emptied, Kyo decided that he needed to know where this- if there even was a this- was going. Even if the answer wasn’t what he wanted to hear. And once Kyo made up his mind, he wasn’t going to back down.
He grabbed his coat and dashed out of his apartment, locking his door, and leaving behind a pot of tea and an empty mug on the table. It didn’t take long to get to Kaoru’s apartment: even though he had only been there a few times, he had memorized how to get there. At each turn, each step, he felt a bit more apprehensive. But, finally, he arrived at the sought apartment building, climbed the stairs to the third floor (avoiding the elevator only to lengthen his trip), and stood in front of the fifth door down.
His fist hesitated before knocking lightly on Kaoru’s door. No answer. Kyo knocked harder this time. Still no answer. He let out a breath, and knocked again. After a moment he heard a bump and a familiar groan. About ten seconds later, the door opened slowly, revealing a disheveled Kaoru. The guitarist was holding his head and looking rather grim, but Kyo only saw the man from last night. He gulped down his fear and looked up at the slightly taller man.
“Kyo…?” Kaoru mumbled, sounding hoarse and groggy and a bit surprised, “Ah…come in.” He walked away from the door and sat down on his couch and closed his eyes. Kyo walked in and closed the door behind him, making Kaoru groan at the noise.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” Kyo moved closer, talking quietly, and not just to help the other man’s headache. Kaoru just nodded. “Oh. Well, I wanted to see how you were…you were pretty drunk last night…Do you remember?”
“Uh….I remember bits and pieces…Thanks for checking up on me, but I’ll be fine. Just have a terrible headache.” He picked up a pillow from the couch and covered his face with it, blocking out the light.
“Well, I can get you some water if you’d like it…” Kyo felt his heart sink at Kaoru’s words. So he didn’t remember? At least if he had remembered, Kyo would have an answer. Now how could he figure this out…?
Kaoru mumbled something like “Thanks” into the pillow, so Kyo retrieved him a glass of water and placed it next to him. Kaoru dropped the pillow and took a gulp, then another.
After a few moments of not knowing what to do with himself, Kyo asked: “Do you have any pills that can help?”
Kaoru looked up at him, a strange look on his face that melted into a small smile. “No, no…used them up. Thanks, Kyo…but I guess-“
“I can get some for you if you’d like.” Kyo blurted out, not wanting Kaoru to tell him that he could leave. Kaoru looked at him with a more surprised look on his face now.
“O-okay. But you really don’t have to-“
“No, no, I want to do…something.” Kyo didn’t specify any further than that, and Kaoru hesitantly agreed. The guitarist told him about a drugstore down the street, and Kyo left with a promise to be back soon. He didn’t see Kaoru’s eyes following him as he left, nor the blush on Kaoru’s face.
The cool air helped Kyo manage his thoughts a bit, as did getting away from Kaoru for a while, but his mind was still in turmoil. Kaoru didn’t remember their moment. But now that it had happened, Kyo had realized that he wanted this. He let out a sigh, his breath turning white as it left his lips. He bought some medicine to help Kaoru at the appointed store, and took his time getting back. He knew he was making Kaoru suffer longer, but Kaoru was (unknowingly) doing the same thing to him.
It was the second time that morning that Kyo hesitated outside Kaoru’s door. With still no plan, he knocked on it, this time with an immediate response. A slightly better-looking Kaoru opened the door and let him in, then going back to his place on the couch. Kyo got him another glass of water and got a few of the pills he had just bought. He sat down next to his friend after handing the glass and medicine to Kaoru, staring straight ahead. He refused to let his eyes wander to the guitarist, and his tenseness was clearly visible in his position and on his face.
He heard Kaoru take his pills. He didn’t want to leave, but he couldn’t see any other reason to stay. A few seconds of silence passed before Kyo turned his head to say goodbye. He froze, though, when he noticed the other man’s eyes on him.
“Kyo, don’t leave yet.” Kaoru said. Kyo’s eyes widened, feeling as though his thoughts weren’t safe now that Kaoru had seemed to read his mind.
“Ah…okay.”
Kaoru looked away, a slight blush on his cheeks. “Good…because…ano…I told you I remember bits and pieces of things from last night, right?” Kyo held his breath, guessing where this was going. “And…well, I remember what…happened. Last night. With…” He stopped there, still not looking at Kyo. “I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t…” He added quietly a few moment later.
Kyo felt his heart drop again, wishing he hadn’t heard those words. He wanted to just storm out, or to jump out the window right beside him, but instead he forced a weak smile and said: “It’s okay.” He got to his feet and headed for the door. He felt stupid and weak, but there was nothing he could do about it.
“You said you’d stay.” Kaoru said, bordering on whispering, before Kyo had the chance to reach the door.
“I…don’t think I can.” Kyo replied, trying to disguise the hurt he felt. Kaoru was still wasn’t looking at him, and didn’t answer him. The vocalist felt some anger well up inside him. He couldn’t stand the silence after about fifteen seconds. “…Kaoru, why did you kiss me?”
The guitarist’s eyes widened a bit at the question, but remained silent, remained staring ahead. Kyo walked over in front of him and knelt down a bit, forcing Kaoru to look at him. The older man moved his head back a bit, but besides that didn’t back down from his friend’s stare.
“Answer me!” Kyo begged, his voice sounding harsh to his ears. Kaoru’s eyes looked distant, like they usually did. It was regular for him to separate his emotions from everything, but Kyo couldn’t do that. His emotions directed everything he did. And, without a response, Kyo squeezed his eyes closed and pressed his lips against Kaoru’s. It was a short kiss, but he hoped it would transmit everything in his mind to Kaoru.
Kyo was the one to pull away, albeit reluctantly. It was with great relief that he saw a change on Kaoru’s face, even if the only emotion displayed was shock. Finally, he got an answer from the emotionless man.
“Kyo…” The name was barely audible, but Kyo was close enough to hear Kaoru say it under his breath.
“Please, answer me Kaoru.” Kyo begged for the last time.
“I was drunk…but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a real kiss.” Kaoru whispered, smiling. Kyo smiled back, and rewarded Kaoru’s answer with a slightly longer kiss to show he was pleased with it. This time it was Kaoru who pulled back. “Does this mean you’ll stay?” Kyo only chuckled and pulled the guitarist closer.
END
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