FicWad

Happy Late Halloween!

Meant to have this up sooner, but as they say, "Halloween is an excuse
for women to get drunk, and dress slutty!" I had quite a bit of
research to do... :)


In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes
(which I also don't own):

"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!

With that Harry was grabbed by the closest woman and saw that his
plain dress robes changed into some sort of leather and metal armor?
Although, what kind of armor left the legs bare? And why did he seem
to be wearing a skirt? There seemed to be a breeze as he felt
considerably more air circulation than a mere moment ago. Perhaps
going hitwizard was not the wisest choice of underwear for the party
after all. At least he had the comforting feel of a sword at his
side, and a solid round shield at his back. Although he realized his
vision was drastically reduced. He reached up to remove the helm he
now wore, and as it cleared his head, his jaw dropped as he saw a
vision of beauty. In a loose fitting, but diaphanous white toga,
stood Daphne Greengrass, wearing a crown and a pair of snakeskin
sandals with straps that crossed back and forth up a pair of amazing
legs. The slight breeze in the room caused the ankle length dress to
shift and shimmer, exposing an amazing expanse of tanned skin. Golden
jewelry accentuated her slim waist, and amazing arse. Harry actually
felt pity for the fabric, as it seemed doomed to fail spectacularly if
Daphne took so much as a deep breath. For while the lower portion of
the dress was loose and flowed, the top was filled to bursting. Her
delicate hands suddenly turned into claws as she dug her nails into
Harry's bicep, dragging him away from the hissing females.

"Back Bitches! I worked out a deal with the ringmaster for this
beforehand! You can have whatever I leave of him! Hope you girls
enjoy limp spaghetti!" cackled an amused Daphne.

'Wear me out? We'll just see about that! Seems my honor is at stake
here, let's see who is limp when I am done with them.' thought Harry,
as he glared back at Hermione, who seemed to be laughing with Luna
about something. She looked up, blushed and made a shooing motion as
Harry was drug into the open door behind Daphne.

With a squelch and several hastily cast spells, Daphne sealed and
silenced the room. She turned around, suddenly demure and blushing.
"Sorry Harry, Hermione didn't want you to have a chance to back out.
She figured I would be able to relax you and answer any of your
questions while she kept all the rest of the girls in line and got
into her costume. You aren't upset with me are you?" pleaded a
worried Daphne, as she fluttered her long dark eyelashes at Harry.
She quickly pressed herself against Harry's chest, and looked deep
into his eyes. Amethyst eyes met Emerald as the two embraced. Harry
sighed, and ran one hand through her silky black tresses. He rubbed
his other hand up and down her arm trying to comfort her. He felt a
cool, dry scaly ridge, and looked down to see a narrow golden bracelet
encircling her arm. He started to trace it, and realized it was a
golden snake wrapped around her bicep. As he more closely examined
it, he noticed a small snake head lift and look at him. It's emerald
eyes blinked and suddenly bit the finger tracing the golden snake
armband.

"Son of a Bitch! What the hell Daph! I know you are a Slytherin and
all, but do you have to take it so far!" yelled Harry, as he stepped
back shaking his hand. Just as he was about to suck on the finger,
Daphne grabbed his finger, and gently kissed the small puncture wound.

"Relax Harry, it's not a real asp! It's just a way to make sure you
take your potions. We all know how much you hate seeing the
mediwizard, so we worked this out. It gave you an enhanced healing,
stamina, as well as immunity from anything some of those girls might
be carrying, and prevents transfer of anything nasty. Plus this way
you don't have to taste anything too vile." explained Daphne.

Harry knew he could trust Daphne, although he was getting tired of his
witches making decisions for him. He did have to admit, he didn't
like seeing the mediwizards. After the last incident, and the
resulting donation leading to a replacement wing of the hospital, he
was pretty sure no one else would be telling him to turn his head and
cough. Oh well, at least the new Potter Wing of St. Mungo's was tax
deductible. Hermione still hadn't told him what that new wing would
be used for though. Oh well.

"Still Daphne, did it have to involve a bite? You know I am not a big
fan of those!" complained Harry. She was now lightly nibbling on his
finger, and he anger was rapidly fading. Suddenly, he felt a cool
hand underneath his armor, and was even less concerned.

Daphne giggled, "Didn't seem to bother you when I bit you last week Harry.
Besides, I think I have a lot more to worry about with
this trouser basilisk than you do from my little bitty snaky-poo."
With that comment, Daphne dropped to her knees and proceeded to say
hello to her favorite snake. While it didn't turn her to stone, it
certainly made her insides melt with it's venom. She also greatly
enjoyed the role reversal of turning it to stone; over and over and
over again.

"I thought you said that there wasn't anything to worry about from
that snake bite Ms. Greengrass?" asked a highly distracted Harry. So
distracted that he missed the small ding when he correctly identified
the first and last name of the witch he was with.

"Mmmf'ere mmmmn't mmmlly" mumbled Daphne, quite focused at her task.

"Really? Well it still seems like you are going about sucking out the
poison the long way." moaned Harry.

Daphne declined to respond verbally, although she did give a warning
squeeze of Harry's balls, that clearly sent the "less punning, more
tonguing" message. Daphne's lips gave an audible pop, as she pushed
Harry on to the inordinately large bed and proceeded to straddle his
face. Harry had to laugh when he saw her panties. Only a Slytherin
would wear snakeskin panties. Functional though, as he noticed there
was no crotch. With that he decided to remind Daphne of just why
Parseltongues were so revered in the magical Karma Sutra. With a
yelp, Daphne cursed and tried to uncross her eyes enough to finish her
assigned task. Unfortunately, Hermione had gotten Daphne quite worked
up in their "negotiations" and she was on a hair trigger. Every time
she managed to stop panting long enough to grab Harry, he would start
doing something different with that damned, horrible, unfair,
prehensile, twitching, vibrating, wonderful..."

"OH DEAR SWEEEEEET MERCIFUL MAEVE ON A BROOM! GET UP HERE AND FUCK ME
POTTER!" howled an overcome Daphne. Frankly, between that absolutely
amazing tongue, and being unable to focus enough to avoid being poked
in the eye, she just couldn't compete. As her world spun crazily,
Harry quickly flipped on top of her and grabbed one leg by the thigh.
With a long drawn out sigh, she felt her nether lips being insistently
spread by what felt like an extra large broomstick. Oh, how she had
missed this! Damn Hermione and her overly complicated plans! Too
much planning, just for a bit of coordination of schedules!

Harry was actually considering the fact he should have kept the helmet
he had started this with on. Between Daphne's howling and her
tendency to pull hair, he wasn't sure if his ears or his hair were in
worse shape. Of course now that he had her good and going, all he
really needed to do was avoid having her crack his ribs again. He
proceeded to shag Daphne through several screaming, howling orgasms,
before they both finished together. She hissed in a mixture of pain
and satisfaction before gently shoving him off. Rolling to the side,
and shuddering, she undid the ties on her knickers and handed them to
Harry.

"That was wonderful Harry, but I simply can't take any more. Take
these outside, and see who strikes your fancy next." groaned a
twitching Daphne, cradling her too sensitive privates.

"Fine Daph, but remember before you start bragging next time, you were
the limp one when I left." chastised Harry, as he straightened his
costume.

Daphne merely raised a two finger salute as Harry removed the charms,
and left the room.

As he opened the door, he was only slightly surprised to see most of
the witches hastily rolling up WWW's Extendable Ears up, while a few
were fanning themselves, wearing glasses that looked like copies of
Luna's. He noticed a box by the door, labeled SPPEW's Unmentionable's
Collection point, and dropped Daphne's knickers in them. He shook his
head at the blatant misspelling. It seemed he would have to have a
talk with Hermione. She really was slipping if she was misspelling
her own organization's acronyms.

He looked around and noticed a witch that drew his eye and...

A/N -thanks for all of the feedback and reviews! I have pretty much
everyone and their costumes planned out at this point. I think I will
not spell out who all of them are, just to see if my descriptive
skills at the costume are sufficient. I will remove each witch from
the poll on ff.net as their chapter is written. It was interesting
that Ginny only got one vote out of everyone who voted. Let me know
who you would like to see next! Thanks especially to everyone at the
HP yahoo groups who have helped me tame this plot bunny!

Just a quick explanation, this is an AU built with large parts of the
Harry Potter Chief Auror universe, various fanfics, and my own twisted
delusions. Ignore the Definitely Horribles and the crapilogue.