Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Unmentionables...?
The Unmentionables...?
10 reviewsHarry gets invited to a seminar by Hermione on Halloween. Harry/Multi
5Funny
A/N This came about from a discussion about The Unforgivables, which digressed from religion
to schoolgirl outfits and then Halloween costumes...and well...
Happy Halloween!
In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):
"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"
Harry Potter, "The-MAN-who-shagged-Hermione-Granger-speechless-in-the-middle-of-the-Great-Hall" ™ looked at the invitation in his hand.
Why Hermione would put together a lecture on Halloween and ask him to
attend was beyond Harry.
She knew he had a standing appointment with a case of Ogden's finest
and a bag of cheezy poofs.
But...well, for Hermione?
Damnit.
Oh well, what's the worst that could happen?
He'd have to remember to point out the printing error on the
invitation though. He was sure she had meant "a study of the
Unforgivables", not the Unmentionables. Although, with her being an
Unspeakable, you never knew.
And why had she sent him a set of dress robes? She knew how he hated
to dress up. Oh well, Hermione always tried to take care of all the
details.
October 31st evening.
Harry had to admit, Hermione knew him all too well. The dress robes
fit him like a glove, and were very tastefully understated. Nothing
like the gaudy robes festooned with a fruit salad of ribbons and
medals he normally had to wear at Ministry events. As he straightened
his tie, he felt the tug of a portkey behind his navel.
Sneaky Minx! She really did know him too well. He had been seriously
considering skipping out on the event and drowning his memories in
fire-whiskey. He felt the anti-everything wards go up and knew he
would have to give the naughty witch a piece of...
Merlin, Morganna, and Maeve!!!
He looked around and realized that he was surrounded by a bevy of
beauties, all of which were in their Halloween costumes. The costumes
for the most part seemed to have been bought in the infants section
due to their skimpiness and lack of fabric. However, some of the more
risque ones probably came from the back room at Flourish and Blott's
(which only appeared once you were of age).
Harry reevaluated exactly what piece he would be giving Hermione when
he next saw her.
"Harry! I knew you'd make it!" said an ecstatic Hermione. "And you
wore the outfit I picked out for you!"
Harry merely arched his eyebrow, crossed his arms and replied, "Funny
how that worked, isn't it?"
"Now, now none of that, here, uncross your arms it ruins the lines.
Now, you'll need your mask..." explained a giddy Hermione.
A giddy Hermione was a dangerous thing. It tended to lead to the
other Unspeakables gibbering in fear, gnashing their teeth; or a
drained Harry with friction burn in very sensitive areas.
The last time she was this excited was when her first book was published. He
hadn't been able to sleep on his back for a week, and still had a scar
on his shoulder from her teeth.
Ah, good times.
So he was willing to give his kinky bookworm at least the benefit of
the doubt.
Probably.
"...your costume off very well!" gushed Hermione as she bounced on her toes.
Definitely maybe.
Harry nodded and followed the oscillations for a few seconds, until he
realized he had just agreed to whatever Hermione had asked him.
Damnit!
The last time he had blindly agreed to something Hermione asked when he
was distracted, had led to them shagging on the Headmaster's chair of
the great hall, during the Welcoming Feast. Of course, Hermione had
been right, and the "boy who lived" moniker had been well and truly
forgotten. It also led to a new spate of product endorsement
requests. One of which, the "Hairy Peter" dildo, he still suspected
Hermione and Luna had conspired on. Oh well, while the new nickname
did make Hermione blush and sputter, it was much better than the old
one he hadn't earned.
"Costume? What costume? I am just wearing the dress robes you sent
me." asked Harry, eyes narrowing, as he wondered just exactly what
Hermione had gotten him into this time.
"Honestly Harry! Don't you ever read the notes I send you? The
costume is enchanted to be what your partner most wants to see you in,
or the best match for her costume! Now put on your mask and get to
work! There are several witches here who paid good money to attend!"
fussed Hermione as she applied a sticking charm to Harry's mask.
"Here's your dance card, remember, we only get a bonus if you can
identify the witch before you remove their unmentionables! Off you
go!" and with that, Hermione shoved Harry towards the pack of women.
"Hermione! what do you mean paid? A bonus? Are you whoring me out!?!"
squeaked a suddenly nervous Harry, who felt disturbingly like a mouse in a room
full of hungry cats.
'Are they purring?' thought Harry, as he ran his hand through his uncontrollable hair.
Make that a mouse soaked in milk.
The witches all started to move closer, and Harry noticed many of their costumes were either very thin, sheer, and that even though he was sweating, there must be a window open letting in a very cold draft.
Check that, a mouse soaked in cream, rolled in catnip. Judging by the way the cats... err, witches were licking their lips, dinner was about to be served.
"Silly Harry! This is like one of those charity date auctions! All of the proceeds go to SPPEW!" laughed Hermione.
With that Harry was grabbed by the closest woman and saw that his plain dress robes changed into...
I wasn't going to write any more of this, but I was encouraged to continue. At the same time, there are several other authors, that I would love to see what they could do with this. So if you would like to take a shot, feel free. :)
Quick notes to help-
No limit on the witches that could appear, after all, Hermione loves a good cause.
The costume Harry is wearing is charmed to reappear in whatever form the next witch to get their hands on Harry imagines, or best ties together with her costume.
Voldie is dead, but the evil witches could be "reformed" if you want.
For my version, I will probably post this over on ff . net with a poll of what witch, or witches appear next. Otherwise, leave a note in the reviews.
Thanks for the feedback.
to schoolgirl outfits and then Halloween costumes...and well...
Happy Halloween!
In the slightly modified words of Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes (which I also don't own):
"I own nothing, I hear nothing, I see nothing, I know nothing! Nothing!"
Harry Potter, "The-MAN-who-shagged-Hermione-Granger-speechless-in-the-middle-of-the-Great-Hall" ™ looked at the invitation in his hand.
Why Hermione would put together a lecture on Halloween and ask him to
attend was beyond Harry.
She knew he had a standing appointment with a case of Ogden's finest
and a bag of cheezy poofs.
But...well, for Hermione?
Damnit.
Oh well, what's the worst that could happen?
He'd have to remember to point out the printing error on the
invitation though. He was sure she had meant "a study of the
Unforgivables", not the Unmentionables. Although, with her being an
Unspeakable, you never knew.
And why had she sent him a set of dress robes? She knew how he hated
to dress up. Oh well, Hermione always tried to take care of all the
details.
October 31st evening.
Harry had to admit, Hermione knew him all too well. The dress robes
fit him like a glove, and were very tastefully understated. Nothing
like the gaudy robes festooned with a fruit salad of ribbons and
medals he normally had to wear at Ministry events. As he straightened
his tie, he felt the tug of a portkey behind his navel.
Sneaky Minx! She really did know him too well. He had been seriously
considering skipping out on the event and drowning his memories in
fire-whiskey. He felt the anti-everything wards go up and knew he
would have to give the naughty witch a piece of...
Merlin, Morganna, and Maeve!!!
He looked around and realized that he was surrounded by a bevy of
beauties, all of which were in their Halloween costumes. The costumes
for the most part seemed to have been bought in the infants section
due to their skimpiness and lack of fabric. However, some of the more
risque ones probably came from the back room at Flourish and Blott's
(which only appeared once you were of age).
Harry reevaluated exactly what piece he would be giving Hermione when
he next saw her.
"Harry! I knew you'd make it!" said an ecstatic Hermione. "And you
wore the outfit I picked out for you!"
Harry merely arched his eyebrow, crossed his arms and replied, "Funny
how that worked, isn't it?"
"Now, now none of that, here, uncross your arms it ruins the lines.
Now, you'll need your mask..." explained a giddy Hermione.
A giddy Hermione was a dangerous thing. It tended to lead to the
other Unspeakables gibbering in fear, gnashing their teeth; or a
drained Harry with friction burn in very sensitive areas.
The last time she was this excited was when her first book was published. He
hadn't been able to sleep on his back for a week, and still had a scar
on his shoulder from her teeth.
Ah, good times.
So he was willing to give his kinky bookworm at least the benefit of
the doubt.
Probably.
"...your costume off very well!" gushed Hermione as she bounced on her toes.
Definitely maybe.
Harry nodded and followed the oscillations for a few seconds, until he
realized he had just agreed to whatever Hermione had asked him.
Damnit!
The last time he had blindly agreed to something Hermione asked when he
was distracted, had led to them shagging on the Headmaster's chair of
the great hall, during the Welcoming Feast. Of course, Hermione had
been right, and the "boy who lived" moniker had been well and truly
forgotten. It also led to a new spate of product endorsement
requests. One of which, the "Hairy Peter" dildo, he still suspected
Hermione and Luna had conspired on. Oh well, while the new nickname
did make Hermione blush and sputter, it was much better than the old
one he hadn't earned.
"Costume? What costume? I am just wearing the dress robes you sent
me." asked Harry, eyes narrowing, as he wondered just exactly what
Hermione had gotten him into this time.
"Honestly Harry! Don't you ever read the notes I send you? The
costume is enchanted to be what your partner most wants to see you in,
or the best match for her costume! Now put on your mask and get to
work! There are several witches here who paid good money to attend!"
fussed Hermione as she applied a sticking charm to Harry's mask.
"Here's your dance card, remember, we only get a bonus if you can
identify the witch before you remove their unmentionables! Off you
go!" and with that, Hermione shoved Harry towards the pack of women.
"Hermione! what do you mean paid? A bonus? Are you whoring me out!?!"
squeaked a suddenly nervous Harry, who felt disturbingly like a mouse in a room
full of hungry cats.
'Are they purring?' thought Harry, as he ran his hand through his uncontrollable hair.
Make that a mouse soaked in milk.
The witches all started to move closer, and Harry noticed many of their costumes were either very thin, sheer, and that even though he was sweating, there must be a window open letting in a very cold draft.
Check that, a mouse soaked in cream, rolled in catnip. Judging by the way the cats... err, witches were licking their lips, dinner was about to be served.
"Silly Harry! This is like one of those charity date auctions! All of the proceeds go to SPPEW!" laughed Hermione.
With that Harry was grabbed by the closest woman and saw that his plain dress robes changed into...
I wasn't going to write any more of this, but I was encouraged to continue. At the same time, there are several other authors, that I would love to see what they could do with this. So if you would like to take a shot, feel free. :)
Quick notes to help-
No limit on the witches that could appear, after all, Hermione loves a good cause.
The costume Harry is wearing is charmed to reappear in whatever form the next witch to get their hands on Harry imagines, or best ties together with her costume.
Voldie is dead, but the evil witches could be "reformed" if you want.
For my version, I will probably post this over on ff . net with a poll of what witch, or witches appear next. Otherwise, leave a note in the reviews.
Thanks for the feedback.
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