Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Lost Music Inside
With the weekend once again in tow, Desirae relished the Fridays, but it also had a down fall as the more time she would have to spend with her father. In just in a blink of an eye, she was back to hiding her bruises and the shame she carried inside her lost soul.
She had been happy when he was in class just like he said he would. She wasn’t so fearful of making contact like oh so desperately wanted, and did her best to show she cared, even if it was in more subtle ways, she still tried. Instead of going home like she normally would, she gasped when she pulled by the hand and spun around only to see the person responsible was three feet shorter than her. She smiled.
“You got quite a grip there.” She commented, and Shanna just shrugged.
“I’ve had plenty of practice.”
“Is that so?”
“Ever been chicken chasing? It’s not a easy as it sounds.”
“Well I haven’t heard of that, but I would assume it wouldn’t be.” She laughed and the duo began their favorite time of the day which was walking home with a friend. It felt good that for one single moment, they weren’t alone like they always were. They considered each other like a missing sibling they longed to have, and relished any time they had together. It was a strange event for Desirae, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise…
They reached the corner of the two streets before laughter of children erupted, and one had targeted the little person she had admired.
“Shanna where’s your blanky? You gonna cry baby?” One girl teased, the same girls she had previously encountered, and Desirae glared at them before they backed off and left them alone. Desirae turned her head to Shanna who had her head down, almost as if she was going to cry. Desirae looked around before biting her lip.
“You’re not a baby Shanna, don’t listen to them.”
“No matter what I do, they won’t stop picking on me.” Desirae wrapped her around her small shoulders and rubbed it softly.
“It’s okay cause one day, you’ll be grown up and happy, and they’ll be miserable for all the times they’ve picked on people.”
“Ya really believe that?”
“I do.” She assured the sad girl in her arms, and felt this was a good time to do some more bonding, like Bob had mentioned previously before. She thought this would be good for her, and hopefully not a rash decision.
“Do you want to come with me to see a really neat place?”
“Where?” Shanna asked carefully.
“It’s a surprise.” Desirae replied and Shanna nodded.
“Sure why not?”
“Come on, I promise you’ll like it.” She smiled as she took Shanna’s hand and dragged her to her favorite spot, which she was ultimately prepared to share with someone else for the very first time…
~~~
“Where are we?!” Shanna smiled.
“We’re in my meditating place, well I mean where I go to get away from everything.”
“It’s so pretty! Look at the trees and the river!”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I never knew about this, it’s calming.”
“That’s why I’m always here.” Desirae smiled and sat down on a big boulder where, Shanna soon joined her. Shanna nodded in understanding, and the silence between them didn’t have to speak, as they somehow connected.
The breeze flowed with the trees, and the river made its sounds as they watched it pass by, not caring about what was waiting out in the world for them, they felt safe here, and Desirae was glad she could share it with someone who could understand her meaning and purpose for their little trip.
“Can I ask you a question?” Shanna asked meekly.
“Of course.”
“Do you ever, hurt?”
“Hurt by what?” Desirae shifted uncomfortably.
“Your heart.” Shanna looked up at her with sad eyes and a frown and Desirae couldn’t do much but nod.
“All the time.” She answered truthfully and honestly.
“How do you fix it?”
“I just keep some hope in my mind, ya know? That maybe one day things will get better, and I’ll forget it happened.”
“What if that won’t happen to me?” Desirae hugged the poor girl and held her by her shoulders.
“It’s just a bump in the long road you have ahead of you, this won’t matter in the long run. But you have believe it will, or it won’t work.” Desirae could see Shanna take those words in stride, and it helped her as much as it did to the girl next to her. She just hoped that it was true…
“I think I should get you home, I don’t want Rosalina to get blamed if you’re not home.” Desirae hopped off the boulder and held her hands out, helping Shanna down before they picked up their school belongings and headed back home, both of them smiling as they knew this wouldn’t be the last time they would be visiting….
They reached the front steps and the door opened revealing Rosalina with a flustered look on her face.
“I was worried about you! You’re father wanted to know where you were.” Her voice remained calm, despite her worry.
“I’m sorry Rosalina, I was showing Shanna something and we lost track of time, I’m really sorry.” Desirae apologized and the woman’s eyes became soft again.
“It’s fine Desirae, just remember to do next time.” She smiled.
“I promise.” Desirae began to turn around when Rosalina spoke making her turn back.
“Would you like to come in? I made a cake, and we could definitely use an extra person.”
“I would love to, but I got to head home.”
“Nonsense.” Rosalina smiled and led her into the Bryar house, and Desirae didn’t want to be rude, so she went in into the familiar house taking a stand in the kitchen, while Rosalina began to finish up the cake that gave a sweet aroma that filled the house, making it hospitable. While Shanna put her things away, Desirae watched Rosalina move about, admiring her appearance and the soft humming voice she made while moving about with such grace, it reminded her of someone very special. She smiled at the thought.
“So Desirae you have the same class as Bob?” Rosalina turned around and looked at Desirae, who looked up nervously.
“Umm…well we just have Health class together.”
“That’s nice, how do you like it?”
“It’s fine.” Desirae answered simply.
“I remember when I was in school, if I had finished like I planned to.” Her smiled faded and turned into a frown.
“Why didn’t you?” Desirae whispered afraid of upsetting the poor woman.
“I just had some family issues, it became too much balance, and I wasn’t able to attend anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” Desirae offered, unsure what to say to something like that. Rosalina shook her head.
“Don’t be honey, I’m happy where am I now, and the past is the past.” She gave a small nod, rather convincing herself than Desirae and turned back to making her cake. Desirae had frowned.
“May I use the restroom?”
“Sure dear, it’s down the hall.” Desirae nodded and made her way down the hall, exploring the new parts of the house she hadn’t seen yet. Her eyes turned to her left, as she heard coughing coming from one room. Her curious eyes wandered to the door, and part of her felt the urge to peek through the door, but then other part knew it was wrong. But still her heart seemed to control her and soon her hands touched the barely cracked door.
“Don’t go in there.” A voice snapped and she jumped startled but the noise and turned around to see Bob somewhat glaring at her, and she looked down.
“I’m really sorry, I was looking for the restroom.” She whispered feeling like a child being scolded as he pointed to the other door on the right.
“It’s over there.” He said and she blushed in complete embarrassment as he walked off without another word, leaving her to feel stupid, as he seemed mad about the whole thing. Why did she have to look?
She walked into the restroom and closed the door sighing against it and walking to the mirror looking at herself, and stared at the person reflecting her. Even the reflection seemed to shake her head in disappointment and Desirae frowned.
“I’m such an idiot.” She muttered and walked back out, wondering if she should just go incase Bob was around. When he wasn’t, Shanna appeared and brought out her tea set, making it very clear she wasn’t going anywhere. Desirae nodded in defeat and sat down as the small china dishes were passed out and set on the kitchen table. When the treats had been eaten, and the tea was finished, Desirae had figured it was time to head back, saying her goodbyes and thank you’s before heading home, closing the door behind her and walking down the steps. When she walked only a couple inches from their house, she spotted him sitting by the river, knees pulled to his chest as he stared into nothing.
She kept her distance, but watched him with small fascination as his hair beamed in the sunlight and strands danced in the soft breeze of the clear air. She a took a deep breath before walking towards him, nervousness in her stomach as she approached closer and closer, hoping he wasn’t still mad at her. She behind him and carefully took a seat next to him.
“Hi.” She whispered and he turned to her for a mere second before turning back away from her. Great he was still mad…
“Again I’m sorry, I didn’t know which room it was.” She apologized again and he eventually shrugged.
“It’s okay. That just my mother’s room.”
“Oh.” She muttered, already knowing that, just playing off the guilt she felt. He remained quiet until she broke the silence.
“Are you okay?” She asked and he scoffed.
“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” He said uneasily, pretending to be okay. She knew he really wasn’t, and even if he didn’t accept she still wanted him to know. She always wanted him to know.
“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m a good listener.” She offered and he shifted uncomfortably.
“Thanks, but I don’t think that would help.”
“Why not?”
“Just cause…you wouldn’t understand.” He admitted and her heart seemed to throb with rejection and hurt. How could he assume he wouldn’t.
“How do you know that?” She asked.
“I just know.” He replied. She shook her head, slightly insulted.
“You don’t know.” She retorted and he didn’t seem to care. She gave up.
“Fine, I was just being a person who cared.” She whispered and stood up and began to walk away when the words that came next, she stopped dead in her tracks frozen.
“My mom has terminal cancer.” He whispered. She turned around and faced him while he barely faced her.
“She’s dying.” He added and she sat back down closer to him as he stared into the river.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He asked.
“That you have to go through what I did.” She replied and he looked up at her and she nodded.
“My mother died when I was 5...from cancer.” She told him and watched as his face dropped with guilt and shame.
“You thought I wouldn’t understand.” She whispered and he faced her.
“I should be sorry now.” He muttered and she shook her head.
“It’s fine.”
“No, I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t. It just makes me angry about the whole thing.” He admitted again and she nodded understanding.
“I know and you shouldn’t have to feel that way, no one does.”
“Its just not fair.” He shook his head and fended off the tears that were in the corner of his eyes. She may have been crazy, but she reached out and gently took her hand in his. She was surprised when he didn’t pull away. He looked up at her and smiled slightly, but frowning again.
“Thank you Desirae.”
“Anytime Bob.” She replied and they both returned to looking at the river, not daring to ruin the moment, and she said a quick prayer with the simplest of words…
Thank you for him giving me a chance…
________________________________________
A/N: Finally. I know. I’m seriously hoping you enjoyed this. If it seems rushed, it’s because well…it is. You see my mom just had back surgery yesterday, so I was at the hospital the whole time, and tried to finish this in one night, while taking care of my mom…ah well. Rates and Reviews always welcome (: xoxo
She had been happy when he was in class just like he said he would. She wasn’t so fearful of making contact like oh so desperately wanted, and did her best to show she cared, even if it was in more subtle ways, she still tried. Instead of going home like she normally would, she gasped when she pulled by the hand and spun around only to see the person responsible was three feet shorter than her. She smiled.
“You got quite a grip there.” She commented, and Shanna just shrugged.
“I’ve had plenty of practice.”
“Is that so?”
“Ever been chicken chasing? It’s not a easy as it sounds.”
“Well I haven’t heard of that, but I would assume it wouldn’t be.” She laughed and the duo began their favorite time of the day which was walking home with a friend. It felt good that for one single moment, they weren’t alone like they always were. They considered each other like a missing sibling they longed to have, and relished any time they had together. It was a strange event for Desirae, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise…
They reached the corner of the two streets before laughter of children erupted, and one had targeted the little person she had admired.
“Shanna where’s your blanky? You gonna cry baby?” One girl teased, the same girls she had previously encountered, and Desirae glared at them before they backed off and left them alone. Desirae turned her head to Shanna who had her head down, almost as if she was going to cry. Desirae looked around before biting her lip.
“You’re not a baby Shanna, don’t listen to them.”
“No matter what I do, they won’t stop picking on me.” Desirae wrapped her around her small shoulders and rubbed it softly.
“It’s okay cause one day, you’ll be grown up and happy, and they’ll be miserable for all the times they’ve picked on people.”
“Ya really believe that?”
“I do.” She assured the sad girl in her arms, and felt this was a good time to do some more bonding, like Bob had mentioned previously before. She thought this would be good for her, and hopefully not a rash decision.
“Do you want to come with me to see a really neat place?”
“Where?” Shanna asked carefully.
“It’s a surprise.” Desirae replied and Shanna nodded.
“Sure why not?”
“Come on, I promise you’ll like it.” She smiled as she took Shanna’s hand and dragged her to her favorite spot, which she was ultimately prepared to share with someone else for the very first time…
~~~
“Where are we?!” Shanna smiled.
“We’re in my meditating place, well I mean where I go to get away from everything.”
“It’s so pretty! Look at the trees and the river!”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I never knew about this, it’s calming.”
“That’s why I’m always here.” Desirae smiled and sat down on a big boulder where, Shanna soon joined her. Shanna nodded in understanding, and the silence between them didn’t have to speak, as they somehow connected.
The breeze flowed with the trees, and the river made its sounds as they watched it pass by, not caring about what was waiting out in the world for them, they felt safe here, and Desirae was glad she could share it with someone who could understand her meaning and purpose for their little trip.
“Can I ask you a question?” Shanna asked meekly.
“Of course.”
“Do you ever, hurt?”
“Hurt by what?” Desirae shifted uncomfortably.
“Your heart.” Shanna looked up at her with sad eyes and a frown and Desirae couldn’t do much but nod.
“All the time.” She answered truthfully and honestly.
“How do you fix it?”
“I just keep some hope in my mind, ya know? That maybe one day things will get better, and I’ll forget it happened.”
“What if that won’t happen to me?” Desirae hugged the poor girl and held her by her shoulders.
“It’s just a bump in the long road you have ahead of you, this won’t matter in the long run. But you have believe it will, or it won’t work.” Desirae could see Shanna take those words in stride, and it helped her as much as it did to the girl next to her. She just hoped that it was true…
“I think I should get you home, I don’t want Rosalina to get blamed if you’re not home.” Desirae hopped off the boulder and held her hands out, helping Shanna down before they picked up their school belongings and headed back home, both of them smiling as they knew this wouldn’t be the last time they would be visiting….
They reached the front steps and the door opened revealing Rosalina with a flustered look on her face.
“I was worried about you! You’re father wanted to know where you were.” Her voice remained calm, despite her worry.
“I’m sorry Rosalina, I was showing Shanna something and we lost track of time, I’m really sorry.” Desirae apologized and the woman’s eyes became soft again.
“It’s fine Desirae, just remember to do next time.” She smiled.
“I promise.” Desirae began to turn around when Rosalina spoke making her turn back.
“Would you like to come in? I made a cake, and we could definitely use an extra person.”
“I would love to, but I got to head home.”
“Nonsense.” Rosalina smiled and led her into the Bryar house, and Desirae didn’t want to be rude, so she went in into the familiar house taking a stand in the kitchen, while Rosalina began to finish up the cake that gave a sweet aroma that filled the house, making it hospitable. While Shanna put her things away, Desirae watched Rosalina move about, admiring her appearance and the soft humming voice she made while moving about with such grace, it reminded her of someone very special. She smiled at the thought.
“So Desirae you have the same class as Bob?” Rosalina turned around and looked at Desirae, who looked up nervously.
“Umm…well we just have Health class together.”
“That’s nice, how do you like it?”
“It’s fine.” Desirae answered simply.
“I remember when I was in school, if I had finished like I planned to.” Her smiled faded and turned into a frown.
“Why didn’t you?” Desirae whispered afraid of upsetting the poor woman.
“I just had some family issues, it became too much balance, and I wasn’t able to attend anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” Desirae offered, unsure what to say to something like that. Rosalina shook her head.
“Don’t be honey, I’m happy where am I now, and the past is the past.” She gave a small nod, rather convincing herself than Desirae and turned back to making her cake. Desirae had frowned.
“May I use the restroom?”
“Sure dear, it’s down the hall.” Desirae nodded and made her way down the hall, exploring the new parts of the house she hadn’t seen yet. Her eyes turned to her left, as she heard coughing coming from one room. Her curious eyes wandered to the door, and part of her felt the urge to peek through the door, but then other part knew it was wrong. But still her heart seemed to control her and soon her hands touched the barely cracked door.
“Don’t go in there.” A voice snapped and she jumped startled but the noise and turned around to see Bob somewhat glaring at her, and she looked down.
“I’m really sorry, I was looking for the restroom.” She whispered feeling like a child being scolded as he pointed to the other door on the right.
“It’s over there.” He said and she blushed in complete embarrassment as he walked off without another word, leaving her to feel stupid, as he seemed mad about the whole thing. Why did she have to look?
She walked into the restroom and closed the door sighing against it and walking to the mirror looking at herself, and stared at the person reflecting her. Even the reflection seemed to shake her head in disappointment and Desirae frowned.
“I’m such an idiot.” She muttered and walked back out, wondering if she should just go incase Bob was around. When he wasn’t, Shanna appeared and brought out her tea set, making it very clear she wasn’t going anywhere. Desirae nodded in defeat and sat down as the small china dishes were passed out and set on the kitchen table. When the treats had been eaten, and the tea was finished, Desirae had figured it was time to head back, saying her goodbyes and thank you’s before heading home, closing the door behind her and walking down the steps. When she walked only a couple inches from their house, she spotted him sitting by the river, knees pulled to his chest as he stared into nothing.
She kept her distance, but watched him with small fascination as his hair beamed in the sunlight and strands danced in the soft breeze of the clear air. She a took a deep breath before walking towards him, nervousness in her stomach as she approached closer and closer, hoping he wasn’t still mad at her. She behind him and carefully took a seat next to him.
“Hi.” She whispered and he turned to her for a mere second before turning back away from her. Great he was still mad…
“Again I’m sorry, I didn’t know which room it was.” She apologized again and he eventually shrugged.
“It’s okay. That just my mother’s room.”
“Oh.” She muttered, already knowing that, just playing off the guilt she felt. He remained quiet until she broke the silence.
“Are you okay?” She asked and he scoffed.
“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” He said uneasily, pretending to be okay. She knew he really wasn’t, and even if he didn’t accept she still wanted him to know. She always wanted him to know.
“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m a good listener.” She offered and he shifted uncomfortably.
“Thanks, but I don’t think that would help.”
“Why not?”
“Just cause…you wouldn’t understand.” He admitted and her heart seemed to throb with rejection and hurt. How could he assume he wouldn’t.
“How do you know that?” She asked.
“I just know.” He replied. She shook her head, slightly insulted.
“You don’t know.” She retorted and he didn’t seem to care. She gave up.
“Fine, I was just being a person who cared.” She whispered and stood up and began to walk away when the words that came next, she stopped dead in her tracks frozen.
“My mom has terminal cancer.” He whispered. She turned around and faced him while he barely faced her.
“She’s dying.” He added and she sat back down closer to him as he stared into the river.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He asked.
“That you have to go through what I did.” She replied and he looked up at her and she nodded.
“My mother died when I was 5...from cancer.” She told him and watched as his face dropped with guilt and shame.
“You thought I wouldn’t understand.” She whispered and he faced her.
“I should be sorry now.” He muttered and she shook her head.
“It’s fine.”
“No, I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t. It just makes me angry about the whole thing.” He admitted again and she nodded understanding.
“I know and you shouldn’t have to feel that way, no one does.”
“Its just not fair.” He shook his head and fended off the tears that were in the corner of his eyes. She may have been crazy, but she reached out and gently took her hand in his. She was surprised when he didn’t pull away. He looked up at her and smiled slightly, but frowning again.
“Thank you Desirae.”
“Anytime Bob.” She replied and they both returned to looking at the river, not daring to ruin the moment, and she said a quick prayer with the simplest of words…
Thank you for him giving me a chance…
________________________________________
A/N: Finally. I know. I’m seriously hoping you enjoyed this. If it seems rushed, it’s because well…it is. You see my mom just had back surgery yesterday, so I was at the hospital the whole time, and tried to finish this in one night, while taking care of my mom…ah well. Rates and Reviews always welcome (: xoxo
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